Dearest Rizza, It is said that Hashem made all souls that will ever exist for all time, at one single moment and in that flash of time HE instantly knew who would be made for one another.
Our Sages teach us that sometimes the search to tfind his perfect soul mate takes many lifetimes, many forms and yet in the end WE WILL find that hidden half.
Before you were even born I had been through 3 lifetimes. The shy little boy in a huge family who hardly knew I was there, the prodigy who was trained from age 5 to be a Rabbi until he brought shame upon his clan, and then at age 11 I began learning how to kill and I learned well, until age 16 when I entetred an already nightmarish war where I would spend my next 6 years and almost lose my life more than once.
I killed my first man just before you were born although I had no inkling of any idea that you even existed! A Filipina? Why would I even think of a non-Jewish Bride...
Then I met Dad, and he became one of my very, very few true friends and my only friend outside my squadmates. I visited your family just beofre your first birthday, my first time in your nation. I hated it there, until I learned the mutual history out 2 nations share. And the warmth I felt from Dad and Mom, and even little Rizza who used to waddlae after me and cry for me to pick her up when the little mokey was let out of the cage! Do you remember the monkey? You were terrified of it, but I thought Mario so lucky to have such a precious daughter...
And my life moved on. I was matched, as is the custom of my People and married a woman I had absolutely no feelings for one way or another. As her grandmothers and aunties stood around the marriage bed I did my duty and gave them blood, and their girl gave me 3 boys and a daughter, just a bit younger than you love.
And when I managed one more visit before leaving my Active Duty at 6 years, and visited you once more before moving to Cambodia and Baing Rai for a year or so AFTER leaving that same Active Duty. .
I visited again, before heading West to the US to make my fortune, or so I thought, and you were already a young girl in school. You would proudly ask me questions trying to perfect your English and sob your misery to me about how you had no real friends in school. All the kids made fun of little Rizza because she was very smart, a teacher's pet,, very spoiled they said by her rich parents.
What did I tell you? Do you remember? I told you that you can literally do anything you set your mind you, to schieve any goal you have in mind and damned if I did not rue those words the rest of my then younfg life. Mom teases me hardily about it and blames me with a smile. Your hard headedness is legedary, even our workers know you as hardheaded but that is my Rizza always knowing what she wants and not giving up.
You could have gave up on me when you first told me what you felt. I was not yet divorced and a father of 3 living children almost your age. You told me that I was the only man for you and while we all laughs behind your back, damned if it was not true and you my little hard head managed to see the future when none of us could even catch a glimpse.
At 14 your hard headedness must have convinced Mom and Dad to not even try to change your mind because they then tried pushing us together but there was no way I was looking at a 12 year old Filipina when I was 29!!! 12 year old Filipinas look like 8 year old Western girls!!!!! YIKES!!!!
But I continued to visit and when you graduated HS at 16 I was there to walk you, and that year you became my woman. My being 33 no longer bothered me, we had known each other forever and although I was plagued with doubts, not knowing I am even capable of romantic love, your words melted m heart when I tested your will and your spirit by offering you a Church Wedding when you turned 18 and you angrily told me that you were already living as a Jew, and you wanted formal conversion post haste. WOW, I knew then that ot truly was destiny and so we had our religious marriage in Manila, at the synagouge built by 4 clans invluding my own, and a cousin of my father married us.
We still were not legal in the Phipiines but by yourt 18th we had our City Hall ceremony as well. Remember how I taked shi$ when the Mayor was trying to pop Jesus into every sentence and how some of the people felt uncomfortable, but you were proud!
While you attended university I built up the mills, returning once a year to Israel for my 45 days Military Time, and soemtimes even to the US for this or that, and even to work with Local 731 when we needed a fast Dollar infusion.
Those were hard and bloody years, I fought 3 more wars after my Active Duty and then fought in 3 of the Insurrections there at home on Mindanao, and still we built the business , and even added other ventures, even getting you a little retail space for university vacations, remember?
Even with all that growth your hard headedness and some might say insane jealosuy made me to almost make the worst mistake of my life. I went to the US on business and stayed away almost 10 months, even almost getting a Hakka girl preganant. I broke our sacred vows!
You almost died Rizza but you never gave up on me. I am no gem. That much is easy to see, and yet you have robed me in splendour and made me shine as if nothing nobler had ever graced this Earth and Rizza I will honour you to my dying day.
I continue to pray that Hashem will give us the 18 children you still pray for but I fear it might only be 8. I would love even one with your soft face, tiny stature, super tenacious attitude, raw curiosity and probing intelligence, your shiny black hair and tan complexion and my grey blue eues and my so called "Western Nose" that everyone wants (smile! remember Uncle Asshole getting the injections to make his nose longer than mine? Hahahahaha! No wonder we have a feud with him now. Must be the nose! That and trying to farm some of our land but that is another sordid tale).
Rizza, I do not express myself deeply to you too often, and indeed that was why I began my Journal here and I am sorry I have not kept it up, especially the portions you wanted, but as much as I procastinate I do swear to finish it and allow you to see ever jagged edge of my damaged soul, and everty soft and healing place that you bought to me, saving me, loving me...
Your Husband, B'esht V'Eeshah Sh'chah, Rachamim, Ani Ohave Atach "Mahal."
