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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 3)

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I mastered my anxiety too, it's impressive. But there are still some stuff that is out of control. The other day I had a GIGANTIC twitch that hurt like someone was stabbing me on my chest. Like my heart was jamming. It is so hard to separate the physical from the psychological. I didn't lose my mind but it was hard to handle. And that, is the exact reason I don't think i'm able to go to school or work yet.
 
me2point0 said:
I mastered my anxiety too, it's impressive. But there are still some stuff that is out of control. The other day I had a GIGANTIC twitch that hurt like someone was stabbing me on my chest. Like my heart was jamming. It is so hard to separate the physical from the psychological. I didn't lose my mind but it was hard to handle. And that, is the exact reason I don't think i'm able to go to school or work yet.
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I realize that getting sick is expensive, but regardless, I believe you are making the right decision by choosing to remain at home to further concentrate on your health.

The stress of work and/or school can severely undermine any progress in relation to someone's health (especially when it comes to mental disorders). And furthermore, choosing to return to work and/or school when, for example, you're only ~50% recovered may also stress your coworkers and/or fellow students, thus, potentially leading to less productivity as a whole.

I wish you a complete recovery, and a successful return to work and/or school thereafter, take care :)
 
Hey everyone,

It's already been a week since I last posted here. That's because I actually felt a lot better these past days, there were times were I felt kinda anxious but not as bad as last week. But today (about half an hour ago) I actually felt really scared, thoughts of hurting myself/others suddenly popped up in my head again and really scared me, I've calmed down a bit, but I still feel kind of anxious.

I've been studying myself like@ShortTermExpert said, but I don't really understand yet what triggers the anxiety. At least there's progress, but that setback really scared me.
 
ZaWarudo said:
Hey everyone,

It's already been a week since I last posted here. That's because I actually felt a lot better these past days, there were times were I felt kinda anxious but not as bad as last week. But today (about half an hour ago) I actually felt really scared, thoughts of hurting myself/others suddenly popped up in my head again and really scared me, I've calmed down a bit, but I still feel kind of anxious.

I've been studying myself like@ShortTermExpert said, but I don't really understand yet what triggers the anxiety. At least there's progress, but that setback really scared me.
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Hey dude! I know what you are going through. Had to deal with exactly the same issue. But as you allready figured out, it s just anxiety. The more i accepted that the faster it went away till it eventually was no deal anymore.these "what if's" can make one drive insane. But dont worry :) pm me for further help
 
Deltronpedro said:
Hey dude! I know what you are going through. Had to deal with exactly the same issue. But as you allready figured out, it s just anxiety. The more i accepted that the faster it went away till it eventually was no deal anymore.these "what if's" can make one drive insane. But dont worry :) pm me for further help
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I know it's anxiety, but it feels like it has worsened because of the sudden thoughts I had yesterday. I've been feeling terrible all day and it feels like these thoughts won't go away and it feels like I'm on the border of insanity. I don't want thoughts like these. I feel terrible. I'm starting a new job this Tuesday and I just want to feel normal again.
 
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As I said allready: I know exactly how it feels. I was 100% certain I would go insane every moment . But maybe it calms you down, that it is just a off shot of anxiety and goes away. When I got to deal with it the first time it was like hell.
Always try to get yourself distracted by this damn thoughts and be yourself sure, that nothing of your imagination is true or will become real. If you would go insane you wouldn't notice it. People loosing sanity dont have a clue whats going on in their heads and feel absolute normal. You are the opposite. So don't worry bro :)
 
Hi everyone,

I recently posted this in the mental health section but I guessed I would actually get more of a response here... so sorry for any duplication!
For background info a couple of months back I posted this:

Starting from the beginning: About 3 months ago I went to a rave and binged on about a gram of what I believe to be pure MDMA over the course of about 7 hours. Stupid, I know (please spare the lectures). Anyway, my last dose was at 4am and I was rolling fine until around 6am when I began seeing bugs everywhere, these were like big moth creatures. After 2 hours or so the moths turned to little worms and after another couple of hours the worms turned to houseflies. The houseflies would crawl on the wall for a bit before eventually flying off and disappearing. I knew these were not real, so I don't believe I was experiencing psychosis.

The day after I got some sleep and woke up, staring at the wall to see if the bugs were still there, which they weren't. But what I saw when I stared at the wall was one or two black dots, moving about in like a shutter effect. This didn't wear off as the days passed, so I googled something along the lines of 'dots on wall after MDMA overdose'. This is when I discovered HPPD.

I read about HPPD and suddenly began looking for the symptoms, and you guessed it, I then started seeing the symptoms. The first one I saw was the visual static, then I began looking for other things like floaters, ghosting and after images, and I started seeing it all.

