So, I've been hesitant to post here. I've posted on a couple of other drug forums and received decent advice, but something tells me that some of the most knowledgeable and seasoned users are on bluelight. About a month and a half ago I had the worst, most uncomfortable LSD trip I've ever had in my life. It wasn't even that intense in terms of visuals or anything like that, but the mental and energetic disruptions were so powerful that I am still screwed up. I'm going to do my best to post the whole trip report here. In other forums I've only talked about the effects of the trip, it's hard to talk about the trip itself because it is so personal and it was so profoundly disorienting. For some background, I've taken LSD dozens upon dozens of times in the past. I'm 24 years old, my first trip was when I was 16. Tripped a lot when I was 18. Then a couple times a year after, and then a lot between 21 and now. To be honest...it's been about 3 years since I've actually tripped with the goal of self-discovery and reflection. Since then nearly all of my psychedelic usage has been limited to psychedelic rock concerts and partying scenarios. It feels weird to actually say that, as that was never my goal or intention. Anyway here is my story. Over labor day weekend I decided to go see Phish in Colorado. I've seen them many times before, and it was always a thrilling experience. This was my 20th or so show. I had previously seen them 3 other times this past summer, each time I took acid and had a mostly great time. I say mostly, because for the past year or more I've had various hypochondriac episodes. It started out worrying about my heart due to occasional cocaine use. Then I got it checked and it was fine. Then last fall after a series of trips and Phish shows I jerked off improperly and it basically felt like my prostate was fucked for over a month. Dick wouldn't work right, it always felt like I was sitting on a golf ball, yet when I went to the doctor they could find nothing wrong. I've since come to believe this an energetic or psychosomatic problem. Earlier this year I was hypochondriac about something, then this summer, I saw the Grateful Dead shows in Chicago w/ Trey. Tripped at those, almost thought it was the apocalypse one night but was able to focus on love and light and it was amazing. Second night there I also almost freaked out but ran into a friend who got me drunk and brought me back down, ended up having the best night/weekend of my life. Then, at the start of the phish tour this year I was at my friend's house doing whippets while watching a stream of the show. I didn't do a lot, but I freaked out and convinced myself I had brain damage. My head just didn't feel right for a while, it scared me. I had headaches, went to the doctor, she basically said I was fine and couldn't have done any damage, gave me some steroid shots and b12 and said I'd be good. 2 weeks later I saw my first phish show of the summer, still worrying about this in the back of my head but generally feeling good. I took some acid with friends, and had a mostly great show. It was dramatic, but during the second set at one point I convinced myself I had had a stroke or aneurysm of some kind. Went to the medical people, talked to them, they told me I was fine and not to worry, so I chilled. Ended up having a long conversation with my friend about how I should stop taking acid and doing drugs. Well I ended up seeing Phish in Wisconsin 2 days after that, we drove up there on Saturday and saw the shows that night and sunday. This time, during the first show I became paranoid that I broke my ear drum or something. It still goes along with the theory of the nitrous damage, but my ear was popping frequently and I convinced myself I could hear much better out of my left ear than my right ear. I even went so far as to buy earplugs for the show on Sunday, and wore one earplug in my right ear for most of the show. Consequently this paranoia led to me not enjoying the shows as much as I could. I enjoyed the music, but was glad when it was over. That being said, I ended up having so much fun with my friends at the hotel and everything. It was truly a great time. Anyway, after this I went back to the doctor to find about my ears. She looked in them and saw I had some fluid buildup and told me to take some allergy medicine. FINALLY! My anxiety subsided, I realized I was making all of this up, I was extremely relieved that my ears were fine. For the time after this, I finally felt healthy again and was not having hypochondriac episodes and worrying about my health. Yet, I was still very depressed. I didn't realize how depressed I truly was. I ended up ruining my mom's birthday dinner by breaking down and basically crying about my job, which I've hated for a while, and then the weekend before my bad trip I remember feeling particularly lonely and went to the art museum and was just rather depressed. Ended up driving around town the whole sunday with nothing to do, looking at various graffiti spots. Was actually really nice in hindsight. So, to take my mind off the depression I was pumped to go see Phish in Colorado. My mom had offered to let me use her new car, which she had previously let me use to drive me and 2 friends to wisconsin. I was going to ride with 2 guys, but then they weren't able to go all 3 nights so it ended up being me, my female friend J and my male friend E. J I've known for a year, had a crush on her but we ended up just being friends. E is someone I've known for a while but who in the past kind of annoyed me because he could be stingy with weed (from 2014 trip to colorado for phish). Yet, I found out he was going to go to these shows 8 hours away all by himself, and to me that felt silly when he could ride with us and we could all chip in on gas etc. So I talked to him and it was settled that the three of us would ride together. We were to leave on Friday and come back on monday. Well, I was going to take my mother's car, but then my Dad bitched at me about it and screamed and didnt want me to take it, since he had purchased it for her and didn't want me using it to travel and go to concerts. Eventually I won the argument and he relented...but then I just felt bad for some reason. I had these thoughts about disrespecting my father and I didn't want things to be like that so I ended up deciding not to take my mother's car. This was mistake number 1, since I always like to drive on road trips, I feel weird and out of control if I don't. So I talked to E and he was fine to take his car. My car is old and gets bad gas mileage and needed an oil change so it was pretty much out of the question, or at least I was not ready to take it one day prior. Two days before this, I had friends come in town for a show in my city, and I ended up taking some type of sassafras what I assume is MDA. Ended up staying up til 4am with old friends, slept for a few hours then went to work that day. I was supposed to go on a Tindr date with a girl I was talking to but I was so tired after work and had packing and stuff to do that I blew her off. I slept Thursday night but not very well, figured since I wasn't driving I'd sleep in the car. Unfortunately I was not able to sleep in the car at all. Upon getting to Colorado I was very tired. I ended up getting 10mgs of Adderall from J to keep me up, and then we talked and talked and we both decided to trip for the show. Initially I didn't want to trip. I told her I wasn't going to trip. But she convinced me to, saying she didn't want to trip by herself and wanted me to trip with her etc. So I figured why not? I've taken LSD plenty of times before and aside from freaking out about perceived medical issues (which I wasn't worried about this time because I just got a clean bill of health) I decided to take a little because I thought it would also help keep me up. And also, anyone reading this who's gone to a phish show knows that taking lsd at a show is very sublime. I took 2ish hits of lsd. Then I met up with some other friends, and one of my friends there convinced me to take another hit. I didn't want to, and after it was in my mouth for a bit I took it out. He said his gf didn't want it, and so I took it to shut him up and because I figured I could handle it. So the show starts...and I enjoyed the first song very much. Then later in the first set they play a song called Undermind, which deals heavily with the subconscious. I became very introspective during this song, and I had the sensation that something in the song was trying to change my mind. To be frank, it felt like the song was trying to change my sexuality from straight to gay. I know that sounds bizarre but it kind of creeped me out during the song, but then I didn't really worry about it. I've kind of gotten "gay vibes" for lack of a better term, during one or two of their songs, and to be truthful, for whatever reason Phish shows are sausage fests, definitely many many more dudes at shows than chicks. This never bothered me before, I kind of figured it was for the same reasons that men use drugs in higher amounts than women, and phish is a very druggy band. Anyway, so the first set ends, and me and J and E decide to go down to the floor since we had wristbands. We go to the floor, and end up meeting up with a bunch more of our friends who were there (J and I's friends, E did not know them but I introduced him). I then started to get worried and think that my friends would think I'm uncool because I brought E along, and he kind of can talk a lot during shows. He was fine though. So, it's the start of second set, and I decide to smoke a joint I had previously rolled. This is where things get fuzzy, can't remember if I