Why was I so... weak

[herbavore]

Your husband doesn't want to quit at all?

 

[Silenced]

Your husband doesn't want to quit at all?

Well, yeah... He was just telling me yesterday how opis arent worth it and withdrawal sucks and how hed rather do drugs with no withdrawal for fun. When I met him, all he did was smoke pot... Which he stopped for me because I didnt do ANY drugs, and I was just a teenager.

I was in so much physical pain yesterday, so it was me, then when I got home he wanted to make it last awhile. Guess what I did? I used all of it... I wasnt very smart either... Different source and shot it all up quick. He only wanted me to snort it but of course I just had to shoot. I hate when I do things that essentially risk my life but when Im mentally and physically down... I dont have a care. I cant believe I went through that much in ONE evening myself... But now I only find myself laying here wanting more... And feeling terrible for what I did.

 

[Silenced]

Bleh... Whyd I have to start this again... . Such a dumb dumb...

 

[badfish45]

Read my advice up above hun DO NOT beat yourself up for starting again. Quitting heroin is a very difficult ordeal, you cannot expect yourself to to succeed each time you try, you can only do your best. Do not feel like you failed. You've fallen, and it's all about finding the strength to pull yourself up again. If you keep your mind set to quitting, I promise that you will achieve it.

 

[TheMiddleWay]

Read my advice up above hun DO NOT beat yourself up for starting again. Quitting heroin is a very difficult ordeal, you cannot expect yourself to to succeed each time you try, you can only do your best. Do not feel like you failed. You've fallen, and it's all about finding the strength to pull yourself up again. If you keep your mind set to quitting, I promise that you will achieve it.

^---Advice based on unyielding wisdom.

You wanting to quit is the first step. You resisted a few days, try for more. If you can't just remember the first step. You didn't start over you just used, you still want to quit.

Since you are out PLEASE please please buy some imodium (loperamide). It killed cravings and physical symptoms for me. The want to get high is still there but more manageable.

Consider buprenorphine or methadone. These things will save you money if you know you still continue using, kill cravings, and help you reduce your use as slowly or quickly as you want. Talk to your husband about this.

You already are feeling guilt about your use, the more you use the worse you'll feel. Spare yourself from this regret.

Remember your slip up is NOT FAILURE. Pick yourself up and try agian. If that falls, agian. Repeat until you succeed. I know you can succeed.

 

[Father Apoklyps]

I would recommend seeing a psychologist (only go to a "therapist", "psychoanalist", or similar, with the greatest of care. as those job titles do not require any credentials or experience) and a psychiatrist. The current view of drug addiction is that it is a mental illness. For most addictive drugs, there is a genetic link (and possible related structural changes in the brain) predisposing one to addiction.

The most key issue, that no one seems to have touched on yet, is comorbidity (i.e. that you have some, undiagnosed mental illness in conjunction to a heroin dependency). I'm going to be honest with you and tell you that that will complicate treatment a LOT, and the prognosis is always worse when comorbidities are factored in. That said, it isn't to say that it can't be done. But it does mean that you'll have to work a little harder than your average person. Getting a good health care team is very important (if that is a practical option, in terms of cost). Doctors will most likely treat the more serious condition first.

Some psychedelics, such as the famous ibogaine and LSD, have shown efficacy in treating opioid addiction in clinical trials (disclaimer: I am not endorsing the use of illicit drugs for any purpose). If I recall right, LSD therapy had a MUCH higher success rate than any 12-step program out there (their dirty secrets revealed: they have a low success rate and encourage rigid abstinence, as opposed to stepping down via less/non addictive drugs, a treatment which is supported by science). Be wary of these programs, but that is not to say discount them. If you have the free time, going to a NA meeting is better than getting high. After all, just because the majority of sufferers don't improve, doesn't mean that it doesn't help some people. The possible catch-22 is that you're meeting other people with substance abuse disorders, which may create new hookups. So if you do decide to go, I would recommend that what happens in NA stays in NA. Do not contact any other people from NA for reasons unrelated to NA. You don't want to create friendships with enablers, and you would be doing them the same favour.

Also, be careful when choosing a psychiatrist. It is a VERY imprecise field, so getting one who doesn't know EXACTLY what he/she is doing is worse than not having one (on the flip side, I would encourage you to see some docs quick, as mental illness tends to get nastier the longer it is left undiagnosed and untreated). Pick a psychologist whom you have a good rapport with, as being honest is very important.

 

[Silenced]

Read my advice up above hun DO NOT beat yourself up for starting again. Quitting heroin is a very difficult ordeal, you cannot expect yourself to to succeed each time you try, you can only do your best. Do not feel like you failed. You've fallen, and it's all about finding the strength to pull yourself up again. If you keep your mind set to quitting, I promise that you will achieve it.

