what are the good things that depression brought you ?

[ninjadanslarbretabar]

what are the good things that depression brought you ?

i was thinking about depression and how its like moving sand, the more you fight against it the more you sink, or in a drug trip where if you start to bad trip you need to go with the flow because if you fight against it its gonna get exponentially worse
one of the main thing ive did in depression is trying to figure out, trying to find a way out, trying to deal with it, thinking thinking thinking about it...but then the main problem was that i was thinking too much, it was draining me out, always keeping me unbalanced, putting me in my mind more than my body, so i was trying to think my way out of thinking, and thats like trying to clean something sticky where you simply move it around and end up creating more of a mess
so in some way it seems that the best way to deal with depression is to go with the flow, not fight against it but embrace it, the good part of it, and there is good part, for me i got into art way more then i would if i wouldn't have felt like i needed it, music was medicine, writing would free my mind up, and all that thinking and all that pain made me able to be more empathic towards other, more understanding, more aware, i feel a deeper connection with things, a more genuine connection with reality, i feel more conscious about life

i remember thinking back in the days that one of the worse thing about depression is that people see it as a bad thing, i mean other people but that also includes you
what if you dont feel like smiling ? is that wrong ? what if thats how you feel shouldn't you be able to express yourself honestly without being received as someone bad for bringing others down ? which in return will make you feel worse so you either fake it out like most people or you get more depress because it simply isnt well accepted to express yourself honestly
good and bad are both part of life but people put down people who are down because they bring them down, so how do you get back up if all the reception you get is about you changing up and getting back to being happy event tho being "happy" might not be whats making you happy atm like how a sad song can make you happy,
being sad can actually be uplifting, being depress can actually be empowering, being able to deal with your dark side and become emotionless can make you stronger, more able to deal with physical pain, make you able to deal with others problem without having to shy away from the things you dont want to see
it can be a lot more enriching to face all that is wrong even tho most people arent ready to face it and are more interested in covering it up
but what if you like reality naked with all its flaws, what if you want to be honest in the moment with who you are and what you feel and you can be comfortable with the dark side, what if you are drawn to it, attracted to it, because its revealing a part of yourself, a part of reality that you usually down hear about, a part that make reality a lot more mysterious, deep and pure
depression is obviously related to death, your own death, but death can make you want to celebrate life, from both good and bad angle
we do die, and we can immerse ourself in the experience from both side
the whole avoidance of the dark, the down, the sad, the depress is just immature behavior from a culture who isnt ready to grow up, a infantile culture still having issue with their sexual organs and having to hide them even if at the beach, a culture that put people in jail because they wanted to explore their mind with chemicals..
there is a very narrow set of value that you are suppose to have to fit in or else you are expected to fake it up
and i think thats one of the worse thing about depression is that you cant express it freely, and you need to be "cured" at all cost
you aint suppose to be sad, you aint suppose to be honest if thats how you feel, you fake it up or you get fixed
but that aint natural, that aint healthy, that aint life
we live in a very unhealthy culture that creates the problem but denies it, doesnt want to face it, most everybody wants to pretend everything is fine and so should you
but what if life is more than glitter and red carpet, what if the night is part of the day, the long cold winter is part of the seasons, and depression is just part of life, it comes and go, just like if we talk about the weather, depression (low-pressure area) will come and go, but we live in a context that harbors it, keeps it in place
and if you are to be stuck there i think that one of the good thing you can do is appreciate the good while it last, and i think that might be a good way to rebalanced yourself out of it
seeing it as a good thing instead of a bad thing for a moment, im so much more creative and genuine and able to deal with fuckt up stuff due to depression, depression is a fuckt up thing but as they say what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, there is good stuff that comes out of it imo but you need to look for them
you need to choose to look for them

and this thread is about that,
share parts of that good stuff that the bads came along with
talk about how depression made you better at some stuff

what are the good things that depression brought you ?

 

[Kerrigan]

I'm not sure if this is good or bad, but feeling as if there was nothing left to lose or worth keeping always gave me a new perspective on life: I'd do what I'd been very hesitant to do earlier because, simply put, things could not get any worse; nothing mattered. Yet when you're depressed, things really put themselves into perspective! One can more easily discern what is more important and what's better than the life they are leading currently...

