five years old.
By now, you've probably heard the rumors floating around about me not living up to my end of our bargain. I take full responsibility for forgetting about you for so long. For ignoring you all those times. And no, it wasn't too much for you to ask of me to jump in that puddle after it rained that time. You were also right about that pile of sticks I turned my nose at - they would have built a great fort. I should have come and looked for you all those times you got scared, instead of just telling you to keep quiet and ignoring your pain. And of all the times for me to let you down, looking at you in the mirror and believing what other people said about you - that you weren't pretty enough, smart enough, good enough - well, I would understand if you never wanted to speak to me again. Those two weeks when I started crying and couldn't stop, when they came to take me home to the doctor who would fix me, and she blamed you!!! For a minute I almost believed her, and that was unforgivable of me.
So often in our life I came to you for an answer, and I scoffed when you countered me with another question. I blamed it on your age and inexperience. When you asked me why the sky was blue I showed you books on chemistry and biology. When you asked me why grown-ups were sad, I spent hours trying to explain the psychology and philosophy of man. But when you asked me why I had abandoned you, I couldn't find the answers in any of the books. So I asked a preacher, and told us god had a plan. But that plan didn't explain about the neighbor's dog barking at us every single time we were trying to be quiet. And how silly of me to tell that dog "Hush" instead of letting you bark back at it (which we both know dogs don't understand grown-up talk, only other dogs and very small people).
Next we went to the park, hoping some quiet time together would help us understand - but I didn't believe you when you told me not to bring any distractions. All that time I was taking pictures to remember you by! Think of all the bees we could've counted and the flowers we could've seen if I'd let you lead me off that path.
I'm writing this letter to let you know that I see how wrong I've been all this time. Next time we run into a chance meeting with the perfect tree, I won't ignore you when you yell "Time to climb!" And instead of always doing what we're supposed to, every now and then we'll run off to a quiet place and live a fairy tale, with all of the castles and dragons you want. And the next prince that comes along - I won't go on and on about rules and expectations and such. For you've taught me that none of that is as important as whether or not he can fly a kite. I vow that you can be any and everything you want to be in this world. If you want to be a pilot, I'll teach you how to fly. A ballerina? We'll dance till the end of time if that will make you smile.
Because if you can forgive me for all of the broken promises, we can take care of all our unfinished business now. There's still so much time, but there is also much to do. Where shall we start with our list that goes on and on? Why don't you take me by the hand and lead the way, for I know now. Through you, I can go back. Only at the hands of a child does that door open to the land of magic and wonder. Luckily, as long as you're with me, I will always be able to go back through.
Love,
me
By now, you've probably heard the rumors floating around about me not living up to my end of our bargain. I take full responsibility for forgetting about you for so long. For ignoring you all those times. And no, it wasn't too much for you to ask of me to jump in that puddle after it rained that time. You were also right about that pile of sticks I turned my nose at - they would have built a great fort. I should have come and looked for you all those times you got scared, instead of just telling you to keep quiet and ignoring your pain. And of all the times for me to let you down, looking at you in the mirror and believing what other people said about you - that you weren't pretty enough, smart enough, good enough - well, I would understand if you never wanted to speak to me again. Those two weeks when I started crying and couldn't stop, when they came to take me home to the doctor who would fix me, and she blamed you!!! For a minute I almost believed her, and that was unforgivable of me.
So often in our life I came to you for an answer, and I scoffed when you countered me with another question. I blamed it on your age and inexperience. When you asked me why the sky was blue I showed you books on chemistry and biology. When you asked me why grown-ups were sad, I spent hours trying to explain the psychology and philosophy of man. But when you asked me why I had abandoned you, I couldn't find the answers in any of the books. So I asked a preacher, and told us god had a plan. But that plan didn't explain about the neighbor's dog barking at us every single time we were trying to be quiet. And how silly of me to tell that dog "Hush" instead of letting you bark back at it (which we both know dogs don't understand grown-up talk, only other dogs and very small people).
Next we went to the park, hoping some quiet time together would help us understand - but I didn't believe you when you told me not to bring any distractions. All that time I was taking pictures to remember you by! Think of all the bees we could've counted and the flowers we could've seen if I'd let you lead me off that path.
I'm writing this letter to let you know that I see how wrong I've been all this time. Next time we run into a chance meeting with the perfect tree, I won't ignore you when you yell "Time to climb!" And instead of always doing what we're supposed to, every now and then we'll run off to a quiet place and live a fairy tale, with all of the castles and dragons you want. And the next prince that comes along - I won't go on and on about rules and expectations and such. For you've taught me that none of that is as important as whether or not he can fly a kite. I vow that you can be any and everything you want to be in this world. If you want to be a pilot, I'll teach you how to fly. A ballerina? We'll dance till the end of time if that will make you smile.
Because if you can forgive me for all of the broken promises, we can take care of all our unfinished business now. There's still so much time, but there is also much to do. Where shall we start with our list that goes on and on? Why don't you take me by the hand and lead the way, for I know now. Through you, I can go back. Only at the hands of a child does that door open to the land of magic and wonder. Luckily, as long as you're with me, I will always be able to go back through.
Love,
me
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