will MDMA open my heart? did it for you at all?

[donsplum]

if you ever come back mate, here is your reply.... to the first time I tried.

I took an unmeasured amount. it was from 50mg to 150mg. I barely felt anything to be honest. though at times I felt like I was turning super saiyan bc of the eyes rolling back. but anyways, it didn't help, at all. still have a tiny capacity for love. I didn't feel any euphoria so ill attribute it to that. if I felt euphoria and it didn't help, then id be confused. but I barely felt anything, so we'll see.

I'm going to go on a 220mg dose next time I try. actually measured. I will repost when I do. should do it within a week.

"The irony about emotional walls is that new love heals old pain. It was from not being loved enough that we built the walls in the first place. So the only thing that can really heal that feeling is new love."

mdma is that 'new love'.

tried it again. 290mg. Too much? Maybe.

I realized I few things.

The amount I do wont change my capacity for feeling positive feelings

Meaning, if I have no capacity to feel good, than doing fifty mg wont be any different from doing 290.

And there was no difference.

I could feel my heart trying to open, tbh. But it was almost too much. Like it was trying to open too much at once. I would've busted into tears uncontrollably if completely let go, which was pretty hard to do.

If anyone is planning to do this, I'd recommend it with a therapist that makes you feel safe. If you don't feel safe, its hard to let go and do the ultimate vulnerable act.... Crying.

 

[mangosplums]

tried it again. 290mg. Too much? Maybe.

I realized I few things.

The amount I do wont change my capacity for feeling positive feelings

Meaning, if I have no capacity to feel good, than doing fifty mg wont be any different from doing 290.

And there was no difference.

I could feel my heart trying to open, tbh. But it was almost too much. Like it was trying to open too much at once. I would've busted into tears uncontrollably if completely let go, which was pretty hard to do.

If anyone is planning to do this, I'd recommend it with a therapist that makes you feel safe. If you don't feel safe, its hard to let go and do the ultimate vulnerable act.... Crying.

It sounds like it did do something to you and you aren't willing to admit it fully. I'd say try it again yourself with a therapist. Don't give up. It's ok to cry and it's ok to cry next to a therapist.

 

[HPPDOFF]

MDMA has left me with terrible anxiety, constant pain (eyes, head, neck), terrible sight, and depression. Left a serious dent to myself as an individual. Before I had everything I wanted in life. Costed into trying MDMA once and bang, tried to commit sucide one month after.
Still in pain and still I'm fear.

 

[KneelB4Doom]

It somewhat did for me. LSD really brought that to me tho.

So I guess the best way to put it is MDMA helped soften my shell and then LSD shattered it.

 

[noror]

Didn't read all stoped on part of u being an asshole....
I think that even if u hear fucking voices in ur head, the kind of stuff when satan orders u to kill urself u are not entitled to behave in a wrong way towards other ppl.
If u do and than(sic!) explains it with bad emptions/hollow feeling than i deserve to be despised and alone. No feeling sorry at all. I would suggest stop beeing self-pity and start working on sth fucking important(like school whatever) and stop being fucked up. M won't help u

 

[Pallyress]

With severe ptsd one shuts off emotions. It can be difficult to turn them on, you'll need euphoria. But please get some therapy afterwards. Childhood trauma can cause you to 1) shut down /reduce emotions. 2)not be able to trust a therapist. (and you don't have any emotions to talk about!)


Mdma will help open the door. But of your emotions are turned on, but you still cannot find strength to work On trauma /insanely bad feelings, you might get a depression insteas - > as a new memory protection coating, preventing you to feel emotional teauma.

Do it in the right setting, preferably with a friend you REALLY trust, at least checking on you later. A pet is very good company for mdma meditation. Use relaxing music, avoid visual stimulus. Do it somewhere absolutely safe in an controlled matter.

Tried to PM you but couldn't figure it out. Im rolling right now.

I feel it is important to share my experiemces with you, as I sympathise a lot with your struggles.

Namaste, my friend in the night. Mdma isn't a quick fix, but it gives you the ability to work on trauma/issues, if you choose to use it like that. On mdma I dare too feel my darkest teaumas, I can process it emotionally and I feel without having to struggle through fear and anger or numbness.

It doesn't do sll the job for you, but it is a tool that can be very helpful