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would u date a non drug user?

Mushet - were we not talking about this the other day? I'm sure that I posted a bit on the subject but cant see my posts.
 
John3five said:
Interesting question indeed.

Should a non-user date you?
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This is what I often think to myself.

Over the last 2-3 years, my drug use has escalated quite heavily, my former partner stayed with me even though she didn't like me taking benzos just to function. She didn't understand it but she accepted it, we went about our relationship in the way any other relationship would go outside of that. This was before I was getting into harder drugs, my current partner knows about my heroin habit and is supportive while at the same time tells me she would like to see me clean and sober.

So I often ask myself, why on Earth are these women dating an open drug addict? Granted, I'm quite functional while high, but during w/d I'm not very pleasant to be around even when I try my hardest to be nice and mutually supportive. Perhaps they see a light at the end of the tunnel that I just don't?
 
Bearlove said:
About dating a non drug user - did you post the same question in several threads ?
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MUSHET said:
Funnily enough, I posted this in another thread earlier:

Has anyone here ever been in a relationship with someone who doesn't take anything, or even have an understanding of drugs at all. I've always considered myself to be a 'psychonaut', or even a 'sailor of the mind'. She thinks that all drugs are 'bad'.

I've never been in this situation before, and frankly never thought I would....
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The same thing was spoken about elsewhere.
 
Bardeaux said:
T
So I often ask myself, why on Earth are these women dating an open drug addict? Granted, I'm quite functional while high, but during w/d I'm not very pleasant to be around even when I try my hardest to be nice and mutually supportive. Perhaps they see a light at the end of the tunnel that I just don't?
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Maybe they think you have a huge donger.
 
So I am in a relationship with my BF and we both use.. I think it would be alot easier for me to try and get sober if he didn't use. I think the only thing keeping us together is that we are so used to getting high. All we do is get money and sell our prescription meds to get our dope. And I want to go to NA meetings but he doesn't want to.. there is no trust between us and the intamcy is gone.
But I can't picture being without him... if I was to date someone else I'd want to be with someone who understands what being an addict is. So I don't think I would date an active user but some one who is either in recovery or has experience with addiction. So I would feel comfortable with him.
But since I'm still active I would prefer to be with someone who would use with me. But not like every day but once in a while.
 
dopemaster said:
There is usually less drama with nonusers but you might want to keep your distance to some degree or you might end up stuck doing some lame shit like meeting her family or going hiking. People that don't do drugs occupy themselves with all sorts of shit like shopping at the mall or appreciating nature.
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This cracked me up. It's actually a thing I had with my previous partner who was completely straight edge. She would always be like "come on let's go and do this and that", always making plans for us to go somewhere like hiking, meeting some people, looking at some stuff. And I was always like "can't we just stay home and you know... chill?" which meant that I just wanted to get high and stay home. It is actually sad to say, but this kind of difference in interests is what caused the relationship to stop working. I just couldn't handle going everywhere all the time (it's not all about drugs, I have always preferred being more passive). The thing with drugs for me though is that... like dopemaster said people who don't do them occupy themselves with all kinds of shit, with drugs I didn't/don't need anything, it's been a wholesome replacement for many activities for me, so most of the shit clean people do seems so unattractive it becomes a problem in relationship with a clean person.

So to answer the question. I probably would, actually. In fact, I'm in a semi-relationship with one right now, have been for some time. The difference is she is more accepting and is a lot more open-minded and interested in the subject while not taking anything herself, and our personalities match a lot better (both rather slow and passive people). So the answer is like many have already said, it depends on the personalities of the user and the non-user; it can and can not work.

I have made a promise to myself though that I wouldn't hide anything from this person. That includes my drug use. Not in the sense that I tell her every time that I get high "honey, I'm high!"; but more like not doing shady stuff in order to do drugs. It is also something that keeps me more in balance because if I were to spiral out of control, I'd feel like shit. So I try to prevent it as much as I can.
 
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Think it's more a problem of the mindset of both parties than about using drugs or not. Honestly I know of nobody in reality with whom I could talk on par about all this stuff, trust him/her etc ... many people seem to be unable to do drugs responsibly. Probably this is a gross oversimplification but from time to time it looks like that.

Met far too many users who let me truly dazzled and confused behind.. thought- and careless, whatever. And I've never been into any drug scene.

I'm really hoping for open-minded, spiritually and scientifically interested people ... in terms of just friendship, but it seems to be hard to find these in reality.
 
dopamimetic said:
Think it's more a problem of the mindset of both parties than about using drugs or not. Honestly I know of nobody in reality with whom I could talk on par about all this stuff, trust him/her etc ... many people seem to be unable to do drugs responsibly. Probably this is a gross oversimplification but from time to time it looks like that.

Met far too many users who let me truly dazzled and confused behind.. thought- and careless, whatever. And I've never been into any drug scene.

