• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: axe battler | xtcgrrrl | arrall

Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (Help!)

But that isn't always true. There are individuals who fit the criteria. Now placing concepts on people can be good or bad, but in a lot of cases it can be good. It can allow for some individuals who are BPD to actually want to seek help. It gives them something to hold on to and understand, so they can help fix there problems. Also from a medical stand point, having a general description of disorders can help with designing therapeutic process that can help individuals with the disorders. Some people can get to carried away with the concept of being BPD and uses it in a negative fashion, but other use it to find something to hold on to when they don't have any source of identity in the first place. This gives them something that they can feel is real about them self. Once they start to understand their problems, they can start to understand the negative actions associated with the symptoms they have. With help and drive to work through these negative personality traits that form BPD, one can recover with the proper therapy.
 
YellowPolkaDotHalo said:
Im thinking of the mirror of the soul in terms of prisms. Like a diamond. I think we are all capable of showing all the qualities in the above list... God I hate labels.. BP BPD shchizo etc.. Ive seen them inprison vunerable people.
Click to expand...

IMHO, one can either use a diagnosis as a stepping stone or a cliff. You can choose how you want to deal with a diagnosis. One should recognize that just because something has been identified and brought to light, doesn't make you different than you were the 5 minutes or 5 years before you were 'labeled.' Using your diagnosis as a stepping stone would be learning from it, working to overcome it, embracing it for what it is. Using it as a cliff is dwelling on it in a negative way, using it to your advantage (in negative ways), and letting it bring you down. One is in control of their own future. Just because a doctor diagnosed you with something doesn't mean you should strive to 'become' it or 'fill the shoes' of the label that has been placed. If a label 'imprisons' someone, I believe that they would probably deal with that problem such as any other problem in their life. They would use it negatively and let themselves drown in it, as opposed to rising above it and seeking help/counseling and grasping the reality that it REALLY isn't that bad.
 
I think people who have no empathy whatsoever fit sociopath perfectly. I don't mind labeling them. Same thing with people like Wesley Willis and schizophrenia.

Borderline is kind of a strange label, though, and I think people are often mistakenly diagnosed with it, or sometimes people with it are mistakenly diagnosed with other things (though I'm not a professional or anything; I haven't looked up research, so I very well might be wrong).
 
^ I'm not sure that borderline is over-diagnosed; bi-polar, yes, for sure, but borderline? It's kind of hard to mistakenly diagnose someone who is borderline. I'm no professional either, but having grown up with someone who is borderline, oh man, it just really is the most obvious thing ever. It's more than just, "Do you sometimes feel on top of the world and other times feel helpless and hopeless?" Tada! You're bi-polar!

It's more like, "Do you intentionally sabotage all of the good things in your life? Do you go far out of your way to seek out and engage in dangerous, self-destructive activities and behavior? Are you unhappy with the results that your behavior brings but find yourself incapable of doing anything else?" The criteria is pretty specific, and when someone fits the bill, it's unlikely to be anything else...

But again, I'm not a professional... just someone who has known more than one clinically-diagnosed borderline, and has observed their unusual and scary behavior for a long, long time.
 
FWIW, I agree with verso. I believe that there are some people who are diagnosed as having bipolar disorder...but its pretty hard to miss borderline personality disorder...
 
In reference to gmayno's comment and in agreeing with verso's comment - if anything, BPD is rarely "misdiagnosed," but more often than none, is "mistaken" for another disorder, most often bipolar or aspbergers or something of the like. Another interesting snippet I found:

"How Often is BPD Misdiagnosed?
Many people with BPD have stories of misdiagnosis, but how often does it really happen? Unfortunately, there is very little research to draw from, but at least one study suggests that BPD does get misdiagnosed at fairly high rates. A study by researchers at the University of North Texas and Brown University found that nearly 40% of people with BPD in the study sample had previously received a misdiagnosis of bipolar disorder.

There have also been reports of people with BPD being misdiagnosed with psychotic disorders and Asperger's disorder (a type of developmental disorder on the autism spectrum), although there is no research exploring cases of this nature. But, more often, people with BPD report that they received a diagnosis of a mood or anxiety disorder long before their borderline symptoms were recognized. This is not really misdiagnosis so much as "missed diagnosis." Clinicians tend to miss the BPD symptoms at the outset of treatment, so they correctly diagnose other psychiatric problems but fail to catch the BPD diagnosis.

