Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

[ShroomySatori]

Thanks Shroomy? I appreciate you checking on me.

I'm not really okay but I'm alright. I ripped that hernia I have. That is a huge tear in my stomach lining so it lets fluid get into places it shouldn't. I may need to take some antibiotics but I don't want to take them unless I have an infection for sure since they hurt my stomach bad and make me throw up. So I'm watching for fever and stuff. So far so good.

Being right before Christmas, everyone is trying to get in to the doctor so the only appointment I could get was on Thursday.
I need to ask that doctor for the instant release pain meds. I don't know what I was thinking not accepting them when she brought it up. I was hoping I could make it without but I just can't. Things like this come up almost every month and then I am left short on my long acting pain medication. I just cannot go through cold turkey withdrawal in this kind of health condition.
The pain is really severe at times.

I'm glad you got some sleep and got out of benzo withdrawal. I know that sucks and I have only experienced it for a few days from 1 mg clonazepam a day. I know that you and D.J must go through hell with that. I'm sorry guys. Try to keep tapering minute amounts very, very slowly.

Good to hear you are eating well again. I'm not eating hardly at all and not sleeping well either. It has been too long of not eating, sleeping well. I have to do something.

Hope you and D.J are comfortable today and have a good day.

Thanks well you have to make sure about extra heath problems. We are so f*cked up we could get cancer or something and not notice like seriously. I am just looking out for you for once and by the way you are pretty much using your ER meds as IR meds now. That is good you need the higher dose, when you get instant release you should go back to taking the morphine (extended release) as usual. You should have both, to be clear, and instant release ones are way more abusable (since they work) and things have changed recently with that. I don't know when instant release meds were mentioned, but be careful bringing them up. Also, adamant that you clearly require them. It is no wonder you are in that much pain instant release is so much better.

If you have a sensitive stomach like that you should ask if there are sublingual formulations for any meds. Like if you are taking clonazepam then I think they have sublingual wafers. That is how I take my benzos because of stomach problems related to weed abuse, anxiety, and benzo abuse itself, depression, everything is connected like that.

Being right before Christmas is shocking to me. Family is big on that. I'm sad. Normally December 1st is a happy day but this year I have totally ignored the holidays. Maybe I can pull myself together I really don't want to be sulking that day. I am not smoking much weed anymore I just can't handle it anymore and it's bad for me like I smoke and start to cry.

Yeah if I ever got off benzos I'd need to get better at managing anxiety and also strengthen my natural pain system that I f*cked up. For now that is the one thing I actually need as a med whether dependent or not.

Sounds like you are stuck in a rut. I am as well. I got depressed again, and then I stop caring but this time I have cared a little more. I would like to survive the holidays (seriously) everything can work out fine I need a little more time. The first year seems to really suck. I'm just heartbroken about life. Cry every day now more than once.

 

[ShroomySatori]

I can't quit benzos right now as I am still stabilizing on them, but I can surely quit smoking pot. I mentioned that recently and after thinking it through, I'm done. I'll have to cut back to nights first, just makes sense. It is interfering with my whole entire life at this point and might not be as dangerous but the weed needs to go before the benzos. I have realized that, since they both treat anxiety and pot can even increase anxiety sometimes I have no business smoking it at this time of my life or this much ever again. I have been stoned for a year and three months, I don't need it to kick opiates anymore and all it does is confuse me because my life situation has no structure to it and would confuse anyone. Pot does not help with confusion unless it is some abstract symbolic math or physics problem. I mean it can, but it's temporary and fleeting. I can't have that it's not what I want in a lot of ways. Like how when I stopped coffee for a week I was sleeping so much and lazy as hell, then I had a more stable energy about me. That isn't as serious as a 15 year obsession with pot.

 

[dopiejay]

Shroomy,

You are a good person, I know how it feels to have chronic pain alter the course of your life. But you will find a new way to forage through. I believe that. I think it's good you want to cut down a bit on the weed, it's much easier to make plans for your future when you're not clouded by weed all the time. Not judging, at all, I just wanted you to know that you have a good plan. Hugs shroom.


Painful One,

I am sorry you are not doing well, hernias suck. And yes, next time you see your dr accept the breakthrough meds they've been offering, you need them, so take them.

