Recovery A new me.
- Thread starter ladyhlove
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ladyhlove
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I'm gonna talk to my counselor tomorrow. I have no idea how that test showed me positive for opiates...i haven't touched anything besides methadone in like prob at least a month. My bf is a chemist and he was telling me that all it would take for a false positive to happen would be something in the lab not getting cleaned properly just one time...and that shit like that happens in labs a lot..that;s why they give you the option to challenge it. I'm thinking about challenging it...but I'm afraid if the sample itself is contaminated, or got switched on accident with someone elses's, it won't matter and I'll be out $45 (how much they charge to get your sample mass spec'd.
And yeah, I'm gonna guest dose. It wouldn't just be one day of missed meds, it'd be 2 since i get my sunday dose on sats too. Laaaame.
And yeah, I'm gonna guest dose. It wouldn't just be one day of missed meds, it'd be 2 since i get my sunday dose on sats too. Laaaame.
Hi lhl,
When my doctor first referred me to a pain clinic (many years back), I had to give a urine sample every month. I remember testing positive for cocaine more than once. I have never used it (haven't even seen it). I wondered if ppl were switching drug tests. I always got my meds, but I really hated those tests and the false positives. I imagine this happens to just about everyone that has to deal with drug screens.
I'm glad you're doing better on methadone. I hope it brings you stability and that your family relationships all stay strong and close.
"Marijuana is the gateway drug to taking 45 minutes to pick out which color Gatorade you want to buy"
Your friend,
Dale
When my doctor first referred me to a pain clinic (many years back), I had to give a urine sample every month. I remember testing positive for cocaine more than once. I have never used it (haven't even seen it). I wondered if ppl were switching drug tests. I always got my meds, but I really hated those tests and the false positives. I imagine this happens to just about everyone that has to deal with drug screens.
I'm glad you're doing better on methadone. I hope it brings you stability and that your family relationships all stay strong and close.
"Marijuana is the gateway drug to taking 45 minutes to pick out which color Gatorade you want to buy"
Your friend,
Dale
ladyhlove
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Dale,
Yeah I was very surprised with the result. I haven't talked to my counselor about it yet, hopefully he'll believe me when I tell him I haven't used...I think he might, actually, because I'm usually incredibly honest with him about my use (i tell him that i occasionally drink and that I'm a huge pothead now and he appreciates my honesty). My bf, as I stated above is a chemist and he claims that a lot of those drug test companies employ students or barely out of college chemists and errors DO happen in those labs a lot. All it takes is for one piece of machinery to be not cleaned to the proper lab standard, and if the sample before the shitty "cleaning" had drugs in it, it would contaminate every sample after it. Also, the woman at the front desk of my clinic is sweet as can be but dumb as a rock and she's generally who handles the UAs...I would NOT put it past her to accidentally switch up the test labels if she had a few in front of her. I wish they'd just let me seal my own, but since i'm a female they always want to do an instant preg test so I have to leave mine uncovered when I give it to them.
Good to see you, Dale! I hope you've been well! Not seeing you around here is a good sign, I hope! Yes, methadone works SO much better than subs for me. While it doesn't eliminate cravings completely, it helps so much better than subs. Being on methadone, I have had the longest stretches of "dope free" time than I ever have had since beginning this awful addiction. Not dealing with too many side effects either...sweating isn't really a problem (well any more so than opiates already caused), my dosage is enough to hold me but not make me high, and the sleepiness is easily combated with caffeine so all is good. The sweet tooth has become outrageous though. Everyone notices a difference and, while no one knows I made the switch to done, everyone thinks I seem to be doing so damn well. The stigma around methadone is so stupid....it's helping me so much but I feel like I can't tell others I'm on it without major judgement. Just the other day, when signing up for probation, I got a nasty look once I told the officer doing the paperwork that I was on it (they asked what meds i was on and figured they needed to know in case they drug tested me). I told her" yep and itt's saved my life" and she responded "hey, do whatever you need to do!"
The weekend was good...car is finally fixed after a shit show of a repair with my stepdad and bf on Saturday, but its finally done and the car is running the best it has since I bought it...for now anyways. Went to that festival Sat and then a fun lantern parade that night and had the bf join me and my friends when he got done fixing my car. I'm so lame these days...all my friends were about to go out for more fun after the lantern parade ended around 10 and I just wanted to go home and smoke a bowl and go to bed. lol Luckily so did my bf so we ubered out of there. I wonder if I'll ever have it in me to stay out with my friends as late as I used to....we will see...
