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LSD and MDMA trip destroyed me, How to recover?

skeeto222 said:
Thanks for the reply I did just make a post there.

Tbh upon returning from this trip and doing research, MDMA damage and long term comedown was the first thing I thought of. However, it later turned out I didn't do nearly as much MDMA as I thought I did. At first my friend lied to me and said I did most of the mdma, so I was thinking I did 500mg or more. Later it turns out I didn't do that much, and that I only did a couple dips of it. Still, it's possible it was 100-200mg, coupled with lots of alcohol.

I don't doubt that that is what I'm dealing with...but even so it seems my symptoms are worse than a lot of the people in that thread. I have at least 10 different physical symptoms before even going into my mental states. It sucks, royally, and it feels like I screwed up my life. I'm praying that it's all in my head, and that all of my physical symptoms are a manifestation of anxiety, but it's hard, it's really hard to believe that.
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Hey man. You are not alone. I have ridiculously low tolerance for psychedelics. I already uncomfortably contemplate my existence on a variety of levels when I'm fucking sober, let alone psychs.

So basically in essence, I was in that position you are in...thinking I fucked up BIG time. Anxiety ruled my mind (and when I say anxiety...I am talking...being confronted with the reality of insanity after death and knowing I can't escape it so then my life fucking sucked. I'm so stubborn when I'm tripping...it's hard for me to let go which makes me a huge target for potential bad trips. I didn't recover for a good eight months to a year, with occasional anxiety and depression now during particular hormonal times.

Your mention of serotonin drops...that is where my bad anxiety came from. I did Sass less than a month after my first Molly experience...and that's all it took. My roommates and I planned murdering another roommate out of fear (he was also on our level, only being more scary), I had panic attacks in my sleep, I couldn't take showers and shave my legs because I was afraid of accidentally killing myself by cutting my veins, I couldn't eat, was afraid of being at the zoo (I'm a fucking vet tech), afraid of my own brain. I couldn't think thoughts that were sinister because I didn't want my brain listening. Weirdly for me, sex took me back to normal...it was the only time I could release. Work scared me, death scared me, the gym scared me. Like I was always being hovered over by the unfailing realization of death and it was manifesting itself into all kinds of dark shit. I felt like everywhere I went I was in a plastic world. Nobody looked real. All they were doing were making mouth words at me that didn't matter because I was going to die and that's all that mattered.

You'd be amazed at how a simple idealized drop of serotonin doesn't just make you a little blue...it makes you fucking batshit crazy.

I had to slowly revisit all the places I was afraid of over time to get used to them again. It was hell. I feel like I literally died and returned from hell. You do gain wisdom, and you can enjoy life again, but somehow always tainted...I just call it owning your darkness. I read a few books that helped. I hope you're doing alright...that was just all my sleepy two cents to let you know we all care and you're not alone.
 
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Oh yeah. I mixed a bunch of cocaine in during that time too. Fucking Eeeeevile stuff when it wants to be. I've since quit all that shit...but aim going to re-shroom this month. That's when you realize you're healed...you want to jump back in the abyss again. We are all dumb. Or just curious ???????
 
Just give it some time (like 6 months) and you will be back to as good as new, although you will be more prone to mood disorders than before you fucked up by taking e and l.
 
Mysterie said:
this is just a hunch, but i don't think smoking weed or ingesting oil is going to make you feel better at this point.

i would have a long break from all psychedelics including weed.
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Of course! From everything for months. And even after that, I'd carefully consider if I'd try anything until I'm 110% I would be okay.
 
I have had an extremely similar situation to you and would love to know if you have recovered since it has happened and how you are now, reading your long post you described feeling which are almost identical to which i have been having, you made me feel less alone and would love to talk to you about my experience and ask for your help!
 
Sorry I can't help, I couldn't read your whole post because I can't read that much. If you don't mind me asking, how did you mess up your prostate jerkin off? Sounds like you just worry too much, I'm the same way sometimes.
 
bertstarebluelight said:
lmfao did anyone actually read op's post and laugh because it ;honeslty sounds like he's deep in psychosis/wrote that post on ampehtamines

makes me feel normal for my past behavior, thanks op!
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It had to have taken him like 4 hours to type all that.
 
Its a real thing! Its not becos of drugs or youre insecurities. I dont yet have good explanation for it, but have experienced it many times and had to opportunity to examine the state in peacefull mind, i know, it magic, voodoo or the world playing a game on you. If you want to encourter the feeling again, be ready to aknowlege that the state will come! Sure, this rarely happens without drugs, but drugs in my head wont make other people speak in sync and metaphors about me, while i have the most peacefull mind and cant say a word. Believe me, we are not crazy, there is a game that we just dont have any knowledge of!
 
