Recovery A new me.

[hikfromstik]

Congrats on the take homes ladyh , you'll really be excited when you get your 1 week take home . I remember going to Florida once I got mine . My clinic didn't allow weed positive UA's so consider yourself lucky you have a great clinic.
---You could play the mean girl game right back with the Korean girls . Maybe investigate some snarky Korean come backs online . Nothing wrong with showing someone a little "manners". Its great your boss is standing up for you also

 

[aihfl]

---You could play the mean girl game right back with the Korean girls . Maybe investigate some snarky Korean come backs online . Nothing wrong with showing someone a little "manners". Its great your boss is standing up for you also

Or find some crusty old curmudgeon like George's dad on Seinfeld who they wouldn't suspect can understand Korean.

 

[ladyhlove]

Yesterday, I decided to take the day off from work and go handle all these tickets I've had looming over me in person at the courthouse. Fortunately, they were all the same county. Long story short, while I was using I got 3 tickets I didn't pay (bc who has money for $300 traffic tickets when you're spending $500+ a week on dope?) and I was literally days away from completely losing my license and having my insurance drop me. I had a couple options...I could pay it off on the phone, with the grand total being about $1,500..or I could go to court and see if they'd reduce it...but FTA court is a pain in the ass...you can't schedule a date, you have to go at 8:30am to check in and then COME BACK at 1pm and basically wait all afternoon to handle your shit. So, this makes it so you have to take a full day off from work and with all of my promotions I simply have not been able to do that with the amount of work I have. I decided I had to finally handle it yesterday..and I did. They dropped one of the tickets and reduced the charges on the others so that I didn't get points on my license (but still had to pay the full fine amount on those tickets). The total ended up being a little over a grand..still sucks but better than $1,500. I couldnt pay that shit in one day..so I'm on probation til I can finish paying it off...but I don't have to report until Dec. 1st (but I still have to make a payment once a month, they allow me to do it online luckily) so odds are I'll have it paid off before then and won't even have to actually ever see a PO (also, i don't get drug tested or anything like that..the goal is actually FOR ME to pay it off before I ever have to report, according to the lady who signed me up to probation). Sucks because being on probation always sucks, but its what I had to do...and it'll prob work out fine. Oh, and I also don't have to pay the extra probation fee for the first 3 months either so even more incentive to get it knocked out quickly).

Having a big bill like that over my head sucks, but the worry about my license getting suspended soon and the fear of possibly going to jail (and dealing with fun methadone wds while in there, yay!) is no longer an issue and it's a HUGE load off my back. I felt so damn good last night after I got everything handled. This is one of the great things about recovery...having money to handle, and just regaining your responsibility in general to handle important shit and feeling good about yourself for adulting properly and handling it. Seems like basic shit, I know, but I feel proud of myself sometimes for stuff people would consider "basic" because, as many of you know, when you're dealing with chronic addiction and depression issues, even the most basic of shit can seem really difficult to handle sometimes.

Everything is good. Weekend is upon us! Besides the birthday party I have Saturday with my bf, I don't really have much else planned. Probably just gonna relax. I've been keeping up with housework and laundry really well lately throughout the week, so I don't have a huge list of household chores each weekend anymore...which is nice. I'm probably just gonna watch some football, maybe have a few beers, and enjoy life being in a good place at the moment :D

 

[ladyhlove]

Yessir! Congrats to you as well and I like that attitude (they will! that part). I'm thinking I'll make my way to once a week in no time as well. Drew, I'd say we almost go to the same clinic (cept I see you're on the other side of the country...I'm in the good ole ATL). I really like my counselor too..he's like me in that he's a big nerd that likes star wars and d&d and other nerdy ass shit like that. He's a former meth addict, actually lol He genuinely cares about me (calls me at home to make sure i'm ok if I ever miss) and I really like talking to him. Going to him is not a chore for me and it helps in the process tremendously. He's very relaxed as far as me drinking occasionally and smoking weed too..which I've heard some counselors in some places ARE NOT like that. His take on it is that as long as i'm not doing heroin (or meth or crack or something like that), those minor drugs aren't something we need to worry about right now. He respects my harm reduction vs hardcore abstinence stance and doesn't try and preach complete sobriety.

