Rationalize drug use during bad times

[nygiants1313]

Does anybody else do this?

What i mean is you clean up your act for a little bit lets say a few months. Maybe you are using suboxone how you are suppose to for 5-6 months. Or maybe you are literally clean as can be . You are working trying to save $$$ but you spend it on dumb shit cuz your not use to having any money cuz your a junkie, and just dealing with the everyday grind. Like a "normal" person.

6 months go by you are still employed but not saving as much as you though you would because maybe you have bills now, or whatever. Your car breaks down and your still driving the same piece of shit car , not happy, still craving drugs and nothing is getting better like they say it should. Sure you have a roof over your head , but fuk it thats not enough because you quit opiates. You made the ultimate sacrifice and go through torture everyday but you feel its not worth it.

And back to the drugs you go. And then you get drug tested and lose your job. The ultimate self destructive addict is back in to play . After you hit bottom again you clean up and do it all fucking over again and again and again

The cycle continues .


On a side note how many posts until you can PM?

 

[ihearthemoose]

50 posts man, and yeah I think most of us here have been thru the cycle more than once. Myself included

 

[nygiants1313]

Thanks for the reply man, i hope you are able to conquer the demons you face

 

[ihearthemoose]

You too. Bluelight helps me alot ...and welcome

 

[traybuck]

Yea man i think as junkies we all have at one time or another...the hardest part is when you dont see anything get better...cuz it makes you think like fuck what am i wasting my time for....but thats just the junkie in us..cuz it takes alot more then just 6 months to see real good changes in your life..

 

[oldfag420]

Fawning over a girl for years, turns out she's a junky. It's no big deal, you've smoked heroin before, its not that big of a deal.... then you do it with her, a little more every time, frequently, increasing in occurrences, next thing you know, you cant remember when you stopped only smoking twice a week, and all you can think of is how much you hate that bitch for twisting you, and helping you get addicted to heroin.

 

[herbavore]

I'm signing up for a four week seminar called self-justication versus self compassion. I think we all use rationalization and self justification to our detriment when wahat we really need is self compassion. A lot of times on here I hear people just ripping themselves to shreds for relapsing or some other downfall or stumble along the road. Or I hear them rationalizing use that you could bet your right arm is going to lead them right down the same path. It's easy to sit on the outside and say (in the first case) "don't be so hard on yourself" and in the second case, "Be honest with yourself." If we could only treat ourselves like we would treat a good friend, encouraging honestly but never shaming, the whole game of life changes.

 

[Americanfloosie]

Every. Damn. Time.
Every time I would cop I would justify it with literally any friggin reason. "Well I made extra money this shift so it's okay" "I can't be sober around drunk people so I will just take these pills" ( I tended bar)
Literally any reason to get those opiate receptors full to the gills. I still have to remind myself to snap out of that way of thinking often. Sometimes I wonder if I will be able to shake the junky mentality?

 

[DETROIT*edm*JUNKIE]

High till we die

 

[nygiants1313]

Every. Damn. Time.
Every time I would cop I would justify it with literally any friggin reason. "Well I made extra money this shift so it's okay" "I can't be sober around drunk people so I will just take these pills" ( I tended bar)
Literally any reason to get those opiate receptors full to the gills. I still have to remind myself to snap out of that way of thinking often. Sometimes I wonder if I will be able to shake the junky mentality?

Unfortunatly I think it takes years of serious serious work. And as junkies we don't have patience for that. We think after a month that we should be fixed even though we spent years fucking ourselves up. Truthfully I thirnk you just need to be addicted to something else unfortunately like a job or exercise or reading or whatever. But who knows

 

[tocooperate]

Unfortunatly I think it takes years of serious serious work. And as junkies we don't have patience for that. We think after a month that we should be fixed even though we spent years fucking ourselves up. Truthfully I thirnk you just need to be addicted to something else unfortunately like a job or exercise or reading or whatever. But who knows

one vice for another - those things are virtues, we traded them long ago for something easier.. even sober 20 30 years down the road, you still know the truth, that the pursuit of happiness is just a distraction.

the only thing Ive been able to do is convince myself that I'm a tragic hero in the story of not my own life but the greater Story of Life. I write, I compose and as Cobain once said:

thank you for the tragedy, I need it for my art

 

[cj]

Yeah that describes my behavior pretty well. Its a vicious cycle.