Also i want to say that all feels like synchonizing matrix. It feels like im alone in a staged virtual world, and that theres no use to even post these things since no ones real.
 
Long time lurker. Made an account just to help this guy find his way back, if someone hasn't already. I think you're asking yourself the wrong questions. Instead of asking yourself if you're gay or straight, ask yourself why does it matter that you identify with one or the other? Why would it matter if you were gay? Do you have closed minded and judgemental parents/family/friends? I bet you do, and because of being surrounded by people with that energy, it's natural that you absorbed some of it.

In your post, you mention that you felt as if God/universe was forcibly turning your sexual orientation to gay as sort of a punishment. This would imply that being gay is bad, or wrong, in your mind if it's being used as a punishment. Who says its wrong? Who says what's wrong or right? Our culture does, and dictates these things as a way to label everything. I hate to break it to you brother, but living under labels and psychedelic use don't usually go hand in hand. Labels are a part of ego, and psychedelics (even cannabis) can cause you to dissolve the ego at the strangest times.

I suffered from the same torment as you. What I learned, through a lot of hard work, is that sexual preference is just that - a preference. It's part of ego, and it's formed early in life based on the way you are socialized. Socializing forms ego, psychedelics peel back ego. I truly believe, as many psychedelic theorists do, that we are all born capable of engaging in the physical sexual acts with either sex and that sexuality is fluid and not static. Many of my gay friends have had sexual relations with women, but they identity as full gay to go with the status quo. By definition, these people would be bi, but they identify with full gay to satisfy egoic needs. Hell, I have an uncle who is divorced with kids and now has a boyfriend. Obviously he engaged in intercourse with his ex wife at least as many times as the amount of children they had. Sexuality isn't an all or nothing decision, but you're influenced to believe it to be.

At the end of the day, you inadvertently use psychedelics to expand your consciousness. Part of that, for you, may be accepting a community of people whom are different from yourself. Before psychedelic usage, I was a prejudiced bigot. They taught me, very quick and painfully, the flaw in that line of thinking. I now have gay friends, a roommate of color, and a partner in life whom just happens to be female (I'm male) and is a very spiritual person.

Oh, and don't try to label yourself with mental illness and listen to others when they try to define your experience as psychosis. Notice the trend with labels? I work in western medicine, and I can assure you everything we (the American medical community) think we know about the mind is total bullshit. Do I have anxiety? Depends on who you ask. I have a very active mind and imagination, and like to question the how and the why of everything to obsess. But I'm very intelligent and seldomly make uneducated decisions. It's survival instinct, primitive in a sense. Stop focusing on the negatives of your mind, and focus on the positives.

We are all in this journey together, and we are all the same at our core regardless of color, sexual preference, socioeconomic status, etc.

I hope this message finds you well, brother.
 
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I've been feeling the same man please help me. im not usually suicidal like you but things aren't the same anymore. everything my friends said has been weird and borderline gay as if they wanted me to be gay. im 23 and my last trip fucked me up, i dont have anything against homosexuals and i dont care about them either. i just lost all my abilities and lost all motivations to live because of that last trip. I've been having intense dream for the last few weeks and honestly i just want some sleep. if you have recovered please help me :(
 
Was posting a reply, but it was so long i got logged out :mad: . Coincidence?

I try to write it again soon. just dont freak out! You are not crazy nor stupid! We know what we see and hear! I know thinking of it feel bad in chest and makes heart beat, but be logical, and dont explanations fool you to blame urself! Keep it mind that there really is game underneath, accept it, then learn to live with it! You get stronger mentally and physically over time!

