Just had to stop in here and say, GABAergics (in this progression: carisoprodol> butalbital> etizolam) completely FUCKED my life up worse than heroin.
Thanks to a very cheap domestic source I was able to maintain a 225mg/day IV habit (sourced straight powder & dissolved myself in PG for economical reasons). Although not ALL of that daily dose went down via the IV ROA due to PG's tendency to cause irritation this way.
But my experiences with this were complete with waking up in random places (usually hospitals after being found by good samaritan motorists laying passed out in the middle of the street.. As most my use was solitary).. 4 trips to the psych ward for detox purposes in the span of about 12 months.
And after a suicide attempt with etz+butalbital (knowing full well that the increase in *frequency* of chloride ion channel openings on GABAAr's, rather than *duration*, that thieno-/benzo- diazepines cause relative to barbiturates--along w/ their lack of glutamatergic activity--would likely NOT be enough to kill me alone) waking up on a ventilator after a 3 day coma in which I had no higher brain function... I still couldn't quit because detox was so poorly understood by healthcare professionals and attention to aftercare, with a focus on rebound mood disturbances, was treated with such contempt and disregard for the patient's well being.
It was not until a bad reaction to an unknown combination of 3-meo-pcp, miprocin, & 5-meo-dalt (no memory of the event, so i do not know how or why, or even IF, I ended up taking too much of these chemicals I was previously dabbling in the months prior) put me in the hospital for a month with unresolved catatonia and constant seizures (with such severe retrograde amnesia that I have no memory of this entire month including the week after discharge) that my egregious GABAergic habit finally got the proper attention it deserved without a half assed, cookie cutter 2 week detox that so inadequately addresses my situation previously.
I was stabilized on 6mg of lorazepam per day (no doubt this was inadequate to stave off w/ds at first, but I have no memory of this time.. My memory thankfully started functioning properly once I was suitable and managing on this 6mg daily) for roughly 3 months with an albeit quick, but overall painless more or less, taper to 0mg over 2-3 months.
Pretty swell I had to become a mute, human vegetable for 3 weeks with life threatening seizures to get proper healthcare attention and a suitable taper protocol going for my monster habit eh?
Anyway, fast forward 9 months and i am still mostly substance free aside from my daily 4mg buprenorphine maintenance dose, a daily use of 1-2g phenibut carried over as a supposed "aide" in the GABAergic taper, & an occasional indulgence in gabapentin. However, life is still plagued with insomnia and the most unbearable anhedonia I have ever experienced, so much worse than opioids.
Don't mess with diazepines. Or glutamatergics like carisoprodol (which got this whole demented cycle going for me). Unending anxiety is much more welcome relative to the days of sleepless delirium tremens.. Believing I was being telepathically raped by homosexual doctors, or imaging an acquaintance's family was coming to visit me to place straws against our eyeballs, placing them against glass spheres, then transforming our brain's to that of the autistic... Or how about constantly soiling your own hospital bed, or believing my cousins from Germany were visiting me with their microscopic human friends who enjoyed going to bars to meet strange women, getting their jollies by inserting their tiny bodies into these unsuspecting women's vaginas and immersing themselves into their pleasant fluids, for recreation. Yes how fun.
Any other stories of this sort?
Anyone else abuse diazepines to this extreme level?
