• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Tripping again. (kinda long)

D

DaveTripper

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 1, 2008
Messages
119
Hey Dark Side,

It's been a while since I've posted in here, which I guess is a good thing haha. But now, I am looking for some feedback from some of you with psychedelic experience. First off, a little background information:

I started using mushrooms about 3 years ago, and my first 5 or 6 mushroom trips were absolutely amazing, enlightening experiences. They were full of joy, euphoria, and knowledge. Then, during the summer of 2009, I experienced my first difficult trip. I was with a group of friends (8 people, which I found out was way too many for me) at one of my friend's houses in his backyard. The trip started off well, I was coming up listening to my iPod, watching my jeans turn into flowing rivers of blue. After a half hour of this the group congregated around a table in his backyard and started talking and whatnot, and this is where things got a little awkward. I just remember withdrawing into myself and becoming extremely quiet. One of my friends who wasn't tripping (and never has) noticed this and said, "Hey dave, you're like scary quiet, are you ok?" and in my confused tripping state the only thing I could say was, "I'm me." Haha, I don't even know what I meant by that but needless to say at the time I felt very embarrassed and awkward. There was also a sense of paranoia that my friends were all talking about how I was freaking out and that they were worrying about me. The rest of the trip pretty much went on the same and it was pretty frightening and I thought my friends had thought I lost it.

Fast forward a month and a half, and I stupidly decided to try acid again, but it was only one tab so I figured it wouldn't be that hard to handle. The setting this time was even worse than before. It was me and my best friend tripping at his house for an hour until his younger sister came home. I couldn't believe that he didn't tell me that she was going to be there, and I started to get a little uneasy. He asked me if I wanted to go to his girlfriend's house and I said yeah, figuring it was better than tripping with his 14 year old sister watching us, lol. The car ride over to his girlfriend's house was about 15 minutes, and that was probably the only good part of the entire trip. When we got to her house we went up to her room to chill for a little bit, and then about 20 minutes later her mom comes home. We end up spending some time in the living room, talking to her mom... Not exactly what I want to be doing while I'm on acid. All of this shit pretty much threw my head for a loop and I was just constantly focusing on negative thoughts about how I'm weird for not being able to handle these situations and how my friends are probably talking about me behind my back. From here on this trip pretty much went on exactly the same as the mushroom trip, me being quiet and paranoid.

So after these two trips I was left with a social anxiety problem and slight depression as well, that I tried to deal with by myself for a year, but eventually I turned to opiates. I used them for about a year up until last June and then went to rehab and cleaned up. I've been on suboxone for 3 months and I feel the best I've felt since after my last bad trip. Something inside of me is telling me that it's time for me to trip again (in my own ideal setting this time lol) and conquer my remaining anxiety problems. I feel the most stable now than I have in the past 2 years. I am seeing a therapist as well for my anxiety and that is helping, but I still feel like I want to trip to a. prove to myself that I can again and b. see that life isn't so bad and that I can just be me and be comfortable. I've told my therapist about this and she says that she doesn't condemn or condone it, she has used psychs in her past as well.

I am asking for advice because I've read pretty much everywhere that you shouldn't trip unless you're completely content with your life at that time, but I want to use psychs to see what my anxiety is being caused from and work through it so I can be content. The setting will be me in my house alone or possibly with my girlfriend if I'm feeling comfortable with that. I'll have all of my favorite music and things to do if I have to keep my mind busy, and possibly a benzo just in case things get too crazy to deal with.

I feel like I can handle this, but I know there is always the chance that things may get super negative because I do have some anxiety.

If you took the time to read this, thank you VERY much. Any and all feedback would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks
Dave<3
 
Hi Dave,

Firstly, I'm glad to hear that you've kicked opiates and are having success dealing with your anxiety. Well done on both accounts :)

My personal opinion is that, since you had all those bad experiences with psychedelics before, it would be unwise to try it again...but I can't tell you what to do :) It seems like you're making a reasonably well-informed decision to try acid again. You've weighed up the possible consequences and are prepared to deal with it, if you become scared and paranoid again. It's always risky for people with a history of anxiety issues to take any psychedelic, but you are well aware of that. If you really want to try it, and if you're going to be with your girlfriend, and if you have some kind of benzo on hand just in case, maybe you could give it a try. Hopefully you have a great trip and you can finally be at ease with your psychedelic experiences.

