Thecatsmerlot
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2015
- Messages
- 2
Thanks for the reply I did just make a post there.
Tbh upon returning from this trip and doing research, MDMA damage and long term comedown was the first thing I thought of. However, it later turned out I didn't do nearly as much MDMA as I thought I did. At first my friend lied to me and said I did most of the mdma, so I was thinking I did 500mg or more. Later it turns out I didn't do that much, and that I only did a couple dips of it. Still, it's possible it was 100-200mg, coupled with lots of alcohol.
I don't doubt that that is what I'm dealing with...but even so it seems my symptoms are worse than a lot of the people in that thread. I have at least 10 different physical symptoms before even going into my mental states. It sucks, royally, and it feels like I screwed up my life. I'm praying that it's all in my head, and that all of my physical symptoms are a manifestation of anxiety, but it's hard, it's really hard to believe that.
Hey man. You are not alone. I have ridiculously low tolerance for psychedelics. I already uncomfortably contemplate my existence on a variety of levels when I'm fucking sober, let alone psychs.
So basically in essence, I was in that position you are in...thinking I fucked up BIG time. Anxiety ruled my mind (and when I say anxiety...I am talking...being confronted with the reality of insanity after death and knowing I can't escape it so then my life fucking sucked. I'm so stubborn when I'm tripping...it's hard for me to let go which makes me a huge target for potential bad trips. I didn't recover for a good eight months to a year, with occasional anxiety and depression now during particular hormonal times.
Your mention of serotonin drops...that is where my bad anxiety came from. I did Sass less than a month after my first Molly experience...and that's all it took. My roommates and I planned murdering another roommate out of fear (he was also on our level, only being more scary), I had panic attacks in my sleep, I couldn't take showers and shave my legs because I was afraid of accidentally killing myself by cutting my veins, I couldn't eat, was afraid of being at the zoo (I'm a fucking vet tech), afraid of my own brain. I couldn't think thoughts that were sinister because I didn't want my brain listening. Weirdly for me, sex took me back to normal...it was the only time I could release. Work scared me, death scared me, the gym scared me. Like I was always being hovered over by the unfailing realization of death and it was manifesting itself into all kinds of dark shit. I felt like everywhere I went I was in a plastic world. Nobody looked real. All they were doing were making mouth words at me that didn't matter because I was going to die and that's all that mattered.
You'd be amazed at how a simple idealized drop of serotonin doesn't just make you a little blue...it makes you fucking batshit crazy.
I had to slowly revisit all the places I was afraid of over time to get used to them again. It was hell. I feel like I literally died and returned from hell. You do gain wisdom, and you can enjoy life again, but somehow always tainted...I just call it owning your darkness. I read a few books that helped. I hope you're doing alright...that was just all my sleepy two cents to let you know we all care and you're not alone.
Last edited: