Lobotomykid
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 17, 2012
- Messages
- 24
..
Sure after say relapsing for a week after a decent time (e.g 5 years) of being sober vs relapsing within a year or even a couple of months of sobriety - You won't experience as severe withdrawals after just a few days of using.
But if you were to use after anytime once you were addicted at some point in your life (weather its 5 months to 5 years of sobriety) its like someone hit a light switch in your brain & it very rarely will just be a once that you use.
...
After the one time of using, the next day the physical withdrawal wasn't bad but the craving was harsh...
So of course this one time use ended up turning into 5 days straight. After all I had been making alot of money recently because of finally finishing school and getting a decent job & thought "i deserved it" - Like an addict this was my lame justification for using. If anything it should have been a justification for not using as going to work in withdrawal is not fun (luckily I have some benzos and codeine to taper and make the withdrawal tolerable so I can at least do my desk job.).
For these 5 days I had a shot of morphine everyday in the morning & did my wash towards the evening.
Took my last shot this morning & tomorrow its almost certain my withdrawals will be back to square one again aka what it felt like after quitting from using everyday for 2 years.
This time I hope to never touch any opiate again unless i'm in severe pain physically. And I mean it. Because if I do touch it again I know just like most addicts its close to impossible to keep that injection to just once & the next day wake up and continue with sober life again with no problems whatsoever.
Once someone ends up with a serious opiate addiction (like 3 yrs upwards) you're basically a recovering addict for life. That's why doctors usually won't prescribe you even mild narcotic medication when they are aware of your past drug history. The longer you're on the stuff the harder your potential way to recovery ahead. After a relapse the cravings took over my thinking process, I couldn't concentrate on daily tasks and I caught myself thinking about dope time and time again while cursing myself for having fucked up once again. You start your day in the morning and tell yourself I'm not going to use after work, I'll go straight home, take a sleeping pill and doze off yet in the back of your head you already know that you're lying to yourself and that you will make a small detour in the evening. Like you mentioned as an addict you'll always find a justification to use: Didn't matter if I was on street H or in substitution, when I worked I told myself you deserve your morning/evening shot because you have been a good boy and stayed out of trouble with the law and when I gave up a job or a gf left me after a prolonged relapse I felt what the heck poor me needs something to soften the pain and depression. Just a repeating cycle.
I'm a chronic case and know if I should ever get clean again I can never touch opiates again. Also just some rehab and a couple months off won't do it. I know I'd have to move somewhere where there's no dope available (at least like a 24h travel away or similar waiting time so I could ride out any cravings while being in an unstable mood during a depressive phase) plus no substitution programs and stay there like 2 years minimum. In any case to make a serious attempt at getting clean you need a solid plan. I have seen so many people going into detox, then they just went back to their old neighbourhood surrounded by the same people more or less and relapsed within days or weeks.
I wish you good luck James.