This week is already looking better than last week. Hoping I'm right!
Hope everyone is well
Yeah I was very surprised with the result. I haven't talked to my counselor about it yet, hopefully he'll believe me when I tell him I haven't used...I think he might, actually, because I'm usually incredibly honest with him about my use (i tell him that i occasionally drink and that I'm a huge pothead now and he appreciates my honesty). My bf, as I stated above is a chemist and he claims that a lot of those drug test companies employ students or barely out of college chemists and errors DO happen in those labs a lot. All it takes is for one piece of machinery to be not cleaned to the proper lab standard, and if the sample before the shitty "cleaning" had drugs in it, it would contaminate every sample after it. Also, the woman at the front desk of my clinic is sweet as can be but dumb as a rock and she's generally who handles the UAs...I would NOT put it past her to accidentally switch up the test labels if she had a few in front of her. I wish they'd just let me seal my own, but since i'm a female they always want to do an instant preg test so I have to leave mine uncovered when I give it to them.
Good to see you, Dale! I hope you've been well! Not seeing you around here is a good sign, I hope! Yes, methadone works SO much better than subs for me. While it doesn't eliminate cravings completely, it helps so much better than subs. Being on methadone, I have had the longest stretches of "dope free" time than I ever have had since beginning this awful addiction. Not dealing with too many side effects either...sweating isn't really a problem (well any more so than opiates already caused), my dosage is enough to hold me but not make me high, and the sleepiness is easily combated with caffeine so all is good. The sweet tooth has become outrageous though. Everyone notices a difference and, while no one knows I made the switch to done, everyone thinks I seem to be doing so damn well. The stigma around methadone is so stupid....it's helping me so much but I feel like I can't tell others I'm on it without major judgement. Just the other day, when signing up for probation, I got a nasty look once I told the officer doing the paperwork that I was on it (they asked what meds i was on and figured they needed to know in case they drug tested me). I told her" yep and itt's saved my life" and she responded "hey, do whatever you need to do!"
The weekend was good...car is finally fixed after a shit show of a repair with my stepdad and bf on Saturday, but its finally done and the car is running the best it has since I bought it...for now anyways. Went to that festival Sat and then a fun lantern parade that night and had the bf join me and my friends when he got done fixing my car. I'm so lame these days...all my friends were about to go out for more fun after the lantern parade ended around 10 and I just wanted to go home and smoke a bowl and go to bed. lol Luckily so did my bf so we ubered out of there. I wonder if I'll ever have it in me to stay out with my friends as late as I used to....we will see...
This week is already looking better than last week. Hoping I'm right!
Hope everyone is well
Hey lady,
Glad to see you're doing well, sucks that the test came back dirty when it wasn't though. If it was me, I'd challenge the test, especially knowing you were clean. It is very easy for those tests to become contaminated.
Hope your family life and career are going along well, you deserve the very best in life!!!
Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.
Glad to see you're doing well, sucks that the test came back dirty when it wasn't though. If it was me, I'd challenge the test, especially knowing you were clean. It is very easy for those tests to become contaminated.
Hope your family life and career are going along well, you deserve the very best in life!!!
Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.
ladyhlove
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Yep. Much better week already.
My counselor believes me and we're gonna get the test pulled and do a retest (which I took today, and WILL pass..unless they fuck up again lol...hopefully not). I will update more tomorrow...busy at work. But things are good!
My counselor believes me and we're gonna get the test pulled and do a retest (which I took today, and WILL pass..unless they fuck up again lol...hopefully not). I will update more tomorrow...busy at work. But things are good!
ladyhlove
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This week is definitely better than last. Last night, long story short, my former boss, who's also a good friend of mine, is having issues with a company car (for the company i still work for) still being in his name. The new car owner (my next boss, who no longer works for the company anymore either) used a 3rd party refinance company to transfer the lease into his name and they screwed us big time and took forever and apparently BMW won't process payments for cars in the refinance process so the car kept getting more and more in the hole financially and it was being reflected on my first boss (my friend)'s credit. He was very close to suing and told me so last night (and was also upset with me...even though none of this is my fault). Well, today I decided if you want something done right you do it yourself and I made many phone calls and trip to BMW and got it all taken care of saving my friend's credit and my company from a hefty lawsuit (my friend is a lawyer). So, much relief is pouring over me now. I'm sure if this had not gone well, it would've somehow been made to be my fault anyways since I handled like a couple things in this matter (even though the problems caused in the situation didn't involve me). But, don't have to worry about that right now.