I'm really hoping for open-minded, spiritually and scientifically interested people ... in terms of just friendship, but it seems to be hard to find these in reality.
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I think with such a person it wouldn't matter whether you use or not (as long as you're functional to a certain degree). Open-minded people make a lot of aspects of life and relationships way easier. And you're right, they're scarce.
 
Yeah, but don't you have moments of jealously when you see non 'drug people' enjoying life, when they have what seems to be like an anxiety free Sunday stroll through the park before picking up the Sunday papers and ordering a hazelnut latte. They then pick up a few items at the local farmers market for Sunday dinner, go back, cook and then one of them heads out for a jog while the other prepares the beef. They then sit around listening to a spot of Bach and playing chess before cracking open the port and sitting down to enjoy the latest episode of some box set they've still to catch up on.

Compare it to mine:
I walk through the park on my way home form the party I was at last night, riddled with regret, remorse and crippling fear trying to piece together the fragmented blackout from the night before. I stop off and pick up a free copy of the Metro and read it while sipping on a McDonald's coffee that I got from a free token I found in the street, I feel sick from the taste. I then pick up some items from the reduced section in ASDA hoping it will last the week but still give me enough money for another half teenth. One of us rolls a joint while the other sticks on the frozen pizza. We then sit around wasted listening to whatever comes on iPod shuffle before cracking open a can of cheap lager and watching Sunday night Xfactor and weeping myself to sleep in the fetal position.

To be honest, this is highly exaggerated, but you get he gist (I love Bach, chess, port and preparing beef - not a fan of Xfactor or cheap ghastly lager).
 
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MUSHET, that exact feeling of jealousy has been a major player in my depression. Every time I think about what "normal" people do in their spare time, on weekends, especially the stuff they are interested in and WANT to do; I just feel my inside die a little. It's that feeling that I'm not "normal", so I'm worse than someone who is. It is all but an illusion though, even though I still can't shake the feeling. There's no "right" things to do or "right" hobbies/interests to have as long as what you do doesn't hurt anyone. It was for this reason though that I felt depressed for a big part of the last half a year of my relationship with the previous partner, because she had all these things that she liked/had interest in and I only cared about getting high and reading, for the most part.

I have learned to accept it though, as long as my use doesn't get out of control. Yes, I do come home (I live alone now, not with my current SO) and the only things I do is eat, get high, read, listen to music. Weekends are no better. When I used to drink I'd be drunk most of the weekend (often alone) not really sure what the hell I was doing at all. The only things I could piece together were that I most likely said a lot of stupid shit to people, wasted a lot of money and did nothing good overall. "Regret, remorse and crippling fear". I'm out of touch with politics, I don't read the news, I'm not interested in economics, fashion, cuisine, cars - whatever. But I've learned that it's just who I am, I tried changing myself to no avail, so I realized that instead of being sad about it I shouldn't worry. As long as I'm not hurting anyone, who cares? And I'm lucky enough that I have a person who understands me quite well and is ok with all that.

Well that turned into rambling again, I'm sorry. One more thing, this "ideal picture" you told is actually rarely the reality, at least as far as I know. It does happen, but rarely.
 
It's a bit like Chevy Chase in the Vacations films - he is trying his best and is so desperate to have a 'normal' family Christmas, drinking fucking eggnog (whatever the hell that even is) but the fact is it just doesn't exist.

Everyone is fucked one way or another.

I get you though, I regret that I didn't stick in at school more, or make the most out of uni rather than partying too hard - but so what, I have a reasonable enough job, I have a roof over my head, I have two beautiful children (okay, things didn't work out perfectly with their mother), I can eat and I can still bow money on luxuries (drugs is one of mine), so life ain't all that bad, I mean look at some of the poor folk fleeing war torn countries and dying trying to even just get to live another life, that is true desperation and makes me ashamed that I even moan about things that are so insignificant. Let's try and put things into perspective a little.
 
No,definitely not again. I'm a user was seeing a guy who wasn't, I decided to tell him rather than him finding out himself or having to hide it from him. He was disgusted and repulsed to say the least so I am glad I made the right decision in being honest up front.
 
I find it quite ironic that many of you are judgmental towards non drug users for being close minded, when the act of assuming that just because you choose to not take drugs then you aotomatically anti drugs, is in fact close minded in itself.

I can understand why a non user wouldn't want to be with a drug addict. The simple fact that many of you are happy to hide your drug use is justification enough to suggest that the stereotypical druggy who lies and cheats is probably alive and well. However everyone is unique and healthy relationships are built on trust, acceptance and honesty.

My partner has used in the past but doesn't enjoy drugs anymore. Fortunately she has no problems with my drug use, so long as I am honest and don't bore her. In fact there are many times she forgets that I'm high as fuck, which can be a blessing and a curse. Particularly when she is bra shopping and I have to remind her I'm actually peaking hard on acid and probably not in the best head space to be left alone in the man chair of a lingerie shop.

