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Would you go out with your crush 10 years later?

Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
Messages
84,998
So love is in the air finally with me and this lady. I have had a crush on her for the last 10 years and we used to hang out a lot together but she always friend zoned me and fucked guys who were dicks (she now regrets this indirectly). I on the other hand didn't fuck much until later on but then again whilst she maybe fucked more guys I banged prostitutes and other one off flings.

My relationship with her always followed the same cycle, we would be good friends for a year or so and then I just couldn't bare it any more and I'd stop hanging out with her. 3 years later I would think about her and then bang same thing happens again. However now 3 years later we have both found ourselves wanting to give this thing a go.

Now do I bang her brains out for all the hurt and leave her or do I forgive and forget and work on it?

Both of us are damaged goods in some ways so at least we can relate to one another.

She isn't as pretty as before but then again neither am I.

What would you guys do? And has anyone got stories about dating their crush x years later? Would to hear.
 
That's exactly what I'm doing now, dating my very long time crush. We've known each other for 15+ years and confirmed that attraction and having a thing for each other was mutual about 8 years ago. I had to wait for her to be fully single (she was still kinda casually with her ex that she had been with since we first met when we started talking about it) and to finally be ready but she eventually came to me, and i couldn't be happier.
 
tathra said:
That's exactly what I'm doing now, dating my very long time crush. We've known each other for 15+ years and confirmed that attraction and having a thing for each other was mutual about 8 years ago. I had to wait for her to be fully single (she was still kinda casually with her ex that she had been with since we first met when we started talking about it) and to finally be ready but she eventually came to me, and i couldn't be happier.
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I guess when you know you know.

I have never liked a girl the same way as her but then again am confused if it's because I've had to chase etc and never gotten the reward or is it something else? It feels like it's a bit of gambler's fallacy.
 
The best relationships are built upon good friendships. tbh i don't know how people can date somebody they're not friends with; the whole "i can't date/shag you cuz we're friends" thing makes no sense to me. If you're friends then you already have stuff in common and have a connection, you're already comfortable with each other, communicating, have some level of trust established, and have a good idea of each others' personality, along with probably having a good idea what they're like in a relationship (ie, if they're jealous, possessive, likely to cheat, codependent, needy, selfish or selfless, etc). Somebody you've known for a while also means you'll have higher levels of oxytocin when you're together, which correlates into more intense orgasms and better and more satisfying sex in general (easier communication and more comfortable means you're more likely to talk to each other about likes/dislikes, so you'll know each others' bodies better, and sooner).
 
Dunno man. People change over the years. The people I have feelings for at the time I generally let them know in one way or the other and ten years later neither are the same as before.

Either you make a go of it or carry on wondering. Either way if you dont tell her she doesnt know so any hurt you have isn't her fault.

Just have a go. Youve got nothing to lose either way.
 
If you are still somewhat attracted to her. Not completely sure how old you are but looks do fade so if you're at that stage then you may have to deal with people simply not being as attractive as they were in their 20s or something (now I don't know if you're talking 15 yr old crush to 25 yr old now or 25 yr old crush to 35 yr old now or whatever, but the situation will change).
If I was single and I met up with an old crush and was relatively attracted to him then I'd probably go for it to see if it'd work. Why not?
 
llama112 said:
If you are still somewhat attracted to her. Not completely sure how old you are but looks do fade so if you're at that stage then you may have to deal with people simply not being as attractive as they were in their 20s or something (now I don't know if you're talking 15 yr old crush to 25 yr old now or 25 yr old crush to 35 yr old now or whatever, but the situation will change).
If I was single and I met up with an old crush and was relatively attracted to him then I'd probably go for it to see if it'd work. Why not?
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She's 32 and I'm 30. We both have put on a few kilo's and our looks have faded a bit. However maturity has kicked in and you learn that the looks may not be the most important part.

Good news though, she has agreed to a date tomorrow night. So now I am thinking I treat it like one and not let my anxiety get in the way which is the mistake I made in the past, I just expected things to happen and was reserved about my emotions to some extent. I get this off my dad I now see but am still young enough to change this attitude.

Where it goes, who knows? I know some people will be frowning at me if we do date as they know she hurt me a few times.

For me personally, I must give this a go. It makes no sense to like someone like this off and on for so long or to toy with the idea.
 
^ indeed. if you're "wanting to give this thing a go" why would you even consider "bang her brains out for all the hurt and leave her"?

give it a go. have no expectations. see what happens?

aside, what does it mean to regret something 'indirectly'?

alasdair
 
She cancelled on the day we were meant to meet but said next week will be ok.

Some how I think next week will be never.

So it goes....
 
sounds flaky as fuck

giev her benefit of doubt and arrange to meet once more but if she cannot meet again or starts playing up i would write it off
 
pofacedhoe said:
sounds flaky as fuck

giev her benefit of doubt and arrange to meet once more but if she cannot meet again or starts playing up i would write it off
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Well it looks like she hasn't changed. Her telling she has been single for a while sounds like BS. She has stopped texting when it came to Thursday night. No doubt a date with the millionth stranger.

I know where I stand though and won't pursue this fantasy any further.

I wish her all the best fucking the millionth guy in town. I never cared about that but in her mind it's something she must do.

Good thing my dick never touched her pussy.
 
She probably just sees you as friends.


In all this time have you actually made any obvious move to have a relationship at all ?



You might have confused her a little by ditching her every few years and she might think you are flaky.


I would suggest for the sake of whatever friendship you have had ask her to meet you not as a date but tell her you need to talk to her as a friend and see what happens.

For all you know she might have been keen along the way but expected you to make it obvious you were interested too.

She has all the right in the world to date who she wants whenever. It doesnt make her a bad person. The guys she goes out with are doing something you arent. What is that exactly?

But you have something they don't. You have a history and familiarity. If its been touch and go on your part it could not be helpful but if you have feelings then dont text her. Tell her in person.
 
I have been with my ex boyfriend after 8 years and it was great
 
Yep, sounds like it's not meant to be. Bummer, but life goes on. :) Now you can find someone who won't flake out on you.
 
Friend zoned again? That's probably a good thing. You sound like you resent her... too much negative feelings IMO (at least based on your posts in this thread)....

To answer your thread question... YES. I had a crush on this boy in elementary school.. and OMG his IG? Hot AF. I'd totally date him... if only he msged me... ugh.. *sigh*.
 
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