Dude, you WILL get better and YOU WILL be back to your old self. Just takes time!! Sometimes, lots of time. Trust in the process and everything will work out.
-
MDMA &
Empathogenic
Drugs
Welcome Guest! -
MDMA Moderators:
MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 3)
- Thread starter BlueBull
- Start date
- Status
Dude, you WILL get better and YOU WILL be back to your old self. Just takes time!! Sometimes, lots of time. Trust in the process and everything will work out.
ShortTermExpert
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2015
- Messages
- 54
"But other than that--how the hell do you get to that full blown 100%. I keep thinking something is constantly off about me and how I percieve time/ my life"
You've just answered your own question.
How can you be a full blown 100% when you think something is off about you?
Until you think you're fine, you won't feel fine.
Feelings follow thoughts. Thoughts do NOT follow feelings. Even when the thought is so subtle or so automatic as to be invisible so you think the feeling just comes out of nowhere.
Science has proven this time and time again
Meditate. Meditation for me was the very first thing that cut through the almost constant blanket of dread and anxiety a few months ago. It really does work though you have to persist and you probably won't get results straight away.
Watch this for a how-to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wirV265ZYSw
Actually, in that video the way he talks about the mind is VERY applicable to anyone dealing with anxiety/depression.
Strangestuff
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 26, 2014
- Messages
- 124
Interesting that you say feelings follow thoughts. I don't know if this is true and its gotta work both ways.
Its like what came first--the chicken or the egg. I can argue that If I feel bad, I will get negative thoughts that will serve to aggravate the feeling but that if I felt good, I wouldn't get those thoughts in the first place. Especially since the thoughts themselves have to do with the feeling itself.
Heres the problem with the approach and I will use the example of somebody in the beginning of an LTC:
They feel really bad and have the thought "omg I damaged my brain" and are in a horrid depression. Then they go to a dr or therapist who tells them they haven't. And then knowing this doesn't somehow lift their depression or anxiety. Its not like they suddenly feel good and thus that same thought just comes back.
Maybe what you mean is that we have some control over our thoughts/reaction but we don't have control over the way we feel.
Its like what came first--the chicken or the egg. I can argue that If I feel bad, I will get negative thoughts that will serve to aggravate the feeling but that if I felt good, I wouldn't get those thoughts in the first place. Especially since the thoughts themselves have to do with the feeling itself.
Heres the problem with the approach and I will use the example of somebody in the beginning of an LTC:
They feel really bad and have the thought "omg I damaged my brain" and are in a horrid depression. Then they go to a dr or therapist who tells them they haven't. And then knowing this doesn't somehow lift their depression or anxiety. Its not like they suddenly feel good and thus that same thought just comes back.
Maybe what you mean is that we have some control over our thoughts/reaction but we don't have control over the way we feel.
colin681996
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2015
- Messages
- 163
I agree. If we had control over the way that we feel, than everybody on the planet would be as happy as larry. I honestly wish this was the case, because if you could, I wouldn't even be here in the first place
ShortTermExpert
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2015
- Messages
- 54
I understand what both of you are saying, but the mind really is the most powerful thing you possess.
Here for example:
http://www.extremetech.com/extreme/...f-human-brain-activity-takes-82944-processors
There's a VICE documentary on YouTube about a Dutch guy who climbed Mount Everest in shorts. Using intense focus he has actually been able to change his autonomic nervous system's response to intense cold.
http://youtu.be/VaMjhwFE1Zw
If he can do that, then what actually is the limit?
My point is that you have to be very careful about the medical model approach to things like depression and anxiety. It isn't just a case of neurotransmitters and hormones. A very large part of it you have direct control over, even though you might think you do not.
I'm not saying it's easy. Else like you say, everyone would be as happy as Larry. But you do make the choice as to how you response to stimuli. Whether that's external events or internal feelings.
If you don't dwell on feeling like shit, the feeling will go away. I've done this many times. For example, I'll be driving along and feel anxious or have a feeling of dread. Suddenly, a guy pulls out in front of me and I have to react. And because I'm entirely focused on something else, suddenly I don't feel anxious anymore. Once that event is over my mind may start wandering again, and the feelings may return. But with training, focus becomes a skill just like playing guitar or rock climbing.
Again, if you decide to give up your sense of control and decide your LTC is determined by complicated internal biochemical processes, then you will make things 10x worse through self-imposed powerlessness. It doesn't have to be that way.
Here for example:
http://www.extremetech.com/extreme/...f-human-brain-activity-takes-82944-processors
There's a VICE documentary on YouTube about a Dutch guy who climbed Mount Everest in shorts. Using intense focus he has actually been able to change his autonomic nervous system's response to intense cold.
http://youtu.be/VaMjhwFE1Zw
If he can do that, then what actually is the limit?