smoked one and went to smoke another or if it was just the one. Either way, at one point I'm looking for a lighter, can't find mine, so I ask a girl in my group who was walking by me if she had one. And then she looked at me and said "Ask one of the boys.." and kind of rolled her eyes. I know she probably didn't mean anything, but I ended up internalizing her comment and thought she was poking fun at my masculinity because I didn't have a lighter. I ended up getting very anxious, and decided I had to leave my friends to get a beer. I got a beer, and was still too paranoid to go back. In hindsight I should have, but I thought if I just got away from my friends and stuff I would calm down. So I end up looking behind, and see this cute girl running through the crowd, I kind of follow her but then realize she has a boyfriend/husband. Really I just wanted to smoke this joint with someone. End up talking to them, he has a lighter, but she has to pee. He was gonna smoke with me but then I got super paranoid that if I smoked with a dude it would mean I was gay or something, and I really didn't like that. So I backed off and he called me an asshole. Fair enough. Then I proceeded to go through the stands, which were not that crowded, trying to smoke my joint with random chicks. At the time I felt like I absolutely had to do this. Long story short it ended up being embarassing, either I would have my joint and the girl wouldn't have a lighter, or I would lose the joint as well. It was all really embarassing to be honest. I ended up going up to the main concourse where there is lots of space and just kind of dancing on my own. This was during a song called Fuego. I was walking and dancing and "strutting my stuff" so to speak and then I stopped for a second. And I felt this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. For those who buy into it, basically it felt like my Second and/or Third Chakra completely reversed. My inner "umph" for lack of a better term seemed to disappear. At the point I no longer felt normal. I no longer felt like a "man". It felt wrong and dirty. Basically I felt gay...but more than that even is I felt so worthless that I was only worthy of getting fucked in the ass. It was very upsetting. So bad in fact, that I wasn't even able to really hear the last few songs of the show. This bad feeling persisted after the show. I met up with my friends again. Basically E had already booked a hotel room for himself, J and I know many people there so I was just kind of winging it. J had an air mattress, and initially the plan was we were going to say with E and use the mattress, since he initially just booked a room with a single bed. Well, his room was like $200 a night so we ended up staying with other friends. My friend who gave me the other hit and his gf are who we stayed with. So we had to walk back to E's car to get our stuff and walk all across the parking lot of the stadium to my other friend's car. During this whole ordeal I was paranoid, my sense of direction was off, and it seemed like I was constantly the butt of all sorts of gay jokes. It seemed like everyone I walked by, even my friends were making the jokes. But a lot of it was me just being paranoid. Also the venue was Dick's sporting goods park, so lots of people were talking about "dicks" anyways. This whole thing was not fun. We got back to my friends house, drank a beer and smoked some weed then he and his gf went to bed. I was still really spun out, so J and I walked around the neighborhood and found a park. She tried to talk me down and talk me through things but it was such a visceral feeling. I ended up yelling at her and getting angry just because I was freaking out so bad. I also got paranoid that everyone else was "in on something" that I wasn't. I thought J was going to go back and have sex with my friend and his gf and I would be left out. I know that's me just being paranoid, but that was my thought at the time. We got back to the house and tried to sleep. Luckily their roommates were gone so there were multiple rooms and I had my own bed. Couldn't sleep a wink though. In the morning, they were going to a beer festival thing, I was going to go, but at the last minute had them drive me home so I could try to sleep and rest more before the 2nd show later that night. Went home, tried to sleep, got paranoid, tried to look at porn and jack off, didn't work. Figured I was just nervous though. Still just really freaking out about the whole gay paranoia thing. And the reason I was freaking out so much is I've always considered myself straight. And I'm pretty open minded, I've contemplated homosexuality before, and thought that if I ever was going be gay it'd have to be with a really feminine dude, and I would be the "top". Basically because I consider myself straight so if I was gonna be gay I'd have to be attracted to a girly dude or transsexual. I've had girlfriends, and although this past year had been kind of a dry spell I had a few one night stands, and I had amazing sex after a show with an older woman just barely a couple months before this trip. In the weeks prior I had looked at porn sometimes and it's always straight porn. I like titties and ass and the female form really turns me on. Basically even if I had gay tendencies I'd consider myself like 90% straight. It's not even something I've ever really questioned in the past, never found myself attracted to dudes or anything. I'll be honest there were a couple times when I was really lonely when I'd think about maybe hooking up with a dude but after thinking about it for like a minute the thought would gross me out so much. I even met up with some dude once a few years ago and had to leave right away because the reality of things was just way too gross for me. I figured this meant I was straight, like I had contemplated and even sort of acted on things and guys really turned me off. So to have this acid paranoia make me think I was gay or not a man all of a sudden was very disconcerting and upsetting. So that night, my friend who we stayed with offered to sell me some mdma. At the time I thought since I had a bad trip the night before, if I rolled a little bit I would be in a good mood and I'd shake the bad vibes off. Well, I ended up getting drunk before the show, and then during the show I took some molly, and then decided to take a little bit more L too. I was out of it, I barely remember the show, I remember having those weird gay type thoughts again, and mentally rebelling against them, because it really felt like a foreign thought. I'm 24 years old...I think I would've known my sexuality by now. I ended up throwing up on myself even. I basically broke all my cardinal rules for tripping and going to shows. I got drunk and took molly, whereas normally if I would do it I would drink mostly water. I ended up splitting up with my friends because of this paranoia, didn't ride back to the hotel with them, and ended up getting a cab and getting back there late. Unfortunately, even though I drank more I was too wound up that night to sleep. I tried to, but it just didn't happen. J was gone as well, she went to party with other friends so I was kind of worried about her. The morning came, and we all got breakfast. My sense of right and wrong was also screwy. At one point I went to buy a lighter from this liquor store, the clerk was way in another aisle and I realized I could steal one...thinking that I should do so and that would make me straight or whatever. That I had to "go for it". Agonized over this decision but didn't steal it, then the dude gave me matches for free. There were lots of these instances of me overthinking everyday situations. Then the rest of the day was kind of weird. My friends had known about my bad trip and paranoia. So my friend takes me over to these guys' house. It was like 3 or 4 dudes at this place. They seemed cool enough but I got kind of a gay vibe from them and thought it was some kind of test or whatever that my friend was putting me through. It was all just very weird and surreal to me. One guy talking about his brother and his bro's gf cross dressed one halloween at a show, and his bro had to leave the show cause of the looks he was getting. It seemed too relevant to my trip. After being there for a bit I asked my friends if we were going to our other mutual friend's pre-show keg party. We ended up going there, and I felt relieved because there were more girls there. And they were hot, I found myself checking them out. Which made me feel good and secure. But then there were other weird coincidences. We were smoking hash oil. I had some oil, this girl had some oil, and this other guy had some. We were using his rig and dabber, and it was all very strange. Basically like the oil rig/dabber was a phallic symbol, and this chick being like, no you don't want to use his... At one point she hands me the dabber, and the guy is like "use this side, the other side is dirty (resin)" and so I put what I thought was the clean tip into my oil but I guess it was the dirty side? My perceptions were either mixed up or he was fucking with me, but I really don't think everyone was in on some conspiracy. Every decision seemed extremely monumental. I was talking with this girl who had oil, and we start talking about food. She mentioned to me that she was a vegetarian. I used to be a vegetarian, but I told her how when I went to Spain I stopped because they're big on ham and its a carnivore culture. And then as I'm talking I felt like talking about eating meat was metaphorical in a sexual way and meant I was gay. At one point I told a story about ordering a veggie sandwich there and it had tuna on it (because in spain they