Get2Think
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2012
- Messages
- 297
Ive been on done/morphine for like 3-4 months but I moved to a new area and started back at 40mg went up to 60mg then decided I wanted off for a few reasons:
1) getting on done was a mistake, I have had up to 6 months working AA program and I was the happiest I've ever been, I had freedom.
2) I hate being a slave, I use to be on SUBOXONE and it's the same shit. I cannot ever stay on it longer than 6 months before I basically say screw this I'm gonna have to suffer someday, might as well be now. And I succeeded.
4) I spend an hour everyday driving to the clinic and it's getting really old. Also I look at the ppl at the clinic and they look like shit,
pale, skinny, pregnant, wearing pajamas at 11am on a Monday. I'm not seeing anyone with a suit and tie come into the clinic it's a
bunch of sad desperate types at least that's how they look. And yes iam being judgemental.
3) I have successfully WD from almost every opiate except tramadol, fentanyl, and of course methadone.
4) I go to AA/NA meetings daily and I feel like I am at a crossroads, I've been using opiates 6-7 years and although I'm not homeless, I'm 29 unemployed, currently living at home and just overall unhappy because I know I'm not living my life the way I should so I'm never really happy.
5) on top of the done I've been using klonnopin and most recently methamphetamine.
Okay...if your still reading, thank you. I don't mean to sound cocky, it's just that I've been through this hell before and honestly it's the opiates with short half life's that scare me more than a long drawn out mild case of feeling shitty.
My clinic recently got me down to 40mg from 60, and I skipped a dose on Friday, and skipped a dose yesterday because even when i doses I felt miserable. My Doctor wants me to slowly taper OVER SIX FUCKING MONTHS. And me being stubborn and also arrogant am thinking to myself, up yours Doc, I'll be off the handcuffs in 1-3 weeks and then it's mostly mental. At least that's what I see.
I have 12 klonnopins left from my script and I'm sure lots in my bloodstream because I've taken like 90 .5 kpins since 11/20/14.
I'm 48 hours into this and have felt WDs since yesterday. But I don't work and can stay in bed in hell for a week.
I have considered jumping to suboxone in another day or 2 but then don't I have to taper off that shit? I'm an impatience person. And past experience has taught me that prolonging WDs is much worse than heading them straight on.
I've heard ppl say jumping cold turkey at 40mg is hardcore but don't ppl in jail detox off of doses 100mg+. My methadone doctor said if I jump at 60mg I would for sure relapse.
But I only have 1 heroin connect in this new town and the prices are a fucking joke like
I said I just want this monkey off my back.
The clinic opens in 30 min. I'm feeling confident but I do realize iam probley making this more difficult than it has to be by being impatient.
It's just that I have 48 hours, why dose again and prolong this crap. If I make it through today then that's another day.
All opinions welcomed and if my thinking is insane please call me out on it. I just believe God, hot showers, juice, masterbation, klonnopin and meetings could make this a success. Not to mention a fierce and almost rageful determination to not get sucked into relying on the clinic to live.
Like I said guys I'm at a crossroads. Do I wanna keep rearranging the deck chairs on the titanic give up and just say fuck it I need maintenance to live. Maintenance plus benzos and methamphetamine on top because of im using 1 drug I end up using more somehow it just happens.
Lay it on me darksiders, I need advice. And also thank you to anyone who took the time to read about my struggle, thank u thank u thank u.
-Get2WD
1) getting on done was a mistake, I have had up to 6 months working AA program and I was the happiest I've ever been, I had freedom.
2) I hate being a slave, I use to be on SUBOXONE and it's the same shit. I cannot ever stay on it longer than 6 months before I basically say screw this I'm gonna have to suffer someday, might as well be now. And I succeeded.
4) I spend an hour everyday driving to the clinic and it's getting really old. Also I look at the ppl at the clinic and they look like shit,
pale, skinny, pregnant, wearing pajamas at 11am on a Monday. I'm not seeing anyone with a suit and tie come into the clinic it's a
bunch of sad desperate types at least that's how they look. And yes iam being judgemental.
3) I have successfully WD from almost every opiate except tramadol, fentanyl, and of course methadone.
4) I go to AA/NA meetings daily and I feel like I am at a crossroads, I've been using opiates 6-7 years and although I'm not homeless, I'm 29 unemployed, currently living at home and just overall unhappy because I know I'm not living my life the way I should so I'm never really happy.
5) on top of the done I've been using klonnopin and most recently methamphetamine.
Okay...if your still reading, thank you. I don't mean to sound cocky, it's just that I've been through this hell before and honestly it's the opiates with short half life's that scare me more than a long drawn out mild case of feeling shitty.
My clinic recently got me down to 40mg from 60, and I skipped a dose on Friday, and skipped a dose yesterday because even when i doses I felt miserable. My Doctor wants me to slowly taper OVER SIX FUCKING MONTHS. And me being stubborn and also arrogant am thinking to myself, up yours Doc, I'll be off the handcuffs in 1-3 weeks and then it's mostly mental. At least that's what I see.
I have 12 klonnopins left from my script and I'm sure lots in my bloodstream because I've taken like 90 .5 kpins since 11/20/14.
I'm 48 hours into this and have felt WDs since yesterday. But I don't work and can stay in bed in hell for a week.
I have considered jumping to suboxone in another day or 2 but then don't I have to taper off that shit? I'm an impatience person. And past experience has taught me that prolonging WDs is much worse than heading them straight on.
I've heard ppl say jumping cold turkey at 40mg is hardcore but don't ppl in jail detox off of doses 100mg+. My methadone doctor said if I jump at 60mg I would for sure relapse.
But I only have 1 heroin connect in this new town and the prices are a fucking joke like
I said I just want this monkey off my back.
The clinic opens in 30 min. I'm feeling confident but I do realize iam probley making this more difficult than it has to be by being impatient.
It's just that I have 48 hours, why dose again and prolong this crap. If I make it through today then that's another day.
All opinions welcomed and if my thinking is insane please call me out on it. I just believe God, hot showers, juice, masterbation, klonnopin and meetings could make this a success. Not to mention a fierce and almost rageful determination to not get sucked into relying on the clinic to live.
Like I said guys I'm at a crossroads. Do I wanna keep rearranging the deck chairs on the titanic give up and just say fuck it I need maintenance to live. Maintenance plus benzos and methamphetamine on top because of im using 1 drug I end up using more somehow it just happens.
Lay it on me darksiders, I need advice. And also thank you to anyone who took the time to read about my struggle, thank u thank u thank u.
-Get2WD
I think it is courageous and while I cannot give you advice like others with experience can, I encourage you to make sure you can handle it without relapse. It sounds to me like you know what you are in for and are as psychologically prepared as you can get. keep posting and let us know how it is going.You know we like to be AA?NA back-up around here--you can never have too much support in the form of accountability!
