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  • EADD Moderators: axe battler | Pissed_and_messed

Your most shameful moment on drugs?

The Wizard of the Creek said:
Right on. That is one of the toughest things is to admit to you parents that you are a junkie. It happens to most, if not all, heroin junkies, and I include that in my life about 8 years ago. I hope you did what I did and got that monkey off your back. It took a while for me, but my dumbass did it successfully.

The only thing I’m confused about your post is your making that dealer “paud him the usual amount” the definition of “paud” is :

To have sex with an elderly grandma/woman or to have sex with a group or gang.

I’m really hoping you meant paid (which is a pretty funny Freudian slip, that made this wizard lolololol)!?

🧙‍♂️
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😂😂😂😂 I meant "paid" but had no idea "paud" was a word or much less what it meant 😂😂😂 I totally should've been like "I typed what I meant" 😂😂😂😂
 
Having to go and score heroin on the morning of my wifes funeral. I've never felt such a low-down dirty scumbag in my life before.
 
maxalfie said:
Having to go and score heroin on the morning of my wifes funeral. I've never felt such a low-down dirty scumbag in my life before.
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Why? Better than being even more sick and on edge than you probably already were.

People take all sorts of pharmaceutical coping meds at funerals. If there's ever a time it's justified, it's then.

Worse I find, is people who use funerals of people they didn't particularly care for that much, to take the day off work and get drunk off their ass because that's what Walter or.. Marvin or whatever his name was would have wanted.
 
Kaden_Nite said:
Why? Better than being even more sick and on edge than you probably already were.

People take all sorts of pharmaceutical coping meds at funerals. If there's ever a time it's justified, it's then.

Worse I find, is people who use funerals of people they didn't particularly care for that much, to take the day off work and get drunk off their ass because that's what Walter or.. Marvin or whatever his name was would have wanted.
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Exactly. No one would bat an eyelid over a widowed spouse approaching a doctor for "something to help me cope"
 
maxalfie said:
Having to go and score heroin on the morning of my wifes funeral. I've never felt such a low-down dirty scumbag in my life before.
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When it comes to being sick, preventing that IS the priority. Everything else is irelavant if you're too sick to function. That's equates to everything else being second.
 
ChinaGroove said:
Basically I beat the shit out of my dealer when he kept me waiting all day then tried to wax at the last minute (and no I didn't "rob" him. I paud him the usual amount). Afterwards there was nothing he could do at all so he called my parents. Yeah.
So me being 25, I wasn't in "trouble" but...when I got home my Dad asked "are you doing pills?" I said yes. He then asked "are you using heroin?" I said "I have in the past but not at the moment (beacuse my powder H connect fell off It was back to Dilaudid and Opana)"
He then asked "are you shooting up?"
"Yes Dad."
My god I felt as low as ever. Saying these things out loud. To my Dad. Sure he "knew" but man. I could see the hurt in his eyes. It was only second time in my life I saw my Dad fight back tears. I hurt so bad that everything had gotten to this point. That kid that naively tried a blue Roxy 30 one day had lost all control and was an addict. I only wanted my parents and younger sister to be proud of me. Now they saw their son/brother as this drug addict. Oh I can't type enough on here to fully convey how low I felt. How hurt I felt that I had hurt them. And it only got worse in the next couple days when they realized how many of their possesions were gone and that their addict son had stolen it for money to fix up. When my Dad asked if I had stolen my deceased Grandmothers gold necklace and I had to tell him yes. It hurts to type this.
That was the worst I felt on drugs, having to look at my pain and the pain I caused. There was a silver lining. My parents agreed to help me any way they could. It wasn't the final step. Not close. But it was a step, the first step, to getting my life back.
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Telling my family in of itself wasn't the hard part. It's having to face everything within myself, the addiction and how much I hurt leading to the addiction. Then having to not just face that, but having to talk about it so candidly with my family. And realizing that my addiction had took my pain and spread it upon them.
For so long I was in denial and thought I had control. But as everything progressed my control kept shrinking until I had lost all control. To think it started off with one Roxy 30 for fun.
Everyone has that cure for what's hurting them. It could be a bottle. It could be sex. It could be a rolled up bill. It could be a razor blade. Mine, like many others, was a needle.

Damn this is a hell of a thread. I'm really thinking back to so much that took place in my life. It does feel good to share it and not have to keep it bottled up for fear of being judged or misunderstood. Thank you.
 
This feels like an appropriate day to confess some of my sins. I won't go into all my history and demons - I might write a post in the Dark Side forum about those.

Strangely, all the years I abused alcohol I didnt do anything that I would consider shameful. But Benzos are a different matter. Abusing benzos has led me to do some very stupid and shameful things. Over the past couple of years I've managed to paralyse both my hands after blacking out - radial nerve palsy - thank God they healed eventually. I've heard of people who haven't been so lucky when they've taken too many Benzos and permanently paralysed their legs by sitting in a strange positions for many hours or burnt themselves on a radiator or something.

Also, one night I was staying with my parents and they found me lying unconcious on the floor in the middle of the night (the cat we were looking after alerted them to it!) and I woke up in hospital. They were baffled as to what had happened to me and ran several tests, but I knew. Lying to my parents and the doctors is the worst part - I feel so guilty. I have been on the verge of confessing to my parents about what caused these episodes but I genuinely think they would disown me and never speak to me again. Maybe I will have the courage to someday.

