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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Nice man, ibogaine is fantastic for combatting addiction and for PAWS. And even for acute withdrawal symptoms of opiates anyway. As you likely know, I took a flood dose of ibogaine to get off opiates, went from every day for 10 years with a few short breaks, took a week where I switched to kratom, taking it only as often as I could manage, then did the flood... after a week (flood plus follow-up dose), I came out of it feeling great and have never wanted an opiate again since. No PAWS, just like I was reset.

That's cool you got some TA extract, Shroomy. :) I've heard low dosing it like you're doing is really good for motivation, healthy patterns and of course, PAWS.
 
Low dosing is amazing and builds up over time too. I feel different today but I'm still myself. Less agitated. Far less depressed, and feeling motivated. I've been out and about all day whereas PAWS symptoms being at their worst... I have pretty much missed out on the summer so far. Something has to change.

So far I prefer the TA extract man, seems more balanced. I have pure Ibogaine too. I got these years ago when I was getting into opiates, figuring I might need them some day. Also, interested in the mind expanding effects.

I am very glad that I kept this stuff for post-acute withdrawal because it really is so much worse for me. There is so much stress in my life and I am doing my best to cope. I haven't been trying hard enough, stopped being healthy for a while. What I'm really dealing with right now is PAWS and I can't let my benzo use get any worse because of that.

I found that there was a little nausea, but I think it's either the iboga doing something good to my digestive tract, or it was from not watching my diet really close that day.

I wouldn't be down for a flood dose presently. I'm too unstable in all sorts of respects. But yeah, man, I look forward to continue microdosing as why not? If it continues to help my motivation, depression, social anxiety, agoraphobia, all these things I am experiencing. It won't be like 2c-c at all. I was tripping face then. At doses like these, it feels like a medicine that could be used to treat a lot of problems. I also heard that the long acting metabolite noribogaine is a long acting serotonin reuptake inhibitor, probably among many other things.

I heard the TA extract can also help with benzo withdrawal, more than Ibogaine itself. I am going to dose the pure Ibogaine just now. I've really had a wonderful day, apart from an annoying dude at the dispensary breaking up my nugs. I don't know why they do that when I'm buying several grams and I normally get a couple dank buds. If that's all I have to complain about and some nausea, it is a pretty damn good day. I have been so depressed it has been unbelievable. PAWS comes later on, it tricked me, I thought I was getting better really quick and now I realize that I'm now. For example, the past couple weeks my hormones have been completely out of whack. Before that, it was insomnia for a couple weeks. Depression has been ongoing all summer, and my anxiety has been extreme up until lately when it has died down a bit. I seem to be stabilizing, in any case I will definitely be using Ibogaine in low doses to help me through this.

Need to remind myself that I used to be capable of being happy, and that I did a lot more with my time, than I do now. I pretty much fried my endorphin system which is a big deal, of course, it is going to take years to recover in full after years of relentless opiate abuse. I did not give a fuck to quit for the longest time. I don't even think about them as I thing that I could potentially do anymore. I would never take one though there is no trusting myself with that.
 
Yeah, iboga is powerful medicine, to be sure. Totally unlike any other drug class I've tried. It's sort of s psychedelic, but not really. I hope it keeps being beneficial for you. :)
 
Im still alive. Thank you all for the kind words.

The worst part for me is faking it around other people. Particularly people who need me to be a strong man, a leader. When I just want the voices in my head to shut up and theres someone who really needs to talk to me. Thats when I need help. Laying in a hospital bed was good because everyone assumed I needed my rest. Pills help because then my body doesnt hurt and I have patience.
Its like the fear you have in your heart when you know you are drunk and you see red and blue lights in your mirror. Then you have to try and talk normal and hope the cop thinks you are normal.
Its that fear, in any social situation, even with my wife or kid. But when my body hurts, and they are denying my disability, and Im scared of losing my job. That fear NEVER leaves my soul and it crushes me.
That was my Monday, all day. And my Tuesday, all day. And my Wednesday..... and so on for ever.

I get my refill tomorrow. Thank god. Maybe then the pain in my body will go away and I can get a break a couple of times a day.
 
Xorkoth said:
Yeah, iboga is powerful medicine, to be sure. Totally unlike any other drug class I've tried. It's sort of s psychedelic, but not really. I hope it keeps being beneficial for you. :)
Click to expand...

The power is immense. he thought processes are altered but not very far out. More internal, and very stimulating at these doses. Distant memories keep popping up. The first thing I did was nap for a few hours. I won't be staying on this long term but it definitely helps withdrawal in my case and possibly things beyond that such as finding my way to a happier, constructive life. I might start reading up on flood doses.