I know, it's just finding that strength again. It seems like once I get my pain meds scripted, I start off alright in that aspect, then I get hit with bad days... medicine dries up... I do my best in withdrawal, something pushes me and then comes the dope days.

^---Advice based on unyielding wisdom.

You wanting to quit is the first step. You resisted a few days, try for more. If you can't just remember the first step. You didn't start over you just used, you still want to quit.

Since you are out PLEASE please please buy some imodium (loperamide). It killed cravings and physical symptoms for me. The want to get high is still there but more manageable.

Consider buprenorphine or methadone. These things will save you money if you know you still continue using, kill cravings, and help you reduce your use as slowly or quickly as you want. Talk to your husband about this.

You already are feeling guilt about your use, the more you use the worse you'll feel. Spare yourself from this regret.

Remember your slip up is NOT FAILURE. Pick yourself up and try agian. If that falls, agian. Repeat until you succeed. I know you can succeed.

I guess a large part of my problem is pain. It's not that I'm going around enjoying shooting dope, or whatever it may be that I have.
It would be a blessing if I could find a cure for my physical issues. Why did the damn doctor have to give me such strong opioids at my age!
It sure helps, but it's a curse when I'm taking too many and fall back. I'm not trying to make excuses now, it's just a battle I'm not winning.

I would recommend seeing a psychologist (only go to a "therapist", "psychoanalist", or similar, with the greatest of care. as those job titles do not require any credentials or experience) and a psychiatrist. The current view of drug addiction is that it is a mental illness. For most addictive drugs, there is a genetic link (and possible related structural changes in the brain) predisposing one to addiction.

The most key issue, that no one seems to have touched on yet, is comorbidity (i.e. that you have some, undiagnosed mental illness in conjunction to a heroin dependency). I'm going to be honest with you and tell you that that will complicate treatment a LOT, and the prognosis is always worse when comorbidities are factored in. That said, it isn't to say that it can't be done. But it does mean that you'll have to work a little harder than your average person. Getting a good health care team is very important (if that is a practical option, in terms of cost). Doctors will most likely treat the more serious condition first.

Some psychedelics, such as the famous ibogaine and LSD, have shown efficacy in treating opioid addiction in clinical trials (disclaimer: I am not endorsing the use of illicit drugs for any purpose). If I recall right, LSD therapy had a MUCH higher success rate than any 12-step program out there (their dirty secrets revealed: they have a low success rate and encourage rigid abstinence, as opposed to stepping down via less/non addictive drugs, a treatment which is supported by science). Be wary of these programs, but that is not to say discount them. If you have the free time, going to a NA meeting is better than getting high. After all, just because the majority of sufferers don't improve, doesn't mean that it doesn't help some people. The possible catch-22 is that you're meeting other people with substance abuse disorders, which may create new hookups. So if you do decide to go, I would recommend that what happens in NA stays in NA. Do not contact any other people from NA for reasons unrelated to NA. You don't want to create friendships with enablers, and you would be doing them the same favour.

Also, be careful when choosing a psychiatrist. It is a VERY imprecise field, so getting one who doesn't know EXACTLY what he/she is doing is worse than not having one (on the flip side, I would encourage you to see some docs quick, as mental illness tends to get nastier the longer it is left undiagnosed and untreated). Pick a psychologist whom you have a good rapport with, as being honest is very important.

I appreciate your reply!
My biggest issue as I stated above is my addiction issues are majorly related to pain, so this battle is hard.
I guess it's more like I need to get things back under control instead of just stopping opioids all together.
I do not do heroin when I still have my pain pills in hand, it's just running out earlier and earlier every month isn't getting easier.
I guess I find myself feeding my mental and physical issues with opioids, too. UGH.... I'm just terrified of telling doctors the full truth.


And now I don't even know if my severe depression without opiates is because of not having any, that the meds/H are masking my depression or if it's a mixture of both.

 

[Silenced]

I can't believe I've let it get this bad....... I keep spending money I don't have (totally not a something I'd do)....
It's going down bad.... I've told a couple of my friends, but they seem to think it's not a big deal because it's me, and I'd never be so stupid.
My mother asked me yesterday if I was shooting up again, I told her no just snorting. While I have been doing that, I've also been shooting.
I'm mixed because when I have the money lately, I'm all about it (or even when I don't have it)...
I have literally no money for food, gas (driving a couple hours a day doesn't help) or anything else...
My husband keeps accusing me of doing things with the guys I get it from (and i never have!)