No problem blue, I hate to see anyone fucked up because of these drugs. I know how confusing it can get. I really think you should just try the lower dose. I understand your reasoning but I think it's worth a shot. What you are dealing with is withdrawal related. If you can tolerate the lower dose than it is worth it. If not, you could delay your recovery time. I know it's a huge decision man, but I hate to see you struggling without you trying everything else first. If you can, I know it's hard, but you should really try and stay substance free for a while. I think you will beat this thing and you will really heal but you have to arm yourself with information and do everything in your power to get better.
I hate to break it to you, but you are going to be in for the long haul. You will have windows, it will get better, it will get worse, it will feel like its the same...but one day you notice you feel alright, then a little better, and it will become manageable. I know it can cause all kinds of suicidal feeling for a while. Any time over a week or two is an insanely long time to be in withdrawal. It is no easy task brother. It's been one of the hardest things I've been through and I've been doing drugs for a long time and had a pretty fucked up life with a lot of rough patches. This has been the most challenging thing for me. I can barely go to work every day. We got to try and settle down and be patient. Just focus on getting through each hour, then each day. Don't stress yourself out, avoid your triggers, avoid making life decisions. Just do what you can, it's fucked up, it's fucked up that prescribed drugs did this shit to us but we can't give in to the negativity. There is a bottomless pit of pain and agony there if you let it get to you. It's very confusing, I know, but hang in there man. I know it's hard as shit but get a little punk rock attitude and say fuck this shit. Don't let it beat you down, you can beat it and you will learn a lot from it. It's hard to look at it that way now but it can really be a valuable experience if you don't let it destroy you. I've felt crazier than I have ever felt, totally mad and it's changed my entire personality but it's been one of the greatest teachers I've ever had. I know you will get better man, I really do. Just hold on to some hope and keep fighting. Much love blue.