Oh and A, love that clip...meant to tell you earlier. Seinfeld is still one of my all time favorite shows. A true classic that still holds up (though some of the humor would NEVER fly in today's overly sensitive world without major controversy). I do feel bad for saying such bad things about Koreans on here. I feel like there's some Korean lurkers reading this right now hating on me. For the record, if that's actually happening, I love Koreans and many of them I absolutely adore here. There's some bad apples, just like in any race/culture...some of the issues I have ARE due to major cultural differences, I'll admit that, but I'm not the kind of person to generalize a whole race/culture of people based on a couple of negative experiences. Shit, my best friend/life long next door neighbor is Korean and she and her family were like a second family to me. Just had to clear that up. I hate everyone equally (including myself and my own race/culture somtimes lol) JK I LOVE YALL ALL I MEAN IT

 

[ladyhlove]

Lol, I get the rambles sometimes too..esp in the morning when I'm feeling my best. I start feeling a bit more "normal" after lunch though.

Yeah, my clinic will kick you out too. They dont care about THC ever or a dirty screen here and there...but persistent screens get people canned. I'm not sure how many folks go to mine, but I would imagine around the same number. My clinic is crazy at 6am-6:45. The line when they open at 6am has like 30 people in it...I was in it the other day and then they screened about 85% of the line too...and only one bathroom...and my counselor (who i was also scheduled to see) was helping with all the tests...that was the day after labor day and THAT was a mess. Usually, I go in between 6:30-7:15 and there's like 2-3 people tops. They have a computer-automated Que but i'm pretty sure they call me ahead of people all the time because they like me lol..i'm serious. The nurses are about my age and I can tell they love to see me. They're the kinda chicks that I would prob be friends with if we met in another circumstance, and I think they like me bc I'm more "like them" than other patients..ya know...young, educated, appearing like a normal 30's something woman ya know vs some of the odd folks who are patients there (not trying to judge, everyone there is wonderfully sweet). Basically, yeah, i like my clinic. I pay for a whole month (since I get paid once a month) at a time so I never have payment issues...shit, even when I owe they'll spot me a couple days if I need them to...they'd rather me get my meds. I'm really happy I found such a great place on my first try. The online reviews claim its the best clinic in the city (well most..some people get pissed bc they wont dole out doses over 120mg very often like some of the other clinis in atlanta do...but i think thats a good thing..most people don't need that much...i had a 2g a day heroin habit and am goo at 70mg).

18 min till 5 oclock...cmon weekend!!

 

[ladyhlove]

They don't go in with us, but our bathrooms have cameras in them...which I thought was illegal, but I guess not. I've totally diluted my pee before (to water down my samples that I've worried might have a bit of alcohol in them...I also do it sometimes to make a big enough sample for them when I can't pee much) and they totally don't check the cameras often I guess bc they've never said anything to me about putting a little water in my sample. I take vitamins that make my pee super duper yellow so a bit of water isn't too noticeable.

I feel like it would be hard to fake a sample...bc my clinic tests for all the reg drugs AND methadone, so the pee you'd have to use would have to, not only be clean, but have methadone in it as well...so you'd have to get one of another mmt person. I dont really hang out with clinic folks, so Id have a hard time wrangling up a sample that was both positive for done and negative for everything else. Since they started letting me phase up after a dirty thc screen, i dont need a fake sample...I'm good :D

Drew, do you take any vitamins with your methadone? I find they really help with the side effects. I take Vitadone. It's a bit pricey, but they're totally worth it. It's really a great vitamin for mmt folks...just read the reviews on Amazon there's hardly anything negative...and I KNOW it's not just a placebo.

Well guys today was my first sat with no clinic visit (yayyy!). I'm in class (taking 2 college courses, if anyone doesnt remember) right now, but we're watching a movie so I decided to jump on my laptop and come on over here for a bit. Didn't do much last night...having class at 11am makes me want to get good sleep on fri nights...also, i'm usually tired from waking up so early every day by Friday. Bf came up and we went got dinner, watched some Game of Thrones, and fell asleep by 10:30pm. I got up at 7, did some laundry and cleaning and then came to class. We're prob gonna watch some football today and then head to that bday party. Its at this place called Andretti's Speedway...a arcade , go cart racetrack, bar, and general fun zone...should be fun...it's a buncha my bfs friends but they all love me so...

