Ego Death: A Paper

[Eschaton]

For those who are interested, I have distilled my ego death material onto a PDF.

"As my experience began to unfold, I realized that I and everything associated with me, myself, was about to end. In coming to this realization, I felt a distinct fear of dying (this fear expressed itself through macabre visions/thoughts), but my fear soon gave way (along with the demonic visions) as I eventually came to complete acceptance of death (which was seemingly inevitable, although I could see how some people would resist this flow of events and have a bad experience as a result. It was, admittedly, overwhelmingly intense; a center in my head - and this is only a vague metaphor - built up pressure somewhat alarmingly as all of this was going on, but it was thankfully released when I finally "let go.") After I came to accept death, I was sucked through what can only be described as a "worm-hole" of sorts; time ended and space became dimensionless (I witnessed and was dissolved in the fractal nature of the Universe and my mind opened like a fountain). An apocalypse of my entire life up until that point played out in my mind as I underwent absolute dissolution.

I "melted" into my surroundings as I witnessed every event of my life condensed into a fully interactive timeless moment (even future events which have come to pass). The most powerfully emotional moments were given the most "attention" and comprehensive understanding permeated the entire "showing." Final thoughts of my parents, friends, and things left undone flooded my mind, but everything was okay and I knew what was coming, as I had already done this before, but forgot (I chose to, in order to do it all over again, anew). After the life review "ended" I saw each of my parents beside me, along with every important figure in my life, helping me along toward this bright funnel of light (there was also an unidentifiable "presence" that seemed to be watching over me throughout the experience, guiding me along and supporting me with telepathic rapport). As I got closer to the light, I realized that I would be born again into complete ignorance of my life that I had just lived (the white light could be coming out of the womb again; that is only a guess). I knew that I would live the same life over and over again and I wanted to; in fact, I willed it, because I am God."

Here's the link: http://www.wedietorememberwhatwelivetoforget.com/

Just click "enter."

This will be the first of 3 PDFs that I post in the next couple weeks. The next one will be strictly on shamanism and the third will be on the Eschaton. After that I plan on putting a couple more up (who knows when): a "how to" DMT trip guide and a thorough investigation of the DMT Entities.

Let me know what you guys think; take it easy.

 

[Jesusgreen]

Much longer than I expected, so I'm not sure I have time to read it just yet. I've saved the PDF though, nice work man, looks like it'll be a good read :D

 

[lysergication]

saved

I really like the title !

 

[twelvesevndi]

sounds like a nice time!

As I got closer to the light, I realized that I would be born again into complete ignorance of my life that I had just lived (the white light could be coming out of the womb again; that is only a guess).

no need to guess. you are the expert here: it was you who created this experience.

 

[greenmeanies]

Reading now. Thanks for the insightful document

 

[DwayneHoover]

Outstanding, beautiful, moving... very coherent with my peak experiences. Thank you deeply!

Namaste! (Which is what this spells out

 

[Thorns Have Roses]

^You reeeeaaaaally like that .gif don't you dwayne?

 

[Ismene]

Is that the "white light" near death experiences talk about? So this "ego-death" takes the same form as someone physically having a near-death experience? That must be because the "white light" is what comes to your imagination when you think of the word dying.

Obviously when you talk of "death", that's just pure imagination. No-one knows what death is like because no-one has ever come back from it yet.

 

[D n A]

The excerpt you posted described beautifully what ego death is like and reminded me of my own experience. Perhaps I'll be able to write a trip report on it soon, but it's still too difficult to wrap my mind around it all just yet

 

[Jesusgreen]

Is that the "white light" near death experiences talk about? So this "ego-death" takes the same form as someone physically having a near-death experience? That must be because the "white light" is what comes to your imagination when you think of the word dying.

Obviously when you talk of "death", that's just pure imagination. No-one knows what death is like because no-one has ever come back from it yet.

I'm not sure if you've experienced "ego death", "ego loss" is probably the more appropriate term, but I can definitely see why it's described as death. During that temporary suspension of the ego it really is as good as dead, there is absolutely zero sense of self, the only real anchoring to yourself in the trip is that you still perceive through your own set of eyes (at least, usually). Maybe "ego merging" would be an even more appropriate term, as "ego death" or "ego loss" makes it sound like something has been stolen from you in an unpleasant way, whereas it's more like your ego has simply become humbled and accepted everything else as a part of it, and not some separate foreign matter.