I hope you feel better soon painful one. If you need anything just ask.


DJ, UncleJ, Squeaky,

I hope this message finds you all well, would love to hear from all of you. What are your plans for the holiday? How are you all doing? I am here for you all.

Hope everyone has a great day and that you're not in pain.


Big hugs,
Your friend,
Ash.

Bahumbug lmao. The holidays are dreadful. I'm SO fucking BORED. I can't wait to go back to school honestly. The snow is crazy, were getting absolutely buried. I can't even get any Oxys cuz my dealer can't get into town over the highway.

So I've basically been spending my time sitting in a snow bank with a bottle of bourbon and a shovel, smoking bong hits and being bored out of my skull. The anxiety definitely doesn't help, coupled with the fact I've got absolutely nothing to do for the next two weeks besides shovel snow.

Come on January, let's get this fuckin shit over with.

 

[EPL1]

Sounds good Shroom, Yes just cut down on the weed. You will have a clearer head, and it won't mess with your emotions so much. You have great ideas. I hope you have a good day today my friend.


That sucks Jay, hopefully the snow stops soon and you can get back to your norm. Sorry you're so bored, just come here and post more, we love hearing from you. ; )


Painful One, how are you feeling today? I hope you're not in too much pain.

Much love to you and to all you guys,

your friend,
Ash.



Hugs guys,

Ash.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Thank you Ash I am all theory and no action though so despite being full of what I believe are good ideas, I have trouble organizing my thoughts and get little done when I have tons of energy then I get all anxious all this. I have to cut back on the drugs or altogether eventually. I haven't been without weed like this in two years, I realized. That is a long while to be stoned pretty much perpetually and at will, but the past two days I have had a little bit at 420 and maybe before bed. Amounts I can barely feel, it is surprisingly uncomfortable. It's driving me crazy already I need it just less, but when I smoke I want to remain high.

Therefore, I am hoping and praying that I can get hooked up with some grams of kind nugs as soon as possible. Then I will have a supply, and all I really have to do is cut out between 5am and 420pm. Then, after that I have no problem smoking as much bong as I'd like to. I wouldn't be dependent anymore or have any disruptive cravings. A lot of it is getting used to not having the medicinal effects of weed all the time but they diminish anyway. I seriously just hope that I can get weed tonight haha as much as I am talking about quitting I will not sleep a wink and feel like shit tomorrow.

And yea when I don't have weed I don't digest benzos as well, and it complicates that. I've had an awfully rough day but I managed to give some brain-fried advice to a couple of my friends and actually Leo connected with the Sun or something this afternoon and so many changes and confrontations have been going on. Talkative energy too people have been voicing their problems to me, sort of like how my weed habit comes with problems as well as benefits and I tend to ignore the problems in favour of chasing the benefits. That is just what needs to stop. A change in mentality and then following through with it so that I can wake up in the morning and not reach for the bong and get out in the chilly air for a crisp hit. It can't be like that anymore, but I also can't quit at this point.

I am doing okay though. This cannabis thing doesn't last long I will be waking up with an appetite and able to sleep without it in no time. It's a forgiving drug. I clearly know the real problem is benzodiazepines and that is what is actually fucking me up, but as Squeaky once advised me, start with something attainable and go from there. The dope had to go I would be dead by now. I have been too sick to deal with anything whatsoever once I hit post-acute withdrawals. Now it is time to gradually cut out the weed and the xanax, and to get a job, and to learn my second language (the one productive thing I did today... for like an hour), to focus on technical skills. There is so much to do and to think I was lazy before. A change of attitude has been happening because I'm beginning to realize that I really could throw my life away and I am very very very lucky to have a second or tenth or 100th or 1000th chance at all. I just don't understand how I'm still alive it doesn't make any sense at all statistically.

 

[EPL1]

What language are you learning Shroom? I know a few.

Ash.

Thank you Ash I am all theory and no action though so despite being full of what I believe are good ideas, I have trouble organizing my thoughts and get little done when I have tons of energy then I get all anxious all this. I have to cut back on the drugs or altogether eventually. I haven't been without weed like this in two years, I realized. That is a long while to be stoned pretty much perpetually and at will, but the past two days I have had a little bit at 420 and maybe before bed. Amounts I can barely feel, it is surprisingly uncomfortable. It's driving me crazy already I need it just less, but when I smoke I want to remain high.