Tomorrow I'm probably gonna just relax at home. Might see if there's any pools still open to catch some rays. A cold front's coming through at the beginning of next week due to Florence...I don't think it'll be cold, per say, but cooler.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

 

[crazyhairman]

rs sober now- been so superstious about my recovery i dont even tell anyone im clean ... i dont wanna come off as braggy or jinx it. so many friends have been this far in only to fall back off.... im glad it happened the way it did.. just wanted to say aside from some scars and memory blank spots you couldnt really tell i used to use anything .... so i can remeber thinking id never feel good or normal ever again but little by little here i am ... still wake up amazed everyday i feel better than i did when i was 14 . never thought i could be this happy and calm .... i got really lucky i guess used for 7 years and walked away from it aug. 8 2016. somehow havent used even with it in my face ... i remeber the first time i ate food and felt that natural rush you get .. or normal sleep ... there are still issues and stresses we face all over but i seem to keep my wits about me better now ... i was just gonna say i remeber when i was at day 8 or 16 or even day 90 still thinking i would fail and how hard it was just to accomplish basic things ... the dreams . , everything, well it gets better with time .. i love each and every one of you no matter what ... i just want you to be ok . it gets better

 

[ladyhlove]

Hey guys. Hope everyone is well! Hope none of my BLers were affected by Florence (and if so...I hope you are safe).

Florence got me thinking about natural disasters and being on methadone. What would a person do who lived in, say, Wilmington, NC this past week who was on methadone and was at a low "phase" (aka having to go to the clinic daily)? Would the clinic prep the patient with enough take homes? What if damage was worse than predicted and the clinics have to shut down longer than they thought and people don't have enough methadone?

There's some interesting articles on this subject that I found. Here's one that was written around the time of Hurricane Harvey last year (written by a former methadone addict who was PREGNANT during a natural disaster crisis and couldn't get her 'done): https://www.vox.com/first-person/2017/9/8/16273590/hurricane-harvey-irma-methadone-heroin-addiction

These are the things that I think about, and definitely major downsides to methadone maintenance. If I don't get my methadone, my whole world will fall apart and I will feel awful for a LONG LONNNNG time. Luckily, I live down the street from my clinic. It's a 2.1 mile walk. Even with the worst of car troubles, I can walk there in 45 min...an hour if I'm in bad shape. There's also a bus that goes straight from my house there (which is rare on Atlanta's very poorly run bus system...usually you have to transfer 8 times to get somewhere you actually wanna go) which is a 20 minute commute ROUND TRIP (10 min there, 10 min back complete with stops). Even if one of Atlanta's notorioua 3 inch snowstorms that shut down the whole city pops up, as long as my clinic is open, I can get there...but them staying open is always what I worry about. Will hospitals give a MMT patient methadone if they need it badly enough? I've heard mixed answers. Methadone is so damned controlled...if you didn't read the article I posted above, there's a part where the woman needs to get to Denver to dose and her clinic got her a fucking HELICOPTER RIDE to Denver but they couldn't get a dose of methadone to her hope...getting a HELICOPTER PERSONALLY CHARTERED was easier than getting just one dose of this drug to someone deemed *not trustworthy enough* (bc she hadn't been a patient at the clinic long enough to earn takehomes). Ridiculous.

I'll be interested to see how maintenance treatment changes as this opioid epidemic continues to ravage the nation. If history repeats itself, which it has a tendency to do, I imagine methadone (and bupe even maybe) will become even more controlled than ever. However, it would be really nice if we could see our nation attempt something different this time around...if we could combat addiction the proper way by addressing the mental health issues behind it and taking away the criminality stigma attached to addiction...we could maybe have a chance. I know I didn't start finding success in my own treatment until I let my shame of addiction go...I told myself my drug use did not define me or mean that I was a bad person. That was such a huge load off of me when I let all of that go...I felt like I didn't need drugs to numb the pain and guilt I felt anymore.

My weekend was ok. Bf and I got into a huge fight Saturday...and, shamefully I admit that it was because I had drank too much and was being irrational. Not that he was completely innocent..but I took something small and made it a bigger deal than it should've been and got him, eventually, so angry that he , too, became irrational (even though he wasn't drunk, only i was) so two irrational people just began yelling at each other. It's not the first fight we've had like that, but it's definitely the first we've had like that in a long time...definitely since long before we broke up back in Feb. We got some sleep and woke up early Sunday morning full of apologies. We were righting about money, which is something we usually never fight about (and i like that about us, bc thats a big reason a lot of couples fight), so we agreed to not start doing that. Fighting sucks..both my bf and I can be yellers when we're upset...fortunately we're not *below the belt* hitters (not physically, i mean, i mean we don't drag mean, personal issues into our fights..we generally stick to the matters at hand ) and neither one of us is physical with the other. Just sucks though bc fighting with the ones you love always sucks. We make up always, but it still put a damper on the weekend.