I had a counseling session this morning and I told my counselor I wanted to focus on healthy ways to deal with stress in my next few sessions. After last week's fiasco, I started noticing my personal habits when I'm dealing with a stressful day or week or event or whatever and I tend to get really worked up and things snowball ontop of me and then I deal with it with "a fucking cigarette" or "a fucking beer" or (in the past) a bump of heroin. I know that stress will be the reason i relapse if I ever do..so I'd like to work on it if I can to prevent that and have better techniques for dealing with life's madness for when i'm off methadone and dealing with life head on again.
What healthy ways do you guys deal with your stress?
I had a counseling session this morning and I told my counselor I wanted to focus on healthy ways to deal with stress in my next few sessions. After last week's fiasco, I started noticing my personal habits when I'm dealing with a stressful day or week or event or whatever and I tend to get really worked up and things snowball ontop of me and then I deal with it with "a fucking cigarette" or "a fucking beer" or (in the past) a bump of heroin. I know that stress will be the reason i relapse if I ever do..so I'd like to work on it if I can to prevent that and have better techniques for dealing with life's madness for when i'm off methadone and dealing with life head on again.
What healthy ways do you guys deal with your stress?
aihfl
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I wish I knew. I don't deal with panic very well and it sends me into a tailspin of use. They always say call someone in AA or in recovery, put I can't see past the blinding panic to do that and end up drinking, which usually doesn't end well.
ladyhlove
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Yeah, it's the worst.
I've learned drinking is a bad idea. I've said it before, but I'm a bad drunk. I don't function well at all and there's no way to even pretend that's not the case. I'm sloppy, I slur my words, I fall, I ramble and repeat the same stories over and over, I say things that are incredibly blunt (not like me). The only positive is that I'm a nice drunk (unless someone picks a fight with me first and then i'm illogical and hard to calm down but not violent) and easy to control, if you tell me I'm acting like an idiot and need to sit down and shut up, I will. So while drinking works temporarily, I could never be a full blown alcoholic because I wouldn't have a job, place to live, friends, etc because I would just be this giant mess all the time. That's why I fell in love with opiates. I could be high but act normal (just in a really really really good mood lol). The occasional nod out would happen but opiates never made me black out, never got me thrown in jail when i was pulled over on them, and never made me do things I regretted the next day. At first they didn't even make me feel like shit the next day when they wore off...but we all know that changes.
Fortunately, with the amount of methadone that I am currently on (80mg), any amount of dope that I do (unless maybe I did something like finally inject) will be pointless and a waste of money and will just have negative consequences on any UAs I may have coming up. I could barely feel it when I tried to use dope all those weeks, maybe months at this point, back when was at 60mg and 80mg is supposed to be the *official* blocking dose (it can be lower for some folks, but by 80 no one should be feeling any dope unless they had an insane tolerance before they went into treatment and/or were still using dope while on methadone). I don't understand how people are on 100+mg, I really don't. I needed AT LEAST 16mg of subs to get close to holding me and a g of dope a day, at minimum, to feel well when I was using (not get high, just not be sick) and 80mg is fine for me. I know some clinics work differently than mine though and move people up a lot faster so I guess I can see how some folks get there..
Life's been better this week. Works been a bit stressful...we've had 2 major problems this week over in the projects I'm working on that almost got really bad...lawsuits and shit, but luckily I got everything handled the absolute best way possible. Even though everything ended up fine in both cases, the stress was unbearable at times (hence my earlier post), especially at night when I would, like for instance in the first case, get a call about a big problem right at the end of the day and I couldn't do anything about it till the following morning so I had the entire evening/night to stress about the situation without being able to do anything yet. In those kind of cases, I have gotten a lot better in my older age of stopping myself and saying, even out loud at times: "Everything is going to be fine, Kate". And I knew it would be, and I was right...I had plans of action to make everything fine but, simply because I had to wait till morning to actually execute them, I panicked and thought about every worst case scenario that would possibly throw a wrench in my plans for the next day. But everything was fine. In both cases. Having so much responsibility at work is flattering but the stress is starting to really get to me. I used to just be an admin and for not much less money and my life was breezy...now it's chaos. Busy is good for me because boredom is my number one drug trigger, but stress is my number 2 so I need to find a balance.