really don't have a concept of vegetarianism) and then in my head I'm tripping up over things and thinking that mentioning I don't like Tuna is some kind of metaphor that means I don't like pussy. It freaked me out at the time. This one guy there who was gay had brent mydland shirt on, and I love brent mydland, my favorite keyboardist from the dead, and then I got paranoid thinking that made me gay too. Even though I know plenty of people that aren't gay that love brent mydland. Anyway during that day J wanted to get her shoes from E's car, but he wasn't around, and I was reluctant to hit him up, thinking that if I did it would make me gay or something. Eventually when we got the lot for show #3 I contacted him and met up to get these shoes for J. It was so fucking annoying, because I met up with him, walked all the way back to his car, which took him forever to find. I also had J's ticket that I was going to sell her. She called me, and said she could get another one if I wanted to sell mine but I told her I'd sell it to her. Then on the walk I see this gorgeous woman who I want to sell the ticket too. I get it in my head that selling the ticket to her would cement my straightness but then I called J and she was unable to get another ticket. And furthermore got mad that I was thinking about selling it. So basically I go back and meet up with all my friends, proceed to get hammered on fireball. At this point I decided that doing any other drug other than alcohol was a bad idea. I really though getting drunk would bring me back to normal.Long story short I also had a bad time during this show. Barely remember any of the first set. The second set contained some rare tunes and Trey, the lead singer, even talked about nitrous during one song. Which further freaked me out because I did a very small amount of nitrous on Friday even though after my experience a couple months ago I swore off it forever. Basically the whole weekend felt like some type of cosmic punishment for not living my life in the correct way. As if God/the universe was going to forcibly change my sexuality/gender because I had gone against my morals and was basically just partying all the time and not taking things seriously. So, that night, I had previously purchased tickets for an after party show but didn't go. I was so drunk, and just decided to go back to E's hotel. He didn't know I was going to be there but I showed up and he was outside and I was able to use the air mattress on the floor. Another eery coincidence, during one show I talked to random girl about my gay paranoia, and she told me a story about how she thought she was gay once when she watched the trampoline scene in The Big Lebowski. Well...when I met up with E that night at the hotel he had a big lebowski shirt on!!!! WTF!! This freaked me out, but I couldn't decide if it meant I was gay or that I only thought so, and actually wasn't, like the girl I talked to earlier. As you may be able to guess, I was not able to sleep this night either. The next morning we pick up J, she had stayed with friends, and we get back on the road. E ends up going through mcdonalds to get food, I wasn't hungry but decided to get some too, then agonized over my decision and wondered if I just did because E did, and if that was a reflection of my sexuality. The whole 8 hour drive home was horrible. Way too many synchronicities for me/psychosis. It felt like the radio was talking to me/extremely relevant. Google had just changed their symbol/text, and I thought it was metaphorically related to me "changing" over the weekend. Every song freaked me out. It felt like some songs were trying to convince me to "come out" which was unsettling. At one point Hotel California came on and I got paranoid that I'd be trapped in hell forever. Basically any song we put on or was on the radio made me paranoid, and it felt like I was hearing songs from a female perspective, something I did not previously know was possible or that women heard songs differently from men. At one point I go to put on a Daft Punk song, because it was something we all agreed on. So I put on the song Giorgio, which features Giorgio Moroder, godfather of disco (also on saturday when in the car with my friend his gf and J, he put on disco at one point and talked about how he liked it, and I got paranoid that it was some kind of trick to convince me I was gay or something). But during this song I got paranoid because my very good friend's nickname is Giorgio and I thought it was some subconscious thing that I was attracted to him like that even though we're just bros and I've literally never thought about him that way. I basically insisted on many periods of silence during the car ride home or only instrumental music. Couldn't sleep on the car ride. Then I get home, and these girls are hitting me up. My ex, and then this other girl T. T is asking me if I can come over and show her how to roll a joint, and I kind of wanted to , but I also had been up for 3 days straight and had to work the next day and desperately needed sleep. Also left my glasses in colorado, so I told her another time. Again, this felt like some kind of cosmic test. Yet I was also paranoid that if I went over there I would be awkward and weird cause I'm super paranoid and had been up for 3 days. So I tried to stay home and sleep, I was unable to sleep. Went to work the next morning on 4 nights of drugs and not sleeping. Again, this trip continued at work. I thought people were laughing at me. I work at a call center, and thought the universe was speaking to me through callers. I think my first call of the day the last name of who called was Cox. At one point there's these decorations near my manager's cubicle and I ask what those are for and where they go, and she tells me they go in this box that's in the closet. I Tell her I can go put them back but she insists I don't know where this box is. I then internalize this to mean I can't get laid/pussy (box is a term used for pussy) and furthermore that the box was in the closet so if I went in there then I'd have to "come out of the closet". All of this freaked me out. So I ended up leaving work 2 hours after I got there. Called my friend K, she came over to my house ( I was going to go to her house, but she lives off a street called Wyoming, and I got near her place and there were these cowboy dudes outside of a truck. I got paranoid they would beat me up cause they would think I was gay...basically my mind associated Wyoming street with the murder of Matthew Shephard, a gay teen in Wyoming in the 90s) and gave me a ton of xanax and dabbed me out. I even tried to make out with her which freaked her out, but she was ultimately cool and just wanted me to be better. I took a bunch of xanax, finally slept for multiple hours for the first time in days. But unfortunately it doesn't end there. I missed the next two days of work. Had very bad luck, odd synchronicities. On the third day back I end up hanging out with my ex. We go to the bar and drink and laugh and its like old times. I'm even getting turned on and got somewhat of a boner so I felt awesome and assured in my sexuality. We get back to my place, have food, cuddling on the couch and things are great. Then I decide to do a dab, it didn't sit well with me, and then she mentions the last time she dabbed was a long time ago with me and E. This sent me back into the paranoia. This all transpired over labor day weekend this year. Since then I've had horrible symptoms. I can barely sleep. I'm getting 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night, tops. I have very little appetite. My sex drive is absolutely gone most of the time. Porn does nothing for me. I'm constipated most of the time and my piss stream is weak. I can't really enjoy music because it still all sounds weird to me unless it's just instrumental. Things I normally enjoyed don't bring me much pleasure. I did hang out and hook up with my ex a week ago, a little over a month after this started. And I was thrilled that my dick worked but I came super fast and it was just bad. I've had vivid dreams, though that's partially because I've stopped all drug usage and smoking. Basically I've been somewhat paranoid/psychotic since then. I'm seeing a psychologist, he's confident I'll chill out eventually and get back to normal, as are my parents who I ended up moving back in with (it was planned before this all happened). I know this has been an extremely long post but it's the first time I've really laid out all the details. And there are some more smaller details but I figure it's irrelevant at this point. I just want to get back to normal and be how I was before the trip. I want to be able to sleep at night. I want to be able to eat and enjoy food again. I want to not have psychotic thoughts and think everything is relevant to me. I'd like to be able to smoke weed again without getting paranoid. I want to be able to socialize without being so preoccupied with myself. I want my dick to work properly and I want to be attracted to women like I was before all this. The thing is it's not even like I feel attracted to guys now, it's just nothing in my body is working. My running theory is that taking drugs and that kind of activated my kundalini, which has risen before on psychedelic trips, but that because I did something wrong the energy system malfunctioned and blew out my nervous system resulting in all of these symptoms (insomnia, no appetite, no sex drive, no desire for anything really). It still feels like a punishment, someone I work with invited me to volunteer feeding the homeless that weekend but I went out of town to party. I feel like this is punishment for my selfishness.