Anyways, I need to get to work...lots to do, as usual. love yall

 

[ladyhlove]

Thanks Drew!

Yeah I absolutely HATE going to bed angry and my bf doesn't seem to mind it, so that drives me nuts. When he's mad, he needs time to calm down...that's just it...and if it's bed time, he needs to go to bed sometimes to calm down...he's usually ok by morning...but I hate it..I have a hard time going to sleep knowing he's still angry with me, but I'm learning that's just how he deals with stuff and i'm trying to not let it ruin my sleep (too much anyways)

 

[hikfromstik]

I went to a clinic in Kentucky at one time and it was a an hour and 15 min drive to get there . I remember one year we got a 12 inch snow. I luckily had a 4x4 pickup and drove on the partially plowed 4 lane to get to the clinic. It took 2 1/2 hrs of strenuous driving to get there . They were open when I got there and they gave me 1 extra carry out so I wouldn't have to come back the next day . They should have given the carry out the prior day when we were warned of heavy snow ,but at least I got an extra that day. Tennessee clinics would give 21 day carry outs ,so I switched to a Tn clinic. It was another 1hr + drive. I think now another town 30min away has a mmt clinic . You guys are lucky that you have such a short drive. In 2008 when gas reached near $4 I was spending over $30 a day on gas !!! Most clinics stop dosing after 9pm . I'll never understand that.

 

[ladyhlove]

Jesus, hik!

I don't know other clinic dosing hours...there's 77 in the state of GA and I've only been to 2 (mine and another I had to guest dose at because I was 25 min late on a Sat at my clinic and luckily the angel of a nurse there called in a guest dose on her way out the door for me at a place that stayed open a bit later...could've been a nasty weekend otherwise...) and both of the ones I've been to are only open during the morning/early afternoon. My clinic's dosing hours are Mon-Fri 6am-11am and Sat 7am-10am. Sat is stresssssful but luckily this week will be my very first Sat that I won't have to go to the clinic bc I AM OFFICIALLY A PHASE 2 (got the official word this am YAY). I'm sure there may be clinics that dose at night, but I've yet to find one. I'm a morning person, so I prefer going in early, crawling back in bed for an hour or so and either getting more sleep or watching netflix as my minor wd symptoms fade away, and then getting up with a cup of coffee and getting my day started. My biggest complaint is that my methadone tends to fade away at night, in the evening a bit and I start getting minor wd symptoms...nothing crazy that keeps me from sleeping but just general lack of energy, some gi issues, and minorly runny eyes/nose...though, it sucks bc these minor symptoms make it so I don't want to do a whole lot more nights and I tend to just go home and go to bed early a lot of nights. An afternoon/evening clinic would be good for that...it would get me up and moving some at night...maybe I can look into guest dosing somewhere like that to try it out.

Anyways, I'm rambling, I apologize. Yes, hik, I do feel so fortunate I live near my clinic. There's a guy at my clinic who commutes 45 min from the burbs out in the eastern part of the metro into my clinic (which is in the city..sort of, I mean, it's a "trendy: urban neighborhood) and then another 45 min to a different suburb north of the city. He does it every day too. and has for 7 years straight now because he keeps getting bumped back to phase 1 due to occasional cocaine use..but he says he really likes my clinic so that's why he thinks the commute is worth it. My clinic is literally 2 miles away so I roll out of bed every morning, throw on whatever is near me, and hit the road. A lot of times I don't even look in the mirror and I'll give my counselor a scare with runny mascara (him thinking its a black eye lol). Still, not having to feel that panic when I wake up on a Saturday and realize I forgot to set an alarm will be a great feeling.