Thinking about taking kick boxing. Or something like it. I have a lot of rage right now that I would like to get out constructively.
Still chugging along. No dope for all of Sept. it looks like. Methadone rules. No cravings. I'm happy with life and super happy that I'm starting to stack money and pay off all of my debts and get things (like glasses) that I've been putting off for so long because I was always broke.
I've learned drinking is a bad idea. I've said it before, but I'm a bad drunk. I don't function well at all and there's no way to even pretend that's not the case. I'm sloppy, I slur my words, I fall, I ramble and repeat the same stories over and over, I say things that are incredibly blunt (not like me). The only positive is that I'm a nice drunk (unless someone picks a fight with me first and then i'm illogical and hard to calm down but not violent) and easy to control, if you tell me I'm acting like an idiot and need to sit down and shut up, I will. So while drinking works temporarily, I could never be a full blown alcoholic because I wouldn't have a job, place to live, friends, etc because I would just be this giant mess all the time. That's why I fell in love with opiates. I could be high but act normal (just in a really really really good mood lol). The occasional nod out would happen but opiates never made me black out, never got me thrown in jail when i was pulled over on them, and never made me do things I regretted the next day. At first they didn't even make me feel like shit the next day when they wore off...but we all know that changes.
Fortunately, with the amount of methadone that I am currently on (80mg), any amount of dope that I do (unless maybe I did something like finally inject) will be pointless and a waste of money and will just have negative consequences on any UAs I may have coming up. I could barely feel it when I tried to use dope all those weeks, maybe months at this point, back when was at 60mg and 80mg is supposed to be the *official* blocking dose (it can be lower for some folks, but by 80 no one should be feeling any dope unless they had an insane tolerance before they went into treatment and/or were still using dope while on methadone). I don't understand how people are on 100+mg, I really don't. I needed AT LEAST 16mg of subs to get close to holding me and a g of dope a day, at minimum, to feel well when I was using (not get high, just not be sick) and 80mg is fine for me. I know some clinics work differently than mine though and move people up a lot faster so I guess I can see how some folks get there..
Life's been better this week. Works been a bit stressful...we've had 2 major problems this week over in the projects I'm working on that almost got really bad...lawsuits and shit, but luckily I got everything handled the absolute best way possible. Even though everything ended up fine in both cases, the stress was unbearable at times (hence my earlier post), especially at night when I would, like for instance in the first case, get a call about a big problem right at the end of the day and I couldn't do anything about it till the following morning so I had the entire evening/night to stress about the situation without being able to do anything yet. In those kind of cases, I have gotten a lot better in my older age of stopping myself and saying, even out loud at times: "Everything is going to be fine, Kate". And I knew it would be, and I was right...I had plans of action to make everything fine but, simply because I had to wait till morning to actually execute them, I panicked and thought about every worst case scenario that would possibly throw a wrench in my plans for the next day. But everything was fine. In both cases. Having so much responsibility at work is flattering but the stress is starting to really get to me. I used to just be an admin and for not much less money and my life was breezy...now it's chaos. Busy is good for me because boredom is my number one drug trigger, but stress is my number 2 so I need to find a balance.
Thinking about taking kick boxing. Or something like it. I have a lot of rage right now that I would like to get out constructively.
Still chugging along. No dope for all of Sept. it looks like. Methadone rules. No cravings. I'm happy with life and super happy that I'm starting to stack money and pay off all of my debts and get things (like glasses) that I've been putting off for so long because I was always broke.
hikfromstik
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Methadone is a life changer for sure . I was stable for years and years on it . If my drive to the nearest clinic wasn't so far I'd probably still be on it. I wish the laws would change that regular physicians could prescribe it like suboxone. Big pharma cant have that though ,because everyone would drop subs in a heartbeat and switch to the full agonist that actually works.