Not having a drivers licence is more of a deal breaker in a relationship than not using drugs personally.
 
i'm at a completely different age than most here so i'm speaking in terms of young adults.

most of the girls i meet drink, will take a 'molly' once EDM is involved and will smoke weed when drunk.
then there are the ones that will drink, smoke and occasionally use psychedelics and 'molly' <---these are my desirable ones

i wouldn't go as far to say that non-drug users are closed minded and i wouldn't date them, however, it is much harder to conduct a relationship if you choose to hide your drug use or be the 'normal' you around your S/O because the lies will lead to drama and however it looks when you use your drugs can be embarrassing to a straight edged girl.

i've come to that conclusion because of my first and only relationship thus far when i was younger was like this. people always asked her why she's with such a 'druggie' and sometimes she'd tell me 'you're lucky you're cute' to which i didn't like hearing.
so i personally wouldn't go out of my way to date a straight-edge person because i think something of the sort will occur. nevertheless there are girls out there that will love you for YOU and will not be affected by how others perceive the relationship but i attribute that to older chicks whom from my experience are more open-minded in terms of liking a person for who they are.

someone struggling with hardcore addiction also isn't desirable by anyone who isn't willing to help with it or going through it or gone through it themselves.

it's really a relative situation for the most part.
 
A great deal of the subject at hand has to deal with the amount of your drug use.

If you do your thing and keep your shit together well it really should be a non-issue.

If you are rather dependent that may or may not be accepted.

If you are a junkie or very strung out, well that is not exactly a turn on. Even if someone knows you are a good person there is all the inherent stigma attached to drug use like stealing, lies, being irresponsable, and ODs.

The last chick I dated that did not use kept saying she did not want to be involved with someone who could die on her and told me that she would prefer I did not take painkillers. She talked so much shit about pills and compared it to heroin so much it was embarasing.

She used the term needle freak quite often and well one morning she caught a needle freak shooting up in her bathroom in the morning cuz he just had too bad of WDs not too.

She was like stop right now. I just went ahead and pushed and she is all like gtfo and I just get my shit. I try to talk to her and she hugs on me and then punches on me and then well we kissed but that was farewell. I had known this woman for a very long time and well she used marijuana in what I would consider her dependent on as she got high quality weed and cooked with it and smoked as much as possible but my pain killer problem was too much for her.

In reality you really should not use drugs to the point where they fuck up your life because that is where drug use turns to drug abuse and well drug abuse is just self abuse. You can use drugs all day long if it is making your life better and you are functional and a decent human being. Once you get dependent it does not matter what you character is like to some people if you wake up soaked in sweat and run to the bathroom.
 
It depends which drugs you are using. I've found that when I tell guys I'm a user they seem fine with it until I mention the H word! They judge instantly. When it comes to meeting new people I keep my addiction to myself. It is a shame people can be so narrow minded.
 
I've been married to one for 37 years.

Anti-non drug ism is the new racism.
 
It's all personal choice, and I can tolerate (and even appreciate) relationship with very diverse personal differences. So long as there's communication and consideration, I see no cause for complaint on their part. I've always been a solitary drug user. I have little need for a partner regardless of the compound, but it can be a fantastic thing and––what's more important––it can greatly enhance the relationship. It would be very nice (especially with the really quality, life-enhancing compounds like psychedelics... I look forward to the experience of romantic love on some of those very soon). Until it became serious, there would be certain things I'd keep to myself until I've had a chance to demonstrate that I am capable of maintaining my "hobby" while loving effectively and sincerely. I would also sacrifice certain substances if there were consequences that endangered the relationship.

Ultimately, however, it could be very disappointing and I feel like I'd miss out on some fulfilling opportunities to connect at a deeper level... if that makes sense?
Christ, I've had women stop dating me because I wasn't Catholic... Haha. Tolerance and acceptance isn't alway requited.

Follow your bliss, be authentic, and he/she will come and possibly change everything. Who can possible measure the potency and power of those synergistic effects made possible only with the meeting of two, whose genuine love makes a dynamic and uncompromising One?

But, I'm all theory... I find the topic/action of dating, even sex (these days), to be so complicated, convoluted, and challenging that, frankly, I can find better love in my own chemistry on a quiet night, alone. I don't know how much longer my solitude will last, or my aversion to most of the population and society's constructions, but for now it gets me through the days and nights, and I don't have to hear (incessantly) about all those things I'm doing wrong, or all those things I'm not doing right ;) No man is an island... I'm trying for a peninsula, myself.

Lack of interest in love relationships has often been a topic of criticism associated with the stigma surrounding drug use. But the current divorce rates demonstrate that I'm safer shooting smack than buying a diamond anytime soon (I don't shoot smack... exaggerated for effect).


What have some of your partners' responses/attitudes been? Have you been fully honest, or are there things you wouldn't tell your partner because it could arouse misunderstanding and fear? I believe in transparency, but also caution and compassion. We have our own journeys and there's no "right" or "wrong," there's what works and what doesn't work. If both people are aware and communicative, I think any situation could work.

Jason
 
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