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Will the magic ever come back? Will my mental stability come back?

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tr1ppymane

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 23, 2019
Messages
10
Hi,
So here is a list of every time I’ve taken MDMA:

5/10/2018 - 500mg
9/15/2018 - 900mg
1/1/2019 - 100mg
2/20/2019 - 450mg
3/25/2019 - 250mg
4/10/2019 - 100mg
6/10/2019 - 800mg
8/1/2019 - shitty X pills (likely not even MDMA?)
9/27/2019 - 500mg
9/29/2019 - 500mg
11/8/2019 - 350mg
11/16/2019 - 630mg
11/23/2019 - 200mg

My last roll was November 23rd - just over a month ago. Until November 23rd, I never experienced any loss in magic. Every time I rolled it was just as amazing as the first time ever. On November 23 when I took 200mg , I felt a bit of empathy and love still but it just wasn’t the same as it always had been (although I still had a great night).
Ever since this last roll, I have been very, very mentally unstable. I have debilitating anxiety, night terrors, and depression. Sometimes I will just start randomly crying over nothing. Is this normal for me to be experiencing this still 1 month after stopping MDMA? Can taking 5-HTP do any good at this point? Is there anything else that can help? I started exercising a few days ago and eating less junk. I’m also starting therapy next week. Would possibly getting antidepressant medication be good or make things worse?
I know my use of MDMA wasn’t good, but was it really that bad? Will I ever heal?
also, I am curious whether the loss of magic I experienced in my last roll means that it is permanently gone, or was it just diminished since that was my third consecutive weekend rolling?
I’ve definitely learned that abusing MDMA is like playing with fire and now that I’ve burned myself I am not going to make the same mistake again. When do you guys think would be an acceptable time to use MDMA again? Is 3 months after my last roll too soon? In the future, I am going to always keep my doses low and space out the rolls appropriately .
Sorry for asking so many questions and thank you for taking the time to read and offer advice <3
 
Some of those are high British-tier doses and if I'm reading your backwards American date right you dosed three times in one month? Of course this will make you lose the magic as it were and you have likely depleted your serotonin supply hence the anxiety and depression you're feeling.

Best thing to do is let your brain recover. No more serotonin releasers for a while. You will eventually get better, it is very unlikely to be permanent.

5-HTP may very well help yes. A bit of good old weed might also help treat your symptoms without risking any serious addiction. Benzos would also help, but those are of course addictive, so just use cannabis if you can.
 
I'd avoid MDMA for a while and supplement a few things, You will recover it may just take a while. If only a handful of experiences have triggered these symptoms maybe it's best to avoid any drugs for a while and focus on some healthy living?

I'd start with 5-HTP as Wilson Wilson mentioned then I'd look into other items like lions mane and your diet. Supplements are exactly just that though and you need to help yourself along the way too.
 
Yeah that’s some pretty heavy abuse lol.

No one can tell you, just have to let time do it’s thing. I definitely wouldn’t mess with antidepressants. Eat well, exercise, adequate sleep, and 5HTP could help some.

There’s some stuff like BPC, NSI, and PLR that could help quite a bit but it depends on the person.


Also, I’m just curious but why in the world are you taking 100mg doses sometimes and 800mg doses others?
 
In my experience mdma is the worst come down and most psychological one there is. It depends if you've completely depleted the dopamine or not because I've been told that is possible. Otherwise it could take a few months to get everything functioning lik normal again.
 
Wilson Wilson said:
Some of those are high British-tier doses and if I'm reading your backwards American date right you dosed three times in one month?
Click to expand...

Three times in one month? I quite often dose and redose three times in one weekend. It's not big or clever, and certainly displays the law of diminishing returns, but I'm alright... 🤪
 
Crackedout420 said:
In my experience mdma is the worst come down and most psychological one there is. It depends if you've completely depleted the dopamine or not because I've been told that is possible. Otherwise it could take a few months to get everything functioning lik normal again.
Click to expand...

Serotonin not dopamine
 
Yeah I was explained about the possible depletion of seratonin entirely and I made sense but I dont know how to explain it
 
Hello tripp
I’ve been going through something similar myself, and your usage of Molly is very similar to mine.

I would usually take once a month, with some longer abstainance periods in the middle (because of uni exams and stuff like that). Despite of this, during October I rolled four times, one every weekend.

Last time I took was 31st October and I’ve been feeling depressed and anxious. It comes and goes, and I think it’s getting better. Actually I would say now I’m ok for most of the time, just feeling a bit down. Anxiety comes back some times, but I think is more manageable than before, idk.

Oh and during the first weeks I also had night terrors; those subsided after a month or so.


How are you feeling now?
 
F.U.B.A.R. said:
Three times in one month? I quite often dose and redose three times in one weekend. It's not big or clever, and certainly displays the law of diminishing returns, but I'm alright... 🤪
Click to expand...

Haha true true, but those are pretty high doses and he dosed 10 times this year (not including the pills he suspected contained no MD) which is almost once a month on average, that's too much MDMA in my books!
 
Swim15 said:
Also, I’m just curious but why in the world are you taking 100mg doses sometimes and 800mg doses others?
Click to expand...

the times i took only 100mg was because thats all i had available
usually i will do 150-250mg and do 2 hr redoses of 150-250mg
 
Since your last time rolling was on November 23rd, I'd say that it's still early to say, in fact I find that it may take some time. Can't speak for you about the magic though.

If I were you, I would stop doing it until I started feeling better about my life, at least. It could just take some time to get things back together, that's all.
 
5htp helps but it dose not cross the blood brain barryer well, i was depressed for 10 years due to excessive mdma, and used up to ten mdma pills a session. Eventually it was quit clear i had a chemical in balance and i got this threw to the right kinda doctor who prescribed me an snri as apposed to an ssri, and it actually worked, It sort of snow balls and works on a yearly basis though, but you do notice it after a few months. When you have this in place, eat the right protein, the sort that has got the right amino acid, you can research this. What ever you do, dont snort drugs if you continue to use, bomb them in rizzla if you have to, as snorting blocks gateways of abundant energy ,look into holotropic breathing! you also would benefit from meditation as it oxygenates the brain.Also make your brain go hay weir by exercise, your inner morphine will do alot.
 
Those last few rolls you did with only one week in between are some of the culprits for your current condition. Friends of mine who rolled every weekend always ended up in a rough spot. One week is not enough time for your serotonin to regenerate, or for your serotonin receptors to up-regulate if they down-regulated.

If I were you, I would stay away from drugs and alcohol while you recover. Sometimes, I personally feel that 5HTP can make me feel worse. I used to rely on it, but some years back I realized that vitamins worked better for me. Specifically, I use a multi vitamin, B12 (methylcobalmin), and vitamin C. With the B12, get a sublingual or spray. Pills are sometimes not absorbed properly. For better sleep, take chelated magnesium.

Considering your heavy past usage, I would take a 6 month break if it was me. Make sure you are feeling 100% normal and have been feeling normal for some time before you try again.
 
You are becoming manic .
You really should stop while you're ahead or you will be the emotional bitch boy in you're friend circle always asking people for advise and saying shit like " so what do you think about _blah blah blah_. Or even worse when you start rambling to you're friends saying" do you think I'm a good person".
 
^I wouldn’t take that to be remotely close to a professional diagnosis lol
 
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