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Female best friend doesn't like me talking to her friends.

Regardless of how you remain in contact with her friends, the question still stands: Why are her friends contacting you at all?

If you and this girl were indeed an official item I suppose this situation may be more cut and dry. I still think you are just the focus of something more involved than innocent platonic interest. In my experience, straight members of the opposite sex do not just want to hang out with any new guy or girl that approaches an already established group.

This works both ways. I would think about how many times you and some of your boys might have all decided to compete for a new girl's attention simultaneously. It really isn't much different. Although the way males and females approach that game varies because of generaly agreed upon social standards and customs. How one is socialized varies from culture to culture, even across smaller scenes and subsets of larger social constructions.
 
Noodle said:
Regardless of how you remain in contact with her friends, the question still stands: Why are her friends contacting you at all?

If you and this girl were indeed an official item I suppose this situation may be more cut and dry. I still think you are just the focus of something more involved than innocent platonic interest. In my experience, straight members of the opposite sex do not just want to hang out with any new guy or girl that approaches an already established group.

This works both ways. I would think about how many times you and some of your boys might have all decided to compete for a new girl's attention simultaneously. It really isn't much different. Although the way males and females approach that game varies because of generaly agreed upon social standards and customs. How one is socialized varies from culture to culture, even across smaller scenes and subsets of larger social constructions.
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you know, I don't know why they're contacting me. This is my first time I have become friends with a girl and then have their friends contact me..usually I never had this happen before.

what do you mean something more involved?

For example, the other night. Her friend messaged me and said, where are you I told her am at restaurant come.. And then the next day she's like why didn't you invite me.
 
I think I have been pretty succint. Read my posts more carefully.

:)
 
^ agreed on a multitude of levels. read between the lines OP. even if its not what you want to hear/admit.

consider a fly on the wall perspective; what if you were to be embroiled in a jealous/hate filled triangle as a result? jealousy and infatuation are temporary emotions, easily band aided by affection and compassion.

you have two women, with bonded history to contend with. most struggle with one, and riding solo.

think about the long term outcome, rather than how it makes YOU feel today. fast forward to a few weeks later, and your experiences in dealing with women who are friends; embroiled in jealousy, personal relations and ownership of a man; that they feel valid in/or are striving to gain the affection of. its ugly dude, tread carefully.

best wishes <3

...kytnism...:|
 
shahab6 said:
so here is another questions, should I go out with her friends, or I shouldn't
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I think you really are the only person who can answer this question. This whole situations sounds very shaddy to me. Something is not right. What do you want from this whole situation? Do you want fuck someone? Do you want a platonic relationship? What are you aims?
 
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^ indeed.
shahab6 said:
For example, the other night. Her friend messaged me and said, where are you I told her am at restaurant come.. And then the next day she's like why didn't you invite me.
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with respect, your posts on bluelight are often poorly written and it's not that easy to work out exactly what you're trying to say and what you want. this is just my experience - others may differ.

it's possible that this is true in 'real life' also. you're not communicating your thoughts, feelings and desires very clearly so the messages you're getting in return may simply be a reflection of this? perhaps you need to spend a little more time composing your communications (especially if, as seems to be the case, you are reliant on text-only forms of communication e.g. sms).

alasdair
 
I would say that in general her friends should be off limits. That said, there is an exception to every rule. Personally, I will avoid sex and intimacy at all costs, so when I meet someone who is worth giving up my carefully controlled world for it really doesn't matter what the circumstances are. If you feel something for one of her friends, don't just throw it away. If your friend really cares about you she will understand. If not, then who gives a fuck? Everything is temporary anyway.

But yeah, if you just want to get your dick wet find someone who your friend doesn't care about. The point is that you aren't WITH this friend of yours, and she isn't WITH this girl you are interested in, so as much as they feel cheated and let down and whatnot, they really don't have the right to put you in this situation where you gotta sacrifice your personal happiness for someone else's happiness. Being possessive of people who you have no right to possess is just not cool. It really ain't fair to you or this other girl. That's why I say it is selfish.
 