 

[Erikmen]

50 posts man, and yeah I think most of us here have been thru the cycle more than once. Myself included

Oh yes, this is our circle of life..What OP would want to consider is whether quitting Subs will be possible. It get more difficult by the hour.

 

[thevol357]

Does anybody else do this?

What i mean is you clean up your act for a little bit lets say a few months. Maybe you are using suboxone how you are suppose to for 5-6 months. Or maybe you are literally clean as can be . You are working trying to save $$$ but you spend it on dumb shit cuz your not use to having any money cuz your a junkie, and just dealing with the everyday grind. Like a "normal" person.

6 months go by you are still employed but not saving as much as you though you would because maybe you have bills now, or whatever. Your car breaks down and your still driving the same piece of shit car , not happy, still craving drugs and nothing is getting better like they say it should. Sure you have a roof over your head , but fuk it thats not enough because you quit opiates. You made the ultimate sacrifice and go through torture everyday but you feel its not worth it.

And back to the drugs you go. And then you get drug tested and lose your job. The ultimate self destructive addict is back in to play . After you hit bottom again you clean up and do it all fucking over again and again and again

The cycle continues .


On a side note how many posts until you can PM?

I am terribly guilty of this. But at the end of the day I made the choice. No one else made it for me. Even if it does not get better when "they" say it will, it is still not their fault. It is mine/yours.

Life was not meant for us to always be happy and blissful. You HAVE to feel pain in order to learn to deal with pain. We try so damn hard to avoid it when in the end, emotional pain is salvation. It is what makes us human.

 

[nygiants1313]

I am terribly guilty of this. But at the end of the day I made the choice. No one else made it for me. Even if it does not get better when "they" say it will, it is still not their fault. It is mine/yours.

Life was not meant for us to always be happy and blissful. You HAVE to feel pain in order to learn to deal with pain. We try so damn hard to avoid it when in the end, emotional pain is salvation. It is what makes us human.

Very well said and extraordinarily true

 

[nygiants1313]

Oh yes, this is our circle of life..What OP would want to consider is whether quitting Subs will be possible. It get more difficult by the hour.

Currently at 48 hours.

But ill use opiates again soon. The drugs themselves will kill me or adfiction in general will make me kill myself and honestly im ok with that. Those thoughts bring me peace

 

[Nnonovia]

At this point in my life, I don't rationalize my drug use, I factor it in with the bills, and I am actually a bit more responsible, if you would say. Before get paid, I already make a list of what need to pay, and pay that. I make a list of what I want, and then drugs. I am realistic. I don't run the streets no more, I am a homebody, so no need to do frivolous things for drugs. I work. Make sure, I keep an inside connect in HR department, to alert me of UA's, and I'm good. Be real to yourself, figure out what you want to do legitimately. Make it happen.

 

[Hemptress]

Story of my life!! Lol

Seriously though, somehow there was always money for drugs, but whenever I quit it seemed I was even more broke. I guess just because I was moving mountains for that money so I could get my daily fix. Now there's nothing I'm ever that desperate for except maybe water, and that's free. But the glory of beating addiction tho, something I only dreamed of once, is PRICELESS!

 

[mostly-human]

You are working trying to save $$$ but you spend it on dumb shit cuz your not use to having any money cuz your a junkie, and just dealing with the everyday grind. Like a "normal" person.

Hmm.. I don't do this, when I'm clean and working money just accumulates in my bank, I'm always amazed, even if I'm just working part-time, it seems like I have never ending money. Specifically I find this is because I am so used to living like a junky and never having any money.. I take drugs out of the equation, but I don't actually raise my standard of living all that much (I do some, to the point of being healthy).

I do however ultimately rationalise the drug use and eventually get back on the gear.. pretty much all users do this, that's how we get to be using again.

 

[nygiants1313]

Hmm.. I don't do this, when I'm clean and working money just accumulates in my bank, I'm always amazed, even if I'm just working part-time, it seems like I have never ending money. Specifically I find this is because I am so used to living like a junky and never having any money.. I take drugs out of the equation, but I don't actually raise my standard of living all that much (I do some, to the point of being healthy).

I do however ultimately rationalise the drug use and eventually get back on the gear.. pretty much all users do this, that's how we get to be using again.

I guess I meant that i'm buying new clothes and shoes or things for my car, or going on weekend get aways, like to the casino or things like that. Although its not being spent on drugs I feel I can just buy lots of lotto tickets or more cigerettes, or sandwiches at lunch, or go into NYC more. Just things that as an addict I could never afford