Regulator, I gave up on AA for similar reasons. This idea they promote that I am not responsible for my addiction, and will not be responsible for my recovery is bullshit. I got myself there, I will get myself out. How are you meant to recover unless you take ownership of your own recovery, instead of crediting it to some imagined higher power outside of yourself?
Josie, I have to agree with Bojangles to a large extent. I could never stay off so long as I was only stopping cos I was sick of the lifestyle, or couldn't afford my habit anymore, or had been forced off in jail. I always relapsed. It was only when I decided I was sick of the gear itself and wanted rid of it for good that I was able to stop. Soon as I made that decision, it was like flicking a switch and a little light going on, and I never looked back once I'd done the detox and got somewhere feeling kinda normal. Never really craved after a time, and was never really tempted to go back or try for recreational use again cos I knew I couldn't do recreational with it. I'm struggling with alcohol at the minute, and it's the exact same thing. I'm struggling cos I haven't yet got to that same point of being sick enough of drinking yet, and a part of me still wants to be able to drink, or at least know I'll be able to drink in the future. Sooner I accept I'll most likely never be able to drink socially and recreationally again the better.
You mentioned maintenance / detoxes with Heroin substitutes Josie. Have you tried Naltrexone once you've detoxed, to help you stay off long enough to get somewhere stable?