I could bombard this thread with cliches, but I'll save you guys the trouble. ;-)

We are all bound by society in various ways and it is possible to shirk these bonds, like heavy iron chains hanging from one's neck. They can be pried away and you're allowed to breathe; to do whatever you want without fear of retribution. I don't mean crime: criminal behavior is still criminal, regardless of whether you feel remorse or not. I mean that you can act in the way that you want to, rather than the way that you feel you should act. Just dressing the way you like, being with whomever you want to be with, deciding that you'll improve your life and there's not much left that you can lose, if anything, apart from your life - and once that's gone you're not exactly going to care, are you? Yeah: doing what you want without remorse or concern for reprisals.

Also, locking yourself away as if to hermetically seal yourself off from the world is not usually a good idea, but I like having time to think and it's great to just think on things (not too much as the OP wrote) and to come up with better answers than you once had. Depression and anxiety have certainly shaped both me and my artistic creations; my characters are all, I suppose, reflections of myself (and the people who inspired them) in one way or another, and thus depression has had its uses. Not just for painting, sketching or prose, but especially poetry, and even the likes of comics or 'manga', too, can be powered by strong emotions. Fear and (self) loathing are useful. They just also hurt sometimes.

OP: Have you ever felt disembodied from the fleshy machine that houses your mind and consciousness, as if it were some sort of incredibly advanced piece of puppetry? It lead me to this idea for a story about storing one's personality digitally, thus leaving your body empty and awaiting some sort of 'soul' (mind) to fill it, like an empty receptacle.

 

[ninjadanslarbretabar]

OP: Have you ever felt disembodied from the fleshy machine that houses your mind and consciousness, as if it were some sort of incredibly advanced piece of puppetry?

not really

 

[effie]

Depression allows me to appreciate life more (when I am not depressed) and not get bogged down by the small stuff. Comparing even a regular dull (but not depressed) day with depression makes it feel amazing and makes me happy I am alive!

Depression allows me to understand other people better and be more empathic.

Depression makes me stronger and more able to deal with the crap life throws at me.

Feeling sad and hopeless is another facet of life, perhaps not a welcome one (although it can be strangely seductive when I start to get depressed ) but it allows me to have experienced life more fully, the good and the bad..

Overall it's a horrible, destructive and useless illness but you're right, it has had a positive impact on me too! Every experience we have makes us the person we are today, I don't think I'd like myself very much if my life had been sunshine and rainbows all the way...

 

[ninjadanslarbretabar]

(although it can be strangely seductive when I start to get depressed )

yeah i often saw it as a romance, and when i had phases where i would get into more typical depress behavior i would say to myself that im going back to "that old romance" albeit a unhealthy one for sure but its like addiction, addiction suck but you go back to using a substance because it does fill a need somewhere in you, there is something good to create that "seduction" , its the carrot at the end of the stick, its the illusion that youll get to that fucking carrot at some point

and somehow that dude ^ is learning something valuable while being stuck into that destructive vicious circle created by a illusion in his mind

 

[Dave]

ninja-- what a great thread idea! I think that depression is a horrible thing to suffer through, but there is, as with everything else, positives that come from it. I certainly agree that no small part of the problem is the social expectation to put on a happy face, even when you feel anything but. In my mind that is almost a form of self-inflicted violence: I generally feel far worse after doing that. The problem is that it can be very easy to be unkind to others when allowing depression to manifest fully (IME at least), and it can become self-reinforcing if it becomes common. Kind of a damned-if-you-do/damned-if-you-don't kind of situation, you know?

For me, I would say that the biggest benefit to depression was that I learned, from necessity or as a symptom, excellent introspection skills, and developed a razor-sharp self-awareness. The key, now that I'm not depressed 100% of the time, is to use that skill without the usual reinforcing negative self-talk that surrounds it when I'm depressed, which can be a very hard pitfall to avoid.

 

[Dave]

Ah, you snuck a post in while I was typing. Excellent point there too. I think that, since there is certainly a romance about self-identifying as melancholic (damn you Victorians!), it can be attractive to do thus. That was one of my biggest hurdles to overcome: I had identified as 'a depressive' for decades, so when I started to feel better is just seemed like it wasn't me. The addiction analogy is excellent though.

