I was a heroin addict from 13-17... I switched over from oxy and hydrocodone, thinking it wouldn't make that much of a difference. Well, it made all the difference. In many ways, I'm grateful that it brought me down so damn quickly. I'm glad I got burned by it at an earlier age, and with enough pain to make an impression that's kept me away from it for 8 years. I've used and enjoyed other opiates on occasion since then, but it took a long time for me to realize that there is such a thing as feeling "too good." Does heroin feel good? Of course. And in that truth, hides its peril.
Eventually, for me, nothing else could fill the growing void in me and my life, and the law of diminishing returns locked me in a futile search to recapture what I had initially experienced. Then, I was no longer congruent with myself as a person. Part of me continued seeking, while the other part was left to struggle with a divided and diminished self. And the aloneness a person might feel in such times is almost as inexplicable as it is unbearable.
A friend of mine (who has also moved on from it) has made a good case for when it might be appropriate and acceptable to use this chemical, and if you've ever seen Little Miss Sunshine you have a model for this proposal... The idea is to color the golden years with a tint of amber. In the film, a grandfather uses it because he's already at the end of his life.
So, in the retirement home, with a body that is already in pain and deterioration, and with responsibilities to vocation, friends, and family fulfilled... then there might be something to be said for coloring those golden years with a little tint of amber. For me personally, "I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep..." I'll continue to choose life, and encourage others to do the same. I learned that, for me, not all opiates are created equal, and something about H is especially insidious and risky.
Before even trying H... ask yourself: For what purpose, really, do I want to do this? Can I achieve this purpose with any other means (maybe milder opioids, maybe a hobby or a date with someone sexy...)? What could I gain, what could I lose, and are the gains worth the potential losses? No one can or should tell you what to put inside your body... Our bodies are ours, our lives are ours, and––when the time comes––our deaths are ours, too. I'm not trying to be morbid, but I've observed and experienced enough to create a strong association between H and death... or, at least, some kind of existence which I cannot call "living." In fact, since quitting H, I have been through some very difficult times and even in my darkest moments I have seen suicide as preferable to the life of persistent loss that came with using heroin. Just my experience, and some philosophical/rhetorical foods for thought...
J