Save
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I agree. Kickboxing sounds wonderful. Used to train some myself, also the Muay Thai. I have been training some Chinese Martial Arts again on my own, just threw some kicks today actually after a jog. In the air.
Rio Fantastic
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Different people respond differently to different drugs. Just because you personally prefer methadone doesn't mean subutex is a useless scam and a big pharma conspiracy.
aihfl
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Yeah, I was definitely not a nice drunk. One of my former drinking buddies from my symphony orchestra musician days was a raging alcoholic but always a mellow, happy drunk. Not me. The only reason I didn't get my ass beat more out at bars is I'm already half-crazy and tend to talk to myself and people who would have otherwise not hesitated to throw down were unsure of the level of crazy they were dealing with. If cocaine were added to the mix, it got really ugly. And when you say you would be just a giant mess all the time, that's pretty much where I am when I'm drinking. If I start, it's going to make me non-functional for a while. It's not even an effective anxiolytic for me anymore because I have to drink so much to blot out the panic. If I have a "moderate" (for me, that means a pint of hard liquor or a 750ml bottle of wine) it just makes me wired and ramps up my anxiety even more. And if I have more than that, that's when I start waking up and finding empty prescription bottles next to the booze bottles. And given that a lot of my meds are scheduled, it's not going to look good if I call the doctor and ask for an early refill, so I just end up having to power through it.
Medical weed in Florida is utter bollocks as they say across the pond. A friend who is a chronic pain patient gave it a try and then gave some to me asking me if there was something wrong with her. It does nothing. Zero. Zip. Nada. Glad I didn't go down that road. She's loaded anyway and the $500 she paid for her pot card is probably the equivalent of what a nickel would be to me. Her son is kind of sketchy so I'm sure he can supply more effective product than the dispensary. I also told her about kratom (she didn't know about it) and encouraged her to give it a try before the DEA schedules it and while it's still available locally (the politicians have tried to ban it in Florida three times, but it failed each time). I'd probably use kratom myself if I wasn't on so many psych meds and throwing something foreign into the mix could possibly be dangerous. I was also cautious in my use of kava (though I did find it a somewhat effective anxiolytic) because of compromised liver function.
Anyway, hope you're feeling better - you look like you're out and enjoying life from your pictures so I'm happy for you.
Medical weed in Florida is utter bollocks as they say across the pond. A friend who is a chronic pain patient gave it a try and then gave some to me asking me if there was something wrong with her. It does nothing. Zero. Zip. Nada. Glad I didn't go down that road. She's loaded anyway and the $500 she paid for her pot card is probably the equivalent of what a nickel would be to me. Her son is kind of sketchy so I'm sure he can supply more effective product than the dispensary. I also told her about kratom (she didn't know about it) and encouraged her to give it a try before the DEA schedules it and while it's still available locally (the politicians have tried to ban it in Florida three times, but it failed each time). I'd probably use kratom myself if I wasn't on so many psych meds and throwing something foreign into the mix could possibly be dangerous. I was also cautious in my use of kava (though I did find it a somewhat effective anxiolytic) because of compromised liver function.
Anyway, hope you're feeling better - you look like you're out and enjoying life from your pictures so I'm happy for you.
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ladyhlove
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I'm good!
Every time I try and update, I end up getting pulled away for something and currently my home is without internet for a few days (I share wifi with a neighbor who just moved and the new neighbor's down for the situation but has to get the 'netz set up first) so I haven't been on here as much as usual. All is well, though!
Still at 80mg and thinkin' that this is my magic number. Currently being held all day and with only minor side effects. I'm still dealing with lack of motivation at times, particularly after lunch. I get a surge of energy and motivation as soon as my dose kicks in that usually lasts me all morning, but lunch just kills it. After lunch, no matter what I eat or how much coffee I chase my meal with, I want to take a nap. Lately, I've been taking "important phone calls" in my office with a do not disturb sign up and grabbing a sneaky 10 min shut eye that's helped, but I want this to stop. I drink so much caffeine now, its pretty much useless..so that doesn't work. One thing I've considered is maybe cutting back on how much I eat at lunch and eating a bunch of small snacks throughout the day instead. I also really want to start an exercise regimen, but I suck at having the motivation to begin it. Honestly, I feel like once the methadone wears off a bit, I lose that feeling that makes me want to be productive and motivated and all I want to do is veg out at home alone. I still force myself to do some things, but I wish I could feel that feeling in the evening still. It may not even be the methadone doing this...I've always been a bit of a morning person who always gets more done in the am hours than the pm hours. Whatever it is, I need to snap out of it. I really am aiming to begin some sort of daily exercise routine in the next few days.....i know once I start, I'll love it, it's just beginning that's always the hard part.