Therefore, I am hoping and praying that I can get hooked up with some grams of kind nugs as soon as possible. Then I will have a supply, and all I really have to do is cut out between 5am and 420pm. Then, after that I have no problem smoking as much bong as I'd like to. I wouldn't be dependent anymore or have any disruptive cravings. A lot of it is getting used to not having the medicinal effects of weed all the time but they diminish anyway. I seriously just hope that I can get weed tonight haha as much as I am talking about quitting I will not sleep a wink and feel like shit tomorrow.

And yea when I don't have weed I don't digest benzos as well, and it complicates that. I've had an awfully rough day but I managed to give some brain-fried advice to a couple of my friends and actually Leo connected with the Sun or something this afternoon and so many changes and confrontations have been going on. Talkative energy too people have been voicing their problems to me, sort of like how my weed habit comes with problems as well as benefits and I tend to ignore the problems in favour of chasing the benefits. That is just what needs to stop. A change in mentality and then following through with it so that I can wake up in the morning and not reach for the bong and get out in the chilly air for a crisp hit. It can't be like that anymore, but I also can't quit at this point.

I am doing okay though. This cannabis thing doesn't last long I will be waking up with an appetite and able to sleep without it in no time. It's a forgiving drug. I clearly know the real problem is benzodiazepines and that is what is actually fucking me up, but as Squeaky once advised me, start with something attainable and go from there. The dope had to go I would be dead by now. I have been too sick to deal with anything whatsoever once I hit post-acute withdrawals. Now it is time to gradually cut out the weed and the xanax, and to get a job, and to learn my second language (the one productive thing I did today... for like an hour), to focus on technical skills. There is so much to do and to think I was lazy before. A change of attitude has been happening because I'm beginning to realize that I really could throw my life away and I am very very very lucky to have a second or tenth or 100th or 1000th chance at all. I just don't understand how I'm still alive it doesn't make any sense at all statistically.

 

[ShroomySatori]

French. Was deciding between French, German, and Chinese. I'd probably excel at Chinese, but I like this one and it comes naturally. Kinda want to move to Southern France one day and fall in love and live happily ever after too.

I am feeling okay, I guess. I am running into supply issues with benzos this always happens around holidays for some reason. People going home and stuff. Well, I got myself in this stupid situation and there is only so much I can do but keep tapering and hope for a dash of luck in that regard. Otherwise I'm pretty f*cked tbh. I should have seen this coming for some reason I've been sad a lot of this week and not paying attention to stuff like that. So I'm hoping that works out and then I'll have happy holidays tapering and I got some great weed. I don't need to over-smoke it that isn't good for me. I am sort of nervous about the benzos I shouldn't be but I can't help but see worst case scenario type things.

Today was the second day in a row I made it to 420 to smoke pot. I wake up at 5am or earlier so that is quite a while not to be stoned. It was really uncomfortable I don't like it but I better get used to it.

 

[Painful One]

Great to hear you talking about cutting down the weed smoking ShroomySatori!
I think that would help you. The medicinal qualities do not work and it looks like it can cause a lot of anxiety and loss of energy etc. when used in excess.

I totally quit weed. I was never a heavy smoker but I had used it medicinally for the last year and you know what?
I feel better without it! I have more energy. It was three days of minor withdrawals from it. Not really noticeable for me but I think the weed is more a psychological addiction. Squeaky's advice is solid- start with a reasonable expectation and slowly work it down.
I think the entire thing from weed would be over in a week or two. Seriously.

It would be great to see how you do without it, or just with a medicinal amount. I'm cheering you on!

I had a bad day. I got my ass chewed for being early on my refill. I had such a bad week with major health problems and pain that I used a bit too much of my pain medication. Despite me being in obvious serious pain and possibly needing to go to the hospital.
I was lucky to just get my refill of my regular medication and keep my doctor. Wow! It sucked.

I am still under watch for infection and possible appendicitis. I think it is from tearing this hernia more though.

