u think you will ever be at PEACE with yourself??

[silvercrimson]

no- am at peace with myself when im sleeping. i love my family and i love my animals but usually at the end of the day with or without the dope which is usually rare, i still find myself sad and unhappy, the worst is not knowing.im also always afraid of family dying on me. i lost my dad when i was 13, so im very very afraid somethings going to happen to my mom or my brother and sister. i loose sleep over that. my mother gets frustrated with me because i call her about 10xs a day. im not at all suicidal however i wish that id die before she does because i will not go through losing a parent again. all the dope and all the clothes and sparkles still dont quite cut it. if im happy its only temporary, within a snap of the finger the whole entire trip can just go down, and thats when im stuck not knowing or being able to describe even to myself how that feels. dont get me wrong i am thankful for everything ive got but im still really not happy. i honsetly think that the only time i will ever find peace with myself is when i die.

 

[paranoid android]

i honsetly think that the only time i will ever find peace with myself is when i die.

This is what i think like when im having a bad day, week, month, year . I can't count how many times ive said "im sure the only time i'll ever get any peace is when im in the ground". But i have to say there have been times when ive been at peace with myself or as much at peace with myself as i can be. I was even content perhaps for awile but of course that couldnt last

Everything changes nothing stays the same and that includes the bad times with the good. Ive gone from feeling low as dirt to feeling like the luckiest cunt on the face of the planet in less then a week. This is one of the reasons why i havent killed myself. Things change so quickly for better or worse but nothing will change for you when your dead as there is no taking that back. The only thing that changes when you die especially by suicide is that your going to have alot of family members and friends who are left feeling gutted.

if you are bi-polar, isnt it pretty much impossible to be calm or at peace?/i mean, just going by the name of the disorder, it would seem you are constantly at odds...right?

Really old post but i thought id answer this. It is certainly possible to be at peace if you are suffering from bipolar disorder. Sure if your bipolar is not under control and especially not medicated properly you won't be having much of any kind of peace much less with yourself, but if it's under control you can most certainly be at peace with yourself. I know lot's of people that have bipolar disorder that have gotten it under control and they are doing perfectly fine.

Bipolar disorder just means that you get manic episodes and major depressive episodes. It's 2 poles of the mood spectrum hence the term BIpolar as opposed to say unipolar depression. But you can find a happy and manageable middle ground with the right medications and maybe therapy as well.