I went to the docs and told them and I was prescribed olanzipine, which actually made things worse. On the olanzopine the static got thicker and I began seeing patterns on the wall. If the wall was light I would see like a yellow beehive pattern, if it was dark I would see a purple blob transform into a red star. When I came off the patterns went away and the static died down, although sometimes when I'm hungover they come back for a day or two. Can I add that the purple blob originated from when I looked at a slideshow at work and saw a negative after image of a green circle on the slide, then I began looking for it everywhere.'

I then went back to my doctors and he prescribed me some diazepam to bring my anxiety levels down which I took for 10 days. The diazepam made me less anxious but I was still looking for the visuals. I then started looking for floaters, and now I see them all the time. The thing about the floaters is that I see them whether I'm thinking about them or not, whereas the static I have to be thinking about it and look for it to see it. I've also asked a couple of my friends if they can see the static and they said they can now that I mention it, but never seen it before. The problem with me is that I can't stop thinking about it, and it's driving me insane. I've been referred for CBT for severe anxiety, and hoping to start very soon. All in hall the last 3 months has been hell for me, I wake up atleast 10 times a night and all day I have a constant feeling of dread. I don't know why the visuals cause my anxiety but they do.

My doctor thinks that my anxiety caused me to notice these symptoms and then the symptoms are causing me to worry, kind of like a vicious circle. Since that night I haven't touched any drug, apart from my prescribed ones and alcohol. I don't plan on touching anything again. I'm working out everyday, eating healthy, going to work and taking lions mane/omega 3 to try and improve my brain chemistry. I refuse to touch SSRI's as I fear it will make my symptoms worse.

I was just hoping to get some of your opinions, has anyone else been through similar to this? How did you get over it? Have I got HPPD or is it just my anxiety? If it is HPPD will it go away? I massively appreciate any help and I thank you all in advance.

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So I haven't really gotten any better, I've had CBT and it hasn't even slightly helped me. The 'visual static' is on my mind all day everyday, as well as the floaters. They are the things that bother me the most. I only see the static when I think about it but the floaters are there quite a lot even when I don't. I'm at the point where I think I might not have HPPD but I can't stop thinking about the static and it's causing me so much anxiety. I don't even know why it bothers me it just does. Everyone I've asked can also see it but they just say "I don't get why it bothers you" and they just switch off from it... I wish I could do that so much! How on earth do I stop thinking about it?

I'm also so full of regret that I've messed myself up like this and also, strangely enough, that I can't do MDMA again. I loved that drug and I feel like I've lost a massive part of my life. The regret and anxiety I'm coping with everyday is getting too much for me... I don't know what to do and I was just wondering if anyone has been through anything similar and can offer me some hope or some tips?

Thanks in advance.
 
Anyone still take their adhd meddication on this? I tried but it was too much and started being lightheaded. I wana give it another shot.
 
ShortTermExpert said:
Sucks to see new guys popping up on this thread.

Gonna throw you guys some pointers, follow this advice to a speedy recovery:

1) DO NOT TAKE ANY MORE DRUGS: this should be self-evident, however, some people (me being one of them) decided to take things a little too far. I actually continued with MDMA well after the alarm bells should of been ringing. Because of that I paid a very heavy price for it. By other drugs, I include things like nicotine, caffeine and alcohol. And weed. Unless you're one of those weird people who have never felt a shred of anxiety on marijuana. From what I've gathered, me included, weed will make you feel far worse but that shits weird and has such different effects on different people.

2) SLEEP: you want 9 hours a night minimum. Prepare for hell if you decide to try with 6.

3) DO NOT OBSESS OVER YOUR SYMPTOMS: yes, I know there's weird physical things going on with your body right now. Been there, done that. Believe it or not, it's all in your head. The cure for these physical symptoms is not Dr Google so if you find yourself dwelling on it, focus on something else.

4) DEEP BREATHING: something you can do right now. It lowers your heart rate, reduces the force of the beats, calms you down, gives you something to focus on, oxygenates your blood. It's all good.

4) EXERCISE: one benefit of fucking yourself up on MDMA? You're going to become super fit. You should be exercising daily, with plenty of variety.

5) CBT AND MEDITATION: you ideally want to become acquainted with cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) which leads nicely into a meditation practice. Before my MDMA abuse started I was actually very skeptical of both practices. I can now safely say they have saved my life. I would of killed myself without them, no joke.

6) DIET/SUPPLEMENTS: I'd say the mental game is 90% more important but a good diet and vitamin/fish oil supplementation will make you feel better about yourself.

Some of you should probably prepare for a rough ride. But the ride does eventually end. Don't rush things and bare in mind you're probably going to have some bad days. Just try not to let your mood run your life too much. Fake it until you make it.
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this advice pretty much sums up my path to recovery in a nut shell! well said! no need to read further!
 
MysteriousOne said:
Hi everyone,

I recently posted this in the mental health section but I guessed I would actually get more of a response here... so sorry for any duplication!
For background info a couple of months back I posted this...
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Hello MysteriousOne - if you wish, there are two posts I made earlier in this thread which I believe you should check out because perhaps they may aid you. And for your convenience, I have directly linked both of them below:

1) Regarding the potential power of the mind over the body - http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...Support-3)?p=13134985&viewfull=1#post13134985

2) Related to snowy vision - http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...Support-3)?p=13139074&viewfull=1#post13139074

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I would have taken the time to properly write up a dedicated reply, but I'm extremely busy with work and other errands, thus, I apologize, and I wish you nothing less than a swift and complete recovery from whatever it is that's causing you pain and suffering, good day :)
 
So for people who have recovered 100%

I'm coming closer--I am fully functional at school but I still lack the full blown well being/interest/motivation and still deal with low level anxiety and weird thoughts. Going to get on another SERM cycle to see what it does and hopefully that will close the chapter.

But other than that--how the hell do you get to that full blown 100%. I keep thinking something is constantly off about me and how I percieve time/ my life.
 
Hey everyone,

My condition is only getting worse, I had panic attacks numerous times for the past 2 days and I just can't take it anymore. I want this feeling to go away. I don't eat well and I'm destroying my relationship with my girlfriend, I don't really have anyone to talk to about this except for the people in this thread. I think I'm going to see a doctor soon, because I want this to end.
 
ZaWarudo said:
Hey everyone,

My condition is only getting worse, I had panic attacks numerous times for the past 2 days and I just can't take it anymore. I want this feeling to go away. I don't eat well and I'm destroying my relationship with my girlfriend, I don't really have anyone to talk to about this except for the people in this thread. I think I'm going to see a doctor soon, because I want this to end.
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When even those closest to you cannot comprehend what you're dealing with, relationships unfortunately become strained.

In my opinion, you're making the right decision by seeking medical attention, and don't let anyone tell you differently. Chances are they have no first-hand experience regarding your 'LTC' symptoms, and may think you're able to simply walk it off.

I hope you make some progress, and take care.

P.S. - Depending on how you think your doctor will react, I recommend caution regarding choosing to tell him or her about any 'street drug' use.
 
ZaWarudo--Yea go to the dr and you might want to inform the dr that you have no history of anxiety or depression but that you have the symptoms.

Get tested for low cortisol/acth+secondary hypogonadism. Dr will probably refuse cause you are you so you might have to force it

If your anxiety fluctuates through the day then it usually points to a cortisol circadian problem which is fixable through diet, exercise, supplements.
 
I think we all should stay together and help each other.
My symptoms havent really improved the last months but i discovered a some med that helps me, especially for anxiety.
It is called phenibut, which is cheap and in most countrys available without prescription. Some people describe it as benzo light but without such a high addiction rate.
So for everyone who suffers from anxiety should give it a try
 
Thought I'd post my story......

I have been experiencing depression for 2.5 months after MDMA use. I have only had MDMA 3 times in my life (4 pills total). These 3 sessions were spread out over 3 months. I was under the influence of alcohol and both the first and third ocassions (half a pill on the first ocassion, 1.5 pill on the third ocassion) 1st and 3rd experiences were great, 2nd tme not so great. After the third roll I had the typical hangover and a couple of bleak days after that. I felt good for the next week or two and then suddenly fell into this depressive state. I have drank on about 3 or 4 ocassions since that roll. My symptoms include lack of libido, I would say almost ED, emotional numbness, lack of motivation, blank thoughts, joy has been sucked out of life. Sometimes I feel as if I am on autopilot. I really fucking regret ever popping any pills and very annoyed that I have fucked up my life :(
 
colin681996 said:
Thought I'd post my story......

I have been experiencing depression for 2.5 months after MDMA use. I have only had MDMA 3 times in my life (4 pills total). These 3 sessions were spread out over 3 months.
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Are you 100% what you took was MDMA? Did you tested it?
Let's asume you did, and you had real MDMA, because if the answer is "no", we have no idea what you took.

Were you depressed before taking them? Were you using anti depressants? Did you use them for more than 6 months? I think some people are more prone to problems/depression, and MDMA just force it to happen faster...
 
Guys, I really can't take it anymore. I went to the doctor, but she didn't take me serious at all. I am going crazy, I have to refrain myself from screaming. I still can't eat normally, but I am so hungry, I think I'm going to pass out soon. It feels like I'm dead inside, I'm not me anymore.
 
ye they were tested. I think I may of had depression but for a reason, now I feel its for no reason.....
 
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