I used to worry about what I would do with my life, which usually leads people to a place where they say, Fuck it! I'm going to do what I want and not care about the consequences, and that usually ends poorly.
I started in that direction two weeks ago where I rarely went home (I live with my parents) and often didn't tell them when I would be home. I spent most of the time high as a kite, disregarding the consequences. I did a lot of risky things without a care in the world. Then I had a life changing experience.
A friend of mine sat and talked with me while he was on shrooms, but it was as if I had the same trip as he did, and we basically achieved a higher state of mind and became at peace with everything. It took a turn for the worse when we realized that the world wasn't what we wished it was, and that everything we had believed previously was a lie, but it was only about an hour that we were stuck in that rut. He and I cried like babies not getting their way, but it was so much more; our world had just been turned upside-down and completely torn apart.
It was the darkest place I had ever been (since I haven't really gotten into many hard drugs) but I came out of it almost in a daze; I let go of the bad and clung to the good with white knuckles, because I wanted to have gained something from it, and I have.
I feel like a completely changed person. I feel love for all things--human, non-human, living, non-living--because I realized that we're all the same. And I see beauty where many others would not. Words don't do it justice but the best word is that I feel a sense of "enlightenment," but again, it is different.
Just know that you will all pull through out of the darkness and into the light, and it will make you a better, stronger person. [Not trying to sound religious, lol.]
I love you all.
crooked_letter.