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Would you go out with your crush 10 years later?

I am just disappointed.

She cries to me telling me the guys she has been with are no good and now she is back to her old ways expecting a different result.

Yet she says is some what more conscious this time around.
 
She would fuck anything that she can't get emotionally attached to but once feelings enter the situation it goes a different way.

At this stage she will be a wide cannon before any loving person has a chance :(
 
^ Sounds like she has issues. Sorry dude...

Like you said tho, you can't keeping doing the same thing, going for the same men, and expect different results. *shrug* It's something she's going to need to figure out on her own tho. Maybe suggest therapy for her to help work through some of her relationship struggles. Everyone could use some therapy in their life. Therapy can help a person understand their "patterns" and really highlight some important associations and connections for her.
 
Pretty_Diamonds said:
^ Sounds like she has issues. Sorry dude...

Like you said tho, you can't keeping doing the same thing, going for the same men, and expect different results. *shrug* It's something she's going to need to figure out on her own tho. Maybe suggest therapy for her to help work through some of her relationship struggles. Everyone could use some therapy in their life. Therapy can help a person understand their "patterns" and really highlight some important associations and connections for her.
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She has already done therapy before. Not sure what she discussed though. Her parents are divcorced so maybe that has something to do with it. Maybe she has a different perspective of what males are?

Regardless I have to accept it will never work out and move on.

Do I stay friends with her? Well not to sure if she ignores me sometimes when I text her and then other times sends me 5 messages at once because something came to her at 12am.
 
Hmmm...she's all over the place. Maybe she does have a messed up view of what guys should be like since her dad wasn't in the picture much. I'm still trying to figure the guy thing out myself...She needs to work on herself first, that's for sure.
 
Up until this weekend i would have said no but i called someone who would be considered a crush i had like 8 years ago. It wasnt really random i was on my way back from NYC, she lives in nyc, one time in the city with her we all got drinking in public tickets and i got one on this trip. I was on the tail end of an L trip having drank 4 beers and taken 2mg of K pins to relax on the 2 hour train ride. She posts on facebook (its 3am mind you) so that prompts me to go "dude im on the train back to home with a fresh drinking in public ticket in my hand, it reminds me of your birthday that one time" she wants me to call her so we talk on the phone for like 20 mins.

I will try to see her next time im in the city but I have no intentions or anything this will strictly be reconnecting with an old friend. Its funny because i have a thing against contacting people from my past but she was the only girl i ever really had a big crush on... kinda funny reconnecting drunk at 330am
 
How come you have a thing against contacting people from your past? Just curious, simply because I really like doing that myself.
 
Now that I know what I know about my crush from 10 years I wouldn't even have one night stand with her.
 
Xorkoth said:
How come you have a thing against contacting people from your past? Just curious, simply because I really like doing that myself.
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Past is where it is for a reason and I am constantly changing personally as well as socially. I prefer to keep things fluid without many ties and larger circles of association become draining. In my time I've cycled through 6 people that filled the roll of best friend. Never really cared much for having many friends so the few that I hold I keep for a time and then dont.

Basically my friends in middle school werent my friends in high school, they werent my friends in college, they werent my friends after college, each phase introducing new friends and people. I have actually opted to go to one good friends stag party after turning down 3 other peoples because he was one of my best friends for a time. Thats going to be interesting because it will be full of people i have not said a word to since high school.

Call it what you will but i find relationships hold a lot of people back. The desire for interaction leads them to not focus on themselves and reconnecting seems like a great way to get all nostalgic, which i draw little pleasure from anyway. I love my past but its irrelevant now mostly so meh id prefer new friends then old ones, thats forward momentum to me. This is my view on it an most people are like "what if you end up alone" good that sounds comforting, ill have the two people i plan on keeping around because we have been through a lot of shit but a large circle of people nah. I dont have the same social drive and desire for companionship a lot of people seem to have though.
 
Interesting, thanks for replying. Yeah I do think relationships hold a lot of people back, most often romantic ones but it can be friends or even acquaintances too. For me, I derive a lot of joy from close relationships, I still keep up with all of my good friends from back in the day (well, not everyone from before college), even though we're not in each others' lives much in some cases, but occasionally there will be visits and those are always great. There are some unhealthy relationships I have discarded for sure. And I'd say I definitely have always felt a drive for social companionship, so it makes sense the difference in how we look at it.

I'll say that I really like the reminiscing about good or funny times when I meet up with old friends, makes me feel nostalgic in a warm way.
 