It is lifting me out of a depression fog. There came a time when I was recovering when I quickly got depressed and it has been during the summertime. Dark times. Sometimes I am waking up and not wanting to do a thing and I lay in bed all day. There is still plenty of time left for me to enjoy the nice weather. I got out on my bike this morning, and I am going to go for another ride around the trails this evening, and keep reading my long book that I am about to finish.

I am doing pretty well but feel like I could use a stimulant. I've been craving an extra kick since I quit, my motivation is horrendous. My motivation used to be absurdly strong. Looks like I found a psychedelic medicine that can help. This has been a pleasant surprise, seems like something useful for bad days, and for general healing, and it figures that I am a psychedelic enthusiast already and happened to have it on hand. I recall getting it while getting into opiates, figuring I might need it one day. Both the TA extract and pure Ibogaine... I do not have access to these anymore at all so it is nice.
 
There is very little information out there regarding microdosing with Ibogaine. I am finding it to be a sort of wonder drug. It really does not require much for medicinal effect. Since you have to have a healthy heart, the drug is likely more often than not used in a clinical setting at a flood dose.

I am going to write in my journal about this as there really isn't that much information out there on treating PAWS symptoms (which are driving me bananas) with micro / low doses of Ibogaine, and also I can compare pure Ibogaine with the TA extract and share my findings on erowid. I find it much cleaner physically, but more linear and very stimulating.

I was just out on my bike for the second ride of the day. It is too nice out for hot yoga (I still do it, just in the sunshine and heat in silence), but the recent month of depression has got me in worse shape. I've done the bare minimum to keep in decent shape. I was killing it on the bike just now, did 10km so damn fast. I think Ibogaine is considered a doping agent due to the stimulant effects at low doses.

There are also dangers associated with its use, and complex variables like active metabolites with very long half lives. I look forward to recording comprehensive information down as I experiment with this. It can be a nice creative outlet for me at the moment, considering that at this point nearly all of my possessions of value are gone.
 
I really need to stop writing. I have a life. Its more important that I live it.
 
Man who you going to talk to though who will understand in any way? You are connected to people here dude. I miss my two friends from here so much. We talked every day on the phone. I have no idea what happened to either of them, both heavy iv drug users it makes me nervous. Like did he go to rehab or kill himself or end up in jail or like what, I don't know as they are both if alive on the run, essentially homeless. It has been months since I heard from either of them I think the drugs may have got them. Hydromorphone, and then coke and meth.

I am telling myself something similar but not about writing. It is about how I need to stop throwing my potential away as the vision I have for my future is powerful. I need to stop being lazy, and definitely stop getting way too stoned all day. and abusing benzos.

I don't know anyone in my life who has chronic pain, let alone someone who is young. I don't like talking to people in person about what is bothering me. There is a lot that fuels the drug use, that I need to chill out about. I will have the life I desire if I allow my creativity to blossom. I have been stunting my spiritual growth for the longest time, imploding it, and having it build up to hopefully what will be life changing epiphanies. Maybe I just can't see it yet because my brain is still fried from snorting so much dope for so many years.
 
Man I didn't realize Ibogaine is good for PAWS symptoms too. I wonder if it is commonly employed for that, I think after the initial flood dose sometimes people do a couple more over a long time span. I can see how this has changed me but don't fully understand. Really, it is what I need right now. To have energy, which this Substance is helping to channel, and confidence, which the Iboga has been helping me to realize. I am working through a lot of trauma that keeps coming up. I feel depression lifting. I strongly prefer the TA Extract for these lower doses but Ibogaine is nice too every 3rd day.
Why am I writing this? I don't know, does it matter if it helps me and I am this far gone. Perhaps another psychedelic enthusiast how is hooked on opiates would read this, not knowing much about microdosing psychedelics and Iboga in particular. Then do some researched and they help themselves. As the use of this Substance in very high doses is employed in clinic settings specifically for treatment of opiate addiction. Many people after 3 days are not sick and don't go through severe PAWS, makes it easier to rebuild a life. It is not fun, the drug. There are dangers associated with it and mostly addicts use it who are trying to get off the stuff.
It is a remarkable substance, I imagine the u.s. would hate this one as it is a psychedelic medicine that helps people quit and keep clean of opiates and discover themselves. I feel confidence I haven't felt in a long time. It isn't even that, I have always had that. I feel initiative to make things happen. My thoughts feel crystal clear. I am starting by finishing reading the last 200 pages of that book! So exciting, I have a tall stack of post-modernist type literature to go through. I bought a lot of heavy reads near the end of last year. I could be reading it so much faster than I am, and that is something I don't want to look back on and be like I should have read more literature, as I love to read. I don't want to look back at my life and see any more wasted potential.
I am going to read Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon next, and also start reading the Feynmann Lectures on Physics to help get my technical brain working again. On Ibogaine I am flying through the pages. It is not that it feels like I am on a drug although I am. It feels like whatever was holding me back, generating resistance to the flow of my life and resulting in stagnation, is being lifted. I feel like I could walk into that place nearby with my resume now, and be feeling way better and more efficient at applying for careers. I have a medicine that sort of randomly came into my life and that is phenomenal I appreciate having this.
 
