(Nitrous Oxide) - Experienced - Life Changing Problems

Seriously, I feel like we both deserve a medal. You got me, a VERY lazy person to read such a long story so early in the morning. At first I though 'MEH!' but I was curious, being a nitrous fan, having a few hundred whippets only metres away from me.

I am so sorry to hear about your suffering. I fully understand the "pull" of nitrous, I unlike a few of my friends however can show moderation. I ONLY indulge on Nitrous when "high" on something else, 2C-E and nitrous was absolutely breathtaking (The most similar to your Gascid I imagine).

I always make sure I breathe in a lot of air in between balloons and such and take B12 supplements. Thank you for enlightening me to the possible dangers, god bless the internet.

My condolences go out to you.

Thank you for sharing this.
An absolutely amazing read, I'm glad I took the time to read through it. And I'm glad you took the time to write it.

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through, but I'm sure putting it down on 'paper' may make it clearer, even for yourself.

Thank you once again, and best of luck for the future.

expothead said:

i think i've got OCD - lol. is it pronounced gas-sid or gas-kid?

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LOL

gas-cid (as in Gas and Acid) - I was extremely proud to see that it's actually made the Urban Dictionary!

Although I'm disappointed that I didn't get a credit ( I'm pretty sure it's mine - I came up with it nearly 30 years ago...)

)

theatetus said:

I've been reading bluelight occasionally for a few years, but I didn't create an account until I read this post. I totally did recognise myself in your story, perhaps more in your way of being than the details of your story.

Food for thought. Thanks.

I've never taken nitrous, but I'm experienced with psychedelics. Gascid is something I'll definitely explore. If you wrote up a guide for beginners it would be very appreciated by some. I concur with psood0nym's earlier post (the best reply in this thread), but a pathway "to the same place so that they could form their own opinion" would be valued.

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I would not only be willing - but would *love* to write a guide. Anyone who has done something like DMT, gascid (even Nitrous) and the like would undoubtedly like to have had something like this.

I think that even the most serious psychonauts would find it both intersting and useful. The fact that I approached it somewhat scientifically - and kept a verbal/visual/written record of so much of it would certainly interest those in testing the validity of some of my experiences.

The thing that has made it possible for me to have any ability to express any of it is pretty strongly related to the technology that I used to help induce - or re-preduce the more exceptional experiences. My edge is that I can remember a lot of it - even though I haven't done it is nearly two years. That was my quest - communicating it - and I'd pretty much found what I was looking for by the time I lost control.

I'm still really new to BlueLight - so I have no idea how to go about creating something like this - but I would totally be willing to invest the time and energy if there was a genuine interest. I'm pretty certain that even if the stuff I wrote was just a good enough 'hint' - that it could open doors for some that might have otherwise gone unnoticed. Perhaps more importantly, I could probably point out some of the things to ignore. I spent years figuring out some things that seemed profound, but were just sensory distortion.

I don't know if anyone is paying attention to this thread - but if there is/are - then let me know. i have had a few requests - and I am happy to oblige if I can.

correctly said:

MerryPrankster,

kudos. respect. damn.

honestly, i read the comments before reading your long post..
then i decided to give it a read.. once i got started i just kept on moving closer towards my screen and getting so trapped in your story..

unbelievable..
i agree that n2o is fun! came up with some loop theory that everything goes around and there is no end nor beginning but i just know what it was about.. i forgot how i am to prove it right after it ended lol..
that was getting stoned and taking n2o a few mins after..

so sorry about your pain man.. i honestly hope that you will find a way to manage..

great fucking read.

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Thanks - I know it was an outrageously long post. It's been really amazing how many people actually took the time to read it.

I haven't done Nitrous in about 2 years - mostly because the whippits on sale now are not the same thing that they were a couple of years ago. There are some companies online advertizing the real thing and I really want to find some. I did, in fact, learn my lesson.

The thing about that circular, yet ever-expanding loop, at least with Nitrous, is that even though I have forgotton 99.9% of the detail, all I have to do is go back - and within half an hour I will remeber it all.

If only there had been something like BlueLight back then.