Everything's going really well! My bf came up last night to pick up a tire for his car (to replace the one that busted the previous weekend I mentioned) since there's no Subaru dealerships in the country part of the state he lives in, and we grabbed dinner and hung out for a bit. He mentioned how nice it is to have me "back" aka not falling asleep, not high outta my mind on heroin every night. Hearing him say those sorta things is one of the reasons i'm doing this (not the entire reason, but one of them for sure)...I'm glad he's seeing a difference in me. Sometimes I forget what things were like back then...what it was like to be always be super broke, obsessed with dope, nodding off all damn day...and remembering keeps me away. Rosy retrospection, as we've mentioned previously in this thread, is totally real. I'll catch myself (unrealistically) idolizing dope sometimes and the memories associated with it..but I'm trying to "play the whole tape through", as they say. Anyways, I haven't touched dope in...idk...like a month now. And it's almost 2 months since I began methadone and have only slipped up that one time...so YAY! I'm doing really well! Methadone is really working well for me. I feel like I'm getting my life back!!

Thanks for the love and support...as always..dear BL peeps

 

[aihfl]

I bought my first Subaru in 2013 - an Outback. It's the easiest thing to drive I've ever driven in my entire life, especially after driving a pickup truck that handled like a tank. I still have the truck to pull the sailboat, but don't really use it otherwise. I will definitely be brand loyal to Subaru from now on. I'm way out of warranty though, so I started going to bubbas that keep my truck running instead of paying a left nut at the Subie dealer. They're catching on here. I bought mine when it looked like I would be eventually living in Vermont since it seems like everyone up there either drives a Subaru or a Saab to get around in the snow. Brattleboro, the little town of about 12,000 people where I had my house had two Subaru dealers, same as all of Greater Orlando. Unless Subaru rethinks not selling manual transmission Outbacks in the US market, I'll have to hang on to this one as long as I can. When I bought it, it was the only new manual transmission Outback in the entire Central Florida region. Hopefully they'll still offer a standard in the Forrester when I need a new one, although my mother's cousin who's a retired entomologist at Colorado State is still tooling around in his 1979 Legacy, so they last forever if properly cared for.

Has it cooled down around Atlanta yet? Hard to believe by our weather that the fall equinox is this weekend. Florence kept our prevailing winds from the west, which meant that the cooling afternoon seabreeze storms stayed offshore or in the immediate area of the beaches. Which meant that it was hotter than hell and half of Georgia as my dad used to say. Daytona Beach set a record high of 95 two days ago.

Happy to hear that your life is going in the direction you want. I should probably get back to work before someone notices I'm not doing something I'm supposed to be doing.

 

[ladyhlove]

LOL, that work statement is me every day. Luckily, I have my own office now (didn't always while working here) and can keep to myself for the most part. I went from working in a cubicle farm with all the gossipy mean Korean girls to an office in our other suite that is just programmers and one or two execs (so all men, basically)...so things are way WAY better.

I've been working on this really really important project involving a lot of people's money and the stock market...so shit's been stressful and I have a lot of important people checking up on a lot of money via me lately and, although I'm handling this whole thing just fine, its still stressful. Its a good thing my work doesnt know my junkie past...I have access to like 40 people's entire identity and bank accounts...but, of course, I would never do anything like steal...even when I was in my worst of addictions I never did that

 

[ladyhlove]

Oh and NO, not cool in Atlanta yet. They said we were gonna cool down after Florence, but that lasted like a half a day. It's actually been brutally hot this week...hotter than usual. Yesterday was like a damn sauna outside. I'm so ready for some fall temps. I love fall...with the weather and football and whatnot.

Oh..and I made some $$$ last night to help pay off that ticket. Old coworker of mine heard I used to be on subs and bought 15 of my old extras for $300. That's wholesale, essentially what I originally bought them for, but I'll always help out someone I know who may be struggling with wd and I needed the money. I still have 20 8mg pills left and I'm gonna save those for whenever I get off methadone to take the edge off a bit (and I know about waiting 3 days to switch and all the other rules for making the move from done to subs, so please spare me if you're about to try and give me that info). I have a feeling i will need them a little bit while I'm adjusting//but thats a ways off.

Yep, glad to be doing well. Life is so much better! Sure, i don't feel like i'm on a cloud in heaven all the time, but i feel like my life is manageable. I'm able to afford everything I want to now, which is awesome, and starting to get a decent amount of savings accrued at this point. Before addiction, I used to be so good with money and always had a nice little nest egg in the bank for emergencies. Then I depleted that nest egg for drugs...which is how I was able to maintain the illusion of normalcy for so long..I had savings to fund my drug binges. Until I didn't...