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I was drunk when I wrote my last post. I do feel sometimes that I am my own worst enemy, staring at the clock and making myself crazy. Sometimes reading/posting here feels like googling some random symptoms you have. After a while you think you have some rare disease and youre slowly dying for sure.

Got my script today. Ive been tapering off Loperamide with no opiates for two weeks. I am down to about 15 mg lope per day. Zero tomorrow of course. I have some pains that are real, not just withdrawls. I know that they are real because of the two weeks off. That was in no way my plan, sort of an after-effect.
 
Here is a question......
You have real pain, lets say from a broken ankle that didnt heal correctly. You had a fusion surgery that failed and the screws broke. You had a more extensive fusion to try and fix it. All the while in bad bad pain. You have another surgery scheduled in a month to replace a broken screw.
The Dr has been giving you pain pills the whole time(maybe 2years), but he is hesitant and refuses to prescribe you more than 3 norcos per day even though you have told him they arent working well any more. A guy who lives in your apartment building sells pills, and you start buying Percocets from him to deal with your pain, and they work. 3 perc 10s per day and your pain is much better.
Now youre spending $900 per month on pills illegally. But youre doing it for a real and serious pain.

Question?.... Are you an addict or a person in need of pain management? Lucky to have found help or a drug dealers best customer??
 
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The person you are describing is in need of pain management.

Squeaky said:
Here is a question......
You have real pain, All the while in bad bad pain.and your pain is much better.
. But youre doing it for a real and serious pain.

Question?.... Are you an addict or a person in need of pain management? Lucky to have found help or a drug dealers best customer??
Click to expand...
 
Dude, Squeaky man it's hard for some people to understand in general but I know for sure that you are not out for a hit. Lots of heroin or opioid users revere the high, and live in denial about how it makes them a better person. You have even acknowledged that it helps your (I think) autistic symptoms. It helps my BPD, the oxycodone, when I have a steady supply. I don't think you even smoke weed man you're not really into drugs, you are caught up in pain and really that is the only stuff that ever worked for me. I live in pain now. It sucks. If I took oxycodone I would feel fucking amazing just to have pain relief and energy, the ability to feel cheerful and upbeat. These drugs never made me want to fuck off from reality. I never used them that way at all. I don't think you do either man, you use them to treat primarily severe pain but also likely some mental illness which probably stems from being in pain all the time. Living on the edge like this is so damn stressful. I really, really miss the days when I didn't have to worry about maintaining a benzo supply or fucking all hell will break loose if I ever ran out. That is why I am trying hard to stick to this taper even though it fucking sucks fucking is damn shit these withdrawals. Fucking misery, extreme paralyzing anxiety, tremors... it's not a fun withdrawal.

I fucking wish I could just quit everything man but honestly there is a point of no return. We'll see about that though, it's just going to be extremely hard and probably at this point infeasible to quit benzos entirely. Today was rough... a really tough day. My benzo supply was reaching danger status and had been for days. My pick didn't pan out and I had to see my doctor and by sheer luck I somehow had the damn things released. I've been tapering by using Etizolam every 6 hours. The dose I am using is atrocious but at least I am beginning to keep track, and take the medicine at specific times of the day. I usually have a little valium in my system, and that means I at least know I won't be having a seizure.

I had a cute interaction with this fox at yoga today when I was there working. She is... a fox, like actually, kinda looks like a cute lil fox. Curly haired foxy brunette with sly cute hazel eyes; well devoted yogis are sometimes really quite attractive like this and she seems artsy. I'd never been just with her before and it was playful and fun. She is always saying hi to me as well I should have clued in on this way long ago. Being around her made me feel good. Vice versa I am sure. She knows I have issues she's like a coordinator so yeah she's also very chill. I never do anything though but maybe it will happen naturally especially since this Ibogaine seems to be removing all sources of fear, among other magical things.

I didn't take it today, any Ibogaine, and had a noticeably worse day. It was a lot harder for me to concentrate, I didn't manage my time effectively, but also I was in rather horrid benzo withdrawals until mid afternoon when I took 100mg diazepam which should stabilize me for 3 or so days. Even afterwards though, today was the day I broke my weed code of smoking every 4 hours now and smoked a ton. I also had like way too many cups of coffee. On Ibogaine I am not really attracted to these substances and it is a far superior stimulant to caffeine. I will be continuing to take it. That girl was really cute tonight. She knows I'm really shy I think she'd make it easier for me somehow. Anyways. The Ibogaine even seems to be balancing out my hormones to pre-addiction levels. I don't know how or what the fuck this stuff is, but it is like no other drug on this planet. A psychedelic used specifically to treat opiate addiction and very quickly too. It's fascinating stuff.