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LSD and MDMA trip destroyed me, How to recover?
- Thread starter skeeto222
- Start date
WantToBeFree72
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2015
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- 30
First I'll say I've always found that you have to be in a really good mindset before you do any psychedelics or you can open yourself up to a bad trip. If you are questioning taking it or have some other things in the back of your head it can come out in the trip. I also have had some weird sexual thoughts while tripping on shrooms and lsd and have discussed it with friends and they have to. So it's not uncommon and I don't think you have to worry about that. Just remember that you put your body through a little trama and this will all right itself. If you start to stress say that to yourself. I went through an extremely bad trip, to the point where I called my Mom for help. It took a few months to feel fully 'normal'. Things that helped me were a really good vitamin and herbal regimen. 5Htp works wonders if you have been doing a ton of E/Molly and helps with anxiety and overall improving your mood. I would talk to your psychiatrist about your lack of sleep. You don't want to rely on benzos and get hooked. They can probably help prescribe you something. Lots of proper sleep will let your body and mind heal. Just remember this is a little hiccup and you will get better. They don't call these mind altering drugs for no reason. The good thing is the mind is very powerful and it will right itself with time.
CosmicG
Bluelighter
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- Jun 22, 2014
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- 12,572
I have had similar experiences with LSD as far as lingering paranoia, finding unwanted sinister meaning in just about everything, inferiority complexes, self-identity loss, and dissasociation. It absolutely gets better in time, though you should steer clear of all mind altering substances until you feel yourself start to come back.
Sometimes psychedelics can show us things that we are not prepared to handle. Just remember that your thoughts have no more power then what you allow them to have. You are feeling guilty about the lifestyle you have been living as of late. Understandable, it can happen to the best of us. I feel that I have learned much more about myself from the bad trips as opposed to the good. Harsher lessons, yes, but also much deeper and profound.
You know that you are not gay. If you were bisexual, it would be your choice whether or not to act on it or not. If the idea makes you uncomfortable, then you would obviously not want to explore this option. You can let it go now. In reality, nobody cares what your sexual preference is. Do good things for people, it will help you heal faster. Don't isolate, it will make things more difficult.
Sometimes psychedelics can show us things that we are not prepared to handle. Just remember that your thoughts have no more power then what you allow them to have. You are feeling guilty about the lifestyle you have been living as of late. Understandable, it can happen to the best of us. I feel that I have learned much more about myself from the bad trips as opposed to the good. Harsher lessons, yes, but also much deeper and profound.
You know that you are not gay. If you were bisexual, it would be your choice whether or not to act on it or not. If the idea makes you uncomfortable, then you would obviously not want to explore this option. You can let it go now. In reality, nobody cares what your sexual preference is. Do good things for people, it will help you heal faster. Don't isolate, it will make things more difficult.
Thanks for your replies. I've tried to edit my post so it's not a giant wall of text. I had paragraph breaks in there so I'm not sure why it posted like that. And when I go to edit, it is just blank and I cannot edit the post.
I just don't know how to recover. Tbh throughout this whole experience since labor day I've been almost suicidal. It feels like my mental processing is kaput. I can't think properly.
The worst part though is the effect that all of this is having on my body. To be quite frank I think the fact that I did MDA then LSD then LSD+mdma with only one day between the mda and the lsd..I think I fucked up my serotonin receptors or producers. To me that is the only logical/physical explanation.
I can't sleep for more than 3-4 hours a night. Sometimes a little more, but barely. I'm even on Ambien now, and to be honest it is barely helping at all. I have no/little appetite. My stomach will growl, I will know logically that I am hungry, but I do not feel that hunger like before. Same with going to the bathroom, I don't even feel the urge to piss or shit, I just kind of feel full and think that going to the bathroom might be a good idea. I can go days without shitting now...whereas previously I would shit at least once if not twice or more per day. I have constant headaches, which I attribute to the lack of sleep. I have little sexual desire. Luckily if I'm with a woman (which has happened because I'm hanging out with my ex who has been great to me) I can manage to get it up but otherwise no dice. Porn or seeing a hot woman in public does absolutely nothing for me. My hair is now falling out in clumps whenever I shower. I can't even enjoy hanging out with friends as I feel so completely unlike my self. My conversation doesn't flow, and it's hard for me to even think of things to say aside from talking about my awful condition. I feel so selfish, and I hate that. I'm grinding my teeth now so bad that I have small cavities on many teeth, I've never had a cavity before in my life.
I've tried 5HTP and a variety of supplements. Melatonin, ambien, etc none of it works. It honestly feels like I fried the part of my brain that allows me to sleep. When I do sleep, I have intense dreams, it feels like I never just sleep and get rest.
This feels like so much more than a little hiccup. It feels like my life is truly over. The one thing I had going for me was my brain. I'm not that good looking, I've been too lazy/depressed for a long time to seriously pursue any art form or hobby, though I had planned on it, I've resisted my job. I was planning to quit my job and go back to school, I was really read to finally take life by the balls, and then this happens. It just feels like the rug has been pulled out from under me.