 

[villian]

I was depressed for a long time and I don't think anything positive really came from it.

The only thing that comes to mind is I became very comfortable with being alone due to the fact I was isolating myself, however I never really had problems with being alone to begin with.

 

[Thick_as_a_Planck]

Depression is a staggeringly horrible mental disease that fucked up my life more than all the other bad things than have happened to me put together. I got nothing good from it, nothing helpful. I've always thought one of the most terrible things about depression is that it tricks you into thinking that it is somehow better to be sad all the time, to be down. I would tell myself that I was seeing the world more clearly than others, when actually I was delusional. I would tell myself there was strength in loneliness, when actually it hurts you. But most of all I would tell myself that I was special, that other people could find happiness, that they were welcome to it, that I would never find it because I was unique, destined for somehow greater, more melancholy things. When in reality I was just sick.

Fuck depression, fuck the three years it ate of my life, the relationships it poisoned, the friends it pushed away. I never want those feelings in my life again, none of them, not ever.

 

[badfish45]

Knowledge that there is a life past the hell of depression.

 

[effie]

Depression is a staggeringly horrible mental disease that fucked up my life more than all the other bad things than have happened to me put together. I got nothing good from it, nothing helpful. I've always thought one of the most terrible things about depression is that it tricks you into thinking that it is somehow better to be sad all the time, to be down. I would tell myself that I was seeing the world more clearly than others, when actually I was delusional. I would tell myself there was strength in loneliness, when actually it hurts you. But most of all I would tell myself that I was special, that other people could find happiness, that they were welcome to it, that I would never find it because I was unique, destined for somehow greater, more melancholy things. When in reality I was just sick.

Fuck depression, fuck the three years it ate of my life, the relationships it poisoned, the friends it pushed away. I never want those feelings in my life again, none of them, not ever.

Although I do feel depression has brought me good things, what you said, especially the bolded bit, is so true.. the worst thing about my depressive episodes is my complete inability to help myself or drag myself out of them.. I hate them, but I hate the thought of pulling myself out too. Or maybe hate's the wrong word.. it's more a complete lack of desire to be *anything*, including not depressed. And a feeling that somehow it is *me*...

 

[ocean]

Like effie said, my times of depression have allowed me to appreciate the good times even more.

Without knowing the darkness, we wouldn't recognize the light.

 

[Beachcat]

Hmm, good thought provoking post. I guess, like previous posters, depression has let me appreciate my good times more. When I am depressed, I get paralyzed in all aspects of my life,simply unable to act or even react upon things.

I guess when I pull out of it, the movement becomes so much sweeter....

Other than that, ummm, nothing? Just kidding. Our lives are a sum of our experiences. Cliche, but the journey is more important than the destination. Without depression, I would not be the person I am today.

 

[badfish45]

Like effie said, my times of depression have allowed me to appreciate the good times even more.

Without knowing the darkness, we wouldn't recognize the light.

This mainly. I try to tell my friend who is depressed that. Hopefully sometime in their future they'll see that.

 

[34-dihydroxyphen]

Nothing good ever comes from it.

I keep an inventory of my depression scars. For each of my major depressive episodes, I usually perform one act of self-mutilation. The only scars that still show are the one on my foot where I shot myself with a pressure cleaner, and one on my arm where I burned myself with a cigarette (although that was in a Brief Psychotic Episode that was brought about by depression and stress).


Right now I'm in a depression where everything actually has fallen apart all around me. I literally have nothing left to live for (except knowing that I will hurt a couple people if I go), and I'm not going to go anywhere in life. I've been watching shit fall apart for years without becoming clinically depressed again, but fuck it at this point.

When you have a sleep disorder as serious and confusing as non-24 hour sleep wake cycle syndrome, nothing much can be done for you. I am unhirable, and most of my family is unwilling to believe that I have a problem (and will only use it to conspire against me once the old man, who holds everything together, kicks).

If I didn't have depression problems in the first place, I could at least enjoy being a disabled bum and spend my time reading like I do when I am feeling normal. But when depression kicks, all I get from it is wasted time that I spent wallowing in pathetic self-pity.

