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Hi there! A little help?

Sneezing started once i stopped the sub taper, and continued for a month. The anxiety lifted about 3 weeks in, and now I'm just trying to combat boredom. I got laid off 2 weeks ago, and along with the frigid temps, and all the snow outside, it's tough to find stuff to do. I play online poker a lot, and that takes my mind off everything.
 
Hmm, I wonder if the Kratom is the reason these symptoms are just now showing up? Interesting. During some of the more acute stages of this, I managed to rip a small hole in my comforter. Before I patched it a couple days ago, small clouds of little feathers would pour out here and there when it was positioned just right and I moved it. I'm still seeing a lot of it stuck on stuff. Pretty sure that's not helping. :)

Im really sorry to hear about your job. That sucks. Shitty timing, too, I'm sure. I don't really have any suggestions for the boredom that I'm sure you haven't already thought about. BL seems to be helping me. I'm so grateful for this little community.
 
First time I've been without work in 20yrs of painting. I might of had a week or two here and there, but this is looking like 2-3 months. Two monster, new construction homes (12, and 14ksqft) are months behind, and that's all that was scheduled, so i collect unemployment for the first time in my life, and hopefully find a couple of side jobs to keep me busy in between.
 
You must be a helluva painter. 20yrs is a pretty good stretch. Unemployment isn't too shabby, at least here in TX. Good luck. Not that it sounds like you'll need it with the reputation it sounds like you have.
 
Day 24, I think? Well, last night went really well. Being out with people, acting like I felt normal, actually made me feel normal. I decided to skip the alcohol. Already felt a buzz from being free, out and about and the cold air actually felt a little exhilarating again. That symptom is definitely all gone. Crashed back to reality a little when I realized at 1am (got home at 10:30) that I was going to have to take something if sleep was going to happen. But that's okay. That was still the plan, anyway.

This morning, my sneezing situation exacerbated somewhat. My first sneeze of the morning was accompanied by a bloody nose I didn't realize I had. My bed looks like a scene out of murder mystery. Fun times. This comforter may not make it through...
 
It does feel good to be out and about, having conversation with people. I'm glad you didn't drink, i think of a song from kings of Leon, and a verse that goes ...."give me one beer and ill call the runner".
 
I'm not gonna keep track of my days anymore. It'll probably be hard to not keep a general idea of where I am time wise, if I think about it; but I'm trying to change my mentality and I think keeping up with that isn't helping anymore. We'll see. I didn't check yesterday after I wasn't sure and It kept me from obsessing over how long this is taking, where I think I should be and where other people are and how they are feeling - comparison really can be a joy suck. I think that it was really helpful for a while - every grueling day was an achievement - but now, it's time to thinking of my life in terms of goals, successes, healthy habits and happy moments again.

Remaining symptoms are fatigue/lethargy, anxiety, insomnia and sneezing/sinus issues. All of these, minus the insomnia and new sinus issues are usually pretty minimal at this point (when I am keeping busy) - still have some flare ups. The ibuprofen I'm taking for my foot pain is keeping the sinuse pressure painless.

I did a 2 a day for the first time in a long time yesterday. Did my usual (at home) free weights and stationary bike in the morning but added a 25 min swim at the gym yesterday afternoon (had to join a gym with an indoor pool but it was SO worth it). I rarely get much cardio work that isn't painful, so swimming is definitely going to become part of my routine. It was also nice to have my workout combined with being out and amongst the living. Getting back in good shape is a silver lining that I did not see coming - coming into this. I love being strong. I had kind of forgotten that about me. (I used to be a runner before Dr. Frankenstein fucked up my foot and Dr. Feelgood fucked up my brain - with a teeny bit of my help, of course.)

Speaking of working out, the yoga routine for sleep has been abandoned (I did not consider that an exercise - I'm sure the way I was doing it, it didn't deserve the classification). If I do any more yoga, it will be in a class. I tweaked my back trying to learn how to do it on my own and am still having some annoying mid-back pain because of it. Planningg on taking advantage of the steam room at the gym after my swim this mornng and hopefully that will help. I'm off! I hope everybody is having a good morning.

Add: the meds I'm still taking are: Trazadone for sleep and 1-2 .5 per day Xanax for anxiety, as needed. Calm Support, Vit C, a calcium/magnesium/zinc supp, Nature's Plus multivitamin, green superfood capsules (Amazing Grass brand), super B complex and -because of actual blood work proven deficiencies - methylfolate and Vit D. I'm going to start back to my ADD meds as soon as my dr clears me and the anxiety is not necessitating xanax anymore.
 
