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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Getting clean-just need support through this

Yep! Day four. I had a massive craving when I drive by my old pick up spit today, and I have money, but I resisted! This morning was rough as far as motivation goes and I wad irritable as shit, but I woke up feeling better than I have for the last few days. I think the worst of the physical is over and now I have to just resist temptation. I am weaning off the dreaded kratom, and haven't had to take clonidine in the day since Tuesday. I am not even entertaining the thought of using, I have to realize I'm gonna be tempted but as I said before, my days of chipping are out the window. I need to remember that after a while you don't even get high anymore, just chasing that damned feeling. Ugh! I have resigned myself to the fact that I can't win if I'm using-it ends up the same every time.
 
Did you make it through the weekend. 2 more days down would be crucial? Wish you the best!!
 
Hey everybody! Just an update - I did relapse on Cocaine, which led to me getting Heroin for the comedown, and I had a few rough days but been clean since. I am trying not to beat myself up too much. It takes time. But my fiancee knows everything now and that is actually making me more accountable - I can't hide anymore. It really sucked when he found out, but it may have saved my life. I am still struggling but trying to stay hopeful!!

Best wishes to all of you!
 
That's a bummer to hear but shit you made it through... Twice. Congratulations! Takes a lot of strength and it is improvement, not perfection. Somebody like you looks like a god for kicking basically cold turkey when I'm on a 2 year, 120mg/day methadone habit, with 3 years of IV heroin preceding it

Way to go. Just remember how strong you were during the cravings and keep it rolling for next time. Because there always, always will be a next time with cravings
 
Hey RedRum, thank you so much for the kind words of support. I was really reticent to post about my relapse here because I was so ashamed, but hey - I have to be honest with myself and realize that it took me a while to get to this point so I am not gonna beat it in day, two or even weeks. I was so stupid to think that doing coke would be ok. I was so tired and lethargic from coming off the heroin that I succumbed because I thought it would give me an energy boost. And I didn't think about the comedown or even the fact that I always did heroin after my coke. Stupid! But I learned and that's the last time I do coke, or heroin. It was a really miserable experience, and my partner was pretty devastated. But I'm here, I'm alive, and I'm gonna beat it! Good luck on your journey as well - you had a habit much longer than me and I can't imagine how hard it must be to beat it. It sounds like you are getting there! Keep up the good work!
 
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