Fuck.

[The Network]

Same thing, same time. Winter fucks me up more, not that I wouldn't rather have been dead this summer as well, but winter makes my depression worse. Pretty much the same thing as before.

I had made one friend that was really nice to me, and we were best friends for a few months. Then he moved. Were still friends for nearly half a year then he just stopped talking to me for some reason, I think he's mad but I never did anything wrong...

I want to go take enough GHB to be in a coma for a month, but at the same time I don't want anything because... well if my mom dies or my best friend decides to talk to me(pretty sure no, but you never know) or I'd meet someone new that's cool and not a cocksuck. Torn. Want to get so stoned I can't even think, but don't want to. Dunno if anyone ever saw that episode of House, this like 18-year-old was taking care of his little brother and sister and he said when the popo came and told him his parents were dead he was stoned off his ass and just started laughing. I'd honestly kill myself if something like that happened to me.

So yeah. Back into depression. Miss my friend--who I'm pretty sure comes by only once every 4 lifetimes--. Still no girl, don't give a fuck about that though. All they do is fuck everything up after a couple months or years.

Don't know what to do. I never consider therapy an option, for a few reasons. First everyone keeps trying to tell me to get over that friend, but I'm fucking not going to, ever, but that's what therapists do; try to make you get over whatever your problem is, not that he's the main problem. People just get pissed at me for being who I am physically... I don't know. I won't kill myself yet since they'd win then, but I don't know what to do...

 

[Deleted member 175441]

People just get pissed at me for being who I am physically... I don't know. I won't kill myself yet since they'd win then, but I don't know what to do...

I feel you on the people hating you for who you are physically. It fucking sucks, like bad. who you are physically is like 80% of what people judge you by so it adds another dimension to depression suicide or addiction. Life is so shitty, you can't expect more happiness than suffering, and all one can do is prevent as much suffering as possible. Friendship doesn't exist, people merely are around and interact with others for their own pleasure.

 

[The Network]

My personality kind of makes me require companionship though. It's just how I am. I get depressed if I don't have friends.

 

[axl blaze]

what is so wrong about yourself physically? I'm sure it doesn't quite have the effect that it has in your mind VS their mind...

 

[Deleted member 175441]

My personality kind of makes me require companionship though. It's just how I am. I get depressed if I don't have friends.

Oh dude I totally feel you. Was he literally your only friend? Buddie up with another buddy lol. I always have a really good friend, and when I don't I get super super depressed. It's definitely a balance though, you need to know how to stand on your own two feet to an extent, but yeah I feel you on the need for companionship tied into your personality. It's a balance I'm sure of it.

Whats wrong with myself physically? Just generally ugly and have too many quirks I think.

 

[cj]

If there is one thing I have learned over the last 5 years its that friends come and go. It always feels devastating like you will never find anyone to be that close to again but inevitably someone comes along and the whole cycle starts over. I had friends whom I called brothers that I dont speak to anymore and its incredibly painful but then I remember that I get to relive the cycle over again with someone else and there is something rewarding in that to me at least.

 

[The Network]

Yeah. I try to be friends with other people but no one really wants to be a very good friend. He was great, it's amazing that anyone was that nice to me...

There's really nothing wrong with me physically, people find shit though.

 

[trippinm8]

What about keeping in touch via social networks (Fb & twitter) I have some good mates aboard for good and we keep in communication there. IT's not the same, i know, but least we always know we are just a click away...

Cheer up bud, forums with common interest can be interesting too... *hint hint BL hint*

 

[The Network]

Yeah, my one good friend won't even talk to me on facebook...

 

[J-ho]

Damn dude, I'm feeling the exact same way...moved away for college, I don't have one friend...I have a few acquaintances I speak to in class but that's it..I spend all my nights alone, I tried playing video games but I couldn't get into it. Basically I do nothing but listen to music and occasionally chat with people..met a girl but she fucked me over and was banging a bunch of dudes while leading me on...life sucks

 

[The Network]

^ pretty much...

I want that one friend back because like I said someone that you can be friends with on that level only comes by once every 5 lifetimes. I just don't know what to do without friends... everything's boring as fuck.

 

[bigben202]

It's always such a bitch when your have no one you can really connect with or confide in. Someone to shoot the shit and understand you as a person is rare, hang in there man.

 

[The Network]

It's getting worse every day, too. At first it was just boring. Then it turned into slightly depressing, now I want to kill myself every minute I'm awake.

 

[itsok]

I am an extremely social person. but after fucking up so much, i had to give up my life in CA and move into my parents house in NY. I learned to be lonely. I went from the kind of person who always had a bf, and tons of friends, going out all the time, to talking to no one for months (literally). I have one friend here and that's it. Everyone else is an aquaintence and interacting with them is laborious. Learning to be by myself has been such a difficult lesson. I no longer feel strange wo a bf and have had some ok days doing my own thing. Don't get me wrong - life is always more fun with other people, but sometimes no company is better than bad company, which is why being content while being alone is a good skill to have.

im sorry u feel lonely, but life comes in waves, and it sounds like u are at a low point now, but it will get better. what are things u can do to meet more people? do u go to na, to the gym, yoga, meetups (like i met ppl through boardgame and poker games through meetup.com, mushroom hunting, i don't know, just throwing stuff out there,

 

[The Network]

Life's been down for too long and it just keeps going down. Don't know what to do from here.

 

[itsok]

can u move? what do u do for work? what hobbies or music or scenes do u like? skateboarding, art/graffitti, electronic music, mushroom hunting, biking, fixing cars, poker, etc... i feel like most of america is designed so ppl are lonely -- never seeing each other and having to drive. college environments are usually friendly places.

i loved northern ca, esp marin county, and san francisco (and boulder, co & ithaca, ny, and I could tell I like burlington, vt, and alaska, and little town in MD) and made tons of friends there so naturally and easily. certain places work for me, certain places dont (like nyc/nj, boston, florida, washington dc, los angeles, phoenix). i know im not supposed to blame the place, but rather my perspective and attitude, but honestly, i feel like places have a certain vibe and culture and i fit in better in some and not others.

 

[The Network]

I'm in the middle of a year of college (college year obviously, not 365 days a year) so I can't do much now. Yes people are nice here, but most of them are study study study, never any time to talk, which is what I like to do. Hard to apply to a new college and switch, really. I could, but... I don't know.

I listen to punk, which is great because when you go to a concert everyone's a huge family for a few hours, even if you've never seen them in your life. But that's not exactly helping. Never been much into night clubs or raves or anything, usually that involves getting piss drunk or rolling your balls down a flight of stairs, and I just don't really enjoy getting stoned for recreation... it's more to help with stress every once in a while.