As for Benzos, I am through with them. The stupid irony is, they didn't have any beneficial effects. I'm not sure why they are so popular. They either do nothing or cause you to black out, which is not only dangerous but also hardly any fun - they don't seem to have any recreational value, for me at least. If they help to lower your anxiety that's great, just whatever you do don't overdo it.
 
ChinaGroove said:
he called my parents
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Man. Wtf. What a pussy, i would have given him another hiding for that lol
That is a line you DO NOT cross
When i left my ex, and she found out I'd slept with my previous ex soon after, she went to my mum, dad, sister, telling them i IVd. Caused me allllll kinds of problems.
Fucking bitch.
She is so lucky i dont hit women
Shelbel69 said:
The time I accidentally dropped a used rig at work.
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When i used to deal, i went to meet these 3 lads in an alley to sell some k, and as i pulled it out of my pocket my spoon fell out and clanged on the tarmac, i immediately swiftly kicked it under the dumpster bin we were stood next to and looked up and they were all looking down, then they looked up and at me and there was a second or 2 of awkward silence then they handed over the money and we said bye and went our separate ways.
Was pretty embarrassing lol. They were drunk and quite young so I don't think they really clicked on at the time, they probably figured it out afterwards though.
 
One time, I desecrated a shared altar space by picking up three of the crystals, spitting on them, putting them back, relighting all the candles, flipping the sat nam and wake guru signs upside down and chucking a statue of ganesh off while laughing hysterically and chanting in glossalia on 8 grams of mushrooms and some Adderall. Needless to say, im banned from the venue for a year. Speaks to their coolness how its only a temp ban. It was my first time embarrassing myself in such a way after a decade of attending parties there, and was totally out of character. Feel like I got possessed. The night before I had decorated it with flowers. Smh
 
I locked myself in a rv bathroom after smoking while drinking in the south jersey shore. I was young and it was new. Tho I didn’t lock myself in instead I tried to throw up to get rid of the spins for a few hours. I probably pissed off the guy that owned it.
 
One that comes to mind is when I was doing work experience at one of my favourite record labels that I fucked up due to being overly anxious and taking too much benzos to 'compensate'. I was just going through that fuck it stage in my youth and was taking shit loads of drugs and ended up not going back and very unprofessionally never emailed or phoned to explain why. Then I went to my favourite Techno event only to accidentally bump in to the owner of said record label, literally though as in we nearly banged heads and I was absolutely out of it chewing my face off 😂🙈
he drew me some dagger absolutee red neck and not a good start to my post uni career in the music ind lmao.
 
jhjhsdi said:
Man. Wtf. What a pussy, i would have given him another hiding for that lol
That is a line you DO NOT cross
When i left my ex, and she found out I'd slept with my previous ex soon after, she went to my mum, dad, sister, telling them i IVd. Caused me allllll kinds of problems.
Fucking bitch.
She is so lucky i dont hit women

When i used to deal, i went to meet these 3 lads in an alley to sell some k, and as i pulled it out of my pocket my spoon fell out and clanged on the tarmac, i immediately swiftly kicked it under the dumpster bin we were stood next to and looked up and they were all looking down, then they looked up and at me and there was a second or 2 of awkward silence then they handed over the money and we said bye and went our separate ways.
Was pretty embarrassing lol. They were drunk and quite young so I don't think they really clicked on at the time, they probably figured it out afterwards though.
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I wanted to. But he was ducking and dodging me hard lol.
In a way him doing that likely saved me from death or some serious jail time tho. I guess it's funny how life plays out sometimes.
 
Multiple times I've caused problems by falling into a khole while trying to walk. Shattering a table, interuopting a prayer circle, one time getting all the music shut off at a party of thousands because they thought I was ODing.
 
when my boyfriend had moved back from australia so we could get back together but i was too far gone on crack to give a shit.

one evening i'd promised we'd spend some time together but then i was trying to do some work i was in no fit state to do. i fully intended to get it done super quick and spend the night with him. but that didn't happen cos i was off my tits.

he drank 2 bottles of wine and got increasingly desperate and i got increasingly angry so locked myself in the bathroom so i could smoke crack in peace. when i got out i noticed he'd taken a load of my benzos and subutex with no tolerance to either. so i called an ambulance, got all my drugs together, then left him in the hands of my totally straight laced flatmate.

i still don't have the guts to apologise to him or ask if i actually drove him to suicide or it was just poor judgement on his part.
 
One time was taking alcohol, benzos, gabapentin, and my girlfriend put me in the bath because I was nearly overdosing, and I kept nodding out in the water so she got in behind me, and I accidently shat all over her.

Or another time I threw a small festival and on night number 1 at like 4am I had a bad trip and thought we were about to get raided, so I cut off the music and went home. The landowner took all the cash and none of the dj got paid, they posted pics on the event page with all of them sitting in a circle on the stage and tagged it "meeting of the neverminds" lol
 
Had sex with my wife's good friend she had left her whole family and moved with me to the UK so i could get of crank and this is how i repayed her with one of the first friends she made in this country and the worse thing i felt no guilt . It is only recently i feel the guilt then it was she only something i fuck you the women i love. Did the same thing in the states at high school and kind of blamed her for not wanting to have sex until she married what was i supposed to do no guilt this is all on either crank or coke
 
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