 

[ladyhlove]

Well...met with the dr this morning for my once every couple weeks appt to determine dosage and we bumped up to 80mg but the goal is to stay here until I'm ready to get off. 80mg is generally the blocking dose of methadone (depending on the person, it can be 60 but I know from a minor relapse weeks ago that i can feel a bit of dope still when on 60mg) and the dr thinks, at this dose, some of my bad middle of the night gi issues might be resolved. So, we're gonna try it..if it's too much and gets me tired, ill go back to 70 but so far so good about 2 hours after dosing now. My clinic rarely goes to or above 100mg, unlike a lot of other clinics apparently. When I hear ppl having dosages like 140..160mg I'm like...wtf...bc I thought I had a pretty high fucking tolerance and 70mg almost held me perfectly.

This week has been frustrating...nothing major just a bunch of small annoyances (like a 52 min delay this morning on the way to work...mehhhhh). I've been dumping money into my POS car for months now and last night my car overheated. I literally JUST spent $600 on a whole new brake system less than 2 weeks ago I can NOT afford another major repair this month. Fortunately I have the worlds best bf and he drove up from where he lives (45 min south of the city) to where i work (30 minutes NORTH of the city...so like an hour and a half commute with trafffic all together). We put coolant in it and, shockingly, it held it just fine and I got home with no problem. We're thinking I've had a small leak for awhile and it finally just emptied out and overheated (i know i know, i shouldve been checking my fluid levels before this...) because its been working just fine ever since and all we can see is a minor drip coming from it. Luckily my step dad will be up from Florida for the East Lake golf tournament this weekend and he's a pro at Chevys (I have a 99 Malibu) so he's gonna fix whatever is causing the leak. I'm lucky it was this minor but I was pretty stressed at first...esp after that crazy 1000k+ traffic ticket I'm working on paying off, my insane insurance rate, all the other car bills I've had since buying this fucking lemon (from my asshole of a dad, btw...but thats another story for another time...)...mainly bc I had no idea how I'd get to work. I work about 14 miles from my home and Ubers are about 30 bucks each way. $60 a day, just in ubers to work (not including rides to other life necessities, like my methadone clinic) is a lot of money, as are car rental fees....luckily I don't need to worry about any of that now.

I swear, when it rains it pours. Buuuut I am happy to have the money to take care of stuff when I need to now. Back in using days, I never had any money for stuff like this. Oy

 

[ladyhlove]

Yeah. for the first time in a long time I'm doing ok on money. Even with the most recent financial issues, I'm still in such a better place than when I was using. Even when I was ok subs but still dabbling, dope was still fucking up my finances. No more!!!

Things are good still. Had a panic all night last night, though. I could've sworn I packed up my laptop yesterday and brought it to my car to take home with me, but when I went to my car yesterday evening, no laptop. I had gone to walmart for a bit last night so I thought mayyybe, just mayyyybe I forgot to lock my door at Walmart and someone nabbed it. I looked all through my car, house (in case I had brought it in without remembering), but nothing. I kept telling myself to not go into a full blown panic until I checked work. Well, heart racing away of course, I came into work today to find....my laptop sitting under my desk...all packed up in its bag from yesterday, I just never actually took it with me. I can't tell you what a relief that was. I practically collapsed onto my boss's shoulder once I saw the bag. I told him how freaked out I had been that someone had stolen my WORK laptop and he told me to relax, that i worry too much, and even if that had happened it would've been ok...my company has plenty of money and it would'n't have been a big loss at all. I can't tell yall how happy I am that I now have the boss that I do, a cool guy who's very powerful in the company...what he says gos ALWAYS so he's a good person to be liked and respected by.

My car's still running hot, also. My bf had to come up AGAIN another 75 miles from his home/work area to my work where my car was stranded (well at the autozone down the street). I found out that I Had a pretty minor hole in my lower radiator hose and the guy at Autozone thought he could duct tape it to make it hold water enough to get home, but of course it didn't work and just made the whole way bigger so instead of a small fluid trickle I now had a gushing waterfall and couldn't hold any coolant or water and had to uber back to work and have bf come and get me...poor thing. He picked up the replacement hose on the way up, and spent an hour (maybe more) replacing the hose (should've been much shorter but that hose was a pain in the fucking ass). Everything was fine and I made it home ok and the car was running normal, but this morning is overheated again. Turns out the timing belt was rubbing on the hose and thats why it had a hole and it rubbed yet another hole in the hose just hours after fixing it. Ughhhh. Luckily by stepdad, a car guy, is coming into town from fl today and is going to fix everything for me...thank god. Tired of dumping money into this fucking lemon of a car!!

other than my car issues, all else is well. Just been frustrated which affects all parts of life, I guess. I just keep reminding myself, things could be worse..

