Rationalize drug use during bad times

[B2621]

Vicious cycle ?

 

[legalizeall]

I am terribly guilty of this. But at the end of the day I made the choice. No one else made it for me. Even if it does not get better when "they" say it will, it is still not their fault. It is mine/yours.

Life was not meant for us to always be happy and blissful. You HAVE to feel pain in order to learn to deal with pain. We try so damn hard to avoid it when in the end, emotional pain is salvation. It is what makes us human.

Good shit right here.

I was thinking acceptance before i read this post. For me its easier that i have accepted who i am. I am an addict. And im an alcoholic. At this stage in my life i am ok with that. Its who I am. I accepted it early on because i feel ive always kinda been honest with myself but after i really accepted who i was, the justification in my head stopped. I didnt have to justify shit to myself cause whatever i was doing, thats what an addict does. Ive almost embraced it in a way. I feel sorry for the uptight dude at home who has never tripped balls before or has never been on a really good one for days. Life is short and its over before you know it. So when you die, do you want to have this nice unused body? Not me. I want to be all beat up when i die and have a smile on my face too knowing i had a good time. The life of having 2 and half kids, mortgage, minivan etc and having to do that sober just seems, at the moment, such a shitty way to live. I know i wouldnt be happy with that. Maybe down the road but not right now and right now is all that matters to me.

Dont get me wrong there are certain things i just cant do like drink alchohol but i want to have fun in this short life i have and feel good doing it.

Just a doubled edge sword really. With the good we have to be accepting of the bad cause thats just how this life is. The bad can seem really bad sometimes too which i think gets people.

 

[mostly-human]

I guess I meant that i'm buying new clothes and shoes or things for my car, or going on weekend get aways, like to the casino or things like that. Although its not being spent on drugs I feel I can just buy lots of lotto tickets or more cigerettes, or sandwiches at lunch, or go into NYC more. Just things that as an addict I could never afford

Yeah, I don't really do shit like buy new clothes/shoes and if I do (clothes I never buy, occasionally I receive as presents, I find that is enough) - shoes, I own one pair at a time and when they utterly fall apart, I'll buy another pair; usually around $10. Really not much of a consumer at all, I go out more, pub, etc - but never spend all *that* much, when I'm not using, my money just accumulates.

 

[nygiants1313]

Yeah, I don't really do shit like buy new clothes/shoes and if I do (clothes I never buy, occasionally I receive as presents, I find that is enough) - shoes, I own one pair at a time and when they utterly fall apart, I'll buy another pair; usually around $10. Really not much of a consumer at all, I go out more, pub, etc - but never spend all *that* much, when I'm not using, my money just accumulates.

Ha. K.

 

[mostly-human]

the accumulation of money is extremely useful for when you inevitably start using again.

 

[thevol357]

Good shit right here.

I was thinking acceptance before i read this post. For me its easier that i have accepted who i am. I am an addict. And im an alcoholic. At this stage in my life i am ok with that. Its who I am. I accepted it early on because i feel ive always kinda been honest with myself but after i really accepted who i was, the justification in my head stopped. I didnt have to justify shit to myself cause whatever i was doing, thats what an addict does. Ive almost embraced it in a way. I feel sorry for the uptight dude at home who has never tripped balls before or has never been on a really good one for days. Life is short and its over before you know it. So when you die, do you want to have this nice unused body? Not me. I want to be all beat up when i die and have a smile on my face too knowing i had a good time. The life of having 2 and half kids, mortgage, minivan etc and having to do that sober just seems, at the moment, such a shitty way to live. I know i wouldnt be happy with that. Maybe down the road but not right now and right now is all that matters to me.

Dont get me wrong there are certain things i just cant do like drink alchohol but i want to have fun in this short life i have and feel good doing it.

Just a doubled edge sword really. With the good we have to be accepting of the bad cause thats just how this life is. The bad can seem really bad sometimes too which i think gets people.

Hey there

Here is where my breakthrough came: I listened to a motivational tape by Anthony Robbins that changed the way I saw pain forever.

What he said presented, what was to me, a revolutionary way of looking at "pain" (be it physical or emotional).

Essentially what he said was: As humans, we are programmed to avoid pain by any means. But if we look at every successful person out there you will always find one thing in common: they have all failed at some point. Every single one has experienced some kind of failure throughout their career which is theoretically impossible to avoid. This is where it gets interesting. The most successful people tried over and over again instead of giving up (sounds awfully similar to being a dope fiend to me.... except for you are trying to avoid pain as an addict).

The man basically said to me what I had always known but put it in a perspective that just made sense...

I used to smoke upwards of 10-15 grams tar a day- and I did not have a job at the time. The amount of motivation and dedication it took to support such a ridiculous habit - if I could take that motivation and dedication and apply it to life, that would change everything...and it DID!

With ALL THAT being said, if one has come to the realization that one is a dope fiend, will always be a dope fiend, and is HAPPY as a dope fiend - shit man! Have at it! No one will stop you!

But that't not me. I want that house. I want that wife. I want that awesome job. And im gonna get it!

 

[thevol357]

Very well said and extraordinarily true

I hope I did not come off as a dick. I have experienced what you described over and over until recently. The truth is it does get better. But when it got better is when I QUIT. What I mean buy quit is I destroyed any chance of me scoring drugs incase I changed my mind. I sabotaged every relationship I had with a drug user, changed my number, and moved to another state. I basically started my life over because of the powerful associations the brain makes with drugs and people places and things. Everywhere I went in my old city I got flashbacks of me using or scoring or being sick. I am not sure if that is what eventually led me to the path of self destruction. But what I can tell you is the cravings went away when I got on that plane.

I was still sick but the cravings went away because my mind was set. This time I destroyed everything BAD instead of the GOOD I had worked hard to accomplish. So things were different this last time. I not only got a job but I got promoted. I not only got a place but got my OWN place. I still love smoking my weed and drink an occasional cup of wine but cravings -those are gone. It seems I may have deleted them by accident when I was deleting those numbers....

My theory is that cravings only emerge when you open your mind to the possibility of using again. If your mind is set on not using (and I mean 100% set), you dont even get as dope sick when you are coming off. If you sabotage your entire life so that things may only really play out in a positive way, it will feel as though God/the universe/ whatever is conspiring in your favor and things will Domino-effect into a positive direction