MagickalKat777
Bluelight Crew
Hey all,
I didn't know where else to post this.
I am a long time alcoholic. I have been drinking off and on since I was a kid (like 5 or so) and hit the bottle(s) hard when I turned 17. I hit 21 and I went crazy with it. 10-20 bottles of strong IPAs a day, rum, vodka, etc., until I passed out. I have had an up and down relationship with alcohol. It has been about as up and down as all of the personal relationships that I have had.
I don't drink much anymore because I am also on benzos (sometimes 2mg of Klonopin a day, sometimes 10-20mg of Valium a day - currently on Klonopin because I am out of Valium for all intents and purposes - I have 6 5mg V's left because someone stole my bottle of 10s and I can't find my V cut Valiums) and it seems like every time I drink even a little bit I end up in hell the next day. Paresthesia, tremor, palpitations, racing heart, panic attacks occasionally, the works.
What is causing this? I would think an occasional down-regulation and subsequent up-regulation of NMDA wouldn't be too extreme but every day after I drink I get all the symptoms. I feel like hell and sometimes when I drink I lose my shit - especially when I'm taking Klonopin (I really hate the stuff but it is either go without benzos which I've been on since 2004 - or go back on Klonopin which I have like a three month supply of from prior prescriptions that I didn't finish) - I've had some pretty serious mental health breakdowns when I've had too much of the bottle. I've actually learned not to do shots and just sip right off the bottle because of this. It keeps the episodes at bay.
Someone on the forum here (of course I can't find the post) mentioned that since both benzos and alcohol affect GABA, with alcohol binding to and destroying GABA, that the benzos may be "rattled off" of the GABA destroyed by alcohol use. This would explain the all-day benzo/alcohol withdrawal symptoms that I tend to have after using.
There is a post on DXM (Delsym form) for alcohol withdrawal but would a 20mg dose of Delsym be enough to knock NMDA down? I have two 5 ounce bottles of Delsym and the way that I am looking at it, I drank last night, its been about 6 hours since last drink, the withdrawals are starting and to avoid them what did I do? I took a swig off the whiskey bottle as soon as I got up. This isn't the way I want to live my life. It isn't fair that someone who has NEVER abused any of his benzos (I've been prescribed Xanax, Klonopin, and Valium - with the former and latter obviously being "recreational") to go through so much hell from a little bit of alcohol. Even more fucked up is that when I drink, the first few drinks actually make me anxious so I drink until I'm leveled out. Next thing you know I'm passed out drunk and waking up feeling like hell. I don't even get the "traditional" hangover. I don't get the headaches and sluggishness, I get symptoms of benzo/alcohol withdrawal and it sucks.
These are the things I have available to me right now and I could really use some advice - I have the Delsym, I have Vicodin, Vitamin E, trazodone, Valium, Klonopin, Celexa, and Wellbutrin. I'm half tempted to just dose myself up on 50-100mg of trazodone and sleep it off. Obviously I have plenty of alcohol readily accessible but that just furthers my problem. Also somewhere around here (god knows where) I have memantine.
I don't know what to do. These alcohol withdrawals though definitely make me want to kill myself and I'm not even depressed - I just don't want to deal with the consequences. I don't think its fair that people go on a rampage with benzos and alcohol and don't feel shit the next day even after doing it daily but I do it once a week or so and I get the shit kicked out of me. I only drank about 325mL of whiskey last night. To some that may seem like a lot but my bloodline is German and Irish. We can hold our liquor, benzos or not. =/ And alcoholism runs on BOTH sides of the family so I kind of got the short end of the stick on that one.
Is it all just in my head, playing into my latent GAD, panic disorder, and agoraphobia, or are there most likely other things going on?
I didn't know where else to post this.
I am a long time alcoholic. I have been drinking off and on since I was a kid (like 5 or so) and hit the bottle(s) hard when I turned 17. I hit 21 and I went crazy with it. 10-20 bottles of strong IPAs a day, rum, vodka, etc., until I passed out. I have had an up and down relationship with alcohol. It has been about as up and down as all of the personal relationships that I have had.
I don't drink much anymore because I am also on benzos (sometimes 2mg of Klonopin a day, sometimes 10-20mg of Valium a day - currently on Klonopin because I am out of Valium for all intents and purposes - I have 6 5mg V's left because someone stole my bottle of 10s and I can't find my V cut Valiums) and it seems like every time I drink even a little bit I end up in hell the next day. Paresthesia, tremor, palpitations, racing heart, panic attacks occasionally, the works.
What is causing this? I would think an occasional down-regulation and subsequent up-regulation of NMDA wouldn't be too extreme but every day after I drink I get all the symptoms. I feel like hell and sometimes when I drink I lose my shit - especially when I'm taking Klonopin (I really hate the stuff but it is either go without benzos which I've been on since 2004 - or go back on Klonopin which I have like a three month supply of from prior prescriptions that I didn't finish) - I've had some pretty serious mental health breakdowns when I've had too much of the bottle. I've actually learned not to do shots and just sip right off the bottle because of this. It keeps the episodes at bay.
Someone on the forum here (of course I can't find the post) mentioned that since both benzos and alcohol affect GABA, with alcohol binding to and destroying GABA, that the benzos may be "rattled off" of the GABA destroyed by alcohol use. This would explain the all-day benzo/alcohol withdrawal symptoms that I tend to have after using.
There is a post on DXM (Delsym form) for alcohol withdrawal but would a 20mg dose of Delsym be enough to knock NMDA down? I have two 5 ounce bottles of Delsym and the way that I am looking at it, I drank last night, its been about 6 hours since last drink, the withdrawals are starting and to avoid them what did I do? I took a swig off the whiskey bottle as soon as I got up. This isn't the way I want to live my life. It isn't fair that someone who has NEVER abused any of his benzos (I've been prescribed Xanax, Klonopin, and Valium - with the former and latter obviously being "recreational") to go through so much hell from a little bit of alcohol. Even more fucked up is that when I drink, the first few drinks actually make me anxious so I drink until I'm leveled out. Next thing you know I'm passed out drunk and waking up feeling like hell. I don't even get the "traditional" hangover. I don't get the headaches and sluggishness, I get symptoms of benzo/alcohol withdrawal and it sucks.
These are the things I have available to me right now and I could really use some advice - I have the Delsym, I have Vicodin, Vitamin E, trazodone, Valium, Klonopin, Celexa, and Wellbutrin. I'm half tempted to just dose myself up on 50-100mg of trazodone and sleep it off. Obviously I have plenty of alcohol readily accessible but that just furthers my problem. Also somewhere around here (god knows where) I have memantine.
I don't know what to do. These alcohol withdrawals though definitely make me want to kill myself and I'm not even depressed - I just don't want to deal with the consequences. I don't think its fair that people go on a rampage with benzos and alcohol and don't feel shit the next day even after doing it daily but I do it once a week or so and I get the shit kicked out of me. I only drank about 325mL of whiskey last night. To some that may seem like a lot but my bloodline is German and Irish. We can hold our liquor, benzos or not. =/ And alcoholism runs on BOTH sides of the family so I kind of got the short end of the stick on that one.
Is it all just in my head, playing into my latent GAD, panic disorder, and agoraphobia, or are there most likely other things going on?