 

[ladyhlove]

Well I'm livid today.

I went to my clinic to get everything squared away to start getting my first take home today (so i didn't have to come in tomorrow)..and it turns out I failed for opiates on my last test!?? wtf?! I haven't taken an opiate in like a month!!
At my clinic you have to have two clean screens within 2 weeks of each other to get your first take home...my counselor thought it had to be 30 days apart and since my tests were 27 days apart, he asked me if Id be ok taking one that day so we could make sure the tests were the proper length apart so there'd be no issues and I said sure, why not, I hadn't use opiates in weeks and weeks and hadn't drank in days at that point so i knew it'd be clean. But it came back positive for opiates!!! Wtf?!?!?! I'm so mad right now, there's no way I could've tested positive for opiates!! Ughhh! My counselor wasn't there so i couldn't talk to him about it (another counselor told me my results, who doesn't know me so they think i'm just using and lying about it of course). And then I found out my counselor was WRONG, i could've gotten my take home from those last 2 clean screens after all bc they only had to be 2 weeks apart, not 30 fucking days..but now I can't because my most recent test was dirty!!! ARGHHH! So now I Have to get 2 clean screens in a row AGAIN. I took one today to get it started...which should be def clean (so should've the last one though, so idk). My bf's birthday is in a week and half and we're doing this fri night-sun night camping trip and now I'm gonna have to find a clinic in the middle of nowehre to dose me on sat morning. Meaning, I'm gonna have to get up while camping, get in the car and drive prob 45 min to the nearest clinic, dose, and then drive back..all while with my bfs friends who dont know im on methadone and who are gonna wonder where im going in the middle of a fucking camping trip. UGH I"M SO MAD RIGHT NOW FUCK THIS WEEK

Oh, and my stepdad came into town and instead of fixing my car, like he said he would, he decided to blow it off and play golf for the next 3 days. My mother, who is down in Florida still, is furious with him. She made him give me his car to drive until he fixes my car lol.. I'm glad to have another car to drive, but it's just more stress knowing that my car is STILL not fixed..but my mom told my step dad he's not allowed home (in fort Meyers, fl) until its done so I guess it will get fixed. lol

There's a big festival in East Atlanta Village this weekend where they close the streets, have bands, beer, and general shenanigans and the bf and I are gonna meet my crew of friends down there Sat afternoon. I need to blow of some steam for sure...this week has been shit.

 

[KraziKat]

Vibes, sweet lady. Just try not to get hammered drunk blowing off steam at the fest. A two day hangover will makes things worse. Hang in there, trust the process. You are doing great. Definitely sucks about the camping trip thing. I have no exp with done, but if you missed a day dosing it would be that bad?

 

[ladyhlove]

Probably not, I just don't want to. Especially in a socializing kind of atmosphere. I've missed a day before and was ok but kind of felt like crawling under the covers all day and being alone and a camping trip with a bunch of my bfs friends is not the kind of situation where i can do that. It'll be fine. We found the nearest clinic, its only 20 min from where we'll be camping and odds are I'll get up and get back before anyone else wakes up...just gotta keep the Friday night beers low, which will be easy enough to do since I'm usually so exhausted from the week by Fri night anyways I almost always go to bed early (even when camping).

I'm gonna try really hard to take it easy Sat. Last weekend I broke my "no liquor" rule and got drunker than I wanted to and got into a fight with the bf (something that happens when I'm drunk sometimes) and I don't want anything like that happening again. If I stick to beer and pace myself and eat a lot throughout the day, I'll be fine. Everything will be fine in all of these situations, I know it, I'm just frustrated. When it rains it pours with me, good and bad...and I'm just having a shit rain storm right now. It will stop. I know it.

 

[ladyhlove]

But thank you for your kind words, Kat and good vibes sent your way. You da bomb. How is everything going for you?