Work's been ok...not quite as busy as it has been. My responsibilities have eased up a bit, thankfully. I've been having some personal issues with the head of HR bc she's a giant bitch who seems to enjoy making every interaction I have to have with her as uncomfortable for me as possible. I'm not joking. I avoid talking to her when I can, but when I have to say something to her, she tries really hard to make whatever question I'm asking or statement I"m telling her come across as sounding wrong or ill-informed ("You didn't read the latest Memo?!?!") etc. I've been nothing but incredibly nice and polite to her the entire time we've worked together, but she handles every communication with me with a sour face, a condescending tone, and then follows it with lots of laughter and korean gossip with her friends when I walk away. Luckily, my boss FINALLY caught her in the act this week...she tries so hard to seem like she's such a sweet girl in front of him but she started going at me in her usual manner, not realizing he was behind her. I was told I don't have to talk to her about anything ever again. I'm sure, even though she put herself in this position..I didn't snitch on her, she'll probably just treat me worse now that she's in trouble, but whatever. I don't give a shit if this woman likes me, I just want to be spoken to like a human being.
Boyfriend's bday was yesterday, but he's on a business trip to minneapolis. We had a good weekend watching football and hanging out. We slept a lot this past weekend...but we do that a lot of weekends...lol, he is probably actually happy im on methadone bc i actually want to sleep as much as he does now lol
How's everyone else been doing?
Every time I try and update, I end up getting pulled away for something and currently my home is without internet for a few days (I share wifi with a neighbor who just moved and the new neighbor's down for the situation but has to get the 'netz set up first) so I haven't been on here as much as usual. All is well, though!
Still at 80mg and thinkin' that this is my magic number. Currently being held all day and with only minor side effects. I'm still dealing with lack of motivation at times, particularly after lunch. I get a surge of energy and motivation as soon as my dose kicks in that usually lasts me all morning, but lunch just kills it. After lunch, no matter what I eat or how much coffee I chase my meal with, I want to take a nap. Lately, I've been taking "important phone calls" in my office with a do not disturb sign up and grabbing a sneaky 10 min shut eye that's helped, but I want this to stop. I drink so much caffeine now, its pretty much useless..so that doesn't work. One thing I've considered is maybe cutting back on how much I eat at lunch and eating a bunch of small snacks throughout the day instead. I also really want to start an exercise regimen, but I suck at having the motivation to begin it. Honestly, I feel like once the methadone wears off a bit, I lose that feeling that makes me want to be productive and motivated and all I want to do is veg out at home alone. I still force myself to do some things, but I wish I could feel that feeling in the evening still. It may not even be the methadone doing this...I've always been a bit of a morning person who always gets more done in the am hours than the pm hours. Whatever it is, I need to snap out of it. I really am aiming to begin some sort of daily exercise routine in the next few days.....i know once I start, I'll love it, it's just beginning that's always the hard part.
Work's been ok...not quite as busy as it has been. My responsibilities have eased up a bit, thankfully. I've been having some personal issues with the head of HR bc she's a giant bitch who seems to enjoy making every interaction I have to have with her as uncomfortable for me as possible. I'm not joking. I avoid talking to her when I can, but when I have to say something to her, she tries really hard to make whatever question I'm asking or statement I"m telling her come across as sounding wrong or ill-informed ("You didn't read the latest Memo?!?!") etc. I've been nothing but incredibly nice and polite to her the entire time we've worked together, but she handles every communication with me with a sour face, a condescending tone, and then follows it with lots of laughter and korean gossip with her friends when I walk away. Luckily, my boss FINALLY caught her in the act this week...she tries so hard to seem like she's such a sweet girl in front of him but she started going at me in her usual manner, not realizing he was behind her. I was told I don't have to talk to her about anything ever again. I'm sure, even though she put herself in this position..I didn't snitch on her, she'll probably just treat me worse now that she's in trouble, but whatever. I don't give a shit if this woman likes me, I just want to be spoken to like a human being.
