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panic attack related to DP/DR, long term anxiety

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yar0nin

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Oct 12, 2011
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alright ive been posting a lot these past couple days only cuz i want to cure whatever this is im going through.

so ive been reading alot of threads about people whos been experiencing long term ecstasy comedowns. ive been dealing with this for almost 2 years now its seems that everyone that deals with this starts off with a major panic attack, almost like a near death experience.

my questions is, do you think this "near death experience" cause your psyche to retreat inside your head causing the DP(PTSD)? or was it the neurons in your head getting fried causing the DP(neurotoxiticy)?

and if you had to deal with this can you state for how long?

and what you did to get rid of it..

thank you
 
I don't think it has anything to with either to be honest.

What started these horror comedowns? If your having a panic attack what triggers it / at what part of the experience?

I have had a few 'nightmare' experiences when high on MDMA - If I think about these now (sober) I can feel sick even afraid/worried. It's a bit like being in a car crash - next time your behind the wheel you can either - worry that your going to crash or put that one bad episode aside and get on with enjoying yourself.

To be a bit more specific - I had one horror experience when high (MDMA) over 15 years ago - another on LSD before that, they have simply become part of me, part of who I am. It's like getting over the death of a loved one - there is nothing that you can do to bring them back (or change the event) - you simply have to understand that these things happen.

I hope that makes sense? If you fancy a chat about this in more details then please feel free to PM me :)
 
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Honestly man, I know exactly what your going through. I'm still going through it a year later, aftr a bad experience on some pressed pills.

Last summer I had a horrible trip on two pressed pills, that I had flashbacks about for months. I was rolling previously to this, about twice a month averaging maybe 20 pills in 4 months? Who knows. Anyways I was fine after all these rolls until I had this one bad trip, and since then ive came to so many conclusions it would blow your mind. I was convinved I had catastrophic brain damage from that roll, mainly due to my contanst panic/anxiety symptoms along with my insomnia, but then about 7 months post I got drunk and rolled again and since that night my insomnias gone, im much more down to earth and my anxietys simmered a bit, even though its very prevalent still.

This made me think, if my symptoms were surely due to brain damage then how would rolling again cease them? Then I spoke to a neuroligst who said I had PTSD and depression and it all started making sense. This brings on Depersonalization from overstimulation, its your brains defense mechanism from something thats too overwhelming to process. Ive read quite a few studies lately showing that monekeys given 2.5 mg/kg twice a month for 4 months have NO signs of neurotoxicity, and another study showing SERT densities in CORTICAL regions (the outtermost layering of your brain) returning to control levels with abstinance, but this is from heavy use. Your no where NEAR that, so rest assured your brains fine physiological, but psychologically youve got some problems to work out. The BEST advice I can give you right now, and i SERIOUSLY wish someone could have told me this back when it first started, is DONT try and figure out why and start reading all the brain damage studies from MDMA, and propoganda, because itll fuck you up SO hardcore you wont even believe it. I spent 7 months researching EVERYDAY, and its made my recovery SO fucking slow its unreal.

Your brain rewires itself all day everyday, thats how we evolve as people, and develope out personalities. Ever though this event has FUCKED my life up, i'm sure if I come through it ill be a better person, but as bearlove said it becomes a part of you, its called trauma. Even though yours doesnt seem to be as bad as mine, so please dont make it anyworse than it is, youll regret it.

Anyways, DP is a scary fucking thing man, and I HATE it. I feel fried from it, im not the same person anymore, but it IS curable. Just distract yourself, reading helps me SOOO much, work out eat right, take some St Johns Wort kira brand, and try not to analyze your mental processes too much.

best wishes to you
 
and oh yeah, get to a fuckin counselor ASAP i wish I had my time back id have seen one earlier. It just gets worse and worse the longer you leave it, it aggrevates itself until resolved.
 
May I ask - what was the experience? If you think about it now how do you feel? Have you had another traumatic experience in your life (not drug related) - how do the experiences differ.
 
btw everyone from my experience it sounds the same as above. after my huge panic attack with my heart beating at 160-170 a minout thinking i was gunna die for about 3 days and the whole numby tingly bullshit axiety its really just froom sub-conciously overthinking it. sure it still happens sometimes but thats because in the back of my head it says "what if". about a week after that one horribe panick attack i tried to drink just a little and it set off a panic attack because i wasnt sure if it would make me feel better or worse. my suggestion is to pinpoint the things that set em off like for me was drinking weed my heart video games and energy drinks/other stimulants. after just bucking up and drinkin a couple times im just fine when i do now. step by step im gunna face them head on and dont worry about whats going to happen because you already know it just panick which you should ALWAYS remember, JUST panick. with a good willpower you can beat your subconcious. im gunna be taking mdma for the first time since on halloween wish me luck btw and pray for me (if your into that). also avoid any E that has 2c-e or 2c-i in it cause thats what started this whole terrible thing for me it fucks your brain into panick. i hope you like my advice good luck and ill be prayin for ya. and remember spice isnt nice. that shits bad for ya 2.
 
