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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Funny you say this stuff I am really working on getting myself organized today. I woke up late. (found some xanax in my bed, took that shit went back to sleep - lil peep, or something like that)
I woke up at like 11am I usually wake up at 5am so it feels really early in the day when the sun is setting soon.
I will just stay up late because my shift is later tomorrow anyway I don't have to get up at like 5am.

I am trying to keep positive. Well, it has been a cheerful day because of the weather and good sleep although I've been inside cleaning. I have had severe problems eating lately. Think it could be anxiety? That's what I think it is, but I vomited from a couple servings of oats today and was really stoned... but I had two slices of veggie pizza after a good one too.

Been working up an appetite cleaning. I see how I can transform my place into something that is reasonably quite nice and suits me better. Then I will feel better I just have so much cleaning to do and have to keep at it. This pretty much happened cause that girl stopped by well it was random I don't have women over haha. It's just like next time I could have a little bar area and stuff and actually have it look nice for now. Her place is so organized I was just like wtf! I have to be like this. So I am doing my week old laundry, I gotta wash floors, dishes, and thought into how to best organize this place.

Sounds like a toxic guy yeah. I know what my problem with relationships is. Me and my f*cked up head and particularly addiction issues but also like that is coming together I just need a job really and to find the right girl that is absolutely the hard part for me come to think of it. She has to be all these things and like, I don't know, they seem to be good at finding me haha. I think that I make worse decisions. I'm trying not to stress about it, but it's so important too. Not just relationships but (good) sex meeting people and stuff it sucks doesn't seem like we have too many friends around either that would really help.

I have to get back into yoga because after a while I was in a lot better shape and had more energy. I'm not going enough. Work is coming soon enough, I started applying but first this place needs to be clean and well organized so I don't look like a fucking burnout.

I don't know though yeah like hanging alone is okay but what do you do if relationships are too hard like am I just a good fuck until they realize I'm crazy and that's it, I'm confused. I think someone who really was falling in love with me wouldn't care so long as I am trying and progressing. You need a guy who will help you out with physical stuff like maybe cook you breakfast haha? Seriously, though, like you should have someone who is happy to do stuff like that and you can do what you can do. Who won't stress you out about stuff like weed either.

Yeah it is discouraging I've fucked up all my past job interviews this year, royally. I'm not giving up. Once this place is clean and organized I will be sending out applications. I'm just kind of sad because you know she is on my mind a bit but that's okay. I have do this stuff and then there will be a girlfriend and in the meantime I can probably bear with being a good lay. It's just not what I want but I am frustrated as well so whatever. Always ends up complicated but it wouldn't be if I try and change some things. I don't know if I can get off the drugs that's the thing I'm hooked and bad.
 
Well, I just woke up in the middle of the night. I don't mind this, it's nice. I'm getting hydrated, had such a busy day yesterday I didn't get to rest from around 3am until the night time. I will sleep more for sure, I can feel how much stress I put on my body yesterday. It's good for my chronic pain but maybe not when I wake up again for a bit. Gets tender.That was some realy athletic stuff yesterday I am proud of myself. It is within my limits of course like for example I cannot bike or swim anymore but I can lightly jog if I'm careful. I just stick to yoga because I found the teachers I like and for once like to be guided since it could make the pain worse. I am doing physiotherapy as well but it's like yogic physio kinda you know that ball rolling technique stuff?

Oh painful one that could help you, thinking of how you describe your pain. They are just these little exercise balls and you make use of gravity to sort of sink in to places around the hips, or thighs, or calves, we did a lot of ankle work, like it wouldn't have to be your pain place but it could be too. I'm not sure... worth looking into? That was part of my exercise day yesterday, it's not intensive and I can't do tiring stuff other than yoga and sex and hiking/keeping busy but I'm more limited than I realize cause like gardening is hard on me. Someone must have heard of this it's called rolling I think? I had a lot of trouble understanding at first but it's all about the interconnections of the body and working out knots and stuff like that. Hard to describe but even for example stretching out my hips felt really good. Even, ankles. The feet are really important for stability and structure too and if you don't take care of them and shoes are bad lol then so many compensations can begin to happen and for chronic pain people like it's not going to help. I feel like I found something else that could potentially help other than opiates but I'm really not sure it's confusing at first. Rolling along my sore calf muscles felt great though. It aches, but as soon as you stop it doesn't anymore. So you kinda work your way around important muscles groups to find those places it's cool and helps to realign the body. Important chronic pain stuff actually I saw a lot of people with chronic injuries there.
 