Boyfriend's bday was yesterday, but he's on a business trip to minneapolis. We had a good weekend watching football and hanging out. We slept a lot this past weekend...but we do that a lot of weekends...lol, he is probably actually happy im on methadone bc i actually want to sleep as much as he does now lol
How's everyone else been doing?
aihfl
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^ I take it from the 209 that you live in the Stockton area? It always amazed me when I'd go out to NorCal that it could be 100 degrees in San Jose and 60 in SF or Santa Cruz. I live in Florida so it's hot as balls in the summer but we usually get a cooling afternoon thunderstorm, but the rainy season is winding down so now it's just hot as balls. Today is the first rain in for us, too, in a while.
I hate that "you didn't read the memo???" bullshit. Once when I was still teaching college, I asked a colleague why they just didn't walk the 10 feet down the hall from their office to my office and tell me in person. Oh and a favorite tactic of several people, if I didn't respond to their bullshit email right away is they'd email the chair and copy me onto the email saying they hadn't heard from me. When I was an acting chair I didn't give that shit the time of day, but the kind of people who have the ambition to rise through the ranks to become chair or *shudder* a dean tend to love bureaucratic bullshit.
Anyway, I'm dealing with some personal legal issues (don't want to talk about it here, maybe I'll PM) that leaves me a chain-smoking, anxiety ridden mess in the mornings (don't want to take a benzo when I need to be sharp at work). Then I'll take my afternoon dose of Adderall and I'll feel better for a bit, but then because of this issue, I have no appetite and skip lunch, which causes the anxiety to return. Anyway, my neighborhood is having a block party this evening, so I'll check out the free food and maybe meet a few new neighbors.
I hate that "you didn't read the memo???" bullshit. Once when I was still teaching college, I asked a colleague why they just didn't walk the 10 feet down the hall from their office to my office and tell me in person. Oh and a favorite tactic of several people, if I didn't respond to their bullshit email right away is they'd email the chair and copy me onto the email saying they hadn't heard from me. When I was an acting chair I didn't give that shit the time of day, but the kind of people who have the ambition to rise through the ranks to become chair or *shudder* a dean tend to love bureaucratic bullshit.
Anyway, I'm dealing with some personal legal issues (don't want to talk about it here, maybe I'll PM) that leaves me a chain-smoking, anxiety ridden mess in the mornings (don't want to take a benzo when I need to be sharp at work). Then I'll take my afternoon dose of Adderall and I'll feel better for a bit, but then because of this issue, I have no appetite and skip lunch, which causes the anxiety to return. Anyway, my neighborhood is having a block party this evening, so I'll check out the free food and maybe meet a few new neighbors.
aihfl
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2015
- Messages
- 2,834
Yeah man, and I'm inland, too, in Orlando, but there's pros and cons to not being on the coast. The coast stays cooler during the day, but it stays warmer at night. Everyone always says, yeah but there's always a breeze over there. Not if you're not within a few blocks of the beach there isn't. We always have wildfires here too at the start of the rainy season after all the swampland has had all winter to dry out. By June the ground is soggy enough that it usually isn't a problem after that.
Yeah, I drank alcoholically for close to a decade to mask anxiety symptoms. It worked until one day you wake up and find out you're tolerance has gotten so insane that you're waking up not hungover but still wasted. And the only thing that makes you feel better is another slug, which you puke back up, but somehow the second one you can keep down. And the cycle begins, until it's time to dry out and you get hit with the worst withdrawals there are. It became my DOC simply because it was just so damn easy to get, especially after Florida put the pill mills out of business.