thanks for the reply man. have fun on halloween, and be safe. the thing is ive been facing this head on everyday. it seems that the whole world right now terrifies me, but i still force myself outisde the house almost everyday to workout and try to socialize. its getting alot better now but facing it and proving myself wring that the big bad world isnt out to get me doesnt really lessen the DP. thats why i kinda figured it was brain damage you know, cuz no matter how hard i tried fighting it it wouldnt go away. nonetheless ill continue fighting this, ill check this forum every once in a while but ill try not to look up anymore information about this. it really is hell and changes you as a person...

have fun on halloween, and be safe..
 
well everything kinda came down on me all at the same time but ill try to summarize it the best way i can.

started when i got with this girl, she was highly insecure about herself so she always tend to put me down. you cant really heko who you fall inlove with i guess. long story short i pretty much lost everything i owned because i got layed off my job (car, house, etc...) leading me ti move back home with my parents. lost all my friends because i chose the girl over everyone, and i didnt realize how much they meant to me until after. she was in the whole raving scene so i went with her. started rolling almost every other week since i started, also my parents werent so fond of me coming home so i felt pretty shitty already. after 6 months of rolling my body felt like it was deteriorating, weak as hell and looking like a crack head. so the whole worlds perception of me got all messed up. i was ok looking before the whole thing happened. now with no car, no friends, no family, dropping out of school. i really didnt know where to go. after i decided to just let her go because she really wasnt really good for me.

the panic attack happened one day when i decided to smoke weed a month or two later after quitting mdma. i was already extremely depressed and after that was just HELL...
couldnt leave the house, i couldnt speak for a while. and ive been fighting it everyday ever since.

sorry it was kinda long. i really couldnt just summarize the DP to one event.

im still looking to be the me before this whole thing started.

=)
 
should i seek a counselor then or just keep on fighting this? do they help you with something you just dont realize about the event
 
somedud said:
Honestly man, I know exactly what your going through. I'm still going through it a year later, aftr a bad experience on some pressed pills.

Last summer I had a horrible trip on two pressed pills, that I had flashbacks about for months. I was rolling previously to this, about twice a month averaging maybe 20 pills in 4 months? Who knows. Anyways I was fine after all these rolls until I had this one bad trip, and since then ive came to so many conclusions it would blow your mind. I was convinved I had catastrophic brain damage from that roll, mainly due to my contanst panic/anxiety symptoms along with my insomnia, but then about 7 months post I got drunk and rolled again and since that night my insomnias gone, im much more down to earth and my anxietys simmered a bit, even though its very prevalent still.

This made me think, if my symptoms were surely due to brain damage then how would rolling again cease them? Then I spoke to a neuroligst who said I had PTSD and depression and it all started making sense. This brings on Depersonalization from overstimulation, its your brains defense mechanism from something thats too overwhelming to process. Ive read quite a few studies lately showing that monekeys given 2.5 mg/kg twice a month for 4 months have NO signs of neurotoxicity, and another study showing SERT densities in CORTICAL regions (the outtermost layering of your brain) returning to control levels with abstinance, but this is from heavy use. Your no where NEAR that, so rest assured your brains fine physiological, but psychologically youve got some problems to work out. The BEST advice I can give you right now, and i SERIOUSLY wish someone could have told me this back when it first started, is DONT try and figure out why and start reading all the brain damage studies from MDMA, and propoganda, because itll fuck you up SO hardcore you wont even believe it. I spent 7 months researching EVERYDAY, and its made my recovery SO fucking slow its unreal.

Your brain rewires itself all day everyday, thats how we evolve as people, and develope out personalities. Ever though this event has FUCKED my life up, i'm sure if I come through it ill be a better person, but as bearlove said it becomes a part of you, its called trauma. Even though yours doesnt seem to be as bad as mine, so please dont make it anyworse than it is, youll regret it.

Anyways, DP is a scary fucking thing man, and I HATE it. I feel fried from it, im not the same person anymore, but it IS curable. Just distract yourself, reading helps me SOOO much, work out eat right, take some St Johns Wort kira brand, and try not to analyze your mental processes too much.

best wishes to you
Click to expand...

So why exactly is it that you believe a neurotoxic substance like mdma could not have caused serious semi-permanent brain damage in this individual? All the neurologists i have spoken with and all the meta-analysis' of mdma i have read indicate it can in fact cause permanent brain damage.

I dont think we need to be naive about this, this fellow needs to understand he may very well have done permanent damage to his brain.
 
Woah, I never knew you were rolling every weekend for 6 months, I thought you said you only rolled twice.