Tbh I'm not even worried about the sexual orientation paranoia that I had. Logically I know my orientation, especially based on my past experiences and so forth. So, honestly that's not even something I'm worried about anymore. I just want to be able to sleep, to eat properly, to be able to have a cup of coffee or beer without being paranoid that I'm doing more brain damage. I want things to feel like they did before.
The hardest part is I can't seem to find anyone else who has gone through this with all of these physical symptoms. It's hard. Like, I know I should exercise more, but it's hard as fuck to motivate myself on 3-4 hours of sleep, especially when it was already hard for me with normal sleep. I've taken LSD probably 50 or 60 times. It's always been pretty cool, and when a trip was difficult I always felt like I learned a lot. This time it felt like I was spiritually raped and left to die a cold death. Part of me feels gone, I just want that back.
Please if anyone has gone through anything similar let me know. I've seen the long term comedown thread related to MDMA use, and tbh that seems closest to what I'm going through, but even my situation seems to be more severe. I'm just scared I'll be like this for the rest of my life, in which case I'll never be able to live up to my full potential.
I just don't know how to recover. Tbh throughout this whole experience since labor day I've been almost suicidal. It feels like my mental processing is kaput. I can't think properly.
The worst part though is the effect that all of this is having on my body. To be quite frank I think the fact that I did MDA then LSD then LSD+mdma with only one day between the mda and the lsd..I think I fucked up my serotonin receptors or producers. To me that is the only logical/physical explanation.
I can't sleep for more than 3-4 hours a night. Sometimes a little more, but barely. I'm even on Ambien now, and to be honest it is barely helping at all. I have no/little appetite. My stomach will growl, I will know logically that I am hungry, but I do not feel that hunger like before. Same with going to the bathroom, I don't even feel the urge to piss or shit, I just kind of feel full and think that going to the bathroom might be a good idea. I can go days without shitting now...whereas previously I would shit at least once if not twice or more per day. I have constant headaches, which I attribute to the lack of sleep. I have little sexual desire. Luckily if I'm with a woman (which has happened because I'm hanging out with my ex who has been great to me) I can manage to get it up but otherwise no dice. Porn or seeing a hot woman in public does absolutely nothing for me. My hair is now falling out in clumps whenever I shower. I can't even enjoy hanging out with friends as I feel so completely unlike my self. My conversation doesn't flow, and it's hard for me to even think of things to say aside from talking about my awful condition. I feel so selfish, and I hate that. I'm grinding my teeth now so bad that I have small cavities on many teeth, I've never had a cavity before in my life.
I've tried 5HTP and a variety of supplements. Melatonin, ambien, etc none of it works. It honestly feels like I fried the part of my brain that allows me to sleep. When I do sleep, I have intense dreams, it feels like I never just sleep and get rest.
This feels like so much more than a little hiccup. It feels like my life is truly over. The one thing I had going for me was my brain. I'm not that good looking, I've been too lazy/depressed for a long time to seriously pursue any art form or hobby, though I had planned on it, I've resisted my job. I was planning to quit my job and go back to school, I was really read to finally take life by the balls, and then this happens. It just feels like the rug has been pulled out from under me.
Tbh I'm not even worried about the sexual orientation paranoia that I had. Logically I know my orientation, especially based on my past experiences and so forth. So, honestly that's not even something I'm worried about anymore. I just want to be able to sleep, to eat properly, to be able to have a cup of coffee or beer without being paranoid that I'm doing more brain damage. I want things to feel like they did before.
The hardest part is I can't seem to find anyone else who has gone through this with all of these physical symptoms. It's hard. Like, I know I should exercise more, but it's hard as fuck to motivate myself on 3-4 hours of sleep, especially when it was already hard for me with normal sleep. I've taken LSD probably 50 or 60 times. It's always been pretty cool, and when a trip was difficult I always felt like I learned a lot. This time it felt like I was spiritually raped and left to die a cold death. Part of me feels gone, I just want that back.
Please if anyone has gone through anything similar let me know. I've seen the long term comedown thread related to MDMA use, and tbh that seems closest to what I'm going through, but even my situation seems to be more severe. I'm just scared I'll be like this for the rest of my life, in which case I'll never be able to live up to my full potential.
CosmicG
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2014
- Messages
- 12,572
As long as you stay away from psychedelics you will not be like this forever. It may take months, it may take a year or more, but you will begin to see the progress long before that. I have been through something exactly like this minus the hair falling out. I have consumed LSD and MDMA both well over a hundred times and I can promise you that you will be okay. You may not be exactly the same person you were before the drugs. But you will be stronger and wiser. What you are about to go through may be the most difficult test you have ever been faced with. But just imagine how empowered you will feel when you can finally say, I'm Back!
Positive thoughts. Good karma. Meditate meditate meditate. Drink water like it is going out of style. Your sleep will slowly begin to return back to normal.
When this is all over you will look back with pride knowing that you could never have become half the man you are today without having to go through the hell that you had just gone through.
Everything happens for a reason.
Positive thoughts. Good karma. Meditate meditate meditate. Drink water like it is going out of style. Your sleep will slowly begin to return back to normal.
When this is all over you will look back with pride knowing that you could never have become half the man you are today without having to go through the hell that you had just gone through.
Everything happens for a reason.
Thanks, and yeah I'm definitely not tripping for a long time, potentially ever. It just kind of sucks. I always wanted my final psychedelic experience to be a good one, rather than bad. It's like I was always searching for some hidden knowledge, for some meaning of life I couldn't quite grasp, and that's really why I kept tripping so much. I thought it was just around the bend. I should've realized after the last 2 or 3 less than pleasurable times that tripping again might not be a good idea. I mean hell, I did realize that, I just decided to trip anyway.
I thank you for your assurances. This has definitely been by far the most difficult thing I've been through. I've said numerous times that I would have rather lost a limb than this. My brain not functioning properly is by far the most terrifying thing I've had to deal with. And it's one of those things that I don't think it's primarily damage through drugs, I think it's mainly from the sleep deprivation. The piss poor quality sleep has not been conducive to recovery. I'm imagining how I'll feel when I can say I'm back...but it's almost hard to imagine that...hell at this point it's almost hard to imagine how my mind worked before all this happened. It just seemed more complex...and now things are so basic. I don't like it.
Again thank you so much. Everyone keeps telling me I'll be alright, and that I'm worrying too much, but I know what I normally feel like and can't shake the feeling that something is deeply wrong. I know there's no easy out, but I'm going to try smoking weed or oil later this week and if that goes okay without anxiety, and it makes me feel better, I'm going to seriously look into rick simpson oil. They say it can cure cancer and a variety of ailments, I'm hoping it could allow me enough sleep for my body to repair itself. I feel like I'm losing more and more every day.