Time to take some more Ibogaine and finish reading my book. There is so damn much going through my mind these days it is completely overwhelming and I seriously need to lower my benzo tolerance and take the withdrawal before something really bad happens. I think today was the 3rd or 4th day of withdrawal / interdose withdrawals and shitty low doses it's hard to keep track because I get stupid.
 
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Have you had your testosterone levels checked? Opiates can lower them . Testosterone made me a new person. I was confident and had tons of natural energy and it really brought me out of a slump emotionally. It makes you masculine and confident. My testosterone is bio identical so its basically natural. It'll make you an animal in the sack too;)
 
No I haven't. I should probably get a lot of things checked. I have been interested in IM testosterone in the past. Joe Rogan does that, how I got interested. I lost interest though as that isn't the problem here. I've been clean for over 6 months my testosterone should be close to normal and I work out a lot. If anything it is higher than normal now that I don't use those anymore. I'd want to see my prolactin levels before testosterone as I use a lot of etizolam.
 
I can absolutely tell that my testosterone levels fall after a week or so of oxy use. Then return about 2 weeks after stopping use. My sex drive completely disappears, then returns with a vengeance.

I got my new script of oxy, but I had been using Loperamide the whole 14 days I had been without my oxy. Fing lope stays in you for a couple of days, and it blocks the fun parts of using oxy. So right now Im taking 30-60 mg at a time to have any positive effect, even though I have had none for two weeks.
I had tapered lope down to about 20 mg/day. Nice and slow and I had basically no withdrawals except the constant nagging desire to have GOOD pills and not hurt. Several times during that two weeks I said to myself- I should have saved at least one pill. I could really use it right now- But no matter how many I saved, they would have all been used up at the beginning. At least Im smart enough to realize that.....
So now it seems the lope that is in me from 48 hours ago is artificially raising my tolerance to oxy. Maybe tripling it.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch:
Im trying to stop Lyrica and Ativan ASAP. Problem is that both cause me major insomnia, and the Ativan can cause a seizure. So I must taper Ativan, but I?m trying to just not take any Lyrica until I cant stand being awake in the middle dle of the night any longer. If I can keep my oxy use under control and not run out this month, maybe I can get down to only oxy and nothing else.
Please prey for me.
 
We have written close to 100 pages.

What a long journey it has been. A few people mentioned in passing to me that I am clean? And kinda surprised. That is sick right! I will soon be at 7 months. I've been having stronger cravings than ever for high purity dope but I can't ever go back. I am aware of the cravings though.
 
It sucks that I fucked up my nose... I notice the damage after. It's not too bad but can be irritating at times. The cravings are not fun because I know I can get it if I really want to. The fire
 
I posted a couple if weeks ago about how we had written so much. It seems to all be good info though.
 
We should celebrate 100 pages.

Today I have been paralyzed by anxiety. I haven't moved much in 6 hours. I am supposed to work a couple hours later today, and was supposed to drive there. In benzo withdrawal like this there is no way in hell I can drive and being somewhere new will trip me out. I don't know what to say or do. Dude usually comes here anyway so I hope he's cool with that. As today is just not a good day.

I feel that the Ibogaine is having so many things surface that I haven't thought about in a long time. One of them is heroin. I hadn't really actually visualized. Imagined, the ritual of ingestion and how I'd almost certainly move on to IV use now that I can feel a little damage in my nose, which is something that one feels after they quit. Or remember the appearance, comeup, withdrawal, the thrill of scoring it knowing I won't be sick for much longer. The really fun days when I had it in good supply. The years before tolerance, dependence, and overuse changed the effects. It is important to reflect on these things. I think they call them "triggers" but to me that seems aversive. I'd rather vividly imagine hitting a vein and beginning to associate that image, or that line on the mirror or phone or glass table, and associate that mental experience with pain, not pleasure. As that is what it has become, and I am going to die young if I keep using it. That is a guarantee. I'm still having cravings sometimes, but I don't think it is a bad thing because I'm not really in a position to start using it right now. Better to confront the cravings and learn to deal with them now before I start working and have the means to consistently fund the habit. That is when the real risk of relapse will occur. For now, I am trying well I need to, lower my benzo tolerance.

It sucks about how this is interfering with work. It has been a little over an hour and I can finally feel a little relief from the etiz. I miss my friend I used to talk to all the time who disappeared.
 
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