My personal advice, for the actual trip, is to make sure you have plenty of activities lined up to fill the time of the trip, and think of them before you take the acid. e.g. lots of music to listen to, perhaps some paper and coloured pens to draw with (if you're artistic at all...and maybe even if you're not! :D), sex is always good, and maybe your girl could give you a massage or something. Whatever you like.

Good luck, remember to relax and enjoy yourself, and let us know how it goes afterwards <3
 
Personally, I think that tripping without some kind of spiritual understanding to frame the experiences with would be, well I can't even imagine doing it because tripping is generally so spiritual for me. It' coming to the awareness that I am an extension of the being called God and the sense of being a separate being is an illusion. Knowing oneself (and knowing God) helps rid of me feelings of anxiety and social anxiety because my true self doesn't experience those things, they are products of the ego.

I am asking for advice because I've read pretty much everywhere that you shouldn't trip unless you're completely content with your life at that time
Click to expand...

I don't know why people say that. If I was completely content with my life, I'd have no need to trip. I've tripped with the worst of sets and usually it comes out well. So, I would say that tripping in a good setting (being in a safe and positive environment) is far more important than tripping with a good set (being in a positive frame of mind). Tripping in a negative frame of mind, almost always helps me to see new solutions to my problems. Not that I am one of those people who thinks psychedelics actually solve one's problems. My problem often come back after the trip is over. But my point is, that DURING the trip, even if I was in a negative mindset beforehand, I can see the positive side to life a lot more easily.

If I am having difficulty during a trip, I read my spiritual books and so far that has only failed one time to bring me out of a bad trip and that was because I just taken too many shrooms, was outside in 95 degree weather and was sure I was going to die from heat exhaustion.
 
burn out said:
I don't know why people say that. If I was completely content with my life, I'd have no need to trip. I've tripped with the worst of sets and usually it comes out well. So, I would say that tripping in a good setting (being in a safe and positive environment) is far more important than tripping with a good set (being in a positive frame of mind). Tripping in a negative frame of mind, almost always helps me to see new solutions to my problems. Not that I am one of those people who thinks psychedelics actually solve one's problems. My problem often come back after the trip is over. But my point is, that DURING the trip, even if I was in a negative mindset beforehand, I can see the positive side to life a lot more easily.
Click to expand...
Thank you for posting this! I was going to address that sentence that Dave posted but forgot :D
And I agree with everything you said there burn out, well put (especially that sentence I bolded! :)
 
Thanks for all the responses guys... I should note that I didn't have a history of anxiety BEFORE my first bad trip, it came about after... So that's the reason why I think tripping might help me out. I would be using mushrooms, not acid, due to the difference of duration. So I guess some people are going to say don't do it, and some people are going to say it's okay to do it... in the end it will truly be up to me to decide whether or not I should do it. Anyway, I'm looking forward to hearing more feedback, particularly from anyone who may have tried using psychedelics to work through anxiety (mainly social anxiety) issues.

Thanks again guys/girls.

Oh yeah, and I just wanted to say that tripping was such an important part of my life before these bad trips. They helped me become a truly happy and content person, and this is why I want to trip again so badly. It's literally one of the only things I've been thinking about recently. I want to achieve that peace that I had before, which resulted from a couple of beautiful trips.
 
I'll just reiterate, I think it sounds like you're in a good position to trip again Dave. You'll be with your girlfriend, you'll have benzos on hand just in case, and your therapist knows that you're going to do it so if you have any negative after-effects you can freely explain everything to her. And being a psychedelic lover myself I completely understand why you are wanting to trip again. It is a very good idea to use mushrooms instead of acid as well, good call.

And it sounds like you've made up your mind to do it :)

I wish you all the very best and I hope (and I am SURE) you will have a great trip! Let us know how it goes <3
 
Thanks neo, it's good to hear your positivity. I'm in the process of acquiring some of these magical fruits so I'll let you all know how it goes after the trip!
 
monkeyemergency said:
If you've had bad experiences it would be better to leave it alone instead of revisiting tripping, for me i feel like i've done it so much im not gaining anything from it, and some bad shit went down recently while tripping so im keeping away
Click to expand...

I hear what you are saying, but I believe most people, at some point in their tripping adventures, are going to experience a difficult trip or two. My problem was that instead of dealing with the negative feelings while they were happening, I tried to hide them and run away from them... This was my mistake. I don't want to run anymore and I honestly feel like there IS something to gain from another psychedelic experience. It's been 2 years since I last tripped, and for the past year I've been drawn to trying it again, so I think it's about that time.
=)
 
I am very intrigued by this and would really enjoy to know the outcome. Please dont leave us hanging. =D
 
Let us know how this goes, if you do go ahead with it.