Yesterday was pretty rough. Night before last, I decided to take 150mgs of Trazadone instead the 100mgs I had been taking. I really wanted to get a full 8 hrs. The difference between how I feel since I started getting some sleep has been drastic and I wanted to increase that momentum. BIG mistake with the Trazadone. I had a headache that would have killed a smaller animal yesterday - ALL DAY. I was almost completely nonfunctional. Having this happen on the heels of all this other shit was depressing, to say the least. We were supposed to take our youngest bowling for his awesome report card and I couldn't. The idea of being in a bowling alley with all that noise sounded torturous. This morning, I can still feel the headache a teeny bit but I'm hoping once the Advil kicks in...

So, becauase the only thing I had changed was upping my Traz by 50 mgs - which was within the 50-150 mg my dr had told me I could take - I decided to do a little more looking into trazadone (My dr had told me some people experience a hangover feeling with it but that that might actually help me - kinda made sense at the time). The side effects of Trazadone include: headache, muscle ache (I had attributed this to working out more), stomach issues, numbness, burning or tingling sensations (the pins and needles continues to make occasional appearances), NERVOUSNESS, sweating, WEAKNESS OR FATIGUE. The list of serious side effects includes anxiety attack and chest pain. Seriously? What the fuck, doc? I literally told him about these symptoms - from wd - and how they were driving me mad. The only thing we're missing is sneezing.

Needless to say, I did not take Trazadone last night. I took 3mg of melatonin and 4 mg of Tizanidine. Slept like a baby from midnight to 8:20. YYYAAAAAAYYYYYYY! We'll see how the rest of the day plays on but, for now, I feel pretty good.
 
Days are still pretty touch and go as far as how I feel. Anxiety and lethargy are hanging on - such a bullshit combination, all fired up over how bad things are/could be/were (or nothing, or no idea why) but not enough fucks to give about it to do anything. I just want to feel normal again. Ugh.
 
Hi Mel... Checking in on you. I have to say GREAT job hanging in there. Shows a lot of will power and desire for a life... I see reading through your posts that you have arrived in the roller coaster phase of things. Just roll with it and it will get better... As far as the sinus stuff goes... I still have it. I Still get sneeze attacks and bloody noses...

I also notice the grasping at straws your doing ( Alchohol, Trazadone, etc. ). I did the same thing... None of it though will fix things... Only time will do that. Hang in there it will get better. Again... BIG GRATS for making it so far!!!
R13
 
Thanks guys! The support is so appreciated.

I've learned some things about the nerve stimulator that make it unlikely I'll do that. I don't have much luck with "procedures" anyway, obviously. INfection, unexpected jolts...no thanks. PT is going really well, though. Actually making some progress with range of motion that hadn't happened before.

No updates on how I'm feeling, really. Still very roller-coaster-y. The melatonin and tizanidine didn't work last night so I'm going on about 41/2 hours of sleep. My doctor gave me samples of something else to take - Belsomra. Said there were no dependency issues. Got home and discovered that it says right in the pamphlet that you can experience withdrawal symptoms from abrupt discontinuation. F that. I've had enough "Withdrawal Symptoms" to last me a lifetime. I'm gonna up my melatonin a little and see how that works (which the doctor said was fine if it turned out I didn't like the Belsomra). My husband is out of town for several days so it will be easier to do some trial and error - not worrying about waking him up.

R13, yep, there has definitely been some straw grasping! I know it just takes time but it's hard not to try to find something to just make the bad feelings/feeling bad go away. I know this will be over when it's over and not a minute sooner. I'm getting pretty resolved to that. I'm just ready already, that's all. I know I'll look back on this in weeks, months, years and see it as one of the best decisions I ever made and not that big of a sacrifice, in the big scheme of things.

Thanks again guys. I really appreciated the uplift this morning.
 
The pain roller coaster sucks real bad. Went through 6 months of it after quitting. My brain finally came around and started adjusting it down. Yours will too...

One thing that really took me a while to understand was how night time really effects your whole day pain wise. If you spend the night tossing and turning your already in pain when the day starts and it goes down hill from there. I take 4 ibu before bed now religiously. Regardless of how good I feel I take them. At night you may be asleep and unaware of what your body is doing while dealing with discomfort. The next morning you certainly know... :(

My sleep issues lasted 5-6 months... I tried everything and you know how that goes... It just took time for my body to adjust. Hang in there...

R13

Melhell said:
Thanks guys! The support is so appreciated.

I've learned some things about the nerve stimulator that make it unlikely I'll do that. I don't have much luck with "procedures" anyway, obviously. INfection, unexpected jolts...no thanks. PT is going really well, though. Actually making some progress with range of motion that hadn't happened before.