Thanks for staying the distance.

Excido said:

Seriously, I feel like we both deserve a medal. You got me, a VERY lazy person to read such a long story so early in the morning. At first I though 'MEH!' but I was curious, being a nitrous fan, having a few hundred whippets only metres away from me.

I am so sorry to hear about your suffering. I fully understand the "pull" of nitrous, I unlike a few of my friends however can show moderation. I ONLY indulge on Nitrous when "high" on something else, 2C-E and nitrous was absolutely breathtaking (The most similar to your Gascid I imagine).

I always make sure I breathe in a lot of air in between balloons and such and take B12 supplements. Thank you for enlightening me to the possible dangers, god bless the internet.

My condolences go out to you.

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Thanks. And good for you. If Bluelight had existed back then, and I'd had someone - *anyone* - to talk to, I would not have tripped up.

Despite my experience, I still believe that Gascid (and other Nitrous Combo's like you mentioned) are a good thing. It's like a modification of the old 'guns' story - Drugs don't kill people - people kill themselves.

It was my mistake - I have shared it so that someone else won't make the same one.

Thanks

Hi

To everyone else that I did not personally respond to - thank you all so much for your patience (reading such a long post), and sympathy. I lived with both the awesomeness of the experiences and the consequences of my obsession on my own for decades. It's been very cathartic to express it, and have so many understanding ears.

You're all awesome!

wow man its amazing your love for this gasid trip. you even said its better than love to you. i say id rather do mdma than have sex, but im not sure i would put it over love. then again, i dnt think i have experienced true love.

lostsoul.On.E said:

wow man its amazing your love for this gasid trip. you even said its better than love to you. i say id rather do mdma than have sex, but im not sure i would put it over love. then again, i dnt think i have experienced true love.

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LOL - I can relate to that statement, too. Actually - it's a pretty good analogy. Pure MDMA is genuinely 'cemical love'. Love - real love - manufactured by a drug induced cehmical reaction in your brain. Truly mind fucking. I remain in awe at some of the things this minor bipedal species can accomplish...

If you wrote a book detailing the nuances of your experiences on gacid and your theory of the universe I would love to read it. It reminded me of a story I read by Daniel Pinkwater once. In the story the main characters get a kit that teaches them how to go into "State 26", a state of consciousness where they can perform psychokinesis and mind control, which they have lots of fun with but eventually they get bored. They go back to the store and the salesman says they are using it wrong - like if someone only used a car to listen to the radio. The real purpose of State 26 is being able to travel to different planes of existence. I thought this was the coolest thing ever and it sounds like you may have been going down this path Whether that is the case or not, I would be thrilled if you ever took the time to write down some of your thoughts in more detail. Thanks for sharing your story and good luck in the future.

blend said:

If you wrote a book detailing the nuances of your experiences on gacid and your theory of the universe I would love to read it. It reminded me of a story I read by Daniel Pinkwater once. In the story the main characters get a kit that teaches them how to go into "State 26", a state of consciousness where they can perform psychokinesis and mind control, which they have lots of fun with but eventually they get bored. They go back to the store and the salesman says they are using it wrong - like if someone only used a car to listen to the radio. The real purpose of State 26 is being able to travel to different planes of existence. I thought this was the coolest thing ever and it sounds like you may have been going down this path Whether that is the case or not, I would be thrilled if you ever took the time to write down some of your thoughts in more detail. Thanks for sharing your story and good luck in the future.

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Sounds like a cool book - I should track it down. FUnny Telekenis - trying to figure it out - was a huge part of my obsessive journey - but I should have stuck to something like telepathy - which is a touch more realistic for our current stage ove evolution.

I have wanted to write about this for many, many years - but had no idea how to even begin. Bluelight was the fist time I actually though "Let me just *try* and see what happens." I've been overwhelmed at the positive responses I have got, and it has really inspired me to think about this more seriously. This might even be a good place to test it out.

But I've been trying to think it through - and it's so mindbendingly complex, that even a starting point is hard to find. For one, it kind of has to assume that the reader has done both Nitrous and Acid at some point - just for the frame of reference. To try and explain this specific *synergy* to someone who has never done either would be beyond my ability I think. But who knows - maybe it's justr the angle that I need.