^ no problem I have found my view to be different from a lot of people especially when it comes to social drive. It doesnt mean i dont like communicating i love new people but thats just it i get way more fun from new exciting things then past ones. So I can go somewhere and connect with someone, recent was a Chinese native my age on the subway in NYC when i went alone. We were both lost (kinda, it was the last stop so we both had no idea how to get on to the uptown train or something like that) We spent like 30 minutes just talking about random stuff, mostly traffic laws. I asked "do you know where we are right now?" once the train started going and he exclaimed "this our subway!" i said "yeah how could i forgot thats right!" This was after the conductor told us how to the train was circling around.

I think of it as the difference between introverts and extroverts, i am very introverted and literally feel like i have to go out of my way to interact with people. She is the first person from my past that ive ever been like "ha remember the time.." its just out of character for me but she is hot has a good job in nyc and might be single so maybe ill get something out of this attempt ;)

So dont get me wrong im not antisocial or awkward more of a solo / lone wolf type person. I find a lot of excellent adventures occur when i am alone as well but thats just how ive always been.
 
szuko000 said:
Past is where it is for a reason and I am constantly changing personally as well as socially. I prefer to keep things fluid without many ties and larger circles of association become draining. In my time I've cycled through 6 people that filled the roll of best friend. Never really cared much for having many friends so the few that I hold I keep for a time and then dont.

Basically my friends in middle school werent my friends in high school, they werent my friends in college, they werent my friends after college, each phase introducing new friends and people. I have actually opted to go to one good friends stag party after turning down 3 other peoples because he was one of my best friends for a time. Thats going to be interesting because it will be full of people i have not said a word to since high school.

Call it what you will but i find relationships hold a lot of people back. The desire for interaction leads them to not focus on themselves and reconnecting seems like a great way to get all nostalgic, which i draw little pleasure from anyway. I love my past but its irrelevant now mostly so meh id prefer new friends then old ones, thats forward momentum to me. This is my view on it an most people are like "what if you end up alone" good that sounds comforting, ill have the two people i plan on keeping around because we have been through a lot of shit but a large circle of people nah. I dont have the same social drive and desire for companionship a lot of people seem to have though.
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Reconnecting with people from the past could be a bad idea for me. A high school friend contacted me through a family member's Facebook and after talking a few times, we stopped talking. We've both changed and there's no common ground anymore.

So today I was told an ex contacted me through a family member on Facebook. I don't have Facebook. Somebody told me to get his number and I did, but my first reaction was "That's the past." I dated this guy at least 10 years ago. I've changed so much and there are many things I don't want this guy knowing about me. I don't trust people much anymore. I just don't see it going anywhere.

Being alone is the best. I don't have the drive for companionship either because it takes too much energy. Not even worth it usually.
 
CoastTwoCoast said:
Reconnecting with people from the past could be a bad idea for me. A high school friend contacted me through a family member's Facebook and after talking a few times, we stopped talking. We've both changed and there's no common ground anymore.

So today I was told an ex contacted me through a family member on Facebook. I don't have Facebook. Somebody told me to get his number and I did, but my first reaction was "That's the past." I dated this guy at least 10 years ago. I've changed so much and there are many things I don't want this guy knowing about me. I don't trust people much anymore. I just don't see it going anywhere.

Being alone is the best. I don't have the drive for companionship either because it takes too much energy. Not even worth it usually.
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I can relate.

Even if you had something from the past it's no longer the same, it's gone past it's used by date. Unfortunately fantasing about the idea can get your jollies up until you then have to face the reality of things.

So it goes....
 
noonoo said:
So love is in the air finally with me and this lady. I have had a crush on her for the last 10 years and we used to hang out a lot together but she always friend zoned me and fucked guys who were dicks (she now regrets this indirectly). I on the other hand didn't fuck much until later on but then again whilst she maybe fucked more guys I banged prostitutes and other one off flings.

My relationship with her always followed the same cycle, we would be good friends for a year or so and then I just couldn't bare it any more and I'd stop hanging out with her. 3 years later I would think about her and then bang same thing happens again. However now 3 years later we have both found ourselves wanting to give this thing a go.

Now do I bang her brains out for all the hurt and leave her or do I forgive and forget and work on it?

Both of us are damaged goods in some ways so at least we can relate to one another.

She isn't as pretty as before but then again neither am I.

What would you guys do? And has anyone got stories about dating their crush x years later? Would to hear.
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I would have sex with her but wouldn't let my feelings grow.
 
noonoo said:
I can relate.

Even if you had something from the past it's no longer the same, it's gone past it's used by date. Unfortunately fantasing about the idea can get your jollies up until you then have to face the reality of things.