I'll try to keep the "Everything happens for a reason" thought in my head. It's just the only reason I can think is that I made dumb decisions and succumbed to temptation when I should have risen above it. It feels so supremely life altering and it definitely severely fucked up my chakras and my internal energy system. I've never been so out of whack in my life. I'm not trying to sound depressed or anxious. I barely even feel that way anymore, my emotions have become dulled. When I do have an emotion it feels fake and like I'm forcing it. Almost nothing brings me joy or pleasure. It's awful to say, but my best day since this trip has been worse than my worst day beforehand. It's that bad. Things have been kind of looking up, but it's so hard to tell if that means I'm getting better or if I'm just getting used to living in this devolved state.
I'm trying to focus on love and light, good thoughts, trying to do good things during the day. Drinking more water has been good, I just need that sleep.
I thank you for your assurances. This has definitely been by far the most difficult thing I've been through. I've said numerous times that I would have rather lost a limb than this. My brain not functioning properly is by far the most terrifying thing I've had to deal with. And it's one of those things that I don't think it's primarily damage through drugs, I think it's mainly from the sleep deprivation. The piss poor quality sleep has not been conducive to recovery. I'm imagining how I'll feel when I can say I'm back...but it's almost hard to imagine that...hell at this point it's almost hard to imagine how my mind worked before all this happened. It just seemed more complex...and now things are so basic. I don't like it.
Again thank you so much. Everyone keeps telling me I'll be alright, and that I'm worrying too much, but I know what I normally feel like and can't shake the feeling that something is deeply wrong. I know there's no easy out, but I'm going to try smoking weed or oil later this week and if that goes okay without anxiety, and it makes me feel better, I'm going to seriously look into rick simpson oil. They say it can cure cancer and a variety of ailments, I'm hoping it could allow me enough sleep for my body to repair itself. I feel like I'm losing more and more every day.
I'll try to keep the "Everything happens for a reason" thought in my head. It's just the only reason I can think is that I made dumb decisions and succumbed to temptation when I should have risen above it. It feels so supremely life altering and it definitely severely fucked up my chakras and my internal energy system. I've never been so out of whack in my life. I'm not trying to sound depressed or anxious. I barely even feel that way anymore, my emotions have become dulled. When I do have an emotion it feels fake and like I'm forcing it. Almost nothing brings me joy or pleasure. It's awful to say, but my best day since this trip has been worse than my worst day beforehand. It's that bad. Things have been kind of looking up, but it's so hard to tell if that means I'm getting better or if I'm just getting used to living in this devolved state.
I'm trying to focus on love and light, good thoughts, trying to do good things during the day. Drinking more water has been good, I just need that sleep.
socko
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2005
- Messages
- 3,620
I agree with Mysterie. It sounds like you already kind of a mentally disabled veteran. You are suffering from some symptoms of psychosis that taking a long time to go away. More marijuana, which can act as a strong psychedelic even with its low concentration of THC, can make it worse. Simpson oil has extremely high concentrations of THC.. THC is powerful psychedelic.. It is the component in marijuana that triggers psychotic reactions like you are having . Be careful because you might wind up perma-tripping if you take anything that can make your symptoms worse and make you feel like you are reliving your bad trip. Avoid stress in your life and follow the advice people have given you. Your brain will heal, and your energy flow and your chakras will return to normal. You should be fully recovered and feel normal again in a few months.
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I know what you mean. And that's exactly why I have been yet to smoke weed again. The first time I smoked a few days after this sent me right back into the throws of this trip. I guess I just feel like I'm at my wit's end.
To be honest...some of what I'm experiencing seems to jive with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. Not totally though. I'm not really sure and I don't want to go down the mental illness route. I'm afraid if I self-diagnose or even got a legitimate diagnosis that it would only hinder my recovery. I just can't stand to believe this is some kind of permanent fixture. Especially when I've tripped so much in the past...I just would've thought some type of mental break would have happened way sooner.
I know a large part of my bad trip came from not going with the flow. I normally always do...but the flow just seemed so wrong this time and I could not accept it. I thought tripping the following night would help but it definitely did not. I just never in a million years thought something like this could happen. I knew the risk of a bad trip was always there, but I figured I'd deal with it and move on and try to learn from it. I feel I had a lot to learn from this trip, but it's been hard to put things into practice, especially as it feels my body keeps deteriorating.
A good friend of mine advised meditation and seems to think my symptoms are caused by me not letting go and allowing myself to remain stressed out. He thinks if I can just de-stress that I'll feel better and this will go away. I don't totally disagree with him but the process of de-stressing has been almost impossible. Normally to destress I would smoke some weed, chill out, sleep, watch some tv or read a book. But now, none of that is enjoyable, even sleep is difficult.
The fact that everyone in my life (aside from maybe two people) is telling me I'm going to get better is my main source of hope right now. It's so hard to believe, it's been almost 2 months and while the psychosis has gone mainly all of these physical symptoms remain, and truly that's what bothers me. It just feels like my body is shutting down. All I want to do is heal and recover, but I don't have a clear path for how to do that.
I know you're probably right about the THC, and I don't live in a legal state, so getting the oil would be an ordeal that I don't want to undertake unless I think it would make me better, and if it made me worse that would not be worth it.
I just don't want to be like this forever. I felt I had so much promise, and now I feel like I'm not even half as intelligent as I once was. I was quite depressed before this all started to be quite honest, I just figured I would remain in that state until I made positive changes, I never thought that I could devolve into something much worse.
Just wondering if anyone else has any experience here. This is by far the worst thing I've gone through.
It feels like my mind has completely gone. I can barely think or learn anything new. Cognitively I feel like mush. And all of this is so significant for me in terms of my personal life. It really feels like I made a wrong choice cosmically and now I'm being severely punished for it. Not to be too personal, but I'm from KC, and the royals just won the world series. I've literally waited my entire life for this moment. I've fantasized about it, I always thought 2015 would be the year, especially after last year.
And now... I can't even enjoy it. I want to, and on some level I am happy, but I just can't get into it. And this is awful, I've been a huge fan for a while, but this desire has left me.
That coupled with the lack of ability to think clearly or form complex thoughts. It just feels like I was on the border between heaven and hell, and I slipped, and now I'm in hell. That's honestly how it feels. Nothing is good in my life. I mean on the one hand that's not true at all, I have plenty of family and friends who love me very much, but internally things could not be worse. I just want to experience the world how I used to.
It's been almost 2 entire months since this trip. My mind feels worse than it did right afterwards. I'm not having as many crazy paranoid psychotic thoughts, although I have some, but it just seems like all mental processing has slowed down. It feels like my brain is systematically shutting itself down as some sort of defense mechanism. I still can't sleep for more than a few hours at a time, even with ambien.
I can't help but feel I unlocked some kind of latent psychological disorder. The lack of cognitive functioning, along with the variety of diminished physical symptoms and sensations, lead me to believe I have a serious mental illness. Quite frankly, if I can't recover and get back to normal or close to it I don't see myself continuing on much longer. I was never suicidal before this, but I just can't imagine living in such a reduced state. I feel dumber than I did as a child. Quite frankly I never felt like I was that dumb, but now I'm having a hard time with basic things at work. Spelling is difficult, and I am forgetting so many things for basically no reason. I never thought this could happen to me.