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Hi ShroomySatori,
I am awake too.
I'm not sleeping or eating well.
I hurt myself bad. My hernia is freaking killing me, it is SO painful.

I have to go back to my doctor. ASAP. I'm hoping the lady Doctor is in today but I don't think they are in until tomorrow.
I ripped something up inside.
I'm just shaking all over and I think I was in shock yesterday.

I'm using too much medication but it is taking that to keep me from freaking right now.
Keep me out of shock.
I don't know what else to do.

I will call the doctor as soon as they might be in the office.
Fuck!
 
Hi,
I'm sleeping and eating better but it's when I have the meds. My weight dropped quite a bit and I realized that I need to take care of myself. I exercised intensively (but carefully) yesterday, my knee is a little sore today but it probably already was.
Sorry isn't that like shooting pains down your legs? I don't get those. I have every symptom of a facet joint problem but they have trouble imaging it with mri like I know what vertebra it is and the imaging said it couldn't get a good reading there they are just stupid I've gone 3 times. Why wouldn't they try more tests I'm getting really frustrated that I have to live with this.

Aw. You need to be on a better med or higher dose. I would say better med cause it would be a lower dose and probably have less side effects. I don't know how to vocalize this I wouldn't think it through just vent about the pain they will see. You obvously need more meds than that at least until it subsides a bit.

Just don't sniff H for it. haha but I don't know what to tell you because I don't know what else to do either and I've thought it through so many times. In many areas of life.

Today is a day of rest for me. I am just going to chill out, do pretty much nothing, smoke weed, I've already got enchiladas in the oven and it's like 9am lol. When I start doing yoga my appetite comes back a bit and well yeah the right dose of xanax but still, all my life I've been used to fast paced high energy physical activity so my body is used to that. I don't want it to get used to this.

Good luck
 
Thanks Shroomy.

This sucks. The hernia is a separate injury from my lower back problems but I think was caused by the lower back problems
It feels like I have an arrow shot through my lower right side.

It is too gross to explain what happened here. Let's just say, digestive disorders. Big time. Lol!

I'm worried about sepsis. If you guys don't hear from me for a few, I may be in the hospital.
Hopefully not.

I'm glad to hear you are working out and eating well and are stable on your medication!
Nice job!

I have one of those exercise balls that you are talking about and it does help. I was using it during the summer.
I will go back to using it again as soon as I get feeling well enough to do so.

Take care everyone. I will check in when I can.
❤️
 
Healing vibes your way Painful One. You are so kind and caring I hope you have good people around you to help you when needed ?
 
Been in benzo wd's. Hopefully I can get out of this soon, I am probably going to need a full day of rest. Need to be more responsible, bad start to the week. Feels like it hasn't started yet. I better not get in this stupid situation again where I have so few of them that it's dicey. I am a fool for this and I intend to keep tapering. Need the safety of a supply at the moment.
 
Benzo wd's are brutal. I can't get out of bed but I can't sleep either. Too anxious to smoke weed and too bored to do anything. General unpleasant feeling in my body too, like how your nerves feel fried when you're hungover. And slight shakes and sweats and this is only supposed to be mild! Fuck me dead wish I never started taking this shit.
 
The withdrawals are as you describe, and indeed brutal. I finally reupped and I always play it on the safe side and take myself out for a few days with lower doses if I need to or go through them fast at first because if I run out... can't think about that right now. I was up to 12 xanax bars a day at one point. Started chipping quarters off them while having valium build up in my body, feeling a lot better so far and xanax way down. Fuck me dead though. This is downright suicidal shit and you are the first person I know who has described the withdrawals (unless it's like cold turkey off 10 bars a day or something... I've been tapering harsh though it sucks but I'm spending way too much money). I've really been trying hard to maintain composure I know I can do this. For most of this year admittedly I was a hysteric as I was experiencing this and also cold turkey withdrawal of the other one heroin/oxy.
 
