its funny you should ask this, me and my girlfriend had some friends over and we were all discussing this exact topic - dating someone with clinical depression - and whilst me & another guy said that it depended on the girl & the circumstances, every single one of the girls said that they wouldn't date a guy like that. That was actually the only thing they all agreed upon when we were all talking about it, as they all gave a variety of different reasons and had a couple of misconceptions about the nature of depression. After hearing them talk about it at length I think the core of what their problem is with depressed dudes is that they see it as synonymous with a dude that has no drive, no "get up and go", no optimism or positivity. They all agreed that when they decide to date a guy, they want somebody strong who they can depend upon, a rock to make them feel secure & safe, they don't want some whiny guy that THEY have to look after, which would be a huge turn off for them.
Another issue they had with depressed guys is that they seemed to have this partial group consensus about the idea that it showed some kind of character defect in men. I tried to make them see that depression is most likely a physical problem, down o a malfunctioning brain and was a mere chemical imbalance more than anything else, and whilst after I convinced them for a while they kind of grudgingly accepted it, they still wouldn't let go of the idea that in a man depression is just them essentially being weak - one of them literally used the term "little boy in a mans body" to refer to her co-worker who had recently had some time off for his depression.
What led onto this conversation with them originally was what they were actually looking for in a man, and there were several traits that most of them could agree on, that when they talked about depression in a guy it became clear that they perceived depressed men as lacking several of the traits that they all agreed they wanted. Every one of them agreed they want a man that was hard-working, driven and most of all PASSIONATE. They agreed among themselves that depressed men had none of these traits and without coming out and saying it many of them implied that depressed men were lazy and lacked direction and enthusiasm, and a couple of them also put forward the suggestion that this is probably why men get depressed in the first place, and that if they had a path that they had been following, they would have had the passion and focus to not be depressed.
And the last thing I gathered from the conversation is that the typical image of a depressed guy is someone who is maudlin, moody, tearful, crying etc. This image seemed to be a huge turn off for them all - I think because being stoic and holding it together is seen as masculine, whereas they see depression as something that is typically feminine in nature - they made out depressed guys to be weak, wimpy, feminine boys rather than the MEN that they actually wanted. I gathered this especially from the way in which they all agreed when one of them said "And men CRYING? Urgh oh my God" and they all agreed/nodded.
Now, don't take this as gospel. All in all we were probably only talking about depression in men for about half an hour, and none of these views are my opinions, you just got quite lucky posting this now while the discussion is still fresh in my mind from last night, these are just my thoughts after hearing 8 women have a conversation regarding depression in men, so it's just the consensus gathered from hearing their opinions. There are loads of women in the world, and the opinions of these 8 can hardly be construed as a cross section of all the women in the world - these were all white, middle class women in their early 20s, so I don't know how their opinions compare to the opinions of other women. Also, by the by, we didn't get talking about anxiety, so I have no idea how they feel about that.
How long have you been suffering from depression/anxiety by the way, if you don't mind me asking?
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
), if these girls are in their early 20s they have a lot to learn. If they are looking for a man to be a "rock they can always lean on" means that they completely insecure and feel like they can't handle their lives themselves. I mean it's good to have somebody you love and can rely on, but expecting a man to be always like that, like he has no sorrows and problems and needs of his own is pretty ignorant. I am also in my 20s and I don't know many girls my age I would consider mature enough to have a serious relationship with (sexual relations yes, but that is a different story ofc). women may mature faster regarding their bodies, but in my opinion, they stay "girls" for longer than men stay "boys" (generalization, I know, but this is the way I feel about this).