I was always under the impression that if you had an underlying psychiatric condition, that LSD use would unlock it within the first few times of use. I've used it plenty of times, and thought I was in the clear. Right now I can only contemplate the mental effects. When I try to sit back and contemplate the spiritual consequences it is positively terrifying. If there is an afterlife of any kind I know I'm not going to go to any kind of heaven or positive place. I'll be in hell for being selfish and throwing away my life and my talents in the pursuit of pleasure. I absolutely hate that this has happened. Worse is I feel like I know exactly how it happened. It feels like it was caused by drug use combined with my own laziness as well as sleep deprivation.
I was loose enough, and the drugs allowed my mind to become unhinged completely, to the point that I was unable to regain control, and my thoughts were unable to chill out in my brain. My brain feels so fried.
Cosmic Giraffe if you're there could please tell me more about your experience either here or through a PM? One of the more distressing things about this is I can't seem to find anyone who has been through the same thing. This leads me to believe either no one has dealt with this or those that have eventually lost all mental functioning or committed suicide and that's why I don't hear about or see posts from them.
It feels like my mind has completely gone. I can barely think or learn anything new. Cognitively I feel like mush. And all of this is so significant for me in terms of my personal life. It really feels like I made a wrong choice cosmically and now I'm being severely punished for it. Not to be too personal, but I'm from KC, and the royals just won the world series. I've literally waited my entire life for this moment. I've fantasized about it, I always thought 2015 would be the year, especially after last year.
And now... I can't even enjoy it. I want to, and on some level I am happy, but I just can't get into it. And this is awful, I've been a huge fan for a while, but this desire has left me.
That coupled with the lack of ability to think clearly or form complex thoughts. It just feels like I was on the border between heaven and hell, and I slipped, and now I'm in hell. That's honestly how it feels. Nothing is good in my life. I mean on the one hand that's not true at all, I have plenty of family and friends who love me very much, but internally things could not be worse. I just want to experience the world how I used to.
It's been almost 2 entire months since this trip. My mind feels worse than it did right afterwards. I'm not having as many crazy paranoid psychotic thoughts, although I have some, but it just seems like all mental processing has slowed down. It feels like my brain is systematically shutting itself down as some sort of defense mechanism. I still can't sleep for more than a few hours at a time, even with ambien.
I can't help but feel I unlocked some kind of latent psychological disorder. The lack of cognitive functioning, along with the variety of diminished physical symptoms and sensations, lead me to believe I have a serious mental illness. Quite frankly, if I can't recover and get back to normal or close to it I don't see myself continuing on much longer. I was never suicidal before this, but I just can't imagine living in such a reduced state. I feel dumber than I did as a child. Quite frankly I never felt like I was that dumb, but now I'm having a hard time with basic things at work. Spelling is difficult, and I am forgetting so many things for basically no reason. I never thought this could happen to me.
I was always under the impression that if you had an underlying psychiatric condition, that LSD use would unlock it within the first few times of use. I've used it plenty of times, and thought I was in the clear. Right now I can only contemplate the mental effects. When I try to sit back and contemplate the spiritual consequences it is positively terrifying. If there is an afterlife of any kind I know I'm not going to go to any kind of heaven or positive place. I'll be in hell for being selfish and throwing away my life and my talents in the pursuit of pleasure. I absolutely hate that this has happened. Worse is I feel like I know exactly how it happened. It feels like it was caused by drug use combined with my own laziness as well as sleep deprivation.
I was loose enough, and the drugs allowed my mind to become unhinged completely, to the point that I was unable to regain control, and my thoughts were unable to chill out in my brain. My brain feels so fried.
Cosmic Giraffe if you're there could please tell me more about your experience either here or through a PM? One of the more distressing things about this is I can't seem to find anyone who has been through the same thing. This leads me to believe either no one has dealt with this or those that have eventually lost all mental functioning or committed suicide and that's why I don't hear about or see posts from them.
Hi, Skeeto. As others have advised, I'd stay well clear of drugs for now if I was you. Try and let your mind heal and get back into balance. I stopped acid back in the mid 90's as I was getting weird effects for example towards the end as I would come up on acid I would hear water being spilt. It was in my head but it was totally insane. I would hear the water rushing and if you we're holding a drink I would slap it out of your hand but then think what the hell am I doing? I could go on and on but you get my point. I don't know if it was due to using acid with all the other drugs. I'm rambling but I felt your pain when reading your post, if this is happening and you continue imagine what your getting starts to get way more intense. Def stop man. All the best.
Just to let you know skeeto222 there are many people going through the same thing that you are, you can check this topic out to ensure yourself that you are definitely not alone in this hellish scenario http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/759049-MDMA-Recovery-(Stories-amp-Support-3)
I am also going through a very difficult period known as long term comedown. It all started after mixing a moderate amount of alcohol with an untested 1.5 mdma pill which supposedly had some mdma in it with something else. It began with a brutal 3 day comedown, which was my first one as i have never experienced any comedowns per say after previous mdma sessions, followed by a period of time where i was struggling with anxiety as well as strange feelings of detachment from the world. Then it all progressed into very deep depression mixed with anxiety where i was suffering from serious cognitive decline, emotional and physical pain and many other symptoms of depression and anxiety.
Currently i am 6 months into my long term comedown and still suffer. The thing is that people do get better and recover from these situations it just takes a considerable amount time and that in itself leaves a lot of hope.
I am also going through a very difficult period known as long term comedown. It all started after mixing a moderate amount of alcohol with an untested 1.5 mdma pill which supposedly had some mdma in it with something else. It began with a brutal 3 day comedown, which was my first one as i have never experienced any comedowns per say after previous mdma sessions, followed by a period of time where i was struggling with anxiety as well as strange feelings of detachment from the world. Then it all progressed into very deep depression mixed with anxiety where i was suffering from serious cognitive decline, emotional and physical pain and many other symptoms of depression and anxiety.
Currently i am 6 months into my long term comedown and still suffer. The thing is that people do get better and recover from these situations it just takes a considerable amount time and that in itself leaves a lot of hope.
Thanks for the reply I did just make a post there.
Tbh upon returning from this trip and doing research, MDMA damage and long term comedown was the first thing I thought of. However, it later turned out I didn't do nearly as much MDMA as I thought I did. At first my friend lied to me and said I did most of the mdma, so I was thinking I did 500mg or more. Later it turns out I didn't do that much, and that I only did a couple dips of it. Still, it's possible it was 100-200mg, coupled with lots of alcohol.
I don't doubt that that is what I'm dealing with...but even so it seems my symptoms are worse than a lot of the people in that thread. I have at least 10 different physical symptoms before even going into my mental states. It sucks, royally, and it feels like I screwed up my life. I'm praying that it's all in my head, and that all of my physical symptoms are a manifestation of anxiety, but it's hard, it's really hard to believe that.