My point is that you have to be very careful about the medical model approach to things like depression and anxiety. It isn't just a case of neurotransmitters and hormones. A very large part of it you have direct control over, even though you might think you do not.
I'm not saying it's easy. Else like you say, everyone would be as happy as Larry. But you do make the choice as to how you response to stimuli. Whether that's external events or internal feelings.
If you don't dwell on feeling like shit, the feeling will go away. I've done this many times. For example, I'll be driving along and feel anxious or have a feeling of dread. Suddenly, a guy pulls out in front of me and I have to react. And because I'm entirely focused on something else, suddenly I don't feel anxious anymore. Once that event is over my mind may start wandering again, and the feelings may return. But with training, focus becomes a skill just like playing guitar or rock climbing.
Again, if you decide to give up your sense of control and decide your LTC is determined by complicated internal biochemical processes, then you will make things 10x worse through self-imposed powerlessness. It doesn't have to be that way.
colin681996
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2015
- Messages
- 163
I agree that a most of the time depression and anxiety has a reason behind it and you can make your self less anxious/depressed by doing things you enjoy/calms you. I for one was slightly depressed before I ever took MDMA, but there was a reason behind that depression. Watching a comedy or going to the gym would make me feel better. After this last roll... well approx. 2 weeks after this last roll this hasn't been the case. Its like the joy has ben sucked out of life.... I am basically emotionally numb and when I do manage to crack out a laugh it doesn't even feel that good. Going to the gym isn't as enjoyable as it was either. In this case I honestly do believe that hormones/neurotransmitters are playing a huge role in the way we feel. I think this whole HPA axis dysfunction theory is beggining to make more sense the more I look into it.
giovanni557
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 16, 2015
- Messages
- 94
To everyone I going to said that for this I did not go for no doctor because I did in the past ..and I did not get no answer for this this i even ask people but nobody understand this is my second year suffered this I had all the systomps like you guys but then I pray so much to Jesus give thanks to him because is him the reason why I feel almost 100% will I can said 100% the best thing ever I give thanks to him for this thank you so much Lord Jesus Christ 
look guys the answer for this problem is this use bengay I use bengay cold therapy so used in all your body special in the neck and shoulder dont use in back of head wait two to three days to used now buy Epsom salt and put in your feet for anxiety..) one more thing bee a good son with your parents bye
look guys the answer for this problem is this use bengay I use bengay cold therapy so used in all your body special in the neck and shoulder dont use in back of head wait two to three days to used now buy Epsom salt and put in your feet for anxiety..) one more thing bee a good son with your parents bye
Last edited:
It's been 7 months of hell for me .. I've really fucked up. I honestly think somthing is up neurological or have neurotoxcity. I'm planning to get a pet scan done does anyone know anything about pet scan and if it can show any problems of what could be going on ?
colin681996
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2015
- Messages
- 163
I wish I'd have it in me to just kill myself sometimes. My life has been so shit since this.....
Strangestuff
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 26, 2014
- Messages
- 124
Dont do it honestly its not worth it. It really is fixable--there are many papers talking about neuroendocrine/psychobiological dysfunction in E users. Some cases even describe 1 time use
Get a diurnal cortisol pattern test done and it will be seen. A one time blood test only tells so much which is why people usually do a 24 hour saliva cortisol w/DHEA-S. "Adrenal fatigue" is not recognized but HPA dysfunction is. With this test either your cortisol will be low, high, or normal on diff times of the day--or your cortisol rhythm will be totally messed up which means its not decreasing throughout the day. Or if you are in a really bad situation, it could be flattened out.
In the beginning though it will be high.
Get a diurnal cortisol pattern test done and it will be seen. A one time blood test only tells so much which is why people usually do a 24 hour saliva cortisol w/DHEA-S. "Adrenal fatigue" is not recognized but HPA dysfunction is. With this test either your cortisol will be low, high, or normal on diff times of the day--or your cortisol rhythm will be totally messed up which means its not decreasing throughout the day. Or if you are in a really bad situation, it could be flattened out.
In the beginning though it will be high.
Last edited:
colin681996
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2015
- Messages
- 163
I'm just going to presume that I have HPA dysfunction. How did you get rid of the serious symptoms? Are your emotions, thoughts and libido completley back to the way they were before?
Strangestuff
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 26, 2014
- Messages
- 124
Not completely--like I said earlier im around 75% there. Libido is there on/off and my T is in the high 400s/low 500s, but that is apparantly not enough for me yet since im not cured (though I improved it 150 pts since the beginning) so I am going to go on a SERM to speed things up on both the cortisol/T front. If it works w/o sides I will be cured to 100% in 3 weeks (theoretically) so I was like hey why not try.