I guess another reason for it being called "death" is that we typically think of death as being the end of something, but "ego death" can often make you question that belief, as there is a sense that you are eternally everything, and that a million bodies can die but the whole will never die - and at heart, the whole is you. I probably sound like a crackpot rambling off there, but if you've never experienced it, I do hope you do some day - the best thing about ego death is unlike any faith, you can be the world's biggest sceptic, and you'll still experience the same as everyone else :D

I think it's a very valuable humbling experience, and my very first ego loss experience is still changing my life today in a very positive way.

As for the white light, I've experienced that a couple of times with Ketamine but never with psychedelic ego loss (which is generally more interesting, since anything experienced during dissociative based ego loss tends to be completely forgotten the next day in my experience) - I think what people see is generally related to their up-bringing and set of beliefs, the only part that holds true is this sense of not being separate from anything, from being part of a greater whole - for all being one. (the three musketeers sum it up perfectly )

 

[Smokey McPot]

^(ismene's post) there's been plenty of people who have 'died' and come back. They're usually brought back with the electric paddles at the hospital/ambulance (defibrillator?) and there are quite a few accounts of these people having out of body experiences and coming back with knowledge that they would otherwise not be privy to (like what the writing says on the back of the ceiling light in the operation room or conversations had by people in adjacent hospital rooms) or the white light experience.
These expresences are obviously quite different from the ego-death obtained through psychedelics because in the medical sense of the word these people are actually dead at the time (no heartbeat/pulse) but on the other hand there many people who report out of body states and the like obtained through psychedelics.

 

[Jesusgreen]

Personally I'm a bit sceptical of most "out of body" experiences on the operating table, particularly given Ketamine's popularity as an anaesthetic

 

[Ismene]

I guess another reason for it being called "death" is that we typically think of death as being the end of something, but "ego death" can often make you question that belief, as there is a sense that you are eternally everything, and that a million bodies can die but the whole will never die - and at heart, the whole is you. I probably sound like a crackpot rambling off there, but if you've never experienced it, I do hope you do some day - the best thing about ego death is unlike any faith, you can be the world's biggest sceptic, and you'll still experience the same as everyone else :D

I've experienced similar feelings but never anything that I can link with "death" or the "ego" as I tend to think of the ego as something Freud dreamed up 100 years ago that has no basis in reality, and the concept of "ego-death" as something Tim Leary dreamed up 50 years ago to try and make taking psychedelics appealing to ordinary people - so instead of saying "I was tripping my balls off" he could say "I was experiencing ego-death" and sound appealing to straights.

I'm not interested in appealing to straights so I prefer to just say "I was tripping my fucking nuts off" :D

 

[Ismene]

(like what the writing says on the back of the ceiling light in the operation room

Not sure about that smokey, I remember reading a book about it and there was lots of claims of being able to see around the room so the researcher wrote something on a peice of paper and placed it high up in the cardiac arrest room. Although lots of people claimed to be "floating", not a single soul could ever tell him what was written on the paper. I don't think anyone even realised there was a peice of paper in the room.

 

[tannypack101]

Insane work man, read some of the beginning. Is this just for DMT? I haven't had anything like ego-death with lsd in my few experiences.

 

[Smokey McPot]

Yeah I've spent the last hour or so trying to remember where I read that and I couldn't figure it out but undo remember reading it somewhere ( a book not the Internet) a long time ago. The point I was trying to make was that these people have literally died and come back and weather way they experienced was real or some kind of mental phenomena which was imagined is up for debate but it resembles what some have experienced as part of ego death on psychs.

