Hi again Hurhel. I want to emphasize two very important things that are necessary to give your marriage a chance. The first is communication. You need to be very honest and let your husband know exactly how you are feeling. Men tend to be worse communicators than women so you may have to work at it, but you need to try and get him to open up and communicate his feelings, and to be honest. It can be very hard to initiate with the walls that are being built, but without honest communication on both sides, the odds are against you. It might require a counselor as ‘mediator’ to create some neutral ground where each of you feel comfortable speaking your mind.
You may not have a lot of similar hobbies or interests at the moment, but if you think back to what it was that attracted you to him in the first place, and what made you want to spend your life with him, there must have been some common ground there. You need to try and find that place again in your head to help the communication at your end.
The second critical item is that your husband must be motivated enough to make this effort too. He must want to save your marriage, because that is what is at stake. Maybe he doesn’t really understand or believe your marriage is in jeopardy; he needs to know that in no uncertain terms - perhaps he needs a wake up call. It’s easy to get comfortable in a marriage, but sometimes it takes a lot of work, on both sides, to keep a marriage healthy. It only takes one of you not to care enough to make the effort and then the path is already set.
Growing old with someone who knows you better than anyone else is, I believe one of life’s greatest rewards - but you need to be able to recognize when you’ve hit a dead end and to cash in your chips and try again. I have several friends who have survived a divorce. They are all happier than they were in their first marriage, although the divorce process was horrible. I’m a firm believer in giving marriage your best shot to make it work, but stewing without action will just slowly take you down and you’ve only got one chance on this earth to find the happiness you deserve.
