Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
- Joined
- Nov 3, 1999
- Messages
- 84,998
^^that is some funny shit Captain. That's not really a younger you is it?
How do people deal with the psychological addiction to opiates?
I'm approaching 10 days without opiates and the last vestiges of the physical withdrawal are pretty much gone, and they weren't that bad to begin with (compared to what other people have dealt with...if anything I just kept myself running on self-loathing for putting myself in the position of being a dopesick druggie...too much "white trash pride", as a friend of mine puts it). Yeah I felt like crap, but I'm used to feeling like crap just because of my own physiology. So that's pretty much concluded.
The psychological addiction is intense, though. I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I'm not out there banging dope is because I don't have access where I'm currently living. I never believed it before I started IVing but there's a perverse fascination with that particular ROA...I find myself fantasizing about drawing up that golden liquid into a rig, registering the vein and watching the drug get stained crimson with blood, before pressing the plunger down and *boom* It's actually really disturbing and I've never really dealt with it before. It's partially about the rush, which is a big part of the appeal, but not entirely about the high that results from shooting. I smoke more than I shoot (the smoking ROA being part of my "treatment" for my own insomnia, which usually involved a combination of cannabis, a few hits of heroin & zolpidem...shooting always got me too high for real sleep, oddly enough) but there's no fetish involved in smoking for me, although the thought of a few hits of acrid tar vapor makes me practically salivate at the moment.
It's odd because shooting always made me feel bad on a "spiritual level" but I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT! Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! 8(
I made it through christmas. Sweetzoe gave me some insight on talking to my son that was surely needed. I have a lot of respect of that woman. Very intelligent...and beautiful.
The cannabinoid wd is kicking my ass still.
I can do this though; one hour at a time.
For real though have you tried maintenance meds?
Getting off pot kicked my ass for the first 3 weeks. Aches and pains, my chronic (lol) back pain came back with a vengeance, couldn't sleep right, migraines, twitching, shakes... It can be rough especially if you were dabbing as much and as often as I was. Wish you the best CH ... You got this brotha
Blesséd be,
vk
I get extreme mood swings without cannabis.
It's like the psychological withdrawal from heroin.
Well said Erikmen. Persist....always perist. Any your preseverence will bear fruit right when you think your done. My experiece right now is not good. Im clear headed and sober but this fog is over me. Its surely stronger than me but i gotta preserve thru it cause i know how joy feels too and thats my reward. I only feel it shortly and i def dont experience joy that much and havent for 20 yrs and im coming off the worst life up to date. I thought nothing could touch 1992 for me but it has. I haventvbeen perfect thru this but ive survived and like goes on and its alsmways progress not perfection for me. Asvmy great friend just reminded me, ive cone a long way and i have. But this year scarred my physically but also mentally. Things will never be the same after this year, espically with my mom but new challenges approach and if i do the right thing, joy will preval. I know it couldvbe worse. I love when people tell me that. Im like no shit, of course. But i thinkbthings could be better. I would think 2016 will be better so thats what im going with. The feeling of being under the influence screams at me daily. For whatever substance. So ive adoped prayer which i never did and ibfind peace with it and i do vippassana meditation, i have tools now. My problem is using them. So anyway, great post Erikmen.
Thanks closeau. I am also hoping that 2016 will be a better year.