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how to keep a guy interested without having sex?

C

Ceramic_Cat

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 26, 2011
Messages
246
Location
TWIN CITIES,MN.
so I'm pretty pathetic in the way I'm almost 20 and completely clueless when it comes to guys. I'm also emotionally/psychologically weak and a pushover. long story short I'm hanging out with a guy, and when i start getting involved with guys my crazy girl problems come out. idk how to act right. so far i feel I've been good with this. but he's pretty immature. i like him a lot and he likes me but other then stating that we haven't gone further. we do have a past, not a good one at that, so i told him I'm not just gonna give myself up to him right away and for the time being. so i guess i just generally need advice on how to keep him around/interested without having sex with him. i know having sex with him won't keep him around either. I'm just completely clueless on what to do because i want him to be my boyfriend. i'd appreciate any advice anyone would be willing to give me <3
 
What are your common grounds ? What interests do you share? What interests do you not share but would like the other one to experience? What are you passionate about? Start talking to him about it - this should entice him to respond with a subject that he is as passionate about, get into a debate about the subject, question his ideas, share you thoughts and talk, talk, talk and talk a bit more.

Why do you want him to be your bf? What is it about him that you like?
 
you can't script something like this. if you approach relationships with a "if i do this, he'll do that. if i want him to do this, i should do that" mindset, you're already playing games.

be yourself (and be true to yourself) and work on communicating honestly with each other.

alasdair
 
^^ lol nice

in reality, if you are already thinking that you have to do something to keep him around, then its not worth it. he'll either stick around because he wants to, or he won't. if he doesn't, then it was never meant to be in the first place. this isnt to say ignore him, but treat him as you would a good friend - talk to him, listen to him, do stuff with him. but if all he wants is sex? well you are only 20. you'll have time to find a guy who wants more.

stay away from games. they only lead to pain
 
Honestly, I think alasdairm said it quite perfectly and simply.

Im A LOT like you. The thing that helps me most is to just keep reminding myself to JUST ACT MYSELF, keep reminding yourself that. When you start thinking those worrisome thoughts, just in your mind go "STOP. just act myself."

Tell him exactly how you feel, if you really like him and he really likes you then it'll all go naturally.. Im sorry if this isn't the best advice, Im in a hurry to get to class, BUT I wish you the best. :)
 
Be cooler, more fun, and more interesting than any other girl he knows.
 
how old have you been together? but if you're not having sex, then you are just good friends. the way I see it if a girl doesn't want to have sex with me, it's a big red flag for me. Usually I will start looking someplace else. If you are still New in this relationship, less than four months, and not having sex is important. But if you've been together more than six months, and no sex, I am sure he will start looking someplace else.
 
wizekrak said:
Be cooler, more fun, and more interesting than any other girl he knows.
Click to expand...

You need sex for that.


In all honesty, you need to decide whether you want to have sex with this guy. Love and sex are more intimately connected for guys than it is for women it seems. You give a guy the best sex he has ever had, and he will love you forever.

But every girl has her own standards, her own waiting period for sex, and her own way of letting somebody experience having sex with her. If you have standards, don't deviate from them (unless you are in a long term committed relationship, where compromise is the key word. You owe your guy at least a handjob a day just for remaining monogamous, especially if you want to keep him that way). Just don't do anything you feel uncomfortable with.
 
a good way to get people to like you (and to like yourself for that matter) is to act as if you only need yourself. dont call or message a lot, dont push subjects on relationships or dive too deeply into what could happen. pace yourself, smooth strokes for an even finish. find a way to make him laugh and keep light-hearted conversation alive until the right time comes for serious stuffs. talk about things you would want to listen to. generate topics bigger than yourself.
 
What do you like to do together? Go out on dates.
Kissing is a good way to get into "boyfriend/girlfriend" zone without going to sex. At least that has always worked for me :p
 
You're going to need to find a way to overcome the fact that he is going to be incredibly frustrated about you not having sex with him.

I like the blowjob idea.
 
It makes me really sad to hear you want this guy to be your boyfriend, Ceramic_Cat, after all the mean things he's done to you. Please think about the kind of relationship you deserve, this guy is not good enough for you <3
 
You owe your guy at least a handjob a day just for remaining monogamous, especially if you want to keep him that way).
Click to expand...

I can't tell if this is serious or not, and I think that's what I like about it.

Would a guy owe his lady a fingerbang a day for remaining monogamous?
 
If you aren't showing any signs of sexual reciprocity he may start to think you aren't interested. Usually If I'm dating someone and I feel a connection I usually give it 2 weeks of 'dating' before I start to seriously reconsider her level of interest. Of course you can still say 'hey I'm interested in you' with your energy and body language without being sexual. But after a while he's going to start to wonder if he's wasting his time/energy, or may think you aren't interested, or not know whether it is just a friend ship or a relationship, which can make things awkward for him. Mixed signals are very confusing and most guys will usually write someone off after a short while if they don't feel their they are getting a green light.
 
Make him think that you'll have sex..


Edit: It can be carried out for years. Trust me, I'm a guy.
 
wizekrak said:
. But after a while he's going to start to wonder if he's wasting his time/energy, or may think you aren't interested, or not know whether it is just a friend ship or a relationship, which can make things awkward for him. Mixed signals are very confusing and most guys will usually write someone off after a short while if they don't feel their they are getting a green light.
Click to expand...

exactly
 
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