nope
Greenlighter
So, this is maybe my third post since actually opening an account, and it's in TDS for fuck's sake...
Quick background: Herbal smoker since 13, psychedelics out the wazoo in high school, then just back to only herbals (except small amounts of harder stuff maybe once or twice a year, no addiction problems...)
In 2009, I suffered from mis-diagnosed DVT (blood clot), as two doctors thought it was only persistent gout. I almost died at work from a pulmonary embolism triggered from blood clots originating in my right leg. The pain and stiffness in my leg - I thought it was due to gout - but it turned out that it was actually muscle death (peripheral myopathy). If anyone watches House, basically that's my diagnosis. Woke up in the hospital with a Heparin IV, morphine drip, and concerned family in the ICU.
I've recovered fairly well, can finally walk without a cane, and am losing the weight I put on while in recovery. The only thing that touches the pain is oxycodone potentiated by cannabis, been @ about 60mg a day for a year, down from 120mg following surgery. At my last doctor's visit, he basically said that due to new state laws, I would basically have to go to a pill mill to continue getting anything but NSAIDS from him; he'll still prescribe my Klonopin, but that's about it. He gave me my final 3 scripts for oxycodone at the first of the month, and I have to find a pain management doctor before the end of the year. Considering that without the pain meds I can barely walk, this is going to be tough.
All these pain management clinics drug test; I could be a raging alcoholic (even though I don't drink) and be a model patient, but if cannabis is detected they boot you out the door - no matter they're scripting morphine and oxymorphone like candy to people who have little to no medical history. The herb will never be out of my life; choices, choices...
This is potentially going to force me to start buying junk of unknown quality off the street; I've pretty much resigned myself to that fact. I've been a chipper since the surgery, but I can also appreciate the pain-killing qualities of sub-recreational doses due to the chronic bleat of pain coming from what's left of my leg. I've never run out of pain meds, I don't get any type of "high" from them - just pain relief. Besides chipping once a month and cannabis; I've been a model patient.
When I woke up this morning, it just kind of hit me; How long until I become a junkie? I just don't see any other option. I know that sounds fucked up and pre-deterministic, but part of me feels like I can control it, even though I know there's a good chance I won't be able to. All because I refuse to give up cannabis on a moral level and as a matter of principal. I lived in a state with MMJ for 10 years before moving back to the Southern US, and here all my old friends just smoke cigs, drink like a fish, and some are now coke-heads (like in a VERY bad way). I don't do any of those things, but I'm all gravy with snorting junk once in awhile because I'm already physically dependent on opioid medication.
I've lurked here for years - since the beginning, really - and I know this is by far NOT the most fucked-up thing I've read in TDS, but the plans I've been formulating for a month now seem to be going in a direction I know is dangerous, but I somehow don't care.
Anyway, I'm not really expecting encouraging responses; I mean, who in hell would condone what I just said? Guess I'm just venting...Is it wrong to see pure opioid agonists and cannabis as medication, not "dope"?
Quick background: Herbal smoker since 13, psychedelics out the wazoo in high school, then just back to only herbals (except small amounts of harder stuff maybe once or twice a year, no addiction problems...)
In 2009, I suffered from mis-diagnosed DVT (blood clot), as two doctors thought it was only persistent gout. I almost died at work from a pulmonary embolism triggered from blood clots originating in my right leg. The pain and stiffness in my leg - I thought it was due to gout - but it turned out that it was actually muscle death (peripheral myopathy). If anyone watches House, basically that's my diagnosis. Woke up in the hospital with a Heparin IV, morphine drip, and concerned family in the ICU.
I've recovered fairly well, can finally walk without a cane, and am losing the weight I put on while in recovery. The only thing that touches the pain is oxycodone potentiated by cannabis, been @ about 60mg a day for a year, down from 120mg following surgery. At my last doctor's visit, he basically said that due to new state laws, I would basically have to go to a pill mill to continue getting anything but NSAIDS from him; he'll still prescribe my Klonopin, but that's about it. He gave me my final 3 scripts for oxycodone at the first of the month, and I have to find a pain management doctor before the end of the year. Considering that without the pain meds I can barely walk, this is going to be tough.
All these pain management clinics drug test; I could be a raging alcoholic (even though I don't drink) and be a model patient, but if cannabis is detected they boot you out the door - no matter they're scripting morphine and oxymorphone like candy to people who have little to no medical history. The herb will never be out of my life; choices, choices...
This is potentially going to force me to start buying junk of unknown quality off the street; I've pretty much resigned myself to that fact. I've been a chipper since the surgery, but I can also appreciate the pain-killing qualities of sub-recreational doses due to the chronic bleat of pain coming from what's left of my leg. I've never run out of pain meds, I don't get any type of "high" from them - just pain relief. Besides chipping once a month and cannabis; I've been a model patient.
When I woke up this morning, it just kind of hit me; How long until I become a junkie? I just don't see any other option. I know that sounds fucked up and pre-deterministic, but part of me feels like I can control it, even though I know there's a good chance I won't be able to. All because I refuse to give up cannabis on a moral level and as a matter of principal. I lived in a state with MMJ for 10 years before moving back to the Southern US, and here all my old friends just smoke cigs, drink like a fish, and some are now coke-heads (like in a VERY bad way). I don't do any of those things, but I'm all gravy with snorting junk once in awhile because I'm already physically dependent on opioid medication.
I've lurked here for years - since the beginning, really - and I know this is by far NOT the most fucked-up thing I've read in TDS, but the plans I've been formulating for a month now seem to be going in a direction I know is dangerous, but I somehow don't care.
Anyway, I'm not really expecting encouraging responses; I mean, who in hell would condone what I just said? Guess I'm just venting...Is it wrong to see pure opioid agonists and cannabis as medication, not "dope"?
