ShroomySatori
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 24, 2015
- Messages
- 2,935
Funny you say this stuff I am really working on getting myself organized today. I woke up late. (found some xanax in my bed, took that shit went back to sleep - lil peep, or something like that)
I woke up at like 11am I usually wake up at 5am so it feels really early in the day when the sun is setting soon.
I will just stay up late because my shift is later tomorrow anyway I don't have to get up at like 5am.
I am trying to keep positive. Well, it has been a cheerful day because of the weather and good sleep although I've been inside cleaning. I have had severe problems eating lately. Think it could be anxiety? That's what I think it is, but I vomited from a couple servings of oats today and was really stoned... but I had two slices of veggie pizza after a good one too.
Been working up an appetite cleaning. I see how I can transform my place into something that is reasonably quite nice and suits me better. Then I will feel better I just have so much cleaning to do and have to keep at it. This pretty much happened cause that girl stopped by well it was random I don't have women over haha. It's just like next time I could have a little bar area and stuff and actually have it look nice for now. Her place is so organized I was just like wtf! I have to be like this. So I am doing my week old laundry, I gotta wash floors, dishes, and thought into how to best organize this place.
Sounds like a toxic guy yeah. I know what my problem with relationships is. Me and my f*cked up head and particularly addiction issues but also like that is coming together I just need a job really and to find the right girl that is absolutely the hard part for me come to think of it. She has to be all these things and like, I don't know, they seem to be good at finding me haha. I think that I make worse decisions. I'm trying not to stress about it, but it's so important too. Not just relationships but (good) sex meeting people and stuff it sucks doesn't seem like we have too many friends around either that would really help.
I have to get back into yoga because after a while I was in a lot better shape and had more energy. I'm not going enough. Work is coming soon enough, I started applying but first this place needs to be clean and well organized so I don't look like a fucking burnout.
I don't know though yeah like hanging alone is okay but what do you do if relationships are too hard like am I just a good fuck until they realize I'm crazy and that's it, I'm confused. I think someone who really was falling in love with me wouldn't care so long as I am trying and progressing. You need a guy who will help you out with physical stuff like maybe cook you breakfast haha? Seriously, though, like you should have someone who is happy to do stuff like that and you can do what you can do. Who won't stress you out about stuff like weed either.
Yeah it is discouraging I've fucked up all my past job interviews this year, royally. I'm not giving up. Once this place is clean and organized I will be sending out applications. I'm just kind of sad because you know she is on my mind a bit but that's okay. I have do this stuff and then there will be a girlfriend and in the meantime I can probably bear with being a good lay. It's just not what I want but I am frustrated as well so whatever. Always ends up complicated but it wouldn't be if I try and change some things. I don't know if I can get off the drugs that's the thing I'm hooked and bad.
I woke up at like 11am I usually wake up at 5am so it feels really early in the day when the sun is setting soon.
I will just stay up late because my shift is later tomorrow anyway I don't have to get up at like 5am.
I am trying to keep positive. Well, it has been a cheerful day because of the weather and good sleep although I've been inside cleaning. I have had severe problems eating lately. Think it could be anxiety? That's what I think it is, but I vomited from a couple servings of oats today and was really stoned... but I had two slices of veggie pizza after a good one too.
Been working up an appetite cleaning. I see how I can transform my place into something that is reasonably quite nice and suits me better. Then I will feel better I just have so much cleaning to do and have to keep at it. This pretty much happened cause that girl stopped by well it was random I don't have women over haha. It's just like next time I could have a little bar area and stuff and actually have it look nice for now. Her place is so organized I was just like wtf! I have to be like this. So I am doing my week old laundry, I gotta wash floors, dishes, and thought into how to best organize this place.
Sounds like a toxic guy yeah. I know what my problem with relationships is. Me and my f*cked up head and particularly addiction issues but also like that is coming together I just need a job really and to find the right girl that is absolutely the hard part for me come to think of it. She has to be all these things and like, I don't know, they seem to be good at finding me haha. I think that I make worse decisions. I'm trying not to stress about it, but it's so important too. Not just relationships but (good) sex meeting people and stuff it sucks doesn't seem like we have too many friends around either that would really help.
I have to get back into yoga because after a while I was in a lot better shape and had more energy. I'm not going enough. Work is coming soon enough, I started applying but first this place needs to be clean and well organized so I don't look like a fucking burnout.
I don't know though yeah like hanging alone is okay but what do you do if relationships are too hard like am I just a good fuck until they realize I'm crazy and that's it, I'm confused. I think someone who really was falling in love with me wouldn't care so long as I am trying and progressing. You need a guy who will help you out with physical stuff like maybe cook you breakfast haha? Seriously, though, like you should have someone who is happy to do stuff like that and you can do what you can do. Who won't stress you out about stuff like weed either.
Yeah it is discouraging I've fucked up all my past job interviews this year, royally. I'm not giving up. Once this place is clean and organized I will be sending out applications. I'm just kind of sad because you know she is on my mind a bit but that's okay. I have do this stuff and then there will be a girlfriend and in the meantime I can probably bear with being a good lay. It's just not what I want but I am frustrated as well so whatever. Always ends up complicated but it wouldn't be if I try and change some things. I don't know if I can get off the drugs that's the thing I'm hooked and bad.