How many tabs were you taking each time?

Rolling that often is brutal for you, and tbh I went through the EXACT same life circumstances you did.

I had EVERYTHING i could have wanted, I flourished as an invididual finally, and got a beautiful gf, my first love really. Tons of new friends, my own house.. I was rolling a bit, like twice a month all summer, and then stuff started going downhill because I started messsing around with other girls during my "fun-time", which lead to alot of regret. Then my GF broke up with me, I lost my house, lost my job started panicking, then got assaulted and knocked out one night.

A week later I took two tabs to try and escape my depression, and it sent me spiraling downwards into a huge trip, and to top it off I ran into my Ex just after she brok up with me and she was with another guy and said that they're seeing each other now, and thats when the trip sent me over board, i just couldnt handle it.

I was having panic attacks and feeling really guilty over everything I done, and freaking out because I lost my friends, house, job, girlfriend, got knocked out, and had to drop out of UNI all in one week!

I talked to a few psychitrists in my citys largest Mental Health hospital, and I asked to speak to teh drug division (they have psychitrists that deal specially with drug related psychiatric problems) and he told me theres no reason for me to be speaking to him because ive done nothing compared to what most have done in this place, and said theres no way in hell id have resulting damage from it. Basically said my brain was in an extremly altered state due to extreme stress, and anxiety due to me having flashbacks and reliving that night, thinking my brain was permanently damaged, and FREAKING out over this girl. It took me 7 months to get over her =/ It was just a bad time in my life.

Doc disagnosed me with an adjustment disorder due to too many life altering things happening in ONE week. said its typically seen there, and that my brains is running like a car, where the driver has one foot on the brake, and one on the gas. Basically burning myself out while I get no where. This is why im telling you to relax, and just keep doing your daily things.

But everyweek for 6 months staright is bad, i only done twice a month about 20 tabs in like 120 days or so..

But thats the thing, we BOTH came to the same outcome and had somewhat of the same situation.

Id get to a psychologist or couselor asap man, I wish I did. They can help train your brain to percieve things differently.
 
listen to bben. consider ECT. your symptoms are not psychosomatic as others would have you think. they are physiological.
 
sorry i didnt realize this before but you mean post tramatic stress disorder dont you? mdma was used to treat that in the 70s and 80s for people from viatnam. but if what he said is true about how muck you were taking that could have definatley done some damage. after some research i found out that once a month treatment in small doses has the potential to either cure some panick disorders or make them worse but seems like most of the time it makes it better. now im not talking about doses that get you high im talking about very small doses that wont do hardly any if any at all brain damagr. reseach what im talking about it may be usefull. lol and my halloween just moved up to today wish me luck!
 
I've had a few experiences on stimulants where I've had serious panic attacks and overwhelming anxiety. Like Bearlove, just thinking about them makes me feel scared years later. I don't think someone who'd not taken drugs would ever feel like that unless they'd been held up at gunpoint or something. I do look back and think there really was no need for anyone to feel that bad in the course of a normal life and to that extent I regret getting involved in drugs. I've no idea if they can cause PTSD. For me they just made me never want to touch drugs again and get the hell on with my life. Of course I did touch drugs again but that is drugs for you.

Re: MDMA treating PTSD - people might have tried it but they don't use it now. There is probably a good reason behind that.

As usual the amateur neurologists are out in force giving their "professional opinions" based on their internet research. Catinthecat4 won't be happy until he's talked someone into getting ECT for some reason. It's the blind leading the blind. If you're worried about your mental health, go see someone who at least might know what they're talking about.
 
yar0nin said:
well everything kinda came down on me all at the same time but ill try to summarize it the best way i can.

started when i got with this girl, she was highly insecure about herself so she always tend to put me down. you cant really heko who you fall inlove with i guess. long story short i pretty much lost everything i owned because i got layed off my job (car, house, etc...) leading me ti move back home with my parents. lost all my friends because i chose the girl over everyone, and i didnt realize how much they meant to me until after. she was in the whole raving scene so i went with her. started rolling almost every other week since i started, also my parents werent so fond of me coming home so i felt pretty shitty already. after 6 months of rolling my body felt like it was deteriorating, weak as hell and looking like a crack head. so the whole worlds perception of me got all messed up. i was ok looking before the whole thing happened. now with no car, no friends, no family, dropping out of school. i really didnt know where to go. after i decided to just let her go because she really wasnt really good for me.

the panic attack happened one day when i decided to smoke weed a month or two later after quitting mdma. i was already extremely depressed and after that was just HELL...
couldnt leave the house, i couldnt speak for a while. and ive been fighting it everyday ever since.

sorry it was kinda long. i really couldnt just summarize the DP to one event.

im still looking to be the me before this whole thing started.

=)
Click to expand...