Well said.

But yeah, if you just want to get your dick wet find someone who your friend doesn't care about. The point is that you aren't WITH this friend of yours, and she isn't WITH this girl you are interested in, so as much as they feel cheated and let down and whatnot, they really don't have the right to put you in this situation where you gotta sacrifice your personal happiness for someone else's happiness. Being possessive of people who you have no right to possess is just not cool. It really ain't fair to you or this other girl. That's why I say it is selfish.
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I agree; If your intentions are genuine, and you value your best friend, then anyone in her circle of friends should be off limits for all the reasons mentioned above. But, you are your own person.

If you would like to pursue someone in her circle then do it. I would suggest being open and honest about it with your best friend. If she doesn't understand, then maybe you should re-evaluate your connection with her and make the approriate changes to find your own happiness.
 
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Possibilities:

1- she's manipulative (in which case, do you really want a friend like that?)
2- she likes you and is jealous of attention you give others. Maybe if you feel the same way you could, you know, gently make a move?

Ultimatly, I bet you already know the answer to your question. Intuition isnt often wrong with these things.
 
levictus said:
I think you a really the only person who can answer this question. This whole situations sounds very shaddy to me. Something is not right. What do you want from this whole situation? Do you want fuck someone? Do you want a platonic relationship? What are you aims?
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I don't have any particular aims, whatever happens, happens, as long as we are all having fun..
 
alasdairm said:
^ indeed.with respect, your posts on bluelight are often poorly written and it's not that easy to work out exactly what you're trying to say and what you want. this is just my experience - others may differ.

it's possible that this is true in 'real life' also. you're not communicating your thoughts, feelings and desires very clearly so the messages you're getting in return may simply be a reflection of this? perhaps you need to spend a little more time composing your communications (especially if, as seems to be the case, you are reliant on text-only forms of communication e.g. sms).

alasdair
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yes, you're absolutely right.. I have to be more clear.. I just reread that, and it was not clear..
 
I just texted her and asked her why she doesn't like it. I guess Ill find out tomorrow what she will say.
Cause early today one of her friends that we discuss we wanted to do k, texted me and said if i still want to do k with her, and we talked a bit..

Later that day this friend, said to me "honey you think u can talk to my friends without me knowing" and she said" "did u learn nothing from last time"


So i wrote to her, why do you have to know? and why do u get mad? and whats the big deal? Anyway will see what she replys.
 
shahab6 said:
I just texted her and asked her why she doesn't like it. I guess Ill find out tomorrow what she will say.
Cause early today one of her friends that we discuss we wanted to do k, texted me and said if i still want to do k with her, and we talked a bit..

Later that day this friend, said to me "honey you think u can talk to my friends without me knowing" and she said" "did u learn nothing from last time"


So i wrote to her, why do you have to know? and why do u get mad? and whats the big deal? Anyway will see what she replys.
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That sounds fucked up dude. I don't see how it's any of her business who you are talking to.
 
shahab6 said:
I just texted her and asked her why she doesn't like it. I guess Ill find out tomorrow what she will say.
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alasdairm said:
perhaps you need to spend a little more time composing your communications (especially if, as seems to be the case, you are reliant on text-only forms of communication e.g. sms).
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sigh. honestly, i think you've made your bed here. you can't expect to have a healthy relationship if your default communication method is to dash off a 40-character text message then wait for a response. sure, that's a dialogue but it's not really communication at the level of bandwidth a relationship needs.

why do you have to wait until tomorrow? call her. arrange to meet her and discuss this. you're putting so little effort into communicating, is it any wonder you have no idea what's going on?

:\

that said, your penultimate post in this thread said you were done with her because it couldn't work. now you're texting her. maybe you don't know what you want? if that's the case, again, is it any wonder you're having issues?

alasdair
 
i don't know what her problem is, if she was telling me what friends to like or not. it would be her i would ditch, and keep the other friends. what a bitch.
 
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