Serious symptoms went away after supplementation/exercise and a cycle of Clomid after the problem was discovered.
Ashwagandha along with other supps improved my free T3 levels to the top of the range (optimal) and so that got rid of a lot of the severe stuff.
Clomid almost cured me but then had side effects but I was still better off than before probably cause of the other stuff I was doing+ having experienced normal briefly brought some peace of mind.
Point is there a lots of roads to Rome/recovery. For me, understanding this problem physiologically in/out itself gave me more peace of mind.
Last edited:
colin681996
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2015
- Messages
- 163
The emotional numbness is just killing me man..... It really is.
Hey everybody,
I have calmed down again. I think that moment 4 days was the worst moment yet, I screamed at my girlfriend and scared her, I felt like I was going to die and scared the crap out of my parents. A friend of mine told me to immediately "cancel" bad thoughts about anxiety, drugs or whatever and immediately think about something random, something mundane like a triangle, a giraffe or the president. It kind of helped for me. I'm eating normally again and kind of living my life normally again. But who knows when I will feel so desperate like that again.
I think what I'm going through right now is not just because of the XTC I took more than a month ago. It's full blown anxiety. The XTC may have just triggered it for me. I still have a heavy head with strange pulsating sensations or weird pressures everywhere on my head and I have problems with focusing with my eyes sometimes. I also seem to have some memory problems lately. Apparently these are all common symptoms of anxiety.
I'm not sure where to go from here, but as long as there's progress I'm happy. I just hope this isn't permanent.
I have calmed down again. I think that moment 4 days was the worst moment yet, I screamed at my girlfriend and scared her, I felt like I was going to die and scared the crap out of my parents. A friend of mine told me to immediately "cancel" bad thoughts about anxiety, drugs or whatever and immediately think about something random, something mundane like a triangle, a giraffe or the president. It kind of helped for me. I'm eating normally again and kind of living my life normally again. But who knows when I will feel so desperate like that again.
I think what I'm going through right now is not just because of the XTC I took more than a month ago. It's full blown anxiety. The XTC may have just triggered it for me. I still have a heavy head with strange pulsating sensations or weird pressures everywhere on my head and I have problems with focusing with my eyes sometimes. I also seem to have some memory problems lately. Apparently these are all common symptoms of anxiety.
I'm not sure where to go from here, but as long as there's progress I'm happy. I just hope this isn't permanent.
Do you think that the testosteron/estrogen is the problem in this LTC? You seem very confident
mdma overdose? possible brain damage. please help.
i know I should test and I know rolling consecutive days is asking for problems.
Ok so heres the situation: Im 6'4 185. Go to 3 day rave at the end of may. Sunday night is when things get bad.
- Friday: .120g, roll great. - Saturday: .120 + .100g redose, roll great.
Sunday: .150 + .150 redose. (i wasnt feeling it so i redosed abt 1.5hrs later)
After redosing about 30 minutes go by before i start getting extreme eye wiggles (nystagmus?). lose all feeling in my legs. After that i begin to not be able to hear the music which is blasting. Im totally wrapped up in my own world in my head. just miserable. it takes about 2 hours for this to calm down. I had no temperature or sweating problems and slept fine that night. However, the reason i am posting this is because normaly i am a hypervigialant person. i have extreme anxiety and racing thoughts constantly. when i woke up sunday all of that was gone. that voice in your head? gone. dead silent. no runing thoughts/thought process. nothing. i feel like a walking coma patient. blank stare on my face.
I dont have any idea whats going on or where to start with this so im going to the people with experience. i look foward to your replies and if you have any question as well. thank you.
Edit: sorry i didnt state it in the post but this rave was 2 months ago and i have no sign of improvement. i know what a comedown is and this isnt the same. Other notes: when I wake up my heart pounds until I I'm fully awake. Also, my legs still tingle 24/7.
i know I should test and I know rolling consecutive days is asking for problems.
Ok so heres the situation: Im 6'4 185. Go to 3 day rave at the end of may. Sunday night is when things get bad.
- Friday: .120g, roll great. - Saturday: .120 + .100g redose, roll great.
Sunday: .150 + .150 redose. (i wasnt feeling it so i redosed abt 1.5hrs later)
After redosing about 30 minutes go by before i start getting extreme eye wiggles (nystagmus?). lose all feeling in my legs. After that i begin to not be able to hear the music which is blasting. Im totally wrapped up in my own world in my head. just miserable. it takes about 2 hours for this to calm down. I had no temperature or sweating problems and slept fine that night. However, the reason i am posting this is because normaly i am a hypervigialant person. i have extreme anxiety and racing thoughts constantly. when i woke up sunday all of that was gone. that voice in your head? gone. dead silent. no runing thoughts/thought process. nothing. i feel like a walking coma patient. blank stare on my face.