Larimar said:
Healing vibes your way Painful One. You are so kind and caring I hope you have good people around you to help you when needed ��
Click to expand...

Thanks Larimar!
I'm doing alright.
Going to the doctor on Thursday.

I'm hurt but doing alright.

Hope you are well.
Merry Christmas!
 
Sorry to hear that both of you guys have been in benzo withdrawal.
Ugh! That sounds terrible guys.
Sending you both a hug.

I am in tapering mode myself plus hurt so this sucks but could be a lot worse.
Tapering is definitely better than cold turkey.
 
Are you doing better though cause didn't you have like a health scare.

Those withdrawals are awful, but I have alprazolam today after not having much xanax for a while.

Today is a day to mellow out for me the extreme stress of that withdrawal. I just slept for I don't know how long at least 12 hours. Blacked out after double dosing that woke up 12 hours later. I needed to sleep though and I just cooked an amazing pasta. Let me know how you're doing. I cooked with so much good stuff. Zucchini, eggplant, jalape?o, cilantro, basil, rosemary, green onions, red pepper, a lot of black pepper, a dried garden habanero pepper, some cheddar cheese, and odd short, wide noodles like rings. Forgot to add feta I was going to, out of mushrooms I think.
I waited until the time to dose after waking up in the night I think that is important. So I didn't go back to sleep but I'm just laying in bed today like a rock.This pasta is so good haha a 6am pasta what kind of anxiety ridden pothead have I become?? I've already had like 10 bong tokes today.
 
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Thanks Shroomy? I appreciate you checking on me.

I'm not really okay but I'm alright. I ripped that hernia I have. That is a huge tear in my stomach lining so it lets fluid get into places it shouldn't. I may need to take some antibiotics but I don't want to take them unless I have an infection for sure since they hurt my stomach bad and make me throw up. So I'm watching for fever and stuff. So far so good.

Being right before Christmas, everyone is trying to get in to the doctor so the only appointment I could get was on Thursday.
I need to ask that doctor for the instant release pain meds. I don't know what I was thinking not accepting them when she brought it up. I was hoping I could make it without but I just can't. Things like this come up almost every month and then I am left short on my long acting pain medication. I just cannot go through cold turkey withdrawal in this kind of health condition.
The pain is really severe at times.

I'm glad you got some sleep and got out of benzo withdrawal. I know that sucks and I have only experienced it for a few days from 1 mg clonazepam a day. I know that you and D.J must go through hell with that. I'm sorry guys. Try to keep tapering minute amounts very, very slowly.

Good to hear you are eating well again. I'm not eating hardly at all and not sleeping well either. It has been too long of not eating, sleeping well. I have to do something.

Hope you and D.J are comfortable today and have a good day.
 
I have to do something as well. I am unsure what, but whatever I am doing now isn't working.

I think I'm going to cut a lot of the pot out. I shouldn't be stoned 24/7 when I'm in this situation maybe I will think differently then like I don't know and it's not that big a big deal to stop and see like today I woke up not wanting to. I will feel like shit for a bit well I already do, then I will be saving a lot of money for something I don't need.

I do know that like you this can't go on without change. I slept the morning away, but I guess I needed more sleep. My sleep is still so messed up, I don't have an identifiable pattern except I won't sleep for long periods of time and then randomly crash.

Eventually I will be okay but time is of the essence. There is not all the time in the world and I really need to be working hard right now. Even if I was perfectly healthy, I need to be working my ass off to make up for so many stupid mistakes. That is the problem right there. Where is my initiative? Well, I am finding it. A huge part of that will be yoga I haven't been going enough and when I'm physically fit I feel better overall. Also I have to make sure not to skip meals for like a whole day, I'm messed up enough I don't realize that even before I was messed up a lot of this stuff would really slow my day down (skipping a meal? like wtf. or even 6 hours of sleep would tire me out).