Thank God I was able to get my medication today and not loose my doctor. Even though I got the major bitch out and had to sit there for hours in withdrawal. I don't even dare bring up the instant release medication now. Even though every pain patient I have talked to has long acting and some instant release medication for breakthrough pain and problems.

I will just have to keep making this work and I can't EVER show up early again. That is clear!

What a stressful day. I'm just getting home now and am trying to relax from it.

STRESSFUL!

 

[dopiejay]

Great to hear you talking about cutting down the weed smoking ShroomySatori!
I think that would help you. The medicinal qualities do not work and it looks like it can cause a lot of anxiety and loss of energy etc. when used in excess.

I totally quit weed. I was never a heavy smoker but I had used it medicinally for the last year and you know what?
I feel better without it! I have more energy. It was three days of minor withdrawals from it. Not really noticeable for me but I think the weed is more a psychological addiction. Squeaky's advice is solid- start with a reasonable expectation and slowly work it down.
I think the entire thing from weed would be over in a week or two. Seriously.

It would be great to see how you do without it, or just with a medicinal amount. I'm cheering you on!

I had a bad day. I got my ass chewed for being early on my refill. I had such a bad week with major health problems and pain that I used a bit too much of my pain medication. Despite me being in obvious serious pain and possibly needing to go to the hospital.
I was lucky to just get my refill of my regular medication and keep my doctor. Wow! It sucked.

I am still under watch for infection and possible appendicitis. I think it is from tearing this hernia more though.

Thank God I was able to get my medication today and not loose my doctor. Even though I got the major bitch out and had to sit there for hours in withdrawal. I don't even dare bring up the instant release medication now. Even though every pain patient I have talked to has long acting and some instant release medication for breakthrough pain and problems.

I will just have to keep making this work and I can't EVER show up early again. That is clear!

What a stressful day. I'm just getting home now and am trying to relax from it.

STRESSFUL!

Wow u almost lost ur doctor? Almost all of my diazepam refills were early for 3 years until I got cut off, but never a word was said to me. Because god FUCKING forbid u use an extra pill or two when u need it! It's total bullshit. I've been dealing with a bit of pain again here lately and just waiting for my guy to make it to town with a handful of Oxys for me. Sucks ass.

And my old oxy dealer, before he went on methadone, was on three 60mg oxyneos and four 10mg oxy IR for breakthrough pain. How tf is that even legal? And u can't get ANY breakthrough meds? Jesus Christ, how stupid is that.

Edit: forgot to mention this guy had been thrown in jail for 3 years before for selling oxy/coke and was known by doctors, cops, everyone for selling his meds. And still came away with a 220mg a day prescription. Then guys like me can't even get a damn weeks worth of percs!

End rant...

 

[Painful One]

I hope everyone is doing alright and sleeps well tonight.

It sounds like we are all stressed and in need of sleep and some care.

The holidays are a stressful time of year for us.
We can get through them. We will support each other.
Try not to let it all overwhelm you. Just take it one thing at a time.
(I'm talking to myself here too!)

Love you guys!

 

[dopiejay]

I hope everyone is doing alright and sleeps well tonight.

It sounds like we are all stressed and in need of sleep and some care.

The holidays are a stressful time of year for us.
We can get through them. We will support each other.
Try not to let it all overwhelm you. Just take it one thing at a time.
(I'm talking to myself here too!)

Love you guys!

Hey! I haven't been around in a while but you're absolutely right. I'm drunk as sin right now and still can't sleep due to the damn holiday depression/stress... oh well, smoke another cigarette I guess

 

[Painful One]

Wow u almost lost ur doctor? Almost all of my diazepam refills were early for 3 years until I got cut off, but never a word was said to me. Because god FUCKING forbid u use an extra pill or two when u need it! It's total bullshit. I've been dealing with a bit of pain again here lately and just waiting for my guy to make it to town with a handful of Oxys for me. Sucks ass.

And my old oxy dealer, before he went on methadone, was on three 60mg oxyneos and four 10mg oxy IR for breakthrough pain. How tf is that even legal? And u can't get ANY breakthrough meds? Jesus Christ, how stupid is that.