Nothing positive about depression.

Knowing darkness isn't good. It simply makes you capable of that much more darkness applied into action when the cycle goes full circle and you find yourself in depression again. Yeah, you appreciate that shit from the light until you come to the realization that feeling this fucked up all the time isn't good for jack shit in life, and knowing you will have to feel this way once every 5-10 years is only going to make it worse.

 

[herbavore]

In my experience, depression and sadness are two completely different things. I always thought that I knew what depression was because I have felt a lot of sadness in my life. My sister suffers clinical (presumably chemical) depression. When I finally experienced situational depression later in life I could not believe the terrifying death within life aspect of it, the numbing of all emotions.

I know that sadness has given me many gifts--not the least of which is empathy. Sadness has contributed depth to my art. Sadness has forced me to spend time alone in my own reality inside myself and through the years I have learned how to make that a relatively cozy place. In fact I would credit sadness with teaching me how to be alone and love it. But depression? All it taught me was that people that suffer it continually have all my admiration.

 

[fivelinefury]

Like effie said, my times of depression have allowed me to appreciate the good times even more.

Without knowing the darkness, we wouldn't recognize the light.

I reckon this sums it up pretty well.

I'll admit to not fully reading much in the thread due to my current cloudy head and not retaining information from my depression haha 8) But there may be other things, like making myself change in the way of quitting drugs or bad habits. But at the same time it's hard to say, because if I had more bad habits in my life now like in the past, but wasn't depressed, then I probably wouldn't care cos I'd be "happy".

 

[Dave]

dhp: I agree with what you're saying in a way. I should perhaps re-define the context of what I'm saying. I would never wish depression on anyone, even a hypothetical mortal enemy. If I could go back in my life and somehow not ever become depressed, I'd do it in a second. It is insidious, soul-killing, miserable pain.

However, having been through it, I think that I have gained something from it. There are easier, safer, and healthier ways to gain introspective and self-awareness skills, but long-term depression is how I've come by them, and I consider those positive things about myself.

Personally, I don't agree with 'you have to experience darkness to appreciate light', but don't consider it an invalid opinion. Just not one that I subscribe to

 

[Kerrigan]

Depression allows me to understand other people better and be more empathic.

That sums it up perfectly. I don't know why, but I've become rather kind after experiencing psychological hell, imprisoned within my own mind during not just withdrawal, but various other events that would make anyone weep (and probably laugh, too, at the irony). I don't even rise to the provocations of typical drunks looking for fights anymore - there's always one person out to get on anyone's or everyone's nerves when they're out on the town and drinking.

But, really, what depression has shown me is the fact that life is not limitless; life is a finite resource; a luxury that must be treasured at all times, for the atoms that make up my existence have been around for billions of years and yet they have coalesced, albeit briefly, into me and I should try to appreciate that. Everyone should. I am embarrassed to say that I only donate money to charity, something which requires no effort whatsoever.

In no way is depression a good thing, just I'd argue that no experience is worthless. Whether I'm a human being with problems, or a butterfly dreaming he is a human being with problems, it doesn't matter: like trips and books and everything else, there must be something useful to glean from the dark, dank pit of despair that depression might very-well be described as.

Without knowing the darkness, we wouldn't recognize the light.

But I'm not sure that this is right: we still feel happy even before we suffer some great horror or experience the darkness of depression. I suppose that I should ammend my earlier statement; the best art is often made when passion drives it, fueled with great emotion, and depression involves a great deal of (negative) emotion and thus allows for very powerful artwork and literature and so-on.

EDIT: Ah, Dave beat me to that last bit. Well, it's an interesting idea, but even the blind know how to smile. It's some sort of natural response that we make when we're happy; it can be controlled, but the fact is that everyone smiles the same way, with the same movement of their jaw muscles... how would we be born that way if we weren't able to know joy without sadness? Or is birth our moment of horror and sadness, being pulled from our mothers: our first and only wet, warm, absolutely-comfortable home?

 

[ColtDan]

nothing. its a miserable state of mind thought process tunnel vision of unmotivated, dark, dismal, unsociable bullshit and self loathing, with everything feeling pointless, empty and wondering why to bother making the effort with anything