I wish so bad I had an extra 10 years to sort this shit out. I'm at the prime of my life, in the worst health I have ever been. I have to start trying harder and I have been. I am keeping my eye on that girl too for now the goal is to do more yoga, apply for some jobs seriously, and stop smoking all day every day it's not helping me. And to start eating food normally again. I can't control the sleep problems.

Well yeah I hope you are okay. Today I can already tell I'm just not going to get anything done. Exhausted. No idea what I am going to do and I don't like when I lose so much sleep I start passing out randomly for a couple hours here and there it makes me unreliable. I'm sad that I could have had it all years ago by now and like why. I'm supposed to be smart. Cry every damn day.
 
I know. It is so hard to deal with this chronic health problems.
It is overwhelming.
All I can deal with is the health issue right now.

I sure hope that adjusting the medication will help.
I have to have a better quality of life than this or I'm not going to make it much longer.

Hugs to you. I wish I knew the answer.
Keep trying different things.
Don't give up.
 
It is hard enough to deal with life. It was really hard to handle my career and everything before I got sick.
I would say at this point that I am overwhelmed. It has been this whole entire year flying by in the blink of an eye.

Hugs to you too. Thanks. I am not giving up but even after my family saw me the other day apparently it shocked all of them like not in an aggressive way but a way that was apparently completely distraught. Normally they get upset about drugs or if I am in some way different or messed up, but now it is serious concern I can tell. I disappeared this summer, and showed up in the autumn and recently or they did, and I have been completely emotionally volatile. I think that part is dying down for sure. Can't look my brother in the eyes anymore though he'll say hi and I am pretty much a stone wall. I'm normally not like that, real happy to see anyone really as I am so lonely. I am losing the ability to socialize but I know for a fact that my mom finally realizes that I'm actually messed up in some way. She has been very supportive since that party night I dragged myself to and was practically catatonic at. I don't realize this until after.

I have been trying harder lately. It has been very close to a year off opiates. I can consider them out of my life for the time being. Realizing it had been a year shocked me though. I keep telling myself the years are flying by and this one will be different. This year flew by so fast, I honestly feel like I did not accomplish a single thing and not only that but I lost a lot. I lost tens of thousands of dollars, didn't really work much, couldn't really take care of myself, the whole year has been torture, and it's hard to remember who I used to be, before the opiates. I was so chill I'm so sad thinking about it. Just feel like a total failure and my life is over.

Lost for words I have no idea what I am going to do. I haven't smoked today that is in part why I'm nervous. However I think cutting out the compulsive bong toking is a very good idea. I can still smoke pot just not like that. Not only does literally everyone give me shit for it or judge me for it (not that I care), but for once I can personally see the benefit of stopping. I have to remember that I am a good person.
 
Shroomy,

You are a good person, I know how it feels to have chronic pain alter the course of your life. But you will find a new way to forage through. I believe that. I think it's good you want to cut down a bit on the weed, it's much easier to make plans for your future when you're not clouded by weed all the time. Not judging, at all, I just wanted you to know that you have a good plan. Hugs shroom.


Painful One,

I am sorry you are not doing well, hernias suck. And yes, next time you see your dr accept the breakthrough meds they've been offering, you need them, so take them.

I hope you feel better soon painful one. If you need anything just ask.


DJ, UncleJ, Squeaky,

I hope this message finds you all well, would love to hear from all of you. What are your plans for the holiday? How are you all doing? I am here for you all.

Hope everyone has a great day and that you're not in pain.


Big hugs,
Your friend,
Ash.
 
Thanks for confirming how I feel about cannabis at the moment. Not only is it a significant financial burden, but it is making this complicated benzodiazepine situation harder to understand. They both treat my anxiety, and part of being a pothead is being able to stop when required. It's easier said than done, but I am following my friends advice who was also smoking pounds and quit this summer. He has known me for 20 years, from a lot of people I hear that I just need weed. If I smoke too much that is really bad for me, if I don't smoke at all that is bad for me too.
If I didn't have serious heroin cravings yet then I don't know why I can't deal with pot cravings. Of course I can. My friend (smoking pounds relentlessly is obviously an addiction), cut back to nights only at first, says appetite comes back in a week or two, and then started getting hardcore panic attacks for a while like I do and thought he messed up his heart. I'm just going to take people's advice and smoke a little bit of weed but not quit.

