u think you will ever be at PEACE with yourself??

im sure most of you can agree with me here..well, with me, i am constantly wanting different things...when i want something and then i get it, it seems almost moments later thats not what i want and then i start seeking something else..it seems like there is a constant conflict in my head, on one hand i want a relationship and the other i dont....its like an absolute war in my head, pretty much never am i at peace with me and my surroundings...drugs calmed that in me too well and without them, imlost..


soooo, do you think you will ever achieve that peace within yourself so you dont have to rely on drugs???i dont think i ever will...its like im too conflicted that i can never find a happy medium..

Yes I have had that peace. Will have it again, but if you mean an everlasting peace-- to never crave or desire ever again, then no, that isn't going to happen.

im not really talking about the craving to use drugs, but just a stable state of mind...to where if you dedicate yourself to something, you will follow thru with it and not give up on it right away and focus on something else...its like always searching for that thing that will make everything right..i just dont think that 'thing' exists...

Setting some goals in life to make yourself feel productive is good for you. I used to be a top powerlifter in my state when i was in high school. Now i have pretty much let all of that slide due to my Use of things. Weight training helped to boost my self esteem. So whatever you are into, just try not to let drugs as well of other outside influences slow you down from your goals. I say, use moderation and keep a healthy mindset and persevere in what you desire. And keep in mind, like 99percent of people will relapse at one point or another.

Ive never been at peace with myself or surroundings. Im always either restless, depressed, lonely or bored to fucking death.

I don't know if i could ever be fully at peace with myself but if i had a place of my own with a girl i love and somewhat of a income then i would be at more peace with myself.

I'm bi polar, OCD, ADD, and have bad anxiety, and I sure as hell hope I come to a point in my life where I will be at peace with myself. So far it doesn't look like it though.

-dp

paranoid andreoid-me and you think alike....i havent been diagnosed with any disorder but i know i have a few of them..lol...i just almost dread the day alot of the time..i have goals and when i achieve them, it doesnt make any happier, it only makes me hungrier for more..like i said, im never content...

yea i think so but i think it is still far down in the future no time soon

I am only at peace with myself and the world when I am on drugs (OC or weed). I used to fight it but now I have accepted that fact. I will never be sober again. Life is too short to live like that. Now that I have accepted that, I have found peace and am enjoying the remainder of my life (I'm 50). But it took most of my life to figure this out. The last four years of using OC daily have been the greatest days of my life. Thank God for drugs.

^^it actually sickens me to say this but the only time i have been at peace was when i was high on opiates....nothing else has worked, religion, girls(although they help a little), money, muscles, goals, they just dont fill the void...im sick of forcing myself to live every day, i wanna start enjoying life again....

if you are bi-polar, isnt it pretty much impossible to be calm or at peace?/i mean, just going by the name of the disorder, it would seem you are constantly at odds...right?

I think I will.
Other than torment and doom, there is only one way we can go.
Even the feeling of dropping down a bottomless pit, at lighning speed, has a limit and is always getting better as it is getting worse.
It's a case of perceiving the positive (not always easy, granted, but life is about learning, and all decent lessons have a challenging element)
There is nothing wrong in acknowledging the tormented areas of our minds, as we need to be aware of what is causing us problems, in order to fix it.
Once we realise the futility of negative and destructive thoughts, we are well on our way to peace.
This is because, any thought that has no productive reason behind it, is pointless so we dont bother with anything more than the acknowledging of the presence uncomfortable feelings without dwelling on them.
Creativity can arise out of this, but its a delicate balance.
This balance lies between acknowledging the presence of discomfort, and how it feels, but not going on to have worries over what might be, and not adding further negativity to it, by our intellects.

I have been at peace with myself in the past........
Putting aside my everyday life right now- and I am at peace with who I am.
I'm pretty good about not wanting things that I don't have.....
I usually handle difficult things/heavy responsibilities calmly.....
But I agree with Enki- I don't think you can have everlasting peace........at least not complete peace.
Even someone like the Dali Lama doesn't have that........there is still conflict and suffering in his life.......
But over ....with myself.... I am at peace.

Emotional disconnection to things does that. You work with your head but not your heart, because those two are disconnected in you, they are split.
When your head creates a goal or a want, you get there but your heart is disconnected from the equation and has to create that connection which bonds you with it, whichever is the new experience.

When we get into an event we take it in and we make it our experience and hence we get deeper into it. Desire is lacking because desire brings you in connection with things and get deeper and deeper and involved emotionally with whatever it is.

Unfortunately, it can not be explained with a few easy words, but this deep involvement is what real life is and you feel passionate about everything you get involved in and make experiences that fills you within and feel content and fullfilled.

Emotional disconnection takes place at the neck area and you just run your life from your thinking alone, which lacks substance and emotional fullfillment.