I can sympathize with your situation, back in 2009 the breakthrough dose of DMT i inhaled obliterated me in such a manner that i was utterly unprepared for.. despite it awakening me to my own spirituality it also left me rather anxious about heavy dose's of psychedelics and it wasn't until two years later in quite possibly the best environment (A friends Tepee in his backyard with candles,cushions and down-tempo) that i decided to use it again to rid myself of any negative stigma i had created over the years.. and needless to say it was a very enriching experience, like closing a chapter on that part of my life.
 
I think its cool that you want to trip again I have had a few difficult experiences with phychs myself. I figured out that if I kept a small dose of benzo nearby as a safety valve while tripping that I felt much more comfortable dealing with the isuues that the trip brought up it was like knowing that I have a safety valve gave me way more self confidence. I have never actually had to use the benzos either.
 
If you can I would have a benzo on hand for sure. I have had a lot of trips on a lot of different things and one thing I always did was have a way out. Benzo.
Xanex Is the best I think. By far.

As to the tripping after these problems. I say are you sure your ready? I have been on subs for 7months. I can say 3 months in I wasn't anywhere near where I am now at 7 months. My mind has taken on so much more.. strength then ever before in my life that I cant explain. Its amazing. I have had bad trips but most were good. I hope to someday trip again. I loved it. I can give up all other drugs. Speed, Downers, Uppers, Seiditives, bla bla... I don't need them anymore. However nothing can compare to me with a good trip nothing. Its so mind altering its like .... its amazing. I think and feel so much differently then I did before I tripped. I learned so much about my self.

Good luck buddy. Keep a benzo near. Keep a diary of the trip. Make sure your ready. A really bad trip could trigger you right back into addiction buddy. I mean it. Be carefull. Panic attacks almost sent me back to the bottle a few months ago. Lucky I got over it and im doing great now but... it was close.
 
miasma said:
Mushrooms can trigger anxiety for me sometimes.
Why not explore other psychs - DMT or Mescaline?
Click to expand...

I would like to try mescaline but I have absolutely no idea how to get some. DMT I have almost know knowledge about, all I know is that it is a short but super-intense experience. I haven't really heard much about how DMT and anxiety mix. I guess my reasoning for choosing mushrooms is because of two things: a. I know I can get them (eventually) and b. I wanted to do something I am familiar with. But if I could find mescaline, I would definitely be willing to try it out.
 
Definitely start with a psych that you are familiar with, and see how it goes. Then, and only then if it goes well, you could consider being more adventurous ;)
 
So, almost exactly two years later and I STILL have not tripped since the experiences I detailed in my first post (I did a little Molly a few weeks ago with my cousin but I don't consider that tripping). A lot has changed since I made that post. I moved across the country with my (now ex) girlfriend a few months ago to a totally new place (LA). I have a much better job than the one that I had back in NY. Besides the break-up, things are really positive for me. I'm in the process of FINALLY coming off suboxone (down to 1mg... those sub Dr's I had in NY were glorified drug dealers for sure) and I've been dealing with life straight up for the most part.

The reason I'm posting here is because that itch is back once again. I want to trip lol. I was talking to one of my co-workers about the Coachella Festival they have every year out here and he brought up how he tried acid for the first time at last year's festival and I thought to myself, "Damn, I really want to try and trip again!"

I'm pretty confident now that if I'm tripping alone in my (new studio) apartment with my own decorations, freedom, and music and the ability to go outside and experience beautiful LA that I'll have a good time. I realllly want to prove to myself that I CAN trip and have a great time. Locating some shrooms might be a little more difficult now being in a new place and all and benzos would probably be next to impossible... but I think I can find some shrooms if I ask around.

So there's the update... a whole TWO YEARS has pretty much flown by and the itch is back. LOL post your thoughts if you wish.
 
Trip man its time!!

That one trip where you and a bunch of friends were sitting around the table is the worst! And especially witj people who arnt tripping? Recipe for disaster man. I have had the same exact experience...

You freaked out because you were trying to act normal,keep up with conversation while keeping all the social norms in check. We do this without even thinking while in our right mind but while tripping,its alot to handle!

You need to be in a setting where u feel comfortable "letting go" and by yourself is the perfect time to do that. Its when you try to hold back the inevitable when it becomes an issue.
 
Yeah I think I'm going to start a search for some of the magic. Don't know many people out here in LA but we'll see what happens!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top