So it goes....
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Right. I actually called my ex from 10 yrs ago and it was really nice. He wants to see me again in the near future and really misses me. I didn't call him back tonight because of exactly what you said, "it's gone past it's due date"....that's what I keep telling myself. What if it doesn't work out? How do I know if I'm in "reality" or just pessimism? Fuck! When did I get so afraid to take a chance? I know when, never mind.

Back to you, it's up to you if you can handle staying friends with this girl. Do you still have romantic feelings about her? If so, do yourself a favor and move on. Trust me. You deserve a woman who really wants to be with you.
 
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CoastTwoCoast said:
Right. I actually called my ex from 10 yrs ago and it was really nice. He wants to see me again in the near future and really misses me. I didn't call him back tonight because of exactly what you said, "it's gone past it's due date"....that's what I keep telling myself. What if it doesn't work out? How do I know if I'm in "reality" or just pessimism? Fuck! When did I get so afraid to take a chance? I know when, never mind.

Back to you, it's up to you if you can handle staying friends with this girl. Do you still have romantic feelings about her? If so, do yourself a favor and move on. Trust me. You deserve a woman who really wants to be with you.
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Too be frank I a wet dream over her the other night and then wasn't sure if I had so went to see Bluelight to see if I posted anything. However this was all in the dream.

Last few days I have been teasing her, to get her attention. She said she can't believe I called her old on Facebook on a photo she posted. I did apologise. Next thing you know I get a message at 12:30 am from her. Not sure why she sends messages late sometimes. Any how she is keen to forgive and move on. She did say I went about it the wrong way to grab her attention as it didn't work. I really wonder what she meant by this? Like she knows I want her and yet she's happy to get the attention and keep leading me on.

But you are right though CoastTwoCoast, I do need a girl who will actually love me the same way I will love them.
 
Well I sent her a text tonight as she wasn't communicating.

My message was:

"You know it fair fucken sucks when someone genuinely cares about you and has proven it over a 10 + year spread yet you are more than happy to indulge in the random hook up over and over again which leads to no where.

I get it, feelings are hard to deal with.

I have done nothing but want to be a part of your life and to see you to grow into the good person I know you are.

I know you don't like me the same way I do but it will always bother me that you gave random guys a chance after 10 minutes based on their pretentious looks then always kicked me aside. Yet here I was with open arms wanting to be a part of your life over and over and over again and genuinely gave a care.

I cannot explain to you how it is to like someone for not 1 year and to be rejected but for many and to be rejected time and time again even after 10 plus years later.

I do admit in the past anxiety got the better of me as I had never come across someone who I liked so much. I wish I was more open then but I hoped my feelings would do the talking. However I was wrong :(

I am very sorry I ever cared."

Her response was

"Maybe something might have developed in the future, but now we will never know. I needed a bit of time because things have been exhausting for me, driving 3 hours a day (to and from the coast), work has been stressful I'm about to lose my job, and my last 5 assessments at tafe were due this week, I'm getting sick again ... but no! you didn't care about that, you don't give me time, you just kept thinking i was doing this all deliberately and THAT has left a bad taste in my mouth and It's made me annoyed. I haven't even seen my dad in 3 weeks because I've been busy. You don't care about things I'm dealing with! I needed time and you were too forceful. I can't be with someone that puts pressure on me like that. Even the other day you were mean to me because things weren't going your way. Can I just say, that people deal with stress in different ways, and with me, I just shut myself off from the world! Sorry but I'm done! This is my last msg".
 
If only she had told me half the story.

On another note she is living in her grandma's $2 million + home. Her mum never worked a day in her life. Her family got left with a printing business that her grandad built and her uncle ran to the ground. She went holidaying every few months.

Now I know why she couldn't last in relationships because she's a spoilt brat and as soon as something is stressful she runs.

Yet here I am thinking to myself sucking over 100 cocks in a life time is the hard part.
 
In my opinion it's time now to block and delete her number, block and delete her from social media, and just forget about her entirely. I don't know if you're likely to run into her on the street but if you are then try to avoid her there for a while as well.

Also just in my opinion I don't think it ever really serves any productive purpose to send overly long and angry messages over text, no matter how much you may feel they are quite justified... texting is just not the medium to talk about important stuff, or even to convey important feelings. Equally if someone isn't willing to take the time to communicate even on lighter topics, then allowing yourself to be provoked into this probably isn't going to have the desired outcome, either in regards to the situation itself, or to your own feelings about it. Admittedly I have been guilty of the frustrated passive-aggressive rage text in the past (and after a much shorter time than 10 years) but in retrospect I always regretted it.
 
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