But thank you for your feedback. This has been an amazing thread for me - just by dint of the actual number of people who managed to get through it. It received a much better response than I had hoped for.

And I believe - that with this post - I finally graduate to the status of "BlueLighter".

I guess I'm here to stay.

Just write it however it comes to you, its a start at least.... And then later if you want or it seems possible you could translate it for the less comprehending crowd. But seriously you should write it down right now! Or before it gets lost to time...

^ (to merry p) Your book would have a pretty small demographic to hit. When you talk of telekinesis, most people probably would deem you a lunie.

Fortunately bluelight has a lot of open-minded people.

blend said:

Just write it however it comes to you, its a start at least.... And then later if you want or it seems possible you could translate it for the less comprehending crowd. But seriously you should write it down right now! Or before it gets lost to time...

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Thanks for the encouragement. I wrote this post on the spur of the moment - but I have considered writing about this for years. This was a bit of a test - and I have been absolutely blown away by the number of positive responses I have received and the depth of the compassion.

It really has inspired me - and I will most definitely make the effort to write something more focussed - even if just to post here and gauge the response.

Thanks again.

hoopyfrood said:

^ (to merry p) Your book would have a pretty small demographic to hit. When you talk of telekinesis, most people probably would deem you a lunie.

Fortunately bluelight has a lot of open-minded people.

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Nah - I figured that one out myself a while back - and I think for a while I actually qualified as a Loonie - even by my own standards - which are extremely flexible - durex-brain.

I'm embarrassed to admit that for a while there I was really chasing it. I was fascinated with the whole Uri Geller trip when I was a kid - the guy who could bend spoons with his mind. I grew up believing that we have capabilities way beyond those which we have currently manifested. Telepathy, for instance. I have had enough of what I perceive to have been *genuine* telepathy - not just coincidence - to actually believe in its possibility. I accept telepathy as being a de facto reality - just not within my control. But when I was younger and more foolish - and bent on being a pioneer who actually *discovered* something, I let my fantasy take over for a while - and chased the impossible.

Back then there was no internet - let alone a BlueLight. I was on my own - for the first 20 years. I was obsessed for a while with finding *proof* - something that would make people take me seriously - and not dismiss my thoughts and philosophy as a drug induced delusion. But I lost my way - and I paid the price.

So no - while I have certainly slipped over the edge - in the here and now I am not at all likely to start expounding on the subject of mind over matter - or any theories on how it might work - even if I was at one point in my life so fucked up that I thought that I had glimpsed the mechanics behind it.

I do have to laugh at myself though. I've certainly let my mind off the leash and allowed it to run amok. I'm glad it came back....

perhaps the real warning/lesson to be found here, is that obsession, especially with proving something unproveable, can be extremely dangerous. the universe has many mysteries not meant to be 'proved' or recorded in any way - reality existed before cameras and cellphone, and before us. so let go of trying to record the mysteries of life and the possibilities of magic/telepahy/etc. it will never be possible, and thank god for that because if we could master it to a science we would fuck it all up . in fact, as a species, we probably already have -which is why we shun all those forgotten dimensions today. get what im saying??

did you have accomplish/experience any form of telekenesis? i never decided if i believed in that or not, of course i know we're capable of a lot more than we admit nowadays, but like you i accepted telepathy as de fact reality - but telekenesis was always out of my league. havent done enough drugs! good many of us druggies get warned by almost dying or going to prison for life, not ACTUALLY.

you are a great person. keep it real! stay off the nitrous kids

edit:i just read your post above this one and realise you already know what i wrote in the first paragraph. but hopefully some other weirdo will read it and think twice about trying to prove the science of spirituality to himself with acid or whatnot. gotta keep the balance between 'drug as fun' and 'drugs as lifestyle'

