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Would you leave a sexless marriage??

H

Hurhel

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 27, 2016
Messages
171
Divorce is a big deal!
Dividing assets whether it be money , furniture , lifestyle or any aspect of your married life gone because of lack of sex.
It's true --yes I feel like a roommate NOT a wife. I feel like an object NOT a wife. I go to bed horny and angry. I lay in bed imagining about my old flames who never left me hanging.

He rather masterbate to get his rocks off than to have to bother having sex with me. How am I supposed to feel good in life. We just bicker and nitpick each other. I'm 41 and he's 44 years old. We've been married 12 years this year.
I feel he's addicted to Porn and his hand job than my pussy. I mean we are not emotionally or physically connected. We share a home and a toddler together. He's difficult to talk to and only sees his own side of things. He's selfish in many ways. He masterbates before work each morning.

So I guess he's satisfied with that and does not need me.
So I just gotta keep sleeping in the same bed with a man that won't Fuck me????
Wtf, kind of life is this?

What married man can live like this ?
Apparently he can!

And I'm a good looking woman.
Long curly hair, full lips , light brown eyes , high Cheekbones.
Men check me out all the time!

How can masterbation replace your mate??
 
talk about it openly. considering having a platonic marriage and y'all both find lovers.
 
I would strongly consider trying to work things out if the only thing lacking is sex. Sex begets sex so if you want to break the cycle he is in the both of you need to consider putting in serious work in a sense. I think if you two get along well then its worth trying to fix.

Little side not I was in a 6 year relationship we got along great but never had sex sometime after 4 years together (largely due to heroin abuse) after getting clean we couldnt rekindle that part and dissolved the relationship. She is now my "sister" and i lightly mock her when she gets guys that suck as it would appear they always do, especially when i compare them to me but im the shit ;) My point being I would never have thought it possible that we would make better friends then lovers but thats what happened.

It warrants a serious discussion as sex is important how much so varies from person to person. In essences I was much like your husband as her sex drive came back way before mine... talk about a emasculating experience but i got over it!
 
Sex and relationships go hand in hand for me.. I couldn't stay in a relationship if the sex was bad let alone not having any at all.. If I couldn't fix the problem then I would leave.. Although I've never been married, I can understand not wanting to go through a divorce (probably the one reason I haven't been married).. But as a woman, I also empathize with the feeling of wanting to be desired sexually by our significant other.. I definitely agree with trying to open a line of communication with your husband to see if it's an issue that can be worked through. Try finding out his reason for not wanting to have sex.. Guys aren't usually so forthcoming with their issues.. Having kids definitely takes a toll on your sex life as well.. I know that from personal experience as well.. My boyfriend and I have 2 kids together (a 2 year old and a 9 month old) and our sex life has plummeted drastically since they were born..
 
tantric said:
talk about it openly. considering having a platonic marriage and y'all both find lovers.
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I'd say tantric is on the money with this one. If the idea of divorce scares the bejesus out of your financial position while your sexual needs are going un-meet an open relationship or the european approach as some would say could be a good option. Sit down with your partner hurhel and try and reason with him. Maybe try mutual masturbation.

I am a little hesitant to give advice on this topic as i am a single guy who avoids relationships due to mental illness so i am no expert on successful long term relationship's but if your partner would rather jerk off frankly let him. Plenty of men out there who would love something on the side with an attractive woman who has an appetite and desire for no strings attached sex.
 
I would not end marriage, as the bond between the person you love is greater than sex, however if times get desperate, I may pay for sex secretely, or abuse amphetamines and have a porn room designated for wacking off
 
Hurhel, I've spoken with you about this months ago. Seems the problem hasn't gotten better but rather worse? I'd say at this point, it may be time to have a final talk with him and make him fully aware how you feel and how you might walk away from the marriage. Sometimes when a person thinks they're going to lose what they have, they can sometimes wake up and realize how they messed up and change. Rare, but it happened to me with a women I loved. In your case it sounds like enough is enough.

Sorry to all those who think holding on to something just because your married...but, bottom line, not being happy is causing you constant stress, we all know stress isn't kind to the body and could potentially cause health issues down the road. I've been in a similar situation and can tell you having to constantly ask for it, not getting it, and going to bed angry got to me emotionally fairly quick. Being happy leads to a healthier and more fulling life. Being angry and unhappy puts a lot of ware and tear on the body. So please, find some happiness even in that means walking away or calling me. Good luck
 
Yeah I would fucking leave. Its torture being close to someone who is disconnected from you like that. Been there. It fucking sucks big time. Its really bad for your self esteem and spirit. Look at it long term. Can you really live with this the rest of your life? FUck that. Whats the point? So you can keep your house and car and all the crap? Who gives a shit about that stuff. You can't take it with you. I say fuck this guy who would rather jerk it than fuck his sexy wife with high cheek bones. Im way too bright creative and loving to ever ignore my partner like your husband is. At no point does he think oh hey my wife may need to fuck cuz she doesnt watch 50 pounds of porn like I do? He doesn't think about your self esteem or how you feel about not fucking. I mean, I'm not there, but bring it up and if he doesnt make an effort. Leave him imo. Check me instead. just kidding :p
 