If you're interested in this stuff I highly recommend the books of Robert Monroe who has claimed to master out of body travel. He has also developed an institute that helps people achieve these states using binuraul beats combined with sensory deprivation tanks and many people who have gone through the program claim it works (although not everybody who's gone through it agrees) I'd love to try that program myself but it costs like 10 Gs so that's just a pipe dream. He sells the same binaural beats that they use in the program as packs of CDs and while they are super expensive they can be found on the usual places online if anyone is interested in trying. I've tried a couple times myself but it required a heavy investment in terms of time and I haven't got past the first or second disc ( out if like 18 or something) but I've always wanted to try it in conjunction with high dose LSD or 4-aco-dmt or any psych really, but I've not got around to it and I tried once with ketamine but I came out of the hole way too early although it felt like it was kinda starting to do what its said to (it's hard to exlplain but it requires control of the vibrations to harness a conscious controlled oobe state) k has taken me to similar states in the past but I always lack the control of going where I want as opposed to just being along for the ride and it is over far too soon and easily forgotten, even if I really want to remember, upon coming out of the hole.

Anyway I feel like I'm starting to hijack this thread but this subject facinates me and I plan on trying again at some point.

 

[DwayneHoover]

^You reeeeaaaaally like that .gif don't you dwayne?

haha, yep, sher do! I like showing it in replies to new folks whose posts I especially like in case they've not seen it yet... sort of a "welcome" handshake/hug to their eyeballs/"I really like you" thing. And in this case I felt it related nicely to the "overwhelmingly experiencing everything" theme of the OP. I do try to keep it down to once a month. Probably ought to just make it my avatar if I could, though it would probably be not nearly as effective that tiny.

 

[Eschaton]

Much longer than I expected, so I'm not sure I have time to read it just yet. I've saved the PDF though, nice work man, looks like it'll be a good read :D

Clocking in at about 15 pages and possibly a quarter of it is quotes. It is a "lengthier" read for a paper in today's climate, no doubt.

saved

I really like the title !

Thank you; be sure to write back what you thought of it.

Reading now. Thanks for the insightful document

Again, please let me know what you thought. I look forward to reading your responses.

Outstanding, beautiful, moving... very coherent with my peak experiences. Thank you deeply!

Namaste! (Which is what this spells out

You're welcome, I'm glad you resonated with my "model."

Is that the "white light" near death experiences talk about? So this "ego-death" takes the same form as someone physically having a near-death experience? That must be because the "white light" is what comes to your imagination when you think of the word dying.

Obviously when you talk of "death", that's just pure imagination. No-one knows what death is like because no-one has ever come back from it yet.

Death is a biological experience, cued by neurotransmitters released during states of elevated physiological stress. Whether or not you bodily die, it doesn't matter; an experience occurs that is totally beyond the body (an experience that seems to be Universal). During profound states of syncope, when the cerebral cortex is not functioning, consciousness still has the ability to "witness" such experiences. There is a vast consensus of work out there to back this up.

Just because you don't bodily die doesn't mean you aren't experiencing death, as death is largely a psychological experience. The only difference between "real" death and psychological ego death is that you come back from ego death; you don't come back from "real" death... unless of course, it was something like cardiac arrest and you are revived. In that case it is real death and people have come back. Yes, that's correct: clinically dead. No heart-beat or brain activity. Yet they came back hours later with reports of the Divine.

http://www.dailygrail.com/Spirit-World/2011/8/Cardiac-Surgeon-Tells-Veridical-Near-Death-Experience

 

[adrian89987]

Hah guys, before arguing with Ismene about ego-death... read previous threads where people have argued with Ismene about ego-death so that the same thing doesn't get discussed over again

 

[Ismene]

unless of course, it was something like cardiac arrest and you are revived. In that case it is real death and people have come back. Yes, that's correct: clinically dead. No heart-beat or brain activity. Yet they came back hours later with reports of the Divine

No, they might be in a very strange physical state but it wasn't death. Death is a singular experience. You can't do it twice.

And it pays to look into the background of these people before taking their reports at face value. I can link you to thousands of reports of "UFO encounters" that people swear they have had too. That doesn't make UFO's real. For all sorts of reasons people make things up.

During profound states of syncope, when the cerebral cortex is not functioning, consciousness still has the ability to "witness" such experiences

Not sure about that. The experiment where they put some writing on a card near the ceiling was a complete failure - not one person ever mentioned the writing. That suggests whatever happened, happened firmly inside their own skull.