Edit: forgot to mention this guy had been thrown in jail for 3 years before for selling oxy/coke and was known by doctors, cops, everyone for selling his meds. And still came away with a 220mg a day prescription. Then guys like me can't even get a damn weeks worth of percs!

End rant...

Yeah.
Thanks for ranting for me!

I feel so bad that people are suffering so much and being treated so badly for no reason, no history, legitimate issues!

 

[Painful One]

Hey! I haven't been around in a while but you're absolutely right. I'm drunk as sin right now and still can't sleep due to the damn holiday depression/stress... oh well, smoke another cigarette I guess

We are going to get through it together!

I'm about to fall asleep at the computer...zzzzzzzzz
I have not slept hardly at all this entire week.
I'm going down.
Today was too much!

Sweet dreams my fellow travelers.
Hang tough.
We shall overcome!

 

[dopiejay]

We are going to get through it together!

I'm about to fall asleep at the computer...zzzzzzzzz
I have not slept hardly at all this entire week.
I'm going down.
Today was too much!

Sweet dreams my fellow travelers.
Hang tough.
We shall overcome!

Sleep what's that lol. Since I've got the diazepam out Of my system I can't sleep more than 3 or 4 hours a night and even then it's broken sleep at best, full of nightmares.

Sigh.... I pray to god I'm back to normal soon, I feel like a mental case

 

[Painful One]

Oh D.J. I'm so sorry sweetheart. Hugs to you. That sucks!
How long has it been since you have been off the Valium? Are you off all benzo's now?
It takes about 90 days to get the sleep and nightmares gone after quitting Valium.
NyQuil or doxylamine can help with sleep at night while you are going through that.
Those are both sold over the counter.
They did help me when I came off Valium long, long ago.
I pray you are back to normal soon too!
It does improve. I promise.

Praying for all of us to be back to normal soon!

I know how you feel. I have had that same problem for awhile now.

I ended up over at the hospital. Ruptured cyst on my ovary. Very painful female problem!
I love how the pain doc's just dismiss everything!
Well, he knows that was painful. Especially with the hernia on that same side being aggravated and torn more.
I have a lot of fluid in there. Things are feeling better now though.
Still awfully sore but not the horrible sharp pain that was putting me into shock anymore. Geez!!
I was in danger for my life while he was lecturing me!

Oh well. It ended up alright. At least I don't have to go through this with no medication and I still have him as a doctor.
That scared me. Thinking about what I would do without my pain management Doctor!
I wouldn't make it long.
I'm sure he will feel bad. We do have a good relationship.

 

[EPL1]

I am fluent in French Shroom, if you need any help, I would be happy to help you.

Ash.

French. Was deciding between French, German, and Chinese. I'd probably excel at Chinese, but I like this one and it comes naturally. Kinda want to move to Southern France one day and fall in love and live happily ever after too.

I am feeling okay, I guess. I am running into supply issues with benzos this always happens around holidays for some reason. People going home and stuff. Well, I got myself in this stupid situation and there is only so much I can do but keep tapering and hope for a dash of luck in that regard. Otherwise I'm pretty f*cked tbh. I should have seen this coming for some reason I've been sad a lot of this week and not paying attention to stuff like that. So I'm hoping that works out and then I'll have happy holidays tapering and I got some great weed. I don't need to over-smoke it that isn't good for me. I am sort of nervous about the benzos I shouldn't be but I can't help but see worst case scenario type things.

Today was the second day in a row I made it to 420 to smoke pot. I wake up at 5am or earlier so that is quite a while not to be stoned. It was really uncomfortable I don't like it but I better get used to it.

 

[dopiejay]

Oh D.J. I'm so sorry sweetheart. Hugs to you. That sucks!
How long has it been since you have been off the Valium? Are you off all benzo's now?
It takes about 90 days to get the sleep and nightmares gone after quitting Valium.
NyQuil or doxylamine can help with sleep at night while you are going through that.
Those are both sold over the counter.
They did help me when I came off Valium long, long ago.
I pray you are back to normal soon too!
It does improve. I promise.

Praying for all of us to be back to normal soon!

I know how you feel. I have had that same problem for awhile now.