Dammm,
I know what I'm supposed to damm!
I fucken hate this shit!
It is eroding my self esteem and I know I'm not happy! He's a selfish fucker just thinking of himself.
I dread starting all over --I'm 41 with a todddler! Ugh!
It's probably not worth saving at all---I know !
He makes me feel guilty because he's the breadwinner and I stay home to raise his baby. We decided this together when I was finally pregnant after 10 years (been married 12 years). This man of mine is basically a grouchy old man at age of 45!

Maybe he's having an affair with a co-worker ? Idk
Shit, at least let me know so I can get my candy too!
We have a 3 bedroom house together--I can stay in one room with the baby and we can date other people.

My dad died 3 months ago and he's been so rude to me. My dad was sick with dementia /Alzheimer's and my husband would make me feel guilty for helping out at my dads house. "What about us/what about our life/what about our baby!"
Who in the Fuck abandons their sick parents? I did my best to run both households while my dad was alive. I'm only one person! I was a good daughter and my dad loved me. I miss him. And my husband has emotionally neglected me during the worst time in my life. He's a heartless fool. Selfish fool. He doesn't deserve me or our precious baby girl.

I just wanna cry so badly.

Isn't this so sad?
Who the hell lives like this ???
 
stovepipe said:
Seems the problem hasn't gotten better but rather worse? I'd say at this point, it may be time to have a final talk with him and make him fully aware how you feel and how you might walk away from the marriage.
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I think this rather sums it up. It seems that there are other problems besides the lack of sex, and you should talk to him about it.
 
Anything that is sexless, is not love. If any woman controls you with sex, dump her immediately or get a divorce.
 
If you were still having sex would you be able to overlook the other problems that you have described in your post? If your neither emotionally or physically compatible with each other what do you have left?

I would talk openly about my problems with him, how I was feeling under the circumstances, what I would need to happen in order for me to feel better in the relationship, listen to what he has to say and then either compromise and you both change or I would leave.

If I was in a loving relationship where sex became impossible due to illness or accident etc then I would not leave that person just because we couldn't have sex.
 
BiG StroOnZ said:
Anything that is sexless, is not love. If any woman controls you with sex, dump her immediately or get a divorce.
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Wow we have huge differences in what we consider love. Sex is a biological function and is important in romantic relationships but it is not love. I have been in relationships that have exceeded past regular sex and ended for different reasons but i can easily separate sex from love.

As Bearlove stated i would not leave someone just because it was sexless that is one part of the bigger picture. Love is selfless companionship, if one wants sex that is way easier to find then love. Not saying your idea is wrong everyone is different.
 
I'm sorry you are in this place. And I am sorry for your loss.

As others have mentioned, yes - it's not the sex but underlying emotional issues and perhaps a lack of genuine connection. I cannot say... but can empathize. I'm in my 40's, a female and do understand on some level.

Porn only is temporary satisfaction. It will not sustain... and lacks emotional response. How does he make you feel guilty?

You mentioned guilt?

I would say... bottom line, you both have to be willing to look into underlying issues... Are you resentful? Is he? Does he feel abandoned? Do you?

It seems complicated... but doesn't mean it's time to leave. Sex is secondary to love and a part of love. I've been in some long term relationships. Sometimes there would be a lot of sex, sometimes not ... a lot of life circumstances showed up... These could be times to grow together or apart... Or just grow...

I wish you the best in whatever decision you make.

Smoky <3
 
I divorced my wife of 15 years... mostly because we had a sexless marriage, divorce is not an easy process, but I have since re-married, we share a fantastic sex life and I cannot believe that I Held out for 15 years, I should have gotten divorced much sooner....

They say sex is not important in marriage when you are getting it, but when you are not getting it, it becomes one of the biggest Problems and most important issues .... I wholeheartedly agree, a sexless marriage is the absolute worst thing going, I cannot believe how much happier I am now that I am in a fulfilling loving and sexual marriage...!
 
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rusocool said:
I divorced my wife of 15 years... mostly because we had a sexless marriage, divorce is not an easy process, but I have since re-married, we share a fantastic sex life and I cannot believe that I Held out for 15 years, I should have gotten divorced much sooner....

They say sex is not important in marriage when you are getting it, but when you are not getting it, it becomes one of the biggest Problems and most important issues .... I wholeheartedly agree, a sexless marriage is the absolute worst thing going, I cannot believe how much happier I am now that I am in a fulfilling loving and sexual marriage...!
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It's so interesting to see to hear the other side of the coin. Glad to hear you are much happier now.
I'm not as brace as you are
 
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