Tbh upon returning from this trip and doing research, MDMA damage and long term comedown was the first thing I thought of. However, it later turned out I didn't do nearly as much MDMA as I thought I did. At first my friend lied to me and said I did most of the mdma, so I was thinking I did 500mg or more. Later it turns out I didn't do that much, and that I only did a couple dips of it. Still, it's possible it was 100-200mg, coupled with lots of alcohol.
I don't doubt that that is what I'm dealing with...but even so it seems my symptoms are worse than a lot of the people in that thread. I have at least 10 different physical symptoms before even going into my mental states. It sucks, royally, and it feels like I screwed up my life. I'm praying that it's all in my head, and that all of my physical symptoms are a manifestation of anxiety, but it's hard, it's really hard to believe that.
WantToBeFree72
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2015
- Messages
- 30
I will tell you from having gad that anxiety can cause horrendous physical symptoms so a lot of it could be from your severe anxiety right now. I struggled with it horribly before I started withdrawing off opiates. All the anticipation and thinking and waiting for it to be over caused even worse physical symptoms before the withdrawl that when it came it wasn't as bad. Try to keep busy and take your mind off it. Know that you did not ruin your life. A lot off people have been in your spot. You will get better!!
The Shadow Self
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2013
- Messages
- 649
Back in the day, I was using LSD weekly, for many years. I had built up tolerances that were ridiculous. I was always taking 4,5,6 (or more) hits of what really was some of the best LSD ever. I got to a point where I was doubling up the day after, and tripping two days in a row. I'd drop 4 or 5 hits on Friday night, get really no sleep unless I took a benzo, then I'd drop 8 or 10 hits Saturday and trip all day. Anyway...long story short, there was a time that I induced some VERY bad trips, largely because of my abuse of the drug. I have been to places that were like trips to hell and back again. I was so depressed at one point, and also thought I'd never be "sane" again, that I was in deep despair. Well, come to find, I took a LONG break, more specifically, almost 10 years, from tripping. I basically gave it up because I thought I had crippled myself. Within several months I felt better, little by little, and ultimately back to normal. I went on to get 2 undergraduate degrees and a Master's degree in the following years, almost to prove to the world that I didn't damage myself. There were other reasons, but that was part of it. You will be OK. But is sounds like a break from drugs will do you the most good. They will always be there. In fact, after almost 15 years of not tripping, I started a couple of years ago and trip a few times a year, and it's great. It's almost like what happened long ago never happened. But I also can't trip like I once did because I have a job, family, etc. Anyway, you'll be OK, man.
Lostindaecho
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Dec 9, 2015
- Messages
- 2
Goin thru da same hell bud since a year ago..had an horrible trip on lsd in a psychedelic fest.. You are not alone..just be with it .. It vl get over..time heals everything..don't give up on life it's so fuckin precious..jus rem up b da strongest person in da universe da day ul come out of it..do everything dat makes u happy.. Take risks..life is happening..fuck what everyone thinks..u know hu u are..we r reflection of each other..da same person hu r laughing at u now vl bow down n respect u one day..nothing is permanent..live ur life..having said Al that I know how tough it is..Cz I can relate to you but don't expect same sympathy from everyone.. Dey don't kno what u r going thru..it's there karma..life vl get den one day n make dem pay for da way dey treated you..do good to everyone regardless of what dey think of you..u r tougher Dan ur situation..u r stronger Dan dis..set an example for everyone..take it as a challenge..don't give bro..u might ve to start from da scratch n create urslf again into da person u exactly want to be..u r not fighting dis battle alone..m dr wd u..n I can reassure u Dr r many..but does dat matter anyway..end of da day it's ua life n ur choices..lots of power to you bud..a hero in da making????
Lostindaecho
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Dec 9, 2015
- Messages
- 2
When you fall hard.. You bounce harder..
d3athadone
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2015
- Messages
- 265
Just wanted to say I've been through this before. The worst time was when I OD on ritalin and took 3gram shroom tea. That was a nightmare. Felt like my soul was being tortured. My body too. I wasn't right for a long time after. I was seriously fucked in the head for time. Just hang in there man. You were going way to hard. dont smoke weed. Peace
Youre definitely not alone man, be sure of that as it is very important to feel safe when you know youre not the only one going through this.
You had a psychosis breakdown, a bad trip, and it is something undeniable, no one can expect and prevent his bad trip.
i believe what you have now is ptsd, and some kind of anxiety disorder. It may feel as the worst time of your life and as if it would never go away, but it will defiantly will, i believe what happend was that the bad trip was a reflection of your unconsciousness, therefore a mental health problems has surfaced.
I to had a bad trip, i to have diagnosed myself(which was a bad idea) and truely believed i am starting to develop a serious mental illness, bipolar disease, schizophrenia, anxiety disorder, depression, you name it... And i truely believed i have fucked myself for good, but no i havent.
The chances for developing a schizophrenia or bipolar disease or any mental illness that is routed in your brain, are 1 to 1000.
But some other mental illneses which can be achieved from a bad trip such as ptsd,depression, anxiety disorder, and panics disorder, are very common.
I was and still am suffering from anxiety disorder and ptsd symptoms, and its a year now from my bad trip, some days are best, some are worst. I quit marijuana because everytime i smoke, i get a serious panic attack, which is very similar to a bad trip. But i can guarantee you will feel better, and become stronger, everything in life is fixable. Something like 3 months ago i felt like shit, like my life has been destroyed from that bad trip, but today i feeling well, not completely but its getting better.
Breathing Techniques helped me alot and still are, meditate, drink plenty of water as water is the thing we cant live without, therefore it is a medication, to the body and to the mind.
Feel well, and be sure there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
You had a psychosis breakdown, a bad trip, and it is something undeniable, no one can expect and prevent his bad trip.
i believe what you have now is ptsd, and some kind of anxiety disorder. It may feel as the worst time of your life and as if it would never go away, but it will defiantly will, i believe what happend was that the bad trip was a reflection of your unconsciousness, therefore a mental health problems has surfaced.
I to had a bad trip, i to have diagnosed myself(which was a bad idea) and truely believed i am starting to develop a serious mental illness, bipolar disease, schizophrenia, anxiety disorder, depression, you name it... And i truely believed i have fucked myself for good, but no i havent.
The chances for developing a schizophrenia or bipolar disease or any mental illness that is routed in your brain, are 1 to 1000.
But some other mental illneses which can be achieved from a bad trip such as ptsd,depression, anxiety disorder, and panics disorder, are very common.
I was and still am suffering from anxiety disorder and ptsd symptoms, and its a year now from my bad trip, some days are best, some are worst. I quit marijuana because everytime i smoke, i get a serious panic attack, which is very similar to a bad trip. But i can guarantee you will feel better, and become stronger, everything in life is fixable. Something like 3 months ago i felt like shit, like my life has been destroyed from that bad trip, but today i feeling well, not completely but its getting better.
Breathing Techniques helped me alot and still are, meditate, drink plenty of water as water is the thing we cant live without, therefore it is a medication, to the body and to the mind.
Feel well, and be sure there is a light at the end of the tunnel.