I would recommend to drop all stimulants, only weed, and possibly shrooms(alone!) i feel that theres a spirit in some drugs, if it is not a pleasing spirit for us, i dont feel that we should torture oursselves and subdue to its will. Take drugs that strenghten YOU, i know it sounds bad for egolosers:)D), but ive learned, once you feel good about urself, theres no neeed to constantly brake all down! Mushrooms tend to strenghten my roots and good in me! Thats all we need ;)

Maybe our friends cant handle the feminine energy comin from us when we are open, and thats why they need to put us down? I really dont know. It feels like a cosmic joke, thats on me!
 
loving message

the true meaning is believing in jesus christ please talk to god he is waiting for you to call on him and he will answer
 
Blessed

It sounds like you had your own awakening in a way and that's awesome. There is a certain level of truth there that not everyone gets to experience. Maybe this happened exactly as it was supposed to happen at the exact time it was supposed to happen. But You didn't know what it would do to you, so you can't be so hard on ur self but I know it's hard not to be. Now that u know, u can only take steps to try and better the situation from here. Whether it be connecting with nature again, eating right, treating people nicely. Idk. I've been on a long road to mental health recovery . The only thing I didn't like about my damage, was that I was stuck in the negative. but I'm slowly getting myself out of that! With the help of a "higher power" and good sober minded friends . I've also come to realize my mind has been opened to the point where most people's havnt and thats kind of cool because we see the world much differently than others. And I've come to realize that makes me who I am today. It makes people laugh that I'm so weird and random. Lol. It will be okay. It is for me but hopefully you'll learn to not get stuck in the negative, be kind to ur self, and embrace ur weirdness. Thanks !
 
I know what you mean with the negative. But its hard to open up, since something attacks when being positive, thats why i have a constant prepare for attacks and i feel i need hate to oppose the attacks. Altought in the situations i just inhale deep ans feel peace, after the situation im full of hate and hate the very structure of reality and everything. But as time pass, i come back to my positive self. But now im just always thinking, should i take lsd anymore?
 
Yo skeeto I went through a similar thing at a music festival after taking shrooms and lsd together. It felt like everyone was in my head and life was one big joke all about me. After 5 years it haven't gone away I have just learned how to live with it. I wish I knew how to make it better. My life is hell now because of my bad decisions.
 
You may not want to hear this, but if symptoms don't improve, I would check out taking a short term ssri and avoid all drugs until you get balanced, otherwise you will get more delusional and psychotic as time goes on abusing psychedelics. My opinion
 
Keep off drugs! Or stick to weed if it wont make symptoms. Its not only psychedelics that cause it, ive experienced it several times with coke too!

Just my personal pseudo toughts: 1. Do we somehow effect other peoples toughts when drugs amplify ours? Make them think or say what we fear or think.

2. Could it be this happens only to persons with high energies or something? Like its calling to be shaman or path of buddhist? Buddha also encountered several desires that he had to overcome, but in meditation! Never tought my friend would ask me in real life what hair colour i like best in girls(when in acid and having this cosmic joke scene goin). All i could think was red, blond and brunette, and before i even answered my friend knew it doesnt matter to me. Maybe demon mara is teasing us? Or loki playin jokes on us?

3.what do our friends think of the situations? How do they experience it? Everytime i try to talk about such scenes with my friends they give very little answers, like they really are bots of reality, that just behave like ants. They cant share any revelations or visions when i get many for very little dosages and sometimes with none! But they can play the game really well when they start joking! Its like all of sudden everybodys so damn wise. Thats what my friend always says to me when it begins, "damn im wise". And same time i dont know at all how to play and even wouldnt! Shame on a nigga who try to run game on a nigga!

On many trips people didnt think for themselves. I had to make all decisions about what we do next, when we take drugs, when we go to camping, like no one else had brains! I even told them several times to think for themselves! I was frustrated! Its like im a fking hive mind, you know kind of a queen ant that can steer collective mind.


And before people go saying its all in my mind. Im not delusional. I dont experience these sober. And no one has ever told me that ive behaved bad or did something i dont remeber of. So i cant possibly think its just in my mind since it happens! And no one is telling me i have blackouts or that i remember things different! I always remember everything! Never took pills and never forget what happens when i drink!
So before just labeling people crazy, can we possibly seek answer altough we most likely wont find any? Maybe if someone gets opportunity to speak to a shaman or guru or someone that understands this matter? Ive heard of gay shamans and that shamans overall have knowledge of feminine and possible demons or evil spirits.

We all know what a psychiatric or any normal person would answer to this problem, but its hard to get an right answer whitout experiencing it and just numb it with meds, maybe a spiritual teacher would have a very different approach?
 
Same shit happening to me, bad day, take bad drug. Now i have paranoid thought of all types. I can hear voices of some people i know its not like schizophrenia my brain relly think they are talk about me in my back, some of thought are: he is gay, pedo, thief, junkie; All the thing most abonime in my life. Most ironic thing happens make me fell like karma becose of micro events that try to make me belive but iam not crazy will overcome. Same shit u had 2 years before. Are you ok now?
 
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