Opiates open up the road to your inner and emotional self and become connected with your body and your sensory system.

You need a lot of healing to get there, but you are young and you can if you want to persue that path.

It takes delayed grattification, and to be able to withstand your pain and feelings and go into youself where you become aware of yourself and integrate.

A long and torturate road, but worth it on the long run. Pain makes you human, and makes you integrate and feel and be whole, and brings meaning to your life and fullfillment in the end-you reach contentment.

"a long and torturous road'

ugghh, ive already been down that road, i wanna choose another path..lol...young??im 28 years old, im ancient...its just how am i supposed to dedicate myself to something when it makes me feel nothing inside??i was out with friends the other night, with a really cute girl and i have to be honest, i felt more empty then than i have in a long time..and i like the girl and communicating my feelings to her is easy, i just dunno whats in my head..

belfort said:

"a long and torturous road'

ugghh, ive already been down that road, i wanna choose another path..lol...young??im 28 years old, im ancient...its just how am i supposed to dedicate myself to something when it makes me feel nothing inside??i was out with friends the other night, with a really cute girl and i have to be honest, i felt more empty then than i have in a long time..and i like the girl and communicating my feelings to her is easy, i just dunno whats in my head..

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Dedicate yourself to something when it makes you feel nothing inside???
My whole post is about this! You are not getting it! Also, you felt more empty then, than you have in a long time? Still you have not absorbed the message in my post!
You like the girl and communicating your feelings was easy? What feelings, when it is emptiness inside? (sorry I am being blunt so that you can get my drift)
You don't know what's in your head? Try to see what is in your heart, and that is the catch!

paranoid android said:

Ive never been at peace with myself or surroundings. Im always either restless, depressed, lonely or bored to fucking death.

Click to expand...

I feel like this too. I can only remember a few times in my life I honestly felt content, and they were very brief. I feel happy quite often - sometimes elated to the point of feeling almost manic with joy - but being truly content is something that's always eluded me. I always tell myself 'if I just had/did/was able to do this, everything would be better' but to be honest I think it's more my state of mind. I need to learn to be content even when everything is shit, because it's highly unlikely that I'm going to go through much of my life where everything is perfect.

I think having an anxious, neurotic disposition makes it harder to truly be at peace, but I'm not giving up the hope that it's something I can learn - or at least improve.

I get a glimpse of what thats supposed to feel like here and there and im pretty optimistic about it. At this point tho I figure that I have to wait for it. Immediate experiences used to be soo gratifying the way I used to manipulate life to be that way. Its a different conquest without the indulgence.

Maybe. It better happen soon though, because I've had a pretty crummy past 18 months and the various attempts I've made at fixing things have failed so far. To be honest there've been multiple times where I thought I was "better" only to have some sort of incident prove to me that I've made no headway at all. Still anxious, depressed, jaded, etc. I skipped every single lecture I had at uni for over a month straight this past semester and still managed to pass my classes, however I can't stay on that path and expect to succeed. I mean I always knew there was something different about me, but recently it has been painfully clear how much I regret many of the decisions I've made in my life. Drugs are far too easy of an escape. Why be miserable when you can turn on the happy with chemicals like a lightswitch?

Of course it is never too late to start making healthier, more thoughtful choices. It's just that after a while hopelessness becomes a habit and calling up your connect is a hell of a lot easier than trying a new AD and waiting a month or more to see if anything is going to happen.

I used to worry about what I would do with my life, which usually leads people to a place where they say, Fuck it! I'm going to do what I want and not care about the consequences, and that usually ends poorly.

I started in that direction two weeks ago where I rarely went home (I live with my parents) and often didn't tell them when I would be home. I spent most of the time high as a kite, disregarding the consequences. I did a lot of risky things without a care in the world. Then I had a life changing experience.

A friend of mine sat and talked with me while he was on shrooms, but it was as if I had the same trip as he did, and we basically achieved a higher state of mind and became at peace with everything. It took a turn for the worse when we realized that the world wasn't what we wished it was, and that everything we had believed previously was a lie, but it was only about an hour that we were stuck in that rut. He and I cried like babies not getting their way, but it was so much more; our world had just been turned upside-down and completely torn apart.

It was the darkest place I had ever been (since I haven't really gotten into many hard drugs) but I came out of it almost in a daze; I let go of the bad and clung to the good with white knuckles, because I wanted to have gained something from it, and I have.

I feel like a completely changed person. I feel love for all things--human, non-human, living, non-living--because I realized that we're all the same. And I see beauty where many others would not. Words don't do it justice but the best word is that I feel a sense of "enlightenment," but again, it is different.

Just know that you will all pull through out of the darkness and into the light, and it will make you a better, stronger person. [Not trying to sound religious, lol.]

I love you all.

crooked_letter.

I more or less am at peace with myself.