I ended up over at the hospital. Ruptured cyst on my ovary. Very painful female problem!
I love how the pain doc's just dismiss everything!
Well, he knows that was painful. Especially with the hernia on that same side being aggravated and torn more.
I have a lot of fluid in there. Things are feeling better now though.
Still awfully sore but not the horrible sharp pain that was putting me into shock anymore. Geez!!
I was in danger for my life while he was lecturing me!

Oh well. It ended up alright. At least I don't have to go through this with no medication and I still have him as a doctor.
That scared me. Thinking about what I would do without my pain management Doctor!
I wouldn't make it long.
I'm sure he will feel bad. We do have a good relationship.

Jesus that sounds like torture. I'm so sorry you have to go through all that. At least you can go through it medicated though and not have to deal with the pain head on. Morphine makes the sun shine a little brighter on any given day anyway.

I haven't had any Valium in 5 or 6 days. Up for a refill in a week. I've been taking lorazepam up until two days ago but now that's all gone too. The nightmares only just started last night. I'd be dreaming horribly vivid dreams about being in an endless house and every part of the house was being possessed/haunted by a different demon. And every time I managed to fall asleep it would keep coming back! It was thoroughly fucked!

I've been basically shaking and sweating for two days now. I may not even refill my Valium next week. I don't want to prolong this misery any more than I have.

Edit: nightmares the last two nights not one.

 

[dopiejay]

My girlfriend has a bottle of zopiclone she doesn't want and I'm getting a some Oxys tonight. I'll be getting to sleep whether i goddamn like it or not tonight!

 

[ShroomySatori]

I am fluent in French Shroom, if you need any help, I would be happy to help you.

Ash.

That sounds fun. I am taking it seriously as a daily practice.

Otherwise, I am well. Yesterday I had very low stocks of herb and xanax. Now I have lots of herb and xanax. I have both kush and a tropical sativa that makes me happy! Since they are so different. I don't have to worry about supply until after the holidays which is nice. I plan to continue to taper, but yeah, I don't know how you could help if you have any suggestions let me know! I am really into it. I thought I did not like it but I can already read through most French wiki articles and understand most stuff. It is more speaking that I would have trouble with, expressing myself. Since, at one point anyway I was taking school entirely in French but that was a long time ago. So, I am finding it is returning to me quickly and the obvious language to learn for me at the moment.

Have had some back pain lately it gets hard to go outside all day when it's this f*cking cold out. Should do some yoga or somethin indoors I feel active. I am very lucky to have gotten anxiety meds my friend was about to leave for the holidays so yeah really I should be on a valium taper but I can't get into a psych. I am doing the best that I can at the present time I do believe that I presently care. I wish to live and I was ambivalent towards that for a long time.

So my pronunciation is really bad and also my conversational skills are bad haha. I would say I am beginner approaching intermediate but like writing back and forth in French would be a lot harder for me I think than reading comprehension and grammar. And yeah like I never know how to pronounce the 'e' endings and stuff like I'm just learning on my own but so many people speak it here I will find some friends to help as well, and ask questions. But yeah I have like high school grammar at least in the back of my mind but wouldn't know how to carry on any sort of conversation with a french chick lol. I guess that is the hard part of learning a language but I can also start watching the news in that language. Would probably make it more bearable anyway.

 

[Painful One]

Thanks D.J. Yeah it is torture! Fuck! It never ends either! I barely get feeling better and start to make strides forward and bam! Something always happens to mess me up. My body is just falling apart or something.
The thing is that it doesn't show on the outside. I still look really good so I think the doctors always underestimate how bad this is.
I can handle a lot of pain too. I don't think they realize just how much pain I suffer with.

Having chronic pain too just doesn't help because that is where you have had so much pain that your brain signal is stuck on sending max pain signals even when there is no injury so that always makes them think, well it is just from the chronic pain.
What a hard situation. You never know what is really going on.

So you have been two days without any benzo's and that is when these demonic nightmares started. Yeah, I remember thinking there was some kind of demon in my dining room and I was smelling a smell of rotten flesh in that room when I went through benzo withdrawal. It makes you hallucinate and is hardcore for about four days. I was feeling better by day 5.

I have heard that the zopiclone can kind of substitute for benzo's. It is close to a benzo. I have heard people on here talk about that medication helping the benzo withdrawal. You might want to try that.

Hang in there!