pbuilder
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 24, 2011
- Messages
- 2,119
^ congratulations Pbuilder!!
That's quite an accomplishment.
Thanks Prior to this 7 weeks, 5 days clean (which I actually only just calculated right now, because cocaine was so far off my mind I wasn't even counting sober days anymore ^-^), the most I'd went clean was 15 days. During a period from october 2011 to july 2012, I was using at least once a week if not more (other than a single 15 days clean I managed to do once, but than the following weekend quickly gave into the craving and phoned a dealer), and at the very least a half gram in a night, but at the worst parts over a ball in a weekend or even close to in a single night.
Later in that habitual usage the comedowns got worse and worse, and the high I quickly had fallen in love with become more scarce, and every single time while coming down I would say to myself, this feeling sure as fuck ain't worth it, this is the last damn time ever. And for a day or two after I would feel the same, still have that horrible come-down anxiety-ridden feeling in my mind and be happy with never doing coke again, but by day 3 or 4 I would forget the negatives and just remember the euphoria, causing me to use again the following weekend, or even sooner.
Thank god I finally had the courage one morning after a 8-ball binge in a night, to take my phone and delete all my dealers, as well as everyone that would even have their numbers. Same goes for any connections through facebook.
That is what truly helped the most, by having no availability to the drug by placing a quick simple text, it helped tremendously to stop using. I did try a few times to get dealers numbers through friends of friends but thankfully they never came through, and I haven't even attempted any purchase of the drug in like 6 weeks.
And even worse, just before I quit usage of cocaine I virtually never even snorted it anymore, but rather either did "foilies" where I added a bit of water with half and half coke/baking soda on foil and smeared it equally, and then smoked it, or I cooked it in a spoon and then smoked it off foil as well via chasing, cause where I live actual "glass roses" that are used as crack pipes aren't around in every store. (aren't around at all actually, never seen one). Looking back, I never ever though I'd smoke "crack", or technically ghetto foil freebase, but I so easily in that mind-set justified smoking it that way for the rush, thinking it was no big deal lol... Blocking out the fact that I was literally becoming a crack head.
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