Yeah, I drank alcoholically for close to a decade to mask anxiety symptoms. It worked until one day you wake up and find out you're tolerance has gotten so insane that you're waking up not hungover but still wasted. And the only thing that makes you feel better is another slug, which you puke back up, but somehow the second one you can keep down. And the cycle begins, until it's time to dry out and you get hit with the worst withdrawals there are. It became my DOC simply because it was just so damn easy to get, especially after Florida put the pill mills out of business.
ladyhlove
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2017
- Messages
- 509
Honestly, one of the reasons I began using opiates was because alcohol did such a number on me and I wanted to feel good but not be sloppy and then feel so rotten the next day always. I always found that, with opioids, I could pop a couple pills. go out, and sip alcohol lightly-moderately and still have a great time, then drive home (bc I could drive after only one-two drinks vs the five i would've had if I had not been on pills), sleep soundly, and then wake up feeling like a million bucks. Opiates always tended to silence that "have another drink!" voice I heard in my head after finishing a drink. As a result, I got sloppy drunk far less than I used to and woke up many more mornings hangover free than I had throughout a good portion of my 20's (esp early 20's). And, a result of that, I did better in life in general...nothing fucks up things in my life like a bad hangover that lasts a couple days...I'll get behind on literally everything in my life and I'll just sit around feeling like shit. So, I felt like opioids were making my life better and were actually much better for me than my prior drinking had been..which is actually probably true seeing as alcohol is significantly worse for the human body than opioids are. Soon enough, however, the next day after opioids made my alcohol hangovers seem like a birthday party and then the true addiction began.
I'm actually hungover as balls today, since we're on the topic. I have trivia on Tuesdays and one of my fellow teammates, who's one of my best friends, is going through a real rough time in his life these days and we stayed after the game was over to talk some over a few rounds of Jameson. MISTAKE. I woke up at 6am, my usual time, with an overpowering need to throw up. I spent 6am-8am throwing up and finally got my stomach to relax a bit before heading to the clinic (I didn't want to take my methadone if I was just going to puke it right up). I was supposed to see my counselor and all that but I told him I'd have to talk tomorrow bc I felt awful (and was running late at that point). Once I got home, I tried so hard to get ready but the nausea was so strong. The only thing that made me feel a bit better was laying down on my bed with my box fan blowing right on me (i overheat and sweat profusely when nauseous and sometimes cooling myself off will take away the feeling of needing to vomit immediately)...so at 8:30, when I usually leave for work, I had to call my boss and ask him if I could come in after lunch, that I was feeling awful (i didnt tell him I was hungover, btw, just feeling shitty). Fortunately, laying down helped so much...I was trying so hard to suppress my need to throw up so that I wouldn't lose my methadone dose for the day...and fortunately, I didn't throw up my dose. I woke up around noon and felt a lot better, not great but better. I've been at work since 1pm (it's 2:30 right now) and I've only thrown up once so I'd say it's going..well...ok, lol. I can't wait to get home and crawl back into my bed. Drinking is stupid and I hate it, lol. I could feel better had I not smoked like fucking Snoop Dogg last night and went through all my weed...marijuana is such a good hangover medicine for me. It gets me feeling well enough to keep down solid foods and water which is what leads to true recovery.
I'm actually hungover as balls today, since we're on the topic. I have trivia on Tuesdays and one of my fellow teammates, who's one of my best friends, is going through a real rough time in his life these days and we stayed after the game was over to talk some over a few rounds of Jameson. MISTAKE. I woke up at 6am, my usual time, with an overpowering need to throw up. I spent 6am-8am throwing up and finally got my stomach to relax a bit before heading to the clinic (I didn't want to take my methadone if I was just going to puke it right up). I was supposed to see my counselor and all that but I told him I'd have to talk tomorrow bc I felt awful (and was running late at that point). Once I got home, I tried so hard to get ready but the nausea was so strong. The only thing that made me feel a bit better was laying down on my bed with my box fan blowing right on me (i overheat and sweat profusely when nauseous and sometimes cooling myself off will take away the feeling of needing to vomit immediately)...so at 8:30, when I usually leave for work, I had to call my boss and ask him if I could come in after lunch, that I was feeling awful (i didnt tell him I was hungover, btw, just feeling shitty). Fortunately, laying down helped so much...I was trying so hard to suppress my need to throw up so that I wouldn't lose my methadone dose for the day...and fortunately, I didn't throw up my dose. I woke up around noon and felt a lot better, not great but better. I've been at work since 1pm (it's 2:30 right now) and I've only thrown up once so I'd say it's going..well...ok, lol. I can't wait to get home and crawl back into my bed. Drinking is stupid and I hate it, lol. I could feel better had I not smoked like fucking Snoop Dogg last night and went through all my weed...marijuana is such a good hangover medicine for me. It gets me feeling well enough to keep down solid foods and water which is what leads to true recovery.