You can put it down to the one event but it would be more likely caused by he previous 6 months of constant raving. Or it might just be that you were insecure anyway, hooked up with a toxic girl, overdid the scene and lost your friends and generally messed up your life. When you do that, it's natural to feelvery bad about things indeed. My brother messed his life up for while with no help from drugs. He lost his wife and home etc. He got depressed about it. He felt like you have - tripped out, unable to interact, anxious, couldn't sleep, couldn't get anything together. When he did sleep he used groan and call out - it was quite harrowing for the rest of us to hear. I've had depression too and during that period I couldn't remember stuff properly, could'nt even read a book because I couldn't get the word off the page into my brain and remember them. Depression and other mental illnesses have some very drug-like effects and obvious things can get even trippier when you start taking treatment for them too.

At the end of the day, you can only deal with the situation as it is now. Don't touch drugs or drink heavily, live a good and healthy life and if you need treatment for depression or other mental illness, go get it.
 
andronicus,

i just want to know how long it took your brother to bounce back from it? and what he did to fix it? or is it just time... its funny because mine wasnt immediately after the ecstasy binge, it was a bit after which kinda tells me that it wasnt the ecstasy. i dont know why but i have a tendency to run away from anybody now whenever someone tries to talk to me and its really annoying.
 
yar0nin said:
andronicus,

i just want to know how long it took your brother to bounce back from it? and what he did to fix it? or is it just time... its funny because mine wasnt immediately after the ecstasy binge, it was a bit after which kinda tells me that it wasnt the ecstasy. i dont know why but i have a tendency to run away from anybody now whenever someone tries to talk to me and its really annoying.
Click to expand...

It took him quite a while - a few years. But then he really didn't face up to things and you can't tell the guy anything! His avoidance of reality is so in-grained that he knows every trick to avoid facing up to stuff. He's OK now because he's got a job that pays the bills and female company and that's pretty much enough for him to be happy on. So to a certain extent his recovery was luck - ie. his life changed for the better anyway. But I should give him credit for carrying on until it did.

I know what you mean about the running away from people. I've got so I can't even meet people in the eye - look like a shifty teenager. Ridiculous. But I thought about it and worked out it was because I didn't feel on the same level as them status-wise. I felt inferior and was acting that out. I forced myself to look everyone in the eye. In fact it became a game where if I met someone's eyes I wouldn't break the gaze first for anything! Afterall, why should it be ME to break? If they want to hold it then why not me too? I found most people break first but some don't for ages! Very funny. In fact I had some nice experiences with girls on the street who seemed to like the perceived confidence. I then added actually trying to smile and look natural. I also faced up to some stuff about myself and at some point it fell into place. I was never and never will be Mr Socially Relaxed, but I'm OK with where I'm at now.

So my advice, for what it's worth, is to ferret out the things you are avoiding facing up to and force yourself to do them either by working up to them or just jumping in at the deep end. Stay in touch with, and to listen to, your friends and family. Maybe even ask them what they think about you and any bad habits you have. It's gonna be painful listening of course because we all live in a bit of fantasy as to who we are I think. You'll hear some things you know are true which might help you get a plan together.

E.g. if you're anxious about social interaction then put yourself in those situations even though you hate them. Join a public speaking course or Toastmasters or something that enforces social interaction. Even just a night class in something - whatever you can deal with that is more than you do now. We're all scared of stuff and the only way to get over fear is to go through it and realise you can beat it or even stop feeling it. If you read up on greek and roman philosophers you'll see that this rooting out and facing of fear has been a theme throughout history and those that do it seem to meet success in life, however you want to define it.
 
I've had derealization for almost a year now after I took 2 caps of "molly" but now that I'm more educated Bout MDMA and similar drugs I'm guessing it was mepherdrone or methylone. Anyways the next day I smoked a casual blunt like I always do then boom it hit me had the biggest panic attack of my life never been the same since. I feel like I'm stuck in this weird dreamy spacey state. I take. Xanax adderall and ambien.
 
Long-term use of any of those meds is asking for trouble.
Benzos suppress glutamate in the short-term, but increase it in the long-term.
I hope you aren't taking it regularly.

Adderall, like all amphetamines, is a dirty drug.
It will damage dopamine neurons in the brain, including some that may have already been damaged.

Ambien, I don't know much about.
But taking it because the adderall is preventing you from sleeping is just a mistake.

Whatever doctor is prescribing you these medications is taking GREAT risks with your long-term health.
Look into a mild amphetamine, selegeline.
It is neuroprotective in some ways, including the SERT.
And the dopamine neurons in the nigrostriatal pathway....very important as other amphetamines normally damage them.
Not to mention - it has milder side-effects than fucking adderall.

Drop the xanax, except for REALLY hard days.
It should be used on occasion only.

And start exercising for God's sake.
It sprouts new serotonin axons and creates STEM cells in several brain regions.
 
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