I haven't smoked yet today, and I'm picking up a second language. I finally decided on which one out of the three and I'm not studying, just reading stuff trying to understand. Pot demotivates me because of my present life situation. It is so depressing, that I often smoke weed these days and simply begin to cry out of nowhere. I think that if I at least cut back - I mean everything is right here at my fingertips - I will feel more like myself, and I know for a fact that I have more initiative in these kinds of circumstances. Weed only really becomes a problem for me when I am dealing with overwhelming life problems and start using it to escape.

Thanks about mentioning the weed few people do. I smoke so much though that it is a huge drug problem. A really serious one I don't care what anyone says I know my body and it's crazy how much I need it. It is in my mind a huge problem and few people can understand that or accept that it is possible for weed to have negative effects. Obviously if I stop smoking like 2000+ chemicals every couple of hours or even once a day, something will change. I personally don't think it is medicinal for me anymore at the moment. I think it was when I was quitting opiates, but not anymore. It's so hard because if I don't blaze I can't sleep, I can't eat unless I exhaust myself, and it starts off mentally with burnout, followed by depression, followed by inevitable crying spells, followed by mania and extreme anxiety which persist for a couple of weeks and all the symptoms take about 6 months to resolve in my experience.

So I think that is a good plan too. It is not that that hard for me stop, and it will change my brain. It will alter my personality back to more like who I used to be. It takes time and a lot of stress but it is worth it right now because I feel like I have very little left to lose.
 
I have been 18 days and off amphetamines, 1 year and a half 40 up the nose and always a bit of coke or meth to give a better high, I started doing k and pcp frequently a few months ago and a bit of h when I was running low, after k holing at work I realized I needed to stop, though this was not a long time on drugs, I have an extremely addictive personality. I did lines 2 on the first day getting clean 1 the next day and 1 the day after that, this calmed withdrawal a bit but the most helpful thing was nicotine. Using 50 nic in an aspire breeze 2 I have been Able to maintain an extremely rocked state of Mind, withdrawal is getting worse every day but if I smoke enough weed I can generally pass out. Hopefully you get better.
 
Sounds like a crazy experience, wouldn't doubt it if there was a little psychosis at times either. I have been in withdrawal going on years now and my health has seen better days. I'm watching out for signs of psychosis since I realized that I can get delusional about people wanting to hurt me or with malicious intent when they are just chill. I realized that I can basically trust no one anymore.
If you want to save on the weed, use resin to pass out. It's gross, yeah, you can dry it out tho and actually works really well for sleep. Funny how the prescription drugs are worse than the street drugs in my experience, you will be fine. You'll have to give it time without anything recreational but I make the exception of weed. Just hit a bowl of kief, it's the middle of the night here. It was so nice, I'm low and unexpected kief is great. I can't remember if I took benzos before midnight... I know that I didn't, but since I could have woke up and like fallen asleep again I am waiting until my next dose. I don't know why I do this I'm already in withdrawal at what the peak effect time should be.
Passed out and got confused smokin too much pot again. Well I waited until 420 yesterday to smoke and I think lasted 3 hours before passing out. I know I didn't take the benzos haha. Or I wouldn't be in withdrawal at the moment. I hate dosing off schedule though I feel that it messes with my body's balance. I could do without this bicep clenching and tinnitus though, love the middle of the night when the world is quiet. I slammed my weed jars on the table and a bowl of kief was scraped up with a credit card, lots of crystally thc in there, if i skip a dose from passing out i should just take it now I mean what's the point of eternally feeling like shit.
Eternally feeling like shit. I hope I get better, you'll be fine the only thing I can think of is that Ketamine is one of the only drugs I never tried, I didn't want to, after I heard and saw on documentaries the bladder damage it causes. So yeah, I'm sure your bladder is good but if you did a lot of K you should make sure of that somehow. Peace.
 
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