Why is BPD so Difficult to Diagnose?
Why might a BPD diagnosis be missed? There are likely a few different factors at play. First, BPD symptoms are often not evident at the outset of a therapeutic relationship. Many people with BPD do not really "show" their symptoms in more superficial relationships (such as with acquaintances), or in the early stages of relationships.

As a result, a clinician may miss the diagnosis because in the context of therapy the symptoms do not appear. To be clear, it is not that the person with BPD is intentionally hiding their symptoms, but rather that the interpersonal symptoms of BPD really only become evident in the context of close relationships (i.e., the relationships that the person with BPD has more investment in and is more afraid of losing).

To compound this problem, people with BPD may drop out of treatment at relatively high rates. So, if the person with BPD is not showing symptoms early in the therapy, and is also not staying in therapy for long, they may see a string of providers who never get a glimpse of the symptoms.

Another problem may be in the diagnostic criteria for BPD. Many experts believe that the criteria we use to diagnose BPD are too vague and overlapping with other disorders. They argue that BPD has a very high rate of comorbidity (i.e., co-occurrence with other disorders) because our current way to diagnose BPD is not precise enough. Problems with the precision and clarity of the criteria could also lead to misdiagnosis."


HTTP://bdd.about.com

Super good read. I love reading and learning about this stuff. So fascinating.
 
The current DSM criteria for a BPD diagnosis are summarized below.

The Criteria for a Borderline Personality Disorder Diagnosis
BPD is a pervasive pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and emotion, as well as marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment


A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as "splitting")


Identity disturbance: Markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self


Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)


Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behavior


Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)


Chronic feelings of emptiness


Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)


Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms
 
its good to be able to choose to be on the border line. if u r centred walking the line so to speak.. you can take a step either to the left...

If u love the bp person do it together..choose whose the b or whos the p lol same if you shake it about anyway llololol i lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_U5HpeA_WSo
 
Damn! These are some real solid, informative posts.

I have a question for those in the know: I've both read and been told by professionals that borderline personality disorder is more prevalent in women than men, but I've also read and been told that this is simply not true and the number of men with BPD is likely the same as the number of women but often diagnosed as an anger problem or some other, more masculine condition.

What do you guys think?
 
Hurt you and hurt you. I'm starting to wish I never tried to love someone with BPD. It's leaving me feeling absolutely terrible
 
Again, since there isn't a whole lot of research on the subject I can't anything for sure, but I've heard from many people that have experience in mental disorders that psychs often give the borderline diagnosis when they don't really know what's going on. I actually know someone who was bipolar and was misdiagnosed as being borderline, and one other person who I'm almost sure was misdiagnosed as being borderline.

I don't think it's hard to "spot" someone with borderline (it seems pretty obvious most of the time), but I also think that the method psychiatrists use to diagnose people don't work very well for some things (but for others they work great). I get the feeling that people go in to seek mental help at the hardest times in their lives, and so mental health professionals can get the wrong idea from seeing only a snapshot of a person's life. Especially considering the fact that they often take only personal testimony in the diagnosis of a disorder.

On the other hand, maybe borderline is bigger than most people realize; maybe there are many, many people with borderline who don't seem at all like they have it because they deal with it internally rather than externally (which might be the case with that second person I mentioned). After all, there are many criteria that don't involve external interactions with the world. Maybe it should even be split up into different disorders.

Again, everything I say is 100% fact because I am a mental health genius, so there's really no point in arguing with me ever.
 
Verso-

Actually, from the things that I have read, when psychologists first discovered BPD, they said that it was the "female version" of being a psychopath. Males = psychopaths/Females = Borderline Personality Disorder.

yet another quote from an article:


"Myth 3: Women have BPD; men have Antisocial Personality Disorder.

Reality: Although BPD is diagnosed in women much more frequently, men have it as well.