No updates on how I'm feeling, really. Still very roller-coaster-y. The melatonin and tizanidine didn't work last night so I'm going on about 41/2 hours of sleep. My doctor gave me samples of something else to take - Belsomra. Said there were no dependency issues. Got home and discovered that it says right in the pamphlet that you can experience withdrawal symptoms from abrupt discontinuation. F that. I've had enough "Withdrawal Symptoms" to last me a lifetime. I'm gonna up my melatonin a little and see how that works (which the doctor said was fine if it turned out I didn't like the Belsomra). My husband is out of town for several days so it will be easier to do some trial and error - not worrying about waking him up.

R13, yep, there has definitely been some straw grasping! I know it just takes time but it's hard not to try to find something to just make the bad feelings/feeling bad go away. I know this will be over when it's over and not a minute sooner. I'm getting pretty resolved to that. I'm just ready already, that's all. I know I'll look back on this in weeks, months, years and see it as one of the best decisions I ever made and not that big of a sacrifice, in the big scheme of things.

Thanks again guys. I really appreciated the uplift this morning.
Click to expand...
 
I couldn't help it, I looked this morning - Day 31. This still sucks. I'm trying to stay positive. I know this will be over "soon" but, right now, it is exhausting. The anxiety and insomnia are wearing me out. I'm probably gonna drink some alcohol over the weekend and see how that goes. I know it's probably not the best idea I've ever had but I need a reprieve from this. Even if it is temporary and I have to pay for it later. With the sleeping meds not working well and my decision to not take more than 1-2 .5 Xanax per day, I feel like I'm in a pretty constant state of anxiety. Not chest crushing anymore - just relentless. I'm headed for a massage in a few minutes so hopefully that will provide some relief - the last one really did.
 
R13---I've been taking 3 ibuprofen 3x per day, per my drs' advice. It's helping. The massage helped, too. I scheduled another one for next week. It's a shame that they are so expensive because they are really helpful. I'm feeling better this morning and after PT in a few minutes, am going to get a lot of work done today (hopefully). I slept from 11-3 with just a little mj and then took 4mg of tizanidine at 3 and was able to sleep from 4 to about 7. Getting enough sleep makes so much difference.

I do feel hopeful and free. I'm ready for an end to the punishment, though. I made a mistake that I will never make again. I've got it. The rest of this is just beating a dead horse.
 
Still here. Symptoms are decreasing SLOWLY. Keeping busy is really the key for the anxiety, I have found. It's difficult with the fatigue/lethargy though. This is just tough. It's getting better, though. Hopefully, soon, I will be able to report that I am all done...
 
Thanks so much, KK. I'm really glad to hear from you - you got this.

I forgot to report about the alcohol - pretty uneventful. I drank 4 1/2 beers Saturday night. 2 things: I drank lots of water and a Gatorade before I drank and then another one before I went to bed. I also got some pretty shitty news about someone I care about, abot 3 beers in - killed any buzz I might have been feeling and I forced down another 1 and 1/2 (had company over for dinner and thought stopping might make a headache or something else ensue and I couldn't exactly just kick 'em out.) No headache, no increased anxiety, no negative effects, that night or the next morning ---- but no positive ones either. It would appear, that for now, the thrill is (still) gone as far as alcohol goes.

Also, I'm down to just 6mg melatonin and 1 (2 mg) tizanidine for sleep. Works pretty well about 70% of the time. Waking up at 3 is still happening some, but, not as much. And a hot bath and 1/2 xanax puts me back to sleep if I decide to go that route. Still taking 1-2 .5 xanax per 24 hrs. I end up with 2 on really bad anxiety days that combine with a 3 am wake up. Otherwise I take 1/2 -1. If I end up with benzo withdrawal at the end of this, I'm gonna lose my mind. I've never had an issue with them before and I have a refil to taper with, if needed. So, here's hopin'.
 
Same shit. Different day.

HOWEVER, I now find that during listening to good music, accomplishing a goal (that I enjoy doing) or otherwise completely engaging my brain, I can completely forget about this - in other words, make the anxiety go away completely, with no medication. I've been doing those things the whole time, it's just that they now work completely, most of the time.

Also, I read an article from the New Yorker called "The Itch" (not the itch your probably thinking). It's about pain, itching, nerves, the brain, etc. I strongly recomend it to anyone going through this or who deals with chronic pain. There is a part of the article, near the beginning that will, um, well, you should just read it. Super interesting from a pain management perspective and a "how our brain affects what we feel, how we interpret the world" perspective.
 
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