ControlDenied said:

perhaps the real warning/lesson to be found here, is that obsession, especially with proving something unproveable, can be extremely dangerous. the universe has many mysteries not meant to be 'proved' or recorded in any way - reality existed before cameras and cellphone, and before us. so let go of trying to record the mysteries of life and the possibilities of magic/telepahy/etc. it will never be possible, and thank god for that because if we could master it to a science we would fuck it all up . in fact, as a species, we probably already have -which is why we shun all those forgotten dimensions today. get what im saying??

did you have accomplish/experience any form of telekenesis? i never decided if i believed in that or not, of course i know we're capable of a lot more than we admit nowadays, but like you i accepted telepathy as de fact reality - but telekenesis was always out of my league. havent done enough drugs! good many of us druggies get warned by almost dying or going to prison for life, not ACTUALLY.

you are a great person. keep it real! stay off the nitrous kids

edit:i just read your post above this one and realise you already know what i wrote in the first paragraph. but hopefully some other weirdo will read it and think twice about trying to prove the science of spirituality to himself with acid or whatnot. gotta keep the balance between 'drug as fun' and 'drugs as lifestyle'

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Hi

You actually raised an interesting and valid point. Because - for me at least - this is where science and spitituality meet. When you hit the 'proof' factor - and you cannot find the proof - but you cannot deny your senses - that's where *I* got stuck. In order to accept my perceptions it had to become a matter of faith. A place where I believed in where I was going, but had to accept that *I* may not be able to prove it - to anyone - ever.

At this time - after about 10 years of being stuck here - I accepted certain things on faith - where it becomes more religious than scientific. It was neccessary in order to see what lay beyond proof. As I cannot proove any of my beliefs - I will not raise them in a topic like this - or I *would* just seem to be a nutter.

But Obsession - as you so accurately pointed out - was my downfall. And my obessions was trying to find proof.

Thank you BlueLight for offering a safe space to think out loud.

I've had enough proof - and now - look - I have a forum where I can even talk about this stuff. Where i wouldn't need to *prove* a theory, simply to be able to voice it - right or wrong.

The world I grew up in had no such forum. My thoughts were mine - exeptt for those few I managed to share the moment with at the time.

At least it was a noble obsession...

I finally made a new thread post in Trip reports. Called LSD & the Ulimate Truth. It's just a story of a (n outrageous) trip - but those of you who liked my writing style might appreciate it..

)

Merry Prankster, I hate to say it but the "age you group up in" might be half the problem. The age of rationalism, scientism (the application of science, which is neutral, to one's belief systems), etc. etc. the baby boomers milked on money and poisons. you won't find a more faithless era in human history.

i dont see why after all you've been through you should be ashamed to 'sound like a nutter'. I think it would take a lot for you to prove to a bunch of junkies, weirdoes and teenagers () , that you are actually insane. Especially after your very coherent posts here.

I also came to that place recently, where I have started to accept my 'dreams' on 'faith'. That makes it more beautiful and hopeful to me. It can't be proved, because if it could then someone could also disprove it. anyway dont abuse inhalants kids. lol. and keep that faith flying. some day it will be your guide to the next world!

ControlDenied said:

Merry Prankster, I hate to say it but the "age you group up in" might be half the problem. The age of rationalism,

etc...
anyway dont abuse inhalants kids. lol. and keep that faith flying. some day it will be your guide to the next world!

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Hi - I think one of the *main* reasons that I did not seek help - or feel comfortable admitting to anyone about my Nitrous problem was exactly because it falls into the category of "inhalants". When I think of 'inhalant' users, I think of a derelict on the street, huffing into a plastic bag of glue that was going to rot their lungs in the end.

I saw myself - as well as being a spiritualist, seeking understanding - as a scientist - conducting bona-fide research. I felt that if I told anyone what it was that I was doing - that I would not only not be taken seriously - but would actually be looked down upon, as some kind of junkie reject. I think that I feared that a chronic heroin addiction would be looked on more respectfully than a Nitrous addiction. When you categorize Nitrous as an 'inhalant', I think that it grievously insults the Nitrous.

If only the world had been as enlightened and tolerant then as it is now (but Gob, we still have a long way - 'cause it's not that tolerant).

Thanks,

TMP