According to the DSM-IV, about 75 percent of those diagnosed with BPD are women and that most people diagnosed with Anti-social Personality Disorder (APD) are men. But although the personality disorders have some external similarities (i.e., difficulties with relationships, tendencies to blame others), their internal states are strikingly different. Borderlines feel shame, guilt, emotional distress, and emptiness; people with APD generally do not.

So why are more women diagnosed with BPD than men? No one knows, but several theories have arisen.

Theories of why BPD happens more often in women


Sexual abuse, which is common in childhood histories of borderline patients, happens more often to women than men.

Women experience more inconsistent and invalidating messages in this society.

Women are more vulnerable to BPD because they are socialized to be more dependent on others and more sensitive to rejection.

Clinicians are biased. Studies have shown that mental health professionals tend to diagnose BPD more often in women than men, even when patient profiles are identical except for the gender of the patient.


Men seek psychiatric help less often.

Men are more likely to be treated only for their alcoholism or substance abuse; their borderline symptoms go unnoticed because BPD is assumed to be a woman's disorder.

Female borderlines are in the mental health system; male borderlines are in jail."
 
gmanyo said:
I get the feeling that people go in to seek mental help at the hardest times in their lives, and so mental health professionals can get the wrong idea from seeing only a snapshot of a person's life. Especially considering the fact that they often take only personal testimony in the diagnosis of a disorder.
Click to expand...

Any good psychologist would take the effort to get a background on the patient before diagnosing them with something...if they didn't, it would be complete crap and they should have their license taken away. However, I am sure that there are cases of patients that lie to doctors about their histories, or their history isn't available or documented. I was stupid enough to do this once - I am bipolar and I went into my GP once without telling him my history, and he prescribed me a large dose of an antidepressant (my goal was to get myself out of the hypo-mania/deep depression that I was wallowing in) and it sent me into a hyper-mania psychosis, and I ended up attempting suicide for the 3rd time. It was complete misery. This is why it is so important for people to disclose their medical history to their doctor, because if they don't, it could very well be life-threatening.

gmanyo said:
On the other hand, maybe borderline is bigger than most people realize; maybe there are many, many people with borderline who don't seem at all like they have it because they deal with it internally rather than externally...
Click to expand...
I totally agree with this. I think that females with BPD are just called "overly-emotional" or "crazy" instead of actually thinking that they might have a serious underlying problem. I, for one, have learned to bury my emotions because I was shown by my father that it is weak to show emotion, so I stuff everything down deep until everything explodes...and it sucks. I hate it.
 
littlepenguin said:
Any good psychologist would take the effort to get a background on the patient before diagnosing them with something...if they didn't, it would be complete crap and they should have their license taken away. However, I am sure that there are cases of patients that lie to doctors about their histories, or their history isn't available or documented.
Click to expand...
My bigger problem is that they rely too much on personal testimony, and background events can be eschewed by current feelings. It's hard to really get a good understanding about a person without actually observing them throughout their life.
 
Eugh. I know this one. My mother is BPD (and schizoaffective but that's another story entirely) I'm diagnosed with BPD and so is the one I love, and I can tell you it's Hell. When we got together I thought 'hey, we're both Borderline, we both understand' - wrong. Borderline is a saerious illness and right now it's ruining the one thing I have in life. I've been through CBT for it, she hasn't. Sadly: I don't even know if I wanna be together anymore, yet I'm terrified of what me leaving her would do. Screw you BPD.
 
if you could recommend one book to a person with BPD...? assuming they want reading material that could help them feel well and be intimate in a relationship.
 
pofacedhoe said:
people are responsible for their own needs first and foremost
Click to expand...

This.

My BPD ex actually said to me that she knew I was so unbelievably selfish because I put my own needs before hers and that's not what love is.

Ha.

:)
 
debbbideb said:
Its hard to see what a person with this disorder should be held accountable for.
Click to expand...

Emotional abuse?

I left that relationship an empty shell, depressed, self loathing and actually believing the gaslighting she threw my way. I cannot begin to describe how horrible it was.

And yet I'm much better off than I was then (still have some residual issues because of it) but that has taken years.

They can be blamed for everything they do. (I'm trying not to come across as too bitter ;) )
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top