I dont have any idea whats going on or where to start with this so im going to the people with experience. i look foward to your replies and if you have any question as well. thank you.
Edit: sorry i didnt state it in the post but this rave was 2 months ago and i have no sign of improvement. i know what a comedown is and this isnt the same. Other notes: when I wake up my heart pounds until I I'm fully awake. Also, my legs still tingle 24/7.
Last edited:
Strangestuff
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 26, 2014
- Messages
- 124
Well for people with delayed LTCs there is a greater chance of this stuff. Estrogen isnt a problem until you try treating the T so its not a direct issue.
Testosterone isn't the biggest problem as much as the pregnenolone/progesterone/cortisol stuff. You can afford lower T if your preg/prog/cortisol is better. DHEA-S also plays into this somewhere. In the beginning of my LTC when I was numbed/anxious and in a terrible state I had very low pregnenolone+progesterone. I also had low cortisol.
However, I responded to the ACTH stim test and the endo was like ok no problem but the endo was wrong--the ACTH stim is not a good representation of the real biology. The best test is if your cortisol isn't high under physical/mental stress it shows adrenal insufficiency.
However, it just so happens that the treatments for Testosterone that are not directly replacing T such as HCG or SERMs can help you regenerate preg/prog/cortisol.
Here is a good paper explaining "bioenergetic stress" from MDMA. Bioenergetic stress is essentially "adrenal fatigue" but is a medically accepted term. Adrenal fatigue is real but has just been totally unaccepted cause too many quacks out there have misdefined it as an adrenal problem when it is actually a brain thing.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2826870/
When you push your body too hard it causes this. Doesnt happen in everybody cause their bodies can cope better due to other factors unrelated to mdma such as vitamin/mineral status. If I recall correctly, you also didnt experience a direct LTC and it was delayed and happened cause you suddenly couldnt handle school
That completely falls into this "bioenergetic stress" model.
For others it may have started after a drinking sesh a few weeks later, or an illness. Or even randomly--the random cases aren't "random" but seem that way cause the "stress" is something physical that is unidentified.
And then the symptoms cause mental stress which further pushes you to a total breakdown.
Last edited:
BlueBull
Moderator: MDMA
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2012
- Messages
- 3,159
I've merged your thread into the MDMA recovery thread. You'll find people in here with experience in this. In any case that sounds like a normal hangover. I know that if I had a heavy roll, the day after is one of the few times my head is completely empty, and normally I'm like you, extreme racing thoughts. But that day after I can sit there and stare at a wall for hours on end if need be, I very much enjoy that feeling, silence at last
You overdid it, yes, and I think this is what caused the bad experience the third day. MDMA builds tolerance very quickly, so by the third day you're left with a dirty stimulant high, that can cause strange physical effects when sleep-deprived, malnourished, dehydrated,... like at a multi-day rave. Seems to me that your hangover is pretty mild considering you rolled 3 days in a row. I'm sure there is no permanent damage and you'll get back to normal in no time, don't worry. And yes you should really test indeed...I've merged your thread into the MDMA recovery thread. You'll find people in here with experience in this. In any case that sounds like a normal hangover. I know that if I had a heavy roll, the day after is one of the few times my head is completely empty, and normally I'm like you, extreme racing thoughts. But that day after I can sit there and stare at a wall for hours on end if need be, I very much enjoy that feeling, silence at last
sorry i didnt state it in the post but this rave was 2 months ago and i have no sign of improvement. i know what a comedown is and this isnt the same. i had the typical down week after. these effects are not a part of the comedown.
ShortTermExpert
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2015
- Messages
- 54
Unfortunately for you, and a lot of people on this thread, you have tasted the dark side of drug use. The effects you feel are indeed part of a comedown, but it will be more long term. Complicated physical and psychological factors have come into play. It's not a death sentence and you will eventually recover. How fast that is depends on how much stress you can eliminate from your life, and how dysfunctional your habitual thought patterns are to begin with.
A good way of thinking about this is that parable in the bible about the two men, one who built a house on sand and the other on solid rock. When the rain came, the house built on rock was fine, but the one on sand was washed away.
Your MDMA use is the rain. The house is your life. The way your life has been in the past has now changed. In order to rebuild it you are going to have to take the necessary steps. Your mindset has to change.
You can't possibly expect to rebuild your life with all the bad habits you carried before. You can only build on a solid foundation. This means a healthy lifestyle and a healthy mindset. Only when those conditions are in place can the rebuilding again. And it may take quite a bit of time, or it might be really quick. You will probably suffer setbacks, it certainly won't be clean sailing.
But think of it this way. You still have your life and you still have your sanity. That's all you really need to achieve anything.
- Status