^ awesome congrats!
I just need to vent here, I don't need anything said to me tbh, just need to type this out. I tried writing it in my journal and well that just wasn't good enough or enough for me.
I'm having a really hard night. I miss my mom so much. I'm just sad. I wanna get high so bad right now just so I don't have to deal with these emotions, or this physical pain. My heart literally feels broken.
My moms best friend is in jail right now and her like 20 year old daughter keeps saying stuff like "I can't believe my mom is in jail, she's gone and I miss her so much, I hate that there is a piece of glass between us when I go visit her in jail...(etc.)" and that shit just hits me hard. Like bitch at least you can even see your mom and talk to her and she's gonna get out eventually and you'll be able to be with her and hug her. It's just really upsetting that she tries to relate to me, and tells me she "understands" what I'm going through.. I feel like no one does, I don't even know what I'm going through. All I know is I would give ANYTHING in the whole world to just hear my moms voice again and see her smile.
Sigh... Fuck I would stick a needle in me right this second if I could and had access.
I wish I could just sleep but that's not going to happen. Every time I close my eyes all I can see is her, and I see her when I came home and found her that night, not her beautiful face smiling at me with love. Of course that's all I see, why would the universe make this just like a percentage easier for me......
Fuck me.
Fuck everyone.
I just wanna be done.
I just wanna go back like 6-7 months, my mom was still here, I was making good money, able to do at least a gram to a gram and a half a day and was able to actually shoot my dope by myself whenever I wanted and it took like 2 seconds. Sigh... (The biggest most upset sigh